sisimmi:

Thanks for dropping by to read my story. It is long, complicated and driving me crazy. I've dated this guy since 2000. We were at the verge of our wedding in 2007 when he suddenly lost his job. By then, we had acquired most wedding stuff, including ring, gown, etc. The wedding had to be postponed until a better and more favourable climate set in. 3 years down the line, he hasn't been lucky to grab a job. I acquired my degree in 2008 and proceeded to NYSC in Abuja. 3 months ago, I got a very good job in Abuja, while my fiancee stays in Calabar. In the course of the relationship, he cheated on me and I realized. Back then, I was still in school. We had a very bitter quarrel that nearly tore us apart. Somehow, he showed remorse and my Pastor reconcilled us. After school, I had a National Assembly member, who is also my late father's friend, who promised to fix me in a good organization in abuja. The only condition was, I should find myself there. I tried to work out the posting but I was unlucky. Rather, NYSC sent me to anambra (a place I couldn't cope with).

I and my fiancee rallied round and had to go arrange a marriage certificate indicating my marriage to my fiancee. We got same published in the Newspaper. My BF went ahead to write a recommendation to NYSC that I stay with him in Abuja (it was a lie but Abuja was the target). NYSC subsequestly relocated me to abuja and my dad's friend kept his part of the bargain. While in my place of primary assignment, I fought to make sure my fiance got temporary employment there. He did and we were together for 3 months. However, my father's friend, who was instrumental to my securing the NYSC placement takes me like a daughter and I respect him so much that I have always wanted to only present my fiancee to him when we are ready to hit the alter; when he has a job. We both have been doing all we can, to secure for him a permanent job. It hasn't worked out. I however started disliking him because we quarrel virtually every time we meet these days. I told him and I feel we are not compatible because he doesn't seem to really believe my words anymore. Moreso, he believes I've been sleeping with my dad's friend! This to me is very upsetting because I've been very honest and faithful to him, the last 10 years! I stopped talking to him, stopped answering his phone and just wanted some time for myself. Last week, he showed up in my office; took me away to his hotel room and violated me. He was very very angry that after so long a time, I have been showing signs of leaving him. And, I truly have shown the sign because I don't feel attracted to him anymore. AND, I don't have any other boyfriend. I told him I want us to be friends, and that I'll continue to fight to make sure he secures a job! That doesn't settle well with him hence, his aggression towards me.

We had a brawl on friday, and I had to resort to calling the Pastor again as the last resort because I knew, my life was in danger. The Pastor persuaded us to come to Uyo from Abuja the next day. We boarded a flight together and got to Uyo. There, the Pastor couldn not reconcile us. In fact, he told us pointblank that we have irreconcillable differences. He even adviced that I should report the matter to my family and the honourable member who is mentoeing me. Mt fiancee cried the whole day and the whole night. I felt no pity for him and I went ahead to report to my family. My family got very bitter and have warned me never to go near my fiance again. I left him in Uyo and flew back to Abuja. he matter had since escalated, and my family is calling for his head. More so, he has been calling everybody and begging them to tamper justice with mercy. I stopped taking his calls, have diabled my line and don't read his countless emails.

Presently, my family is divided on me, and everyone is very angry that I went as far as contracting the Registry marriage without the consent of the family. The pressure is on me and I'm not finding life very easy. He too is very very broken for I know, he truly loves me. but, he seems to be overly commanding and very aggresive! My Pastor hasn't helped either. He confirmed what I feared the most: that we were not meant for each other. My NYSC dicharge certificate bears his name! So much has gone wrong.

House members, what can I do? How do I bring this to a closure without more damage to every party? I'm determined to end the relationship but he is determined to keep it. I was pursing his employment in my present organization. Chances are, he would be successful after the aptitude test of 2 weeks ago. That means, we may end up working together in the same organization. WHAT can I do?

andromida:

You have a marriage certificate indicating marriage to him,and got it published in the paper and your Nysc cert bears his name so technically you are married withou your family"s consent or is it presence?

