sisimmi:

@ALL
Thanks a great deal. I want to see how to work this out in the coming week. The Pastor says he was just responding to the mood in his house that evening because my fiance was showing too much hostility! He asked my opinion on the phone again. I told him I'm not comfortable for now. He said I should reconsider my stand. He then called up my fiance to calm him. He told my fiance to give me some space, and that everything will be all right. Now, I'm looking soo silly and wrecked! So short a period yet I've been so devastated. I dropped of my work in the last 2 days to stay in the hospital. Emotions are quite strong!

I appreciate your contributions.

In a very subtle manner, i think so many folks have pointed out the ignoble role of this pastor man and your over dependent on his seeming prophetic gifts, The Christian Bible aptly puts it across Jeremiah 17:5 about the outcome of putting one's trust in mortals.
Imagine the man telling you that his response then was influenced by his mood, what a fellow!! Assuming your boyfriend had done harm to himself after that day??(you guys drove past him while he was walking and crying) and you are now coming to the realisation of this distorted prophecy after it is late??

Nne, you still love this guy joor, you guys should just do the needful abeg.

chaircover:

You are still on a long thing with this pastor said this pastor said that biz & since you have made the pastor your God, I can only wish you good luck.

I don't mean any disrespect to you but quite frankly even though you are 30, I dont think you are mature enough to be married anyway for now.

You sound like the kind of person who if your friend came and told you that they saw your husband somewhere, you are likely to beleive them.

When I was about to get married at my mums insistence I went to see her pastors. One said NO and the other said YES. When I got home I just told my mum that they both said Yes. Did you think I was going to hang around waiting for the 2 pastors from the same church o! agreeing with each other before I get on with making one of the most important decisions of my life?

I went into my closet and prayed to God MYSELF (if people only believe that they can talk to God direct) I keep on saying that God is not a God of confusion.

So my sister, Pray, follow logic and your heart and forget about anything else. You are the one who is going to live with the man; not your pastor and certainly not Nairalanders.

On a personal note, if i had joined NL as far back as 2004 when i took certain decisions in my life, i think i would have been better off because my short stay here has given me a perspective in life that i have not gotten anywhere else, people make constructive criticisms, silly cuss ones, the hilarious, the thrashy ones etc

Experience is the best teacher., CC you are sure an inspiration. well done

@sisimmi
This so-called pastor is only playing on ur emotions. I am beginning to think that he has some motives. first of all, why did he have to excuse u into his bedroom to break the news to you and never cared putting the guy in the limelight. This your so called pastor is very partial and u should be very careful with him. How can he make such pronouncement of either of u dieing untimely only for him to turn around to say that he was only playing by the mood then.

Sorry to say this, your pastor is a very wicked man because he is the genesis of all these problems u are facing. Rather than calm ur nerves he escalated everything. Even if he had seen a revelation which am sure he didn’t, why did he relate it to u alone, he wasn’t willing to talk to ur BF again and then urge u to start telling ur uncles and aunties . . . . nonsense. Why didn’t he ask u to tell ur family when he was sanctioning the fake marriage. He wasn’t even moved to pity when he saw ur BF walking and crying on the way, all he did was to zoom past him. I find this so ridiculous. Ur BF is a good guy u are only allowing ur pastor ruin ur life by his unfounded prophecies.

Sisimmi boycott this pastor like CC and others has said, take time out, pray and reconcile with ur guy. Good luck

I'm shocked, my fiancee was discussing me online. It means a lot of people on NL are quite good advisers. I'm the person this woman has brought to this market place! I wrote all those emails and I'm shocked, she has published them! In any case, I won't join issues with her. I have today decided to move on with my life. I guess I was so foolish as not to knw when to draw the line. I've left her for her Pastor who controls her life and Mr. Honourable. I have enough dirt to end that so-called Honourabl'e career and if both of them push their luck too far, I may descend from my olympian hieght to fight a very very messy war with them. The pain has been excruciating but I guess, I'm coming over it now. I never planned it would end this way - not in the market place like this. I wish she can come here again so I engage her in some "war-of-words". She has lost me, and that is final! Moving on is difficult but I have to go,

^^^ are u 4 real?? will b back

,,,

I caught a glimpse of this thread in the Romance section when it was still on page 1, and was wondering why people were haranguing the poor girl because of the Pastor and Honourable angle she brought into the mix, instead of dealing with the main issue. The girl comes across as a very humble girl so I am with Oyinda on this issue. People need to realise that not everyone is not the same, and if you are the type that cannot condone a guy cheating on you and he does this, even once, that is the end of the relationship, no matter how much you force yourself to remain in it. It will eat you alive, especially if the erring party refuses to discuss it with you, but instead choose to sweep this under the carpet, you will never get over it because you would spend forever wondering why he did it and where you went wrong.

