Warning to our ladies and gents - my experience.

I was in a this situation some years ago, I dated a lady for four years; we met when she was in ND 2 in a library when we were both preparing for our professional exams. She was studying for her first professional exams while I was two stages ahead.

On this day of the Lord, I sat at the other end of the table, directly opposite two ladies, they were discussing on a topic that drew my attention, from what was filtering out of their discussion, I could deduced that they were having challenges on the subject matter, I scribbled something on a paper on the subject of discussion and passed it to her without saying a word. The following day, I shared a note with her that help simplify the topic and the calculations. And so the journey started.

Least I forget, I was 24 and single while she was 20. I had a stable and good paying job, a car and living in a 3 beds apartment and the job affords me the opportunity to travel to all our outside stations to carry out unscheduled audit and accounting assignments in and outside Nigeria.

Back to the professional exams, her exams center was in Lagos, while mine was in Ibadan: we sat for the exams, she passed all her papers, while I had one referral and had to wait another 5 months to retake the referral course/paper again. Before going for the exams, I requested for her home address and cell phones mumber, so that I could retrieve my notes. Few weeks after the exams, I called her to inform her, I would be coming to her house on Saturday to pick up the notes (she spends the week days in school and weekend at home). I went as planned, met her mum and siblings and was well hosted. There and then, I said to myself, I don see my wife - what a lovely family, beautiful sisters.

I started seeing her in schools atleast 2 times in week and at her house atleast once in a month. Once I close from work, I would drive to her school to see her, leave by 7:30 p.m. or 8:00 p.m., this was my regular routine for 4 years, except during her 1 year industrial attachments period. My parents and friends would tell you, any Saturday, you go to his house and you don't see him, go to Isolo, he would be there. Her family knows my brothers and friends because I must take somebody with me whenever, I go to her house.

Fast forward to her second semester HND 2, I went to her school as usual, we exchanged pleasantries and about 45 minutes later, she said, she had something she wanted to tell me, I said, ok, lo and behold, she dropped the bomb, her words 'I am sorry, this relationship cannot take us any where, I know what you're expecting, it cannot work, I can't see you in my future', before my brain could process what she said, she turned back and left. I had this strange dizziness, struggled to stand on feet, enter the car sat for close to 30 minutes, not knowing what to do, I managed to drive home, asking myself what has gone wrong, what did I do wrong, whom had I wrong, wetin dey happen? All begging for answers but no answer. Two days after, I fell sick seriously.

She had been showing signs, I noticed the signs but I let emotions override my thinking. For example, a friend selected my to be his best man, the wedding was to take place in the Ijebu, my girlfriend's home town. The uncles and aunties were far above the middle class level, it was an opportunity for her, the sisters and I to meet with their uncles and aunties, so I extended the wedding invite to her and the sisters as my special guest, fortunately, her school was not in session. The arrangement was that they will stay in one of their uncle's house, while I stay with the groom's team at gateway hotel, Ijebu. The elder sister and the mum made all th arrangements and one of the uncle agreed to host them.

The plan was to leave Lagos on Friday, drive them straight to their uncle's house and go sought out my hotel. I arrived their house of Friday around 2 p.m., behold, she said, she was not interested in going again, all effort to make her rescind her decision fell on deaf ears. Her elder and junior sisters were already prepared and after all the begging failed, we decided to let her be because it was getting to almost 4 p.m. When we got to her uncle's house in Ijebu, he asked, who is this? It was the elder sister that answered him, I am a friend to the family, especially a friend to Ms. ABC, he said, hope you're not the 'Fisi Fayo Fashe' type, the sister said no and I answered in the negative as well. This was the first obvious sign that I ignored.

Having fully recovered, I called the elder sister to let her know what the younger sister told me, she invited me to her office and told me to relax, she would talk to her and also inform their mum, I said ok; true to her words, she told their mum. On this faithful day Wednesday precisely, I was in meeting, after the meeting my colleague told me that I had a visitor waiting for me at the reception, he told the receptionist to tell the visitor, I was in a meeting, the visitor should wait. When, I finished the meeting, I was told I had a visitor waiting for me at the reception, I didn't mind to ask who the visitor was, I just dashed to the first floor, and behold, the visitor was her mum, she had been waiting for almost an hour, I was surprised, greeted her, half prostrating 'Se koi si ma' was my first question.She said, I just want to see you, I took her to the conference room, we were there for almost 2 hours, she encouraged not to stop, I should fight for what belongs to me, she said, she inquired from her reason(s) for severing the relationship and she couldn't give any reason(s). The mum said, probably she was going through some academic stress because she is in her final year and you know project wahala. The mum encouraged me so much, I should not to let her slip off my hands just like that, I thanked the mum and said, I would give her some space for now - no going to her school, house, phone call or email.

