Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,158,291 members, 7,836,279 topics. Date: Wednesday, 22 May 2024 at 02:02 AM

How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? - Family (8) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? (41190 Views)

Help! I'm Feeling Guilty Of Ruining Someone's Marriage / Amazing Moment Nigerian Lady Is Reunited With Her Kids & Hubby In UK (pics/vid) / Female Nairalander Hanging Out With Her Kids. (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (3) ... (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (Reply) (Go Down)

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Brightgem(f): 5:47pm On Nov 26, 2019
J111333:
I don't think I can or will have time to always pay the fees, I reside very far away from them right now.
I thought of stipend but the thought of them depending on it made me had a rethink because I know my cousin.
Sometimes being toxic is not the famous negative things. Sometimes being toxic is helping too much in the name of loving someone.

Their are people you need to love from afar without helping, because you are not helping them. How can a couple be unable to stand on their two feet. It's ridiculous.

How do you invest 10million in someone and there's nothing to show for it. Hian! Bros comman invest in me, you'll be proud. Lolz,

Jokes apart, sometimes to help someone they need to be helping themselves. 5th baby on the way, maybe they shd turn to the church too for help.

3 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by maya007: 5:48pm On Nov 26, 2019
You better just wake up one day and form cry ooo tell her u lost ur job and everything u have or own and that ur coming back to join dem with d hustling life and see if she will ever dail ur number again

3 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by nlPoster: 5:56pm On Nov 26, 2019
franchasng:
among Yorubas; you will see a hungry, jobless Yoruba boy getting married at 24yrs and producing babies and abandoning them with his mother to cater for, and to them it is good because they don't want to marry late like they mock Igbo guys of marrying late, which to me remains the best


The op said nothing about tribe.

And even if you know his tribe, could you make your point without ethnic references to others.

1 Like

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Dunni007(f): 6:15pm On Nov 26, 2019
please stop whatever assistance you're rendering to them for now and see if they will be responsible for their kids, you can't continue to fend for her and her family because she happens to be your favorite cousin and truth is they are only using you

2 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by bluntspade: 6:42pm On Nov 26, 2019
Pretend to be poor for a while. Formulate a very good story. That's when you'll know if they care or are just using you.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by aragonchuks(m): 6:53pm On Nov 26, 2019
My mother helped her five brothers and two sisters to set up their life , but no one ever bought me a pen till today .. op if you want to give , give a helping hand but don’t let it get to your elbow .. let’s say life happens to you today , they will still survive

2 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Raalsalghul: 8:22pm On Nov 26, 2019
Black man, black mentality.

The only thing they know is sex and bringing kids into this shithole to suffer.

Tomorrow another foolish nairalander will open a thread encouraging early marriage not minding if the couple are financially capable or not.

2 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Raalsalghul: 8:28pm On Nov 26, 2019
rafindo:



But we go ahead encouraging marriage and child bearing as the Hallmark for living a better life

That is black man mentality for you.

I can't count the number of threads on nairaland with mantra such as:

"Get married early."

"Use whatever you have to start a family."

"Have your kids quick so that you can see your granchildren."

"Many couples married with less that 30k as salary"

So many stupid stupid things.

The whites were right to call us "Black Monkey"

Cc: Franchasng

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by consultancy: 8:34pm On Nov 26, 2019
If you can comfortably help your cousin and her family without it affecting your financial state negatively, then continue to help them. It may be your own cross here on earth; we all have ours
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Raalsalghul: 8:37pm On Nov 26, 2019
pocohantas:
Really going to be hard. I understand ypur dilemma as I have an aunty exactly like this. She married an efulefu for love. Her kids are really smart kids and anytime I see them, my heart bleeds. I finally had to take up responsibilty for the first child. She just got admission and has sent me her bill, with prayers join. Wetin man pikin go do?

If not for those kids, e for hard o. Just keep doing the little you can for the children. I pay directly to the school. Never given my aunty the cash, because I know she will give it to her husband.

Wife material...

1 Like

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by DESAN(f): 8:43pm On Nov 26, 2019
The first son can open a student account with access bank just with a passport and school ID card. The account is for student from age 16 and it allows transactions up to 500k
J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

2 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Femsyn(m): 8:51pm On Nov 26, 2019
I hope the OP sees this. Try this OP. Give a reason why you will have to stop extending your hands of love financially, and take note of their reaction.

Usually, they will drag your name in the mud, as though you've never been of help before.

Let's see if they'd be any different and become independent after the episode.

3 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Raalsalghul: 8:52pm On Nov 26, 2019
lavenjcrown:
You have done so great for your cousin. i believe that God really sees your helping heart and he will continue to bless and protect you. please keep doing what you think is best to you and never follow any ones advise. please i'm always in financial need and i would love you to assist me. my acct Detail: ADESINA STEVEN AJIBOLA....... ACCESS/DIAMOND BANK........... 0023830047. Thanks in anticipation.

Badt guy!

3 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Raalsalghul: 8:57pm On Nov 26, 2019
Plead:


Cannicus it seems like you’re jobless and without dignity because the way you stalk Pocohantas and maybe ishilovec on this forum is something else

See your life Ornicus. Another nairalander has noticed.

I remember telling you this back then.

Rather than listen, you called me a troll and came at me with your usual synonyms.

No let me take up your matter again.

Change!
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Raalsalghul: 8:58pm On Nov 26, 2019
ornicus:


I suggest you stop stalking me like a homoerotic maniac.

You will never accept the truth.