I have just only briefly scanned through this thread and if my memory serves me right, the dude has cheated more than once Not an easy issue for everyone to sweep under the carpet and continue to pretend all is rosy and dandy because she has spent 13 years with the dude. If she is the type that has a problem forgiving a cheating dude, she will spend the rest of her married year miserable and would be disgusted with the dude and his nonchalant attitude to his cheating and hate herself for being too weak to walk.

celemel:

I'm shocked, my fiancee was discussing me online. It means a lot of people on NL are quite good advisers. I'm the person this woman has brought to this market place! I wrote all those emails and I'm shocked, she has published them! In any case, I won't join issues with her. I have today decided to move on with my life. I guess I was so foolish as not to knw when to draw the line. I've left her for her Pastor who controls her life and Mr. Honourable. I have enough dirt to end that so-called Honourabl'e career and if both of them push their luck too far, I may descend from my olympian hieght to fight a very very messy war with them. The pain has been excruciating but I guess, I'm coming over it now. I never planned it would end this way - not in the market place like this. I wish she can come here again so I engage her in some "war-of-words". She has lost me, and that is final! Moving on is difficult but I have to go,

I will say good riddance to bad rubbish if you ask me

I attributed the cheating to the distance that was between them in the past though I ain't justifying that. The mails of the young man shows that his heart is in the relationship and that he is no player. At this point (that both parties seem to have arrived at this thread) they should talk things out in privacy and if they can still find compatibility, make up and keep loving themselves. They are adults if they don't want to continue it's their life.
It's truly not wise to get on discussing this issue here anymore as it will bring chaos. When all of us arise with our different views with different people siding this person and another set of people siding the other it may not help matters. Nls have at least succeeded in talking sense into Sisi over absolute beliefs in Pastors which is creating lots of problems for lots of Nigerians. If they calm down on their own and address other problems they have, they should arrive at a solution that is okay for both parties be it break-up or make-up.

celemel:

I'm shocked, my fiancee was discussing me online. It means a lot of people on NL are quite good advisers. I'm the person this woman has brought to this market place! I wrote all those emails and I'm shocked, she has published them! In any case, I won't join issues with her. I have today decided to move on with my life. I guess I was so foolish as not to knw when to draw the line. I've left her for her Pastor who controls her life and Mr. Honourable. I have enough dirt to end that so-called Honourabl'e career and if both of them push their luck too far, I may descend from my olympian hieght to fight a very very messy war with them. The pain has been excruciating but I guess, I'm coming over it now. I never planned it would end this way - not in the market place like this. I wish she can come here again so I engage her in some "war-of-words". She has lost me, and that is final! Moving on is difficult but I have to go,

this is absolutely unbelievable and absurd, the bone of contention himself on NL? i doubt if Sisimmi will bring this issue on NL knowing fully well that her man is on this forum and the supposed poster of the above has more than 200 posts already, Our lady friend has to confirm this guys identity, I smell a fish somewhere. I case my rest

celemel:

I'm shocked, my fiancee was discussing me online. It means a lot of people on NL are quite good advisers. I'm the person this woman has brought to this market place! I wrote all those emails and I'm shocked, she has published them! In any case, I won't join issues with her. I have today decided to move on with my life. I guess I was so foolish as not to knw when to draw the line. I've left her for her Pastor who controls her life and Mr. Honourable. I have enough dirt to end that so-called Honourabl'e career and if both of them push their luck too far, I may descend from my olympian hieght to fight a very very messy war with them. The pain has been excruciating but I guess, I'm coming over it now. I never planned it would end this way - not in the market place like this. I wish she can come here again so I engage her in some "war-of-words". She has lost me, and that is final! Moving on is difficult but I have to go,

U don’t have to be so shocked if really u are the guy in question, in my opinion this lady brought up this issue here to have another perspective to the situation and probably solve the problem. I am not sure she did it to demean or belittle u as a man. No matter how rowdy NL could be as a “market place” it sometimes helps solve issues.

I really do not see any reason why u should be having much headache that ur matter is being discussed here as no real names and pictures are used. If u walk pass any NL on the way no one would know u are the guy in question. So what’s the big deal. We are all in the abstract world where no one knows each other, even if some people might know u, did u kill someone? no

I wonder if u being discussed here is enough reason to quit now after all u professed in ur mail and u sound rather hash in ur comment, are u sure u are the one that wrote those mails. Well, If u have decided to move on pls do so honourably without any further damage.

celemel:

I'm shocked, my fiancee was discussing me online. It means a lot of people on NL are quite good advisers. I'm the person this woman has brought to this market place! I wrote all those emails and I'm shocked, she has published them! In any case, I won't join issues with her. I have today decided to move on with my life. I guess I was so foolish as not to knw when to draw the line. I've left her for her Pastor who controls her life and Mr. Honourable. I have enough dirt to end that so-called Honourabl'e career and if both of them push their luck too far, I may descend from my olympian hieght to fight a very very messy war with them. The pain has been excruciating but I guess, I'm coming over it now. I never planned it would end this way - not in the market place like this. I wish she can come here again so I engage her in some "war-of-words". She has lost me, and that is final! Moving on is difficult but I have to go,

(assuming you are really 'him')

Get off your high horse Mr! What the heck are you feeling like

You know if you hadn't cheated on her, none of this would have happened. But no, you just had to go and be a jerk! Completely forgetting that she has been carrying your sorry a55 since day 1!

