You just they make me laugh abeg no end your talent with this short story update fast

Guy u too much ur story sweet die comedy at it's best no dull moment

Victor talk to us oooooo When is the next update coming

TOTO PASS TOTO 21+

Subtitle: F*ck Mark Z.

-Episode 13


I was not smiling when i got to the yard, Ayomi was standing in front of the yard. The moment she saw me, she started beaming like am father christmas.

Ayo: welcome uncle Vic.

Me: afternoon, Ayo *going my own*

Ayo: ehnn... I wan ask for something *hope is not money*

Me: wetin be that? Hope say em no concern money *the tie was strangling me so I adjust it a bit, Biggy tied it as if I asked him to help me out in committing suicide*

Ayo: no, .......... *temptation*

Me: tomorrow *she started smiling shyly like catfish*

I unlocked my room 'cause Biggy was not inside the room, I entered and first checked all the pots I have for food, at last I saw one with rice.
I carried the pot with a spoon, sat on the bed and started devouring the food.
The door opened and Biggy came in.

Biggy: wetin happen? This one you dey eat like occasion madman. *I swallowed the rice in my mouth*

Me: na only for 9ja, you go apply for 70k job. Them go ask you 2billion naira job questions.

Biggy: no wonder, na em make you invest all your frustration for that innocent pot of rice.

Me: the pot nodey innocent, it is the 'cause of my hunger.

Biggy: sha... We dey enter one church like that for all night, God don heal me.

Me: okay.

I would have refuse, but I needed miracles in my life. So, we started sleeping after I took my bath in the afternoon.
6pm, I woke up and prepared beans that we ate around 8pm, Biggy nearly cut off my head for delaying the food.

When we were done, we set out for the Church.
On our way we started hearing voices, the next two public yards to ours, is known for quarreling everyday. And the one that usually starts this quarrel is Segun wife, because her husband is muscular, the only place that there is no muscles is his teeth.

He could be employed everywhere as a bodyguard, even to the president. I avoids his wife more than HIV.

Segun wife: useless woman, have you been f+cked by body builder in your life? see your slim hungry husband, goan feed him.

Voice 1: body builder wey dey m+an for night instead of you, your husband prick small pass rice seed. Ashawo!!! *clapping her hands*

Voice 2: mama Uchechi, leave that woman na, before her husband go come beat up innocent man.

Biggy: the other woman bad oh, she dey listen to their night brigade.

Me: na the man i dey pity, em no go gree come yard for two days.

We got to the church late, because the pastor was already on the pulpit.

Pastor: aaahh! aaaahhh... Your enemies shall not see tomorrow, can I hear amen?

Voices: amen!!!

Pastor: caste the devil of poverty in your family, now now!! Pray that prayer.

Voices: poverty die, poverty I bury, poverty i destroy you, foundational poverty die!!!

I joined them 'cause we were killing poverty, but the man refused to stop. As the pastor was changing prayer points like clothe, some people were carrying chairs and praying. Others were hitting the wall in prayer, some are marching the floor hard. I wondered were they got that energy, i was tired and sleepy, did not know when i dosed off.

One usher nudged me, I staggered almost falling.
I opened my eyes, the pastor was still on the pulpit.

Pastor: face East, face East, your enemies are there.

Voices; enemies from East die!! Enemies from East get accident!!! Demons of East scatter!!!

Me: which kind church be this? *yawning*

I would have checked the name of the church earlier before entering, I dosed off again and usher repeated what he did earlier, I opened my eyes and saw that they have been praying for the past three hours non-stop, can devil survive this kind attack to his kingdom?

Pastor: ..... Army of the Lord pray that prayer!!!

They started praying like army, including the usher. I wondered someone praying like that knows when someone is sleeping in the congregation.
I pretended to be sleeping, and he walked towards me to wake me. As he tried to nudge me with his body, I shifted and pushed him slightly. He collided into one lady and both of them fell on the floor.

Lady: stupid man!! *resounding slap, gbooossaaa!!*

Pastor: Jesus! *everywhere quiet*

TBC...

TOTO PASS TOTO 21+


Subtitle: F*ck Mark Z.


-Episode 14


Lady: are you blind?! *I tap Biggy's shoulder*

Me: make we dey go. *he yawn*

Biggy: I don tire for the church sef.

Pastor: choir sing a song *he walk down from the pulpit*

We were on our way after we exit the church compound, when Biggy started looking at me suspiciously.

Me: why your face dey draw like okro?

Biggy: na you do that thing wey make the babe thunder the usher face?

Me: na answer or question be that?

Biggy: anywhere you dey trouble must show face, waka fast i wan sleep.

Me: you dey awake since?

Biggy: say na me kill Jesus? I been dey sleep since, na you even wake me.

Me: how manage, why the usher no disturb you?

Biggy: I go tell you, but put leg for ground. I wan crash.

Me: i been dey put leg for water? Go crash with that madwoman na *he hissed*

We half-ran pass a smelling heaped dust bin by a plantation, were a madwoman was making funny moves.
We turned into a street with beaming street lights and I sighted three guys smoking from afar.