The mum attended a very popular pastor's church and a she was an active member and deaconess. Immediately, the mum left my office, she went straight to the pastor's wife to discussed the issue with her, and the pastor's wife called me to come to her office immediately, that someone came to report me to her. I was like, wetin I asked for the address and the pastor's wife mentioned the church name and address, immediately, I know it was mum that gave her my number. As an Omo Luabi, I drove to the church (my office was in Ikeja and church to was in Ikejai), I was ushered into her office, the mum was jejely seated there, the pastor's wife asked series of questions, which I answered to the best of my ability, the pastor's wife encouraged me not to close her chapter and she would speak to her on Sunday and she would be waiting for her 'Aso Ebi', I smiled and said by God's grace. (Note: we attend different denomination)

My sister also tried her best, she had a friend in her school, her friend and my then girlfriend were in the same department, level and hall of residence. She asked her friend, if she knows Ms ABC, she said, Yes. She pleaded with her friend to meet and tell my girlfriend that her brother is a good person, our family is good and the family has been earnestly looking forward to the day her brother would bring help her to introduce her to the family. According to my sister, her friend spoke with her, yet she didn't change her decision.

All efforts made to change her stance failed.

Three months after my discussion with her mum, I got a call for the receptionist that I had a visitor by name Miss ABC, asking for me. Wonderful, she came to my office, I told my colleagues, guess who was asking for me, my girl - wetin happen. I made her sit there for 30 minutes because it was towards my lunch break, went down to see her, exchanged pleasantries, what do I hold this surprise visit, hope no wahala. She said, no wahala, she was wants to discuss with me, I said ok, it's almost my lunch break, I took her to an eatery close to the office in order to have an uninterrupted discussion.

She apologized for what she said, that she was going through some academic pressure or stress and needed to clear her head of somethings - including me, now that she is done with her education, awaiting her NYSC call-up and posting, her head was cleared, she wants us to be together again. Also she said, the issue had caused serious wahala in her family. Her mum and siblings were not talking with her any longer, the pressure to undo what she had done was so much, so to bring peace to her family, she was willing to rescind her decision. I listened to all she had to say without uttering a word. When she was done talking, I told her, she can go, I will think about it.

Don't forget, I said when she broke up with me I fell sick for about two weeks, my sister told my parents that it was because my girlfriend broke with me, and I was thinking about it. Immediately, my mum heard that, she said came to my hospital bed and said, 'o fe ku nitori obirin, ara birin ye, kon se eni to ole fe, mi oni je ko fe' meaning 'you want to kill yourself because of a woman, infact, you can't marry that girl and I won't let you marry such person'.

Meanwhile, in order forget all that had happened and to use my weekend productively, I enrolled in an IT training program, three weeks after she came to my office, she called, saying she would like to see me, I gave her the training venue address. When she got to venue, I came out of the class to met me her, she said, since she didn't hear from me, so she had to come, that it seems I have decided to move forward without her. I said, not really, I am married to my professional and career development now, I have closed the chapter on going into any relationship for now until, I achieved my career objective. Immediately, I said that she busted into tears, my heart melted and felt for her, I had to immediately ferry her out of the venue to avoid ' the wetin happen questions and you don give the woman belle gossips'.

I took her nearest eatery, I told her, I am still thinking about it and asked her, do you want the relationship because she strongly desired it or she wants us to reconcile because her mum and siblings are pressuring her to do so. I also pointed out I know your family liked me and probably saw something in me that you've failed to see, hence, the pressure, I don't want you to say many years later that you were forced into a relationship or marriage by your mum and siblings, and end up been unhappy and/or regrets going into. I told her go and think about it and let's meet back in two weeks time, same place and time.

I thought deeply about it and decided, I will like to move into the future with her but on my terms. One of the terms was that within one week of our getting back together, she must make plans to come know my family. It must interest you to know that for the 4 years of my seeing her, she didn't know my house, my parent's while her sisters knows my parents house, my house, the business my mum is into, my dad's profession.

Lo and Behold, the two weeks came and she didn't come, neither did she call, my calls were not answered, hence, the discussion we had at Mr. Bigs was the last time I saw and discussed with her.

Fast forward to 14 years later, I ran into her elder sister in Victoria Island, she was very happy to see me, we spoke for almost 35 minutes, I asked about the mum, I was told she was no more, asked about my girlfriend junior sister, she got married, ask about her own children, they were all doing fine; finally asked about my sister that refused to moved into the future with me, immediately, she said, I thought you won't ask for her, I would have been disappointed. I said, haba, why won't I ask, the fact that it didn't work out does not make us enemies.

The next statement she made baffled me. She said, the family had been looking for me, that do I know that Ms. ABC was not married. I asked what happened - is there no suitors coming her way or what. She said, they don't know and that was one of the pain their mother took to her grave - not see her getting married before she passed on.