Do you actually think you are that wonderful

You should be grateful she's even listening to us in this 'market place' and not dumping your sorry broke ass like she has always wanted to!

And for your information, a lot of people in this 'market place' are not jobless and depending on their fiancee/wife to get them a job. They consider it an act of charity to help people like you who have no clue as to how to keep a woman.

You see if you were man enough to take care of your wife, she won't be so quick to jump into 'Honourable's' waiting arms! (just a thought!)

Be a man for once okay? While you are hoping to exchange words with your fiancee, you might wan to check out NL jobs!

Ujujoan:

(assuming you are really 'him')

Get off your high horse Mr!  What the heck are you feeling like 

You know if you hadn't cheated on her, none of this would have happened. But no, you just had to go and be a jerk! Completely forgetting that she has been carrying your sorry a55 since day 1!

Do you actually think you are that wonderful    

You should be grateful she's even listening to us in this 'market place' and not dumping your sorry broke backside like she has always wanted to!

And for your information, a lot of people in this 'market place' are not jobless and depending on their fiancee/wife to get them a job. They consider it an act of charity to help people like you who have no clue as to how to keep a woman.

You see if you were man enough to take care of your wife, she won't be so quick to jump into 'Honourable's' waiting arms! (just a thought!)   

Be a man for once okay? While you are hoping to exchange words with your fiancee, you might wan to check out NL jobs!   

      

I pity d guy in question and i dnt knw if u feel d same way as u claimed.If he neva lost his job you pple would have been togeda by now.U remain only source of his happiness thats y he keeps on begging for u to forgive him.U did nt realize all his mistakes when he wa still working why naw?n wat makes u think he cant change?
I knw he was supportive when u where in skool.U claimed u nev cheated on him that means u loved him reconcile wit him to prove this and if u dnt there r chances of meeting worst person in future that will make u more miserable even if he is more confortabl dan him cos wat goes around comes around,

OK wait up. Are people advising the OP to go back to the guy because he's a good guy? Apparently everyone has forgotten about his 'forceful violation'. The pastor and his prophecy appear suspect but this does not deal with the loveless feelings the OP has for the guy now. I don't think its just because of the fact that the lady has a job and he doesn't as some posters here seem to generalize.
A relationship or marriage should be a happy thing, no need to die inside it if thats not the case. The OP should use the time she has now to move on.

paulokwudiri:

wat makes u think he cant change?

Perhaps a cynical lesson in human behavior; people never change they just display the traits they always carried within them.

Anybody that has entered this thread and is still clinging tenaciously to every words uttered by their pastor in the name of prophecy should read this thread below which is just a drop in the ocean of unhappiness, broken homes, broken families, broken friendships, confused state of mind being caused by such beliefs. Your pastor is only but your fellow human, respect him please, if you must do with his advise let him advise you but you have the capability to sieve his advise. Don't believe blindly and be led astray. I am not talking to anybody in particular, I am just concerned about Nigerians been deceived and destroyed by this growing malaise.
I am sure that we can find more than hundreds of threads to support this but I just came across this one and decided to bring it to the table, it's about how a young girl was branded a witch by a pastor, blamed for the deaths and other problems that reared its head in the family and finally bathed with acid by her own father. Pathetic Indeed! 

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-559760.0.html (The picture in the thread is disturbing though)

My sister true talk.

Ivynwa:

Ah-ah Aunty BB you wey do one fine peacemaking wey I come admire for another thread (where a husband and wife accosted themselves in this forum). Why you come dey do like this now. Kilonshere? (Abeg somebody borrow me another yoruba word).
See Peace wey we don finish making and our Sisi's heart don dey begin do jigi jigi jigi gbam gbam again for the guy.
I attributed the cheating to the distance that was between them in the past though I ain't justifying that. The mails of the young man shows that his heart is in the relationship and that he is no player. At this point (that both parties seem to have arrived at this thread) they should talk things out in privacy and if they can still find compatibility, make up and keep loving themselves. They are adults if they don't want to continue it's their life.
It's truly not wise as Chaircover said for them to get on discussing this issue here anymore as it will bring chaos. When all of us arise with our different views with different people siding this person and another set of people siding the other it may not help matters. Nls have at least succeeded in talking sense into Sisi over absolute beliefs in Pastors which is creating lots of problems for lots of Nigerians. If they calm down on their own and address other problems they have, they should arrive at a solution that is okay for both parties be it break-up or make-up.

