PoliteActivist:
Poor kid. Be strong. U r the first born. It comes with trials and tribulations. But if u can withstand all that and survive you'll be on top

yeyeosoronga:
Only your dad knows why he did what he did.
Anyway, I hope you won't be tricked into taking anything from him again or even go visit him alone again.

Doyou2019:



It's hard, brother. I haven't a clue how to even justify myself.

PoliteActivist:


Bros, it comes with the territory. Some say it is spiritual . But history shows that if u survive to a certain stage you'd be on top.
Advice: Don't fight your father. Despite everything never disrespect him. Just be a loyal son while he continues to be a bad dad. Inside his heart will be flogging him

Doyou2019:



The bolded is exactly what everyone has been telling me - like something is wrong with me and I'm under some curse that needs a deliverance session ASAP.


Thanks for the counsel, boss .

PoliteActivist:


U r not under any curse. Don't believe that. But there are forces against u. BUT there are more powerful forces on your side. FIGHT and your forces will support u. But u have to lead the fight. Don't take anything lying down.
Example, this accusation, get on all social media, publicise your innocence far and wide (without making it a war with Dad). Your own forces will kick in and you'd be surprised how it will disappear

Doyou2019:


I can't go there ever again. Well until by some miracle, I am cleared of this mess. I feel like I'm ruined for life.

Doyou2019:




Quite insightful this is. Bless you brother. I shall work on it.

yeyeosoronga:


Don't feel like that and you're not ruined. Even if you stole from your father, there's no point in him spreading your tales about if he's not malicious.
Afterall if you truly stole from him, it just also points out his failures as a father in raising you (pls, I know you didnt steal from him)

PoliteActivist:


I added "don't sacrifice yourself for your mother or anybody" . Important because first borns tend to do that. And ignore comparisons to your richer younger brother. You r still the first not him. Also remember these things change. Focus on your own stenghts - example, u can write and spell quite well. Never in any way feel inferior to anyone simply because they have more money.

Doyou2019:


I can't go there ever again. Well until by some miracle, I am cleared of this mess. I feel like I'm ruined for life.

Doyou2019:



I didn't miss that part, sire. It's something I personally have been thinking about.

SageMK:


Good. Cut him off. Your Dad is toxic.

Stop seeking for validation from an abusive man that's incapable of love. Nothing will change him, even old age.

Those who truly matter in your life believe & stand with you so never accept that you are ruined because of him.

Your reputation is safe.

His words hold no water and he doesn't matter.

PoliteActivist:


Maybe I am one of those "forces on your side" (smile). But you had to do your part for me to come out - you posted this thread. Always believe everything will work out in your favor. Your belief will make it so.

LadySarah:
I feel for you.Pls Dont let what he said get to you.As long As your conscience is clear,anybody that talks Rubbish to you,shout on his/her face,and lastly,go and make legit money.It will keep them on your side,fear and respect you.

I have someone close who has gone through that so i know what i'm saying.

Doyou2019:


I guess you are

You've been so much helpful that I feel I can actually solve this problem already. Bless up

Doyou2019:



Bro, it just feels like the man wishes his extended family were actually his immediate. He wastes no opportunity at telling them about the flaws at home (exaggerated and skewed versions often) forgetting that this portrays him and the rest of our family in bad light. For many years, he's done it with my mum and now it appears he's come for me as well. This is a man who could think up anything just to ruin you. I've heard rumour of him telling his sister that the reason my mum and I are close is because we are having a sexual relationship. Good grief!

yeyeosoronga:


Just keep him at arms length. Such people can drive you crazy and ruin your mental health. Unfortunately, not all families are perfect. Na so life be

theButterfly:
1. Give him the N43,000 as soon as you can. Yes, he only gave you N20,000 and this was a loan, not a theft, but to let peace reign give him N43,000.