I asked her, so why did you say your family had been looking for me. She said, before their mother died, they sought spiritual counselling to know what was wrong, and the pastor they met said, she met a young man when she was in school, dated from some years and she broke the relationship herself, that Ms. ABC was the woman ordained for the young man but she used her hand to chase the man away, the person fell sick and almost died. She said, the pastor told them, she has to look for the person and tender sincere apologized and let the person pray for her. The elder sister said, when they got home, she was asked, who could be this person and she said, mentioned my name as the only person she ever dated for more that one year (we dated for four (4) years) before breaking up with me and also heard I fell sick during the period. Since then, she said, they have been looking for me and good she has found me.

I told her there and then, I am not holding your sister from getting married, since she said, she didn't see me as part of her future and pressure was mounted on her to reconcile with me, I told her, she should not be pressured to go into a relationship, so that in the future, she would not say, I won't have been in this relationship or married to this person, if not for the pressure from my mum and siblings, I told her to go think about it thoroughly and that was the last time I saw her or she called. I've moved forward with my life, happily married with kids. Subsequently, I prayed for Ms ABC using her sister as a point of contact, that God will direct her husband to her, and should I be holding her my mind and/or heart consciously or unconsciously, I release her and bid her sister bye bye.

The good news today is that 17 years after she threw away the man that wanted her in his future, she tied the knot at the age of 42. Glory be to God

The import of sharing this is to encourage gents and ladies not make hasty and cast in stones/iron decisions, always make room for decision flexibility.

Na long epistle but interesting. Naso some women dey throw away men wey genuinely love them and meant for them.

Wow. I can't believe I read every word you wrote. It's an interesting story.

She broke up with you in school because of another guy deceiving her.

Long story but interesting hmmmmm what a life�

hmmmm...........life

So what’s the point of this story? She can decide who and at what age to marry. Nothing wrong with that, everyone has their own time.

Hmm...eeyah...such is life

Here I was jejely using my three eyes to concentrate on the story and hoping the antagonist & protagonist were finally going to end up together.
What an anticlimactic end to this saga. Mtcheeeeeew...

Nonsense and flexibility

What a story. What if the writer's path died or relocated to a place where his path and any of the lady's path won't come across... Will it mean that the woman will never get married?

baby124:
So what’s the point of this story? She can decide who and at what age to marry. Nothing wrong with that, everyone has their own time.

Don't break anyone's heart, otherwise they will hold your destiny until you apologize to them.

Nollywood

Another tales by moonlight story

Hmmmm.

My elder sister is presently in it @40. I begged her @23 to get married, I wanted a place I can run to when the frustration is too much at home, this man begged and begged her nal lie. Saying the guy no tall, man wen tall pass am oo. He is married with kids and an associate prof now.

My younger sister is 32 now too, she was dating a man we all go against except my mum n brothers. My sister knows this guy to be unserious with academics so she told me to make her stop seeing him since the 3 of us are girls and in the process another young cute God-fearing Dr wanted her badly but no. The Dr wan die for her but no, I don't know why my younger sister said no to him. She wasn't even opening up to us. Only my mum knew about it. All we hear is that the church doesnt allow bf n gf why is he asking her out. And I asked but you are dating too now, me I like this Dr., i jokingly told her I want a Dr. Who can treat me when am ill. And she said go pay for it now.

Now the Dr is married with kids and the unserious guy is gone, my sister dey there, I don't even know what's uo now with her.


Reason why I ve started shouting on my cousines who are still young, if you clock 30 no call my number again. You can't play with a man with your unrecoverable time.

In the nearest future, we'll have so many slay queens unmarried if care is not taken.

I really enjoyed the story, though it was long... Nice one OP

Mehn! So Can you promise us that this is a real story?

Life has some leeway at least. Maybe it was her own subconscious guilt that stopped her because that 17 years is too much. Can that really be a judgement from above

So becos she refused to marry you means wetin? Nonsense, nothing like woman ordained for you blablabla, if you are unhappy in your marriage, you would also reach out to her, so stop feeling fly with your irritating self, if you both were destined for each other, you both won't marry someone else, yeye but an interesting story nonetheless

Fountainofyouth:
So becos she refused to marry you means wetin? Nonsense, nothing like woman ordained for you blablabla, if you are unhappy in your marriage, you would also reach out to her, so stop feeling fly with your irritating self, if you both were destined for each other, you both won't marry someone else, yeye but an interesting story

People like who type like this, is this how you really are offline? Because, it would be a travesty of sanity, if someone.... Let me stop here.

AtoningBlood:
Hmmmm.

My elder sister is presently in it @40. I begged her @23 to get married, I wanted a place I can run to when the frustration is too much at home, this man begged and begged her nal lie. Saying the guy no tall, man wen tall pass am oo. He is married with kids and an associate prof now.