Ivynwa, i think i read somewhere he has cheated more than once, hence reason for my comment. Like the woman in this thread, that could easily be me I am working on myself sha


https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-302879.0.html

[s]Hey na only 2 years i take grow pass Beyonce oh, so i nor fit born am but I am still Aunty BB to you, you hia Infact if you don't kneel down join when addressing me, i nor go answer when you call [/s]

Am i the only one who is noticing that they are already married? You cant break up, you can only divorce, is he willing to gie you a divorce?

Thats what I thought. She needs to find out a way to love him and get over it because they are married.

Busy_body:

[s]Hey na only 2 years i take grow pass Beyonce oh, so i nor fit born am but I am still Aunty BB to you, you hia Infact if you don't kneel down join when addressing me, i nor go answer when you call [/s]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but i kinda stumble on this thread and read thru from page. All along a part of me, was really wishing for them to make up, coz their love seemed really genuine and all.

Did a lil' dig on the husband, looks like he's the real deal but unfortunately the relationship didn't survive and a few months down the line, dude has got himself a good job and even looking to buy a N3million car. Me thinks had the grass been green at that time their union would have been great.

Makes me wonder, where is Sisimi and any regrets? if she had the chance would she have turned back the hands on time?

See a couple of his post though.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=506919.msg8949601#msg8949601 looking to buy a BMW for N3m
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=698620.msg8592639#msg8592639 made reference to been single
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=693267.msg8550562#msg8550562 made reference to his then jobless situation and chic leaving him.

of coz the cat in me would like to satisfy its curiosity, but also I think someone cld learn from this thread been revived. As Yoruba would say 'oju lope sii'

Celemel - care to give an update?

My dear, the fun died. Hard to swallow. Been very long indeed. I try to live everyday as if it never was. But it was, and I have no choice than to live with it. Sometime ago, I decided to forgive her and I've completely come over the hurt. Yes, I had a job and God has been faithful. I'm scared by the memory and everyday, I wish it didn't occur. So many things went wrong, but God went RIGHT. Yes, I'm single and very much doing my bit to stay sane and afloat. Thanks for exhuming this from the morgue. Has the cat in you found this answer useful?

Hmmh, prompt response. But sorry, I am 'oliver twist' my curiosity is not yet sated. Would have loved to have an opinion from the other side of the coin, sisimmi.

So is it that irredeemable? Have you both been in touch lately?

Reading through people's response makes my heart cring in despair, Nairalanders are fond of being too subjective over one sided stories.

My advice is, love can certainly get sour and the love turns to hate, most times after being hurt we pretend to forgive, but we all know its very difficult because the memories of love leaves indelible scars in our hearts that transforms into hate.

The down fall of this relationship started when both of you allowed a third party make critical decisions that affect the foundation of the relationship.

If the both of u can not work things out, i would advice you both move on with your different lives, but there is certainly nothing wrong in trying to give it a last try.

Good luck to both of u

If God can forgive us our sins,who are we not to forgive one another?.when the going was good and he had the wherewithal to marry you,you were ok with it,and almost on the verge of getting married until he lost his job.at that point in time you did not see the incompatibility but now that everything his boat has capsided,you are now saying you dont love him. .My advise to you is,there is no relationship without turbulence.sh, t happens.both of you can restore happiness and love again if only you are willing to forgive.you subscribed that he really loves you so why dont you forget what he did and give him a second chance?the truth is you might be surprise that the marriage will later last to eternity because he will be very conscious of not making such mistakes again we all deserve a second chance.peace.both of you can restore happiness and love again if only you are willing to forgive.you subscribed that he really loves you so why dont you forget what he did and give him a second chance?the truth is you might be surprise that the marriage will later last to eternity because he will be very conscious of not making such mistakes again we all deserve a second chance.peace.

@Ujujoan and Chaircover i want to send you both a personal message, how do i go about it as your e-mail address is hidden.

I feel this craziness in the relationship started when the 'man' lost his job and i guess loosing his job made him loose his sanity, especially in Nigeria, that it would take you forever to get another job and that is, if you get it at all.

Losing your job is not an excuse to cheat.
Losing your job is not an excuse to "violate" anyone.

Sorry is easy to say, what you do after proves it. As for this "Pastor says" thing, I don't get it and probably never will. Like CC said, if her friend said x she would have done it. If she was in her early 20s I would have said it was naive, but at 30? That's just plain silly.

It takes a degree of maturity in the face of difficulty to make a relationship work, and that seems to have been missing. The best thing to happen is that you have both gone your separate ways.