He is an angry man.you have the money and he does not.He feels the only way he can show he is a man is by being overly commanding and aggressive.He also sees you as his wife and lets be sincere here he did help you with his name to get to abuja and you bear his name in some respect.he does have a right to be angry you both have given so much and to him this is a divorce.
He does not believe you are not cheating cos he cheats and he believes honorable"s niceness is too good to be true a lot of people would believe that too.coupled with he may have rubbed mind with some frends who tell him you are definately guilty and he should not be a fool.

Like you said a lot has gone wrong esp the "is it a fake marriage"?or an earlier marriage before the real one?
The pastor just told you his opinion based on the matter you presented to him.how have you become incompatible?you need to heal from his past betrayal that you had thought you forgave but alas was buried deep.You are hurting.

i am also curious do you have any new boyfrend or smeone asking you out that you are attracted to?is your major problem the cheating.?? or are you fed up with being the one paying the bills and need him to be bringing in some moneY?What happens to his name on your nysc cert.??If you decide to part will you need to divorce him or can you just breakup with him.

sisimmi:

However, my father's friend, who was instrumental to my securing the NYSC placement takes me like a daughter and I respect him so much that I have always wanted to only present my fiancee to him when we are ready to hit the alter; when he has a job. We both have been doing all we can, to secure for him a permanent job. It hasn't worked out. I however started disliking him because we quarrel virtually every time we meet these days. I told him and I feel we are not compatible because he doesn't seem to really believe my words anymore. Moreso, he believes I've been sleeping with my dad's friend! This to me is very upsetting because I've been very honest and faithful to him, the last 10 years!

Ujujoan:

I'm going to assume you are naive so I'll just say this to you . . . No man (and I mean no man) will be so willing to help you without wanting to sleep with you - Father's friend or not!!! The fact that he's a politician makes it even worse. It's left for you as a woman to know how to 'handle' him. If you say the man has shown no sort of sexual interest towards you, I'll seriously doubt it! It's very unlikely that he's just helping you out of the goodness of his heart! Please, do not let this man destroy your marriage . . . it's just NOT worth it!

Ujujoan:

I'm going to assume you are naive so I'll just say this to you . . . [size=16pt]No man (and I mean no man) will be so willing to help you without wanting to sleep with you - Father's friend or not!!! [/size] The fact that he's a politician makes it even worse. It's left for you as a woman to know how to 'handle' him. If you say the man has shown no sort of sexual interest towards you, I'll seriously doubt it! It's very unlikely that he's just helping you out of the goodness of his heart! Please, do not let this man destroy your marriage . . . it's just NOT worth it!

Ujujoan aka theseeker!!
Since i knew you all my life,I have never respected you!!
But with that statement, I duff my hat for you
You have my full respect and love!!
You are entirely rite,
I think i am also a victim as that statement is 100% true about we men!!

Demdem:

madam uju, dats pretty mean. there are definately exceptions. though few they may but they are still out there. i agree though that him being a politician makes him probably one of those bad eggs.

190:

Ujujoan aka theseeker!!
Since i knew you all my life,I have never respected you!!
But with that statement, I duff my hat for you
You have my full respect and love!!
You are entirely rite,
I think i am also a victim as that statement is 100% true about we men!!

where are the women among us

that has experience in this sort of issues

Ujujoan
Jennykadry
Ivynwa
Tpia@
odunnu
et al

This is a serious case that needs handling,

well as for me poster
I would advise you go back to your man and try and make this work
all this issue started from the fact that he lost his Job which got both of you dis-organised

Go back and settle your differences and stop been a typical nigerian woman (the type that kant stand by their man when thers trouble)

chiteny:



Ever since I started reading stories and comments on romance section of NL, this is the very first time you have said something that makes sense. This is a very big plus for you.

WT,

WHAT AN INSULT!!