My younger sister is 32 now too, she was dating a man we all go against except my mum n brothers. My sister knows this guy to be unserious with academics so she told me to make her stop seeing him since the 3 of us are girls and in the process another young cute God-fearing Dr wanted her badly but no. The Dr wan die for her but no, I don't know why my younger sister said no to him. She wasn't even opening up to us. Only my mum knew about it. All we hear is that the church doesnt allow bf n gf why is he asking her out. And I asked but you are dating too now, me I like this Dr., i jokingly told her I want a Dr. Who can treat me when am ill. And she said go pay for it now.

Now the Dr is married with kids and the unserious guy is gone, my sister dey there, I don't even know what's uo now with her.


Reason why I ve started shouting on my cousines who are still young, if you clock 30 no call my number again. You can't play with a man with your unrecoverable time.

In the nearest future, we'll have so many slay queens unmarried if care is not taken.

Almost all the ladies that told me back in school that they were going to get married soon are still single till date. In fact, the way they boldly said it to my face and made me look invisible was disheartening, till date, not one of them is married.

A good Christian lady recently was telling me how she is 28 and yet to get into any relationship, she said it keeps her awake some nights. My younger sister who has a mouth offering job wrote somewhere as a prayer point that God should end all her heart breaks that she wants to feel loved, she is just 25 o!

Any lady that wants to get married and it's still doing tumbo tumbo, I pray wisdom find them soonest.

The strange thing is that, they don't look as beautiful as they were before.

If you are a lady and you are through with school, have something doing no matter how small, and a good man comes for your hand, please give him those hands. It's getting difficult to find a suitable partner as the day go by.

For myself, I'm not too worried, as a guy, of 27, I can still find a young and beautiful girl for marriage, I just need to fix my finances first.

I pray that all the good ladies out there find someone who will genuinely care and love them.

There is no more time for games, the time clicks, tick tock, tick tock!

Make Una free ladies, we've seen some bad cases of domestic violence leading to death in recent times. If those ladies had said 'NO' they may still be alive today.

Nice cool story.

1. I keep saying that every lady who desires a man will get one.

2. Apart from exceptions, every lady must have a situable spouse in a younger years.

3. A lady's best chance to meet a level headed dude with no baggage is in her younger years. Also, she has less baggage and is more trusting.

I am half way int this story and I am already angry. OP, make sure you don't fucck up at the end of this story because I don't know why a man will go about begging a woman for love. Just make sure you don't fucck up at the end of the story. Now, let me go back and complete the story.


MODIFIED
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Stop believing all these movies you watch on African Magic - Yoruba. Stop it before the movies stop you.

etrouble:
I am half way int this story and I am already angry. OP, make sure you don't fucck up at the end of this story because I don't know why a man will go about begging a woman for love. Just make sure you don't fucck up at the end of the story. Now, let me go back and complete the story.

Hahahahahahahaha

Na real etrouble

CsRockefeller:


People like who type like this, is this how you really are offline? Because, it would be a travesty of sanity, if someone.... Let me stop here.

Abeg buzz off, typing like you make sense but you don't.

Fountainofyouth:



Abeg buzz off, typing like you make sense but you don't.

I’m touched ... Stone hrt girls will always be one; they will never listen*


God help us

Well the man she marries may live to be 103 while you go before 50. Then she will write a story saying if I had married him I would be a widow by now.

Truth is life isn’t predictable. I wish you long life and I wish her happiness in marriage.

Very interesting piece.

Elder0001:
Another tales by moonlight story

Of cause it is a tales by moonlight story. He gave it away when he said they exchanged cell phone numbers. She left him 17 years ago after dating for 4 years meaning they met 21 years ago.

However, we only got cell phones in 2002 and even at that time it was very expensive especially for students.

OP, we understand the point you were trying to make but this story never happened.

TooNoisy:


Of cause it is a tales by moonlight story. He gave ot away when he said they exchanged cell phone numbers. She left him 17 years ago after days for 4 years meaning they met 21 years ago.

However, we only got cell phones in 2002 and even at that time it was very expensive especially for students.

OP, we understand the point you were trying to make but this story never happened.

You are wise

We should stop holding on to the past.




So many ladies have turned down serious suitors and still end up marrying a more serious suitor.



Do you know how many ladies we men dump/break their heart just to marry that one lady?


Life Na scam abeg. If it doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean it won’t work for another.

Cool
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.
.
.
Story

TooNoisy:


Of cause it is a tales by moonlight story. He gave ot away when he said they exchanged cell phone numbers. She left him 17 years ago after days for 4 years meaning they met 21 years ago.

However, we only got cell phones in 2002 and even at that time it was very expensive especially for students.

OP, we understand the point you were trying to make but this story never happened.

Your brain dey there.

But these things do happen though

There's no rule or manual to life.

Who even sets these standards

The goal is to be happy.