So he is homoerotic because he called out your bullshit?
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Raalsalghul: 9:04pm On Nov 26, 2019
jaymichael:
Remember this mantra, 'in this life we come alone and we will go alone' If the "irresponsible" people who bring the innocent children to suffer don't give a care, why should I? All those "na God dey train pikin" crew will make deliberately wrong decisions and choices and expect someone else to pay for it?

1 Like

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by rafindo(m): 9:06pm On Nov 26, 2019
J111333:
This is personal so please be courteous with your comments.

I have a married female cousin who takes church serious more than her life, well I don't wanna waste your time with that part of the story.

I have tried to help her husband and her financially for a long time now and I'm afraid I've turned from helper to head of household, not funny. I jokingly told them to hang their boots after they had their fourth child but as I'm typing this, baby five just landed.

Their first son just got admitted into Unilag and guess who they called to help. I've severally decided to stop helping but thoughts of those lovely kids of theirs have always affected my decisions.

I told the newly college admitted boy to open a bank account so that I can channel my help properly but her mum said he wasn't 18 yet so she would be the one running the account until then.

A little background story.

My cousin is a graduate but helps her husband in an imaginary business of his which I have put in like N10m if not more yet nothing to show for it. I later switched to helping my cousin get a job, she ended up getting duped of the money meant to pursue the job Nigerianly.

She was/is my favourite cousin growing up and she was more than a nanny to my sister and I when we were little.

How can I put an end to this madness without feeling guilty about the kids? Mind you, I love their kids very much.

They are blackmailing you emotional

1 Like

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Blackpearlous(f): 9:17pm On Nov 26, 2019
J111333:
I don't think I can or will have time to always pay the fees, I reside very far away from them right now.
I thought of stipend but the thought of them depending on it made me had a rethink because I know my cousin.

Honestly this might sound cruel but you need to stop fixing things in their home, you need to withdraw gradually you are not helping the family..

Open an account for him yourself, a 16year old can, so you can take care of him this is you withdrawing gradually. You need to teach the kid to also be financially independent.

For your cousin she shouldnt use your kindness like that if she is honorable, the bible doesn't support laziness. Trust me if you withdraw life will go on and they will survive.

When I was in school my greatest idea came when they didn't send me money, broke and hungry I was thinking hard and deep.. humans are designed to survive, they will and become better.

If they resent you they are not wise.. I learnt a lot when my family went through a major financial crisis and u saw the way my mum displayed honor and will rather be hungry with us than live off another.

I hope you do it right without breaking your own heart too

4 Likes

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by frozen70(f): 9:22pm On Nov 26, 2019
Biingoo:
Home breaker common gerrarahia !

Burden carrier, add more to yours,
Anuofia

1 Like

Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Biingoo: 9:23pm On Nov 26, 2019
frozen70:


Burden carrier, add more to yours,
Anuofia
Anu mpama!!!
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by frozen70(f): 9:26pm On Nov 26, 2019
Biingoo:
Home breaker common gerrarahia !

You are hear fighting yourself and my comment is busy counting likes on the same topic that is giving you sleepless night

Just because you are a Biingoo doesn't mean you should be barking on my post
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Biingoo: 9:27pm On Nov 26, 2019
frozen70:


You are hear fighting yourself and my comment is busy counting likes on the same topic that is giving you sleepless night
Goan cash out the likes ewu. Likes kill you there! angry
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by frozen70(f): 9:28pm On Nov 26, 2019
Biingoo:
Goan cash out the likes ewu. Likes kill you there! angry

You may strangle yourself, I don't care
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Biingoo: 9:29pm On Nov 26, 2019
frozen70:


You may strangle yourself, I don't care
Rubbish! Spit!! angry
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by EvangelistChuks(m): 9:29pm On Nov 26, 2019
I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all-(Ecle.9:11)
So then it is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that showeth mercy-(Rom.9:16).
And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not-(Gal.6:9).
When you and your sister were engaging in children pranks,did that 'cousin' of yours abandon you ?Now that the shoe is in the other leg people that don't know how far you have come,want to cause enemity between you. Why do you think God gave you money?
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by frozen70(f): 9:30pm On Nov 26, 2019
Biingoo:
Anu mpama!!!

O wea gbuo gi

Ya fuba gi ufu

Ntoo ❗❗❗
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Awesome01(m): 9:32pm On Nov 26, 2019
My advice: Call her to a private meeting or chat. Let her know how you feel about this situation.

Talk to her like a family member. Tell her your mind and promise to give her one last chance on a business she likes to do.

Believe me, she'll not be happy. Don't bother. She may even become angry. Don't worry. She will come back to her senses later and thank you, for pushing her to liberation.
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Biingoo: 9:32pm On Nov 26, 2019
frozen70:


O wea gbuo gi

Ya fuba gi ufu

Ntoo ❗❗❗
Onye iberibe sad
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by frozen70(f): 9:40pm On Nov 26, 2019
Biingoo:
Onye iberibe sad

Ogana afugi ka ose
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by frozen70(f): 9:42pm On Nov 26, 2019
Biingoo:
Rubbish! Spit!! angry

Why spitting it out now that you have gotten the taste
Re: How Can I Stop Helping My Cousin Without Feeling Guilty About Her Kids? by Biingoo: 9:48pm On Nov 26, 2019
frozen70:


Ogana afugi ka ose
Mechionu there! sad

(1) (2) (3) ... (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (Reply)

Man Who Went Viral For Beating Wife Apologises, Begs Her To Return Home (Video) / Woman Who Gave Birth To Triplets Sacked (Photo) / Update On My Brother - He has Been Found

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 50
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.