What to do when you realize he has another family


Maintaining a successful marriage can be challenging especially when one or both parties have secrets they are keeping from their spouse.

Although misunderstandings in a marriage can be as a result of many different factors, one of the most hurtful discoveries is when the wife discovers that her husband has been living two lives and has another family on the side.

As more and more of these unfortunate occurrences continue to be on the rise, as a wife it is good to know how to conduct oneself once you reach the realization that your partner has been lying all along and is a father to other children.

1. Remain calm

Finding out such bad news is enraging and might trigger tantrums that you would later come to regret. If the information was derived from a source, ascertain the legitimacy of the information. You should be aware that not everyone has your best interests at heart and thus could try to disrupt the little peace you have. Get to know whether your husband cheated, or if it was a one night stand that occurred long before you met. Before you confront him and raise hell, ensure you have enough proof.

2. Do not leave, yet

As much as it hurts, do not make a plan to leave your husband. This should be as a last resort if you become certain that you cannot play second fiddle to his other family or it becomes clear that your husband prefers to be with them rather than you. Consider that leaving might also put him out there for public humiliation and that, in turn, could expose your children if any, to the same consequence.



3. Keep your distance for a while

When people share displeasing news, they usually have certain intentions, be they good or bad. It would therefore be helpful to first keep away from the person or persons that broke the news to you. No matter what their intentions were, you don’t want to make an enemy out of them for telling you the truth. This is also for your inner peace as looking at them will constantly remind you of how they changed your life.

4. Embrace good company

This is one of those times you would need a shoulder to cry on and no one better than the woman who birthed you. You can also get some consolation from other family members or close friends. While at it, you have to be aware that information might leak when you decide to share your plight with them. This can be tragic especially if you intend to keep the news on the low. If you are close to your mother, she would be the best company you would need during such a time. She would be the last person to want to see you get hurt.

5. Let it out

Crying is often presumed to be a sign of weakness and people would rather hold in tears than show that they are weak. Crying works to relieve tension and self-guilt. It gets us out of conditions that are beyond our control and eases off all the heavy load one would be experiencing. Let your tears fall down freely and go through the motions of pain. After having a good cry, you will feel much better and be able to establish what you want to do next.

Remember that your husband might have his reasons for keeping his other family a secret. Even though you distrust him and don’t know what to do, allow him to explain himself. There could be more reasons for you to stay than leave.

Are you normal atall?

donstan18:
Are you normal atall?

Why?

Op, believe me, you're crazy, "keep calm" As in the wife should fvcking keep calm after the wicked discovery the only thing that will make a wife react like the points you typed is when she is planning to kill the husband slowly dimwit, your points are stupid, do not let any man think he can have a family outside and get away with it, definitely not in this generation.

donstan18:
Are you normal atall?

I doubt.

Lmao.
The keep-calm group will start shitting their pants and blowing their tops when someone tells them to keep calm if their wives have kids for other men.
Shameless hypocrites

[b]/ Consider that leaving might also put him out there for public humiliation and that, in turn, could expose your children if any, to the same consequence.

[b]

Isn’t protecting him from humiliation more important than your own peace of mind?

You know as a lady, you’re not a person.

Just an object whose responsibility it is to make the actual human being (the man) in that relationship feel good at all times.

Remember that your husband might have his reasons for keeping his other family a secret

The same reasons why his first born belongs to your former neighbor

OP..Haba!! How could you forget the most popular advice given to women here on Nairaland when guys were mistreating them..

Pray..There's nothing prayers cannot do.

Dress sexxxxy.. It was the reason he left u

Men are polygamous in nature.. Just cook for him, serve his meal on time, escort him to the gate when he is leaving for work

Don't leave him, u can't leave your home for another woman.. take it to the lord in prayer..

Also watch war room and continue preparing his meals on time.

cococandy:

Isn’t protecting him from humiliation more important than your own peace of mind?

You know as a lady, you’re not a person.

Just an object whose responsibility it is to make the actual human being (the man) in that relationship feel good at all times.

If it's anyone's fault, look towards your maker, woman!

New King James Version
And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

Cioccolata:
I totally concur 100%
Listen dear wives, keep calm.
Don't take any irrational decision.

Thanks for your understanding

ireneidiva:
Also watch war room and continue preparing his meals on time.

Good point, as a family we watch the film once in a month, sometimes tears rolls down on my eyes while watching cause an guilty of some point �

chris4gold:


Good point, as a family we watch the film once in a month, sometimes tears rolls down on my eyes while watching cause an guilty of some point �

Consider watching it thrice a month so that you can remember the lessons in it very well.

Like seriously what's the fuss. He is the man and he marries and unmarries. Pls whatever that keeps him going. If I run a DNA test and see some bastards I mean I decide what happens cos I'm the man and no cause for alarm. I'll just look at the kids and see any atoms of ingenuity you know some possibilities of high IQ. No fuss just calmness and same things applies the other way round. It's called making a lomonafe out of a lemon goddamnit.

Lemme buy land here

Richy4:
OP..Haba!! How could you forget the most popular advice given to women here on Nairaland when guys were mistreating them..

Pray..There's nothing prayers cannot do.

Dress sexxxxy.. It was the reason he left u

Men are polygamous in nature.. Just cook for him, serve his meal on time, escort him to the gate when he is leaving for work

Don't leave him, u can't leave your home for another woman.. take it to the lord in prayer..

lol

I know right?
It’s my maker’s wish that I be treated like filth by the person who expects to be treated like gold.

Don’t know why women haven’t understood this yet.
God’s plan

holocron:


If it's anyone's fault, look towards your maker, woman!

New King James Version
And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

Katier00:
lol

People got weird way of dishing out advice when it doesn't involve their relatives especially online

If you discover he has another wife don't fight don't fuss just leave the marriage and take his penis with you.

Since all of us want to be mad.

Tear him like the useless bet9ja betting slip that he is

Richy4:


People got weird way of dishing out advice when it doesn't involve their relatives especially online

I know that feeling.

It takes a perpetual dunce to marry a married man. When you realize you failed in the area of due diligence, jejeli pack your bag and leave.

cococandy:


The same reasons why his first born belongs to your former neighbor

Buhaaaaaaaahaa

Another stupidd thread .... would you advise a husband who has a cheating wife to do the things you listed above? You think today's women are brain-dead to practice the above because of a cheating motherfuckker.......smh!

I don't blame Nigerian women for dealing with these men at all if most of them thinks this way.
@op, u must raise someone's child as yours
Iseeeeeee!

That’s where we are at now .

sassysure:


Buhaaaaaaaahaa

cococandy:
That’s where we are at now .

If the shooter is shooting without looking back, the bird will learn to perch with precision na

Imagine, all your children don't have your DNA

Meanwhile, let's continue praying and being submissive