chaircover:

Now back to boys and girls. I train them the same way so that they are able to adapt to any situation that they find themselves in life.

iaabc:

The only thing I am against is "sending them to school and university to get a decent and hopefully well paying job". So not happening. I am and will continue to train them to be wealth creators in their own regard.

Blazay:

No.
By virtue of the fact that they are different genders, I have to raise them differently.
A man cannot be raised as a woman and vice versa.

Miss_Ife:


Blazay, could you explain to us how you think the genders are different and therefore should be raised differentely. What would you do, that would show this differene?

Blazay:


1. Girls are different from boys because they are more emotionally vulnerable.
2. Boys are different from girls because they are more physical and predatory.

Miss_Ife:

My question was not innocent. Don't you think that maybe those differences are due to the way boys and girls were raised and not due to their gender? You can teach a girl to be emotionnally strong, and a boy to express his feelings, the question is would you do it?

Many studies show that the main differences between genders are due to different educations, for example, in a family with boys and girls, the girls will tend to have lower professionnal positions than their brothers and their female conterparts who were born in girls-only families. That shows how, subconsciously, parents put more pressure on the boys to be professionnally successful and accept easily that the girls could be less career oriented.

If the girls tend to have lower professional positions than males it is because the societies they live in have placed such limitations. If parents choose to raise their children differently, then they may have different value systems.

Miss_Ife:


This topic was here only to discuss, not to consider my opinion better than others'. I've always believed that boys and girls should be raised the same way, that's how I've been raised myself, so I was merely trying to understand other people's opinions, and since you're the only one who has a different opinion

One thing I don't get is how you would raise a boy and a girl differently, what exactly would be different?

Miss_Ife:

Btw, the study I talked about was in one society alone (in a western country, though I don't remember which one, probably in Europe). It showed the difference between girls raised with brothers and girls raised with only sisters. And that those raised with brothers were holding lower professionnal positions than the ones with only sisters, as if in a family with boys and girls the differences were more emphasized than in a family with girls only. And biology has nothing to do here, since we are comparing girls to other girls

Would You/do You Raise Your Sons And Daughter The Same Way?

Miss_Ife:

I was just thinking, since I see many of us saying on marriage-related topics that "men who's wives can't cook should help with the cooking" or that "women can help their husbands to financially support the home during tough times". So, would you raise your children with that kind of mindset? What difference do you think should apply when raising a boy or a girl?

As for me, I'd like to teach all of my children -wether boy or girl - the same skills: cooking and taking care of the house, managing a budget, and of course sending them to school and university to get a decent and hopefully well paying job.

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That being said, I know that I will still raise the boys and girls differently, because as a woman I would not relate the same way to my sons and daughter, and they will also take exemple on what they see at home

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(my husband and I both work but he is the main provider while my own job gives me time to take care of the cooking/cleaning).

So what's your opinion?

Society expects a man to be a man and a women to be a woman. Less divorces and less single parents around the world.

Blazay:



Of course genders are different. Is this not obvious?
There are some general things you should teach all children regardless of their genders.
Then there are some things you should teach the different genders of children respectively.

1. Girls are different from boys because they are more emotionally vulnerable.
2. Boys are different from girls because they are more physical and predatory.

When I discuss certain things with my wife, I make her understand what she needs to teach our daughters. The need for self-confidence and the maintainance of a healthy self-esteem. More importantly, the need for self-respect. When it comes to our sons, the same rules apply but she would defer such matters to me since only a real man can raise a male child.

The most important thing to teach a male child is the respect for his mother. If he gets that in his head, he would make a good man for any woman and the world in general.

Unfortunately, most men do not respect the women they are married to, so I do not expect them to teach their sons a thing or two about life and human relationships.

Now, coming to girls. The first point of contact with a man for any little girl is her father. If this relationship is tarnished in anyway, she becomes damaged for life.

Miss_Ife:

eheh, maybe I don't express myself very well in english (not my native language)

when I said that I would probably make difference between boys and girls, I meant without being totally conscious about it. I don't have brothers and all of my close friends are girls, I am a very "girly" girl if I may say. Actually, when I think about it, the only man I really know is my husband. So I cannot know how I would behave if I had a son, in theory, I want to give him the same education as my daughter, but I might do differently without even noticing it. does that make sense?

I am very happy that you disagree and that you feel free to express your opinion. this is not a right/wrong topic, and I am not trying to convince anybody, as I don't feel that my opinion is better than yours or anybody's. I know why I think that way, that doesn't mean that your own opinion doesn't make sense. Actually, what you said here

got me thinking. I do believe too that a long term relationship such as marriage is easier if the two members of the couple have a clear idea about what is their responsibility/role in the relationship and the family. Does that mean that it can't work if there is no such thing as a defined "man's role" and "woman's role"? divorce statistics in the western world might say so, most of my wester female friends believe otherwise

as for the study I was talking about it was just to prove my point that women would behave differently depending on the way they were raised, and so that it is not a question of "natural" differences, but also of education.

Your point of view is very interesting anyway, please I hope I am not offending you in any way by asking you so many questions, this is really a peaceful talk for me

GL:


i would raise them the same way, i.e. give them the same kinds of duties, and have the same level of expectations. of course, this would have to be tailored to their personalities.

with regards to age though, i guess i would raise them differently. i don't expect a young child to handle the same types of responsibilities as his/her older siblings.

these distinctions in roles and attitudes of each gender are mostly based on the society/family. not all girls are emotional and not all boys are predatory; these aren't entirely inherent traits, they have a lot to do with the upbringing. so for those who would like their daughters to be emotionally strong, and their sons to not be predatory, it's best not to pass those ideas to the kids at such young ages.

about only a real man being able to raise a male child, i beg to differ.

i know several guys who were raised by single mothers for various reasons. and about a girl being damaged for life if her relationship with her father is tarnished, it's not a rule. while it does seem that way for some girls, many girls grow up fine in such situations.

kids learn so much from other sources than their families from their pre-teen ages. though the tendency is for kids to follow after the parent of the same sex, there are many kids who grow up to hate certain traits of their parents.

So, how did your dad raise you and your brothers? Did he make you wash his car or assist your mom with the kitchen chores?

You are driving me to drink. Stoppit! Grin

Miss_Ife:

As I said, I grew up in a girls-only family. My parents divorced when I was a teen, and my mom raised up with an extreme belief that "we don't need a man to live". I gues she was so scared to see us beeing dependant on a man and not being able to make our own choices. Both my parents pushed us to study to a high level, my dad didn't have a son but he believes that "a girl can do as much as a man", professionnally speaking. I have to admit that my parents didn't raise me or my sister towards marriage. I can't even remember talking about marriage or men/women relationships with them. They wanted us to be strong, independant and self sufficient women.
Though I agree with some of my parents ideas, I am not as extreme as they are.

How do you expect to understand my "verbose" and "fragmented presentation" if you keep on drinking