2. Have proof of the above exchange so he won't continue lying that you're yet to return the stolen money loan, smh.

3. To prevent him from continuously defaming your character, distance yourself and do not accept anything else from him, even if he says it's a gift.

Doyou2019:
In all my time on this good earth, I cannot imagine ever feeling this hollow. I get that people get betrayed every now and then by their loved ones, but to go through that horrid experience serially in the hands of one's own father? That, for me, is the ultimate betrayal.

Growing up, my dad and I weren't exactly close, and this was born out of his abusive attitude towards my mother. At the slightest provocation, he'd lock her out of her room, pull her by the hair and pummel the hell out of her. As an impressionable 5-year-old, I couldn't understand why a big man would do this to a vulnerable female on almost a daily basis, but I knew it wasn't right. Incidentally, as I grew into my teens, I began to do something about this anomaly. I stood up against my dad and shielded my mum away from his wrath.


This, however, would become the genesis of my problems with the man. He saw my actions as an affront and hated me for it ; to get back, he sought every opportunity to ridicule me in front of my younger brothers and the extended family, even if it amounted to lies. Subsequently, he gravitated towards my immediate brother and never hid his bias. Till this very day, 20 years later, the 'status quo' hasn't changed, but thankfully overtime I have managed to embrace and live with the development. I forgot about the toxicity and focused on my mum instead, who is now separated from him.

Recently, something dramatic happened that seemed to wake up all buried sepulchre that I thought would never arise again. I called my father one Saturday and he told me he was very ill and couldn't walk. Why he shared this with me, instead, and not my brother, I wouldn't know; but I took the early morning bus down to the village the next day. Whilst there, I helped him with his medication and feeding, and soon my old man was well again. Since I had lost my job, I decided to spend some more time with him, and during that fortnight, I experienced a rare moment of 'rekindled love' for my Pa. He must have felt the same way too, as he apologized for the past. He opened up to me about how nobody in our immediate family wanted him around anymore. His favourite son, who's doing well, wouldn't even let him spend a night in his apartment! I took the moment to relate my own problems too - unemployment and accommodation. He reached out for his bag and gave me the sum of 20000 Naira. "As soon as you settle down, you will repay this loan", he said.

Few days later, I returned to my base, but a couple of days afterwards, he called only to accuse me of stealing his 43000 Naira! He hung up almost immediately and didn't give me a chance to defend my poor self. Very disturbed, I tried to get him back on his phone, but he had switched it off. Next I heard, he had spread the news to my uncles and aunts in the village. He even reported me to my immediate younger brother, the same one he told me didn't love him anymore! Thankfully, my dear sibling stuck up for me.

All my life I have never stolen a thing from this man. We weren't raised that way. But because of my financial crisis and all the many lies my dad has fed my extended family with, it appears as though they've all bought the story. They all believe I did it. My reputation has taken a big hit, my people, and my only consolation is that my mother and siblings are right behind me in all of this.

Why would a septuagenarian want to do this to his first born? Why would he want to hurt his own son? To what end really??

Doyou2019:



His 20k is intact. I haven't spent a dime out of it. If I had any 63k (the loan plus the phantom 43k} to spare right now, I'd gladly transfer it immediately ; but then again, won't that be misinterpreted as some sort of restitution ? My siblings strongly advised against doing that when I presented the idea. It's an admittance to a crime I didn't commit.

Thanks for your input, baba.

PoliteActivist:
Poor kid. Be strong. U r the first born. It comes with trials and tribulations. But if u can withstand all that and survive you'll be on top

LilMissFavvy:
Are you really sure your dad is mentally Sound? He's an old man and you never can tell, he might not be okay health wise. Although he might have truly lost his money, but that was not enough reason to talk bad about you among so many people. Keep off the old man, it's like things can never get well between you and him. You did the right thing to have been protecting your mum years back.

Deepfeel:

You are the first son? Reasons your dad hates you but love your junior brother could be deeper than what you think, maybe he has doubts if you are truly his biological son