Me: those guys na thief oh.

Biggy: wetin we go do?

Me: act like madmen *he touched my head with his palm*

Biggy: you no well.

Biggy started staggering towards the guys that have starts walking towards us, he acted like a drunkard making funny moves and noise.
I followed him praying the stupid idea works.

Biggy: there are three little black bird sitting on the wall *he sing drunkenly*

Me: nwanye peter, nwayne paul, nwanye peter paul. *singing*

Biggy: am seeing five thousand soldiers coming *he starts counting the guys coming repeatedly*

Me: fire!! Fire!!! *I lie on the ground pointing imaginary guns, shooting with my mouth*

Three of them looked at us in pity, they shaked their heads and walked pass us, to an extent.

Biggy: take cover!! take cover!!! *running*

Me: deploy plan two *running*

Probably they looked behind them and saw that we ran like people who has not tasted a bottle of beer.

Voice 1: stop there!! *running towards us*

Voice: we will blow your head *you get gun na em you never rob bank?*

We ran with speed, i wondered where Biggy got the speed from. The way he was running, you will think he is not chubby at all.
We ran without looking back until we entered inside my room and locked the door.

Me: you for challenge for olympic medal *breathing heavily*

Biggy: i no wan die young *breathing heavily*

We slept like that without pulling those clothes we wore to the strange Church, the next morning Biggy was still sleeping.
I checked time and it was 10am since is Sunday.
The youths of the area hardly go to Church even if we recorded the highest crusade and evangelism in the State. Still, they refuse going to Church.

I wore my jersey and went to the field, when i got there they have already started long before I came.

Kelly: idiot!! Pass ball, you go commot oh.

Boy1: wetin be your problem sef *Kelly got the ball and shot him, he is on Kelly side*

Kelly is one of those guys in the area that claims to be a cultist and stubborn, he ran towards the boy and slapped him.

Boy1: Kelly wetin I do you na!! *yelling*

Kelly: na me you dey shout for? *slap him again*

Voices: leave am na, kelly the boy no be your mate na, ona wan spoil the ball.

Kelly: commot, you no sabi play ball. You come field, Vikolo you wan play ball? *no, i come watch ona*

Me: i wan play *i enter the field*

Kelly: the people wey wear clothes na our men, play defence.

We were four aside, as we kick the ball about.
Locally called monkey post, a tyre on each marked end of the field that serves as goal post.

Kelly: ona dey shoot, when i go start now...

Obi: you sabi complain i swear. *I played the ball to Kelly*

Me: oboy pass the ball na *he kick the ball violently and the ball float in the air, and touch Small*

Me: you have kill yourself *chuckling*

Small is a high rank cultist in the ruling cult of the area, they operate like political party and they are the government that keeps the peace of the area.
I wonder how he came back from prison, after i learnt some weeks ago he was taken to jail.

His weed dropped to the ground, he quickly brought out a gun and a knife, he thrust the knife inside the ball.
He entered the field looking very angry.

Small: who be that blind person wey no see say, Small dey pass? *everyone point at Kelly*

Kelly has started crying and tears flooding his cheeks already, you have not seen anything.

Small: Vic!! how far na? Chichi dey fine you. *the devil is a liar!*


TBC...

Victor abeg update more I dy feel ur story

Well done OP

Wow! Nice one, still following

OP ur too much "that ur two little black bird" na updated version Oo!

Op where you dey na

TOTO PASS TOTO 21+

Subtitle: F*ck Mark Z.

-Episode 15


Those days i was having raging hormones in my loin, so I scavenge for any available female to ease my pressure. Chichi was the victim, I sweet talked her to my house and we had four rough sweet rounds. After I emptied my sp*rm sac, I realized that Chichi was not the kind of girl I wanted as girlfriend. She has killer body that every girl will envy, with backside that shake like water in a can and can awake impotent d+ck, but her head is not of Earth but Jupiter, her head is what branded Chichi as ugly girl, as a son of his father I always go for complete package as girlfriend.

Chichi was not a complete package, but she still came back for more rounds and I was giving it to her hotter everyday roughly, the problem was Chichi keep warning me against cheating on her which I did not remember that I asked her to be my girlfriend.
As a gentle young man, I did a little discovery about Chichi and was told about her brother, my plans of shattering our s+xual relationship shattered.

I became a born again christain that prayed and read his bible whenever his girlfriend came around, she later got tired of my new behaviour and hooked up with another guy, I used that opportunity and parked out of the area in peace.

Me: Boss Smile, i dey miss your beautiful sister well well oh. *miss fire*

Small: no wam, oboy you no go lie down! My smoke your brain? *Kelly lie flat on the ground and pee on his short*

Kelly: no no, please o... *shivering*

I looked around and saw that others have already gone home, no one was there to plead for Kelly. I was the only one left, I wore my trouser and went home.

On getting to the unusual quiet yard, it is always quiet on Sundays. I saw Ayomi leaving my room like someone jammed by trailer of s+x, hope is not what am thinking ohh..
I entered the room and saw Biggy smiling like jelly fish, with his clothe swinging on his naked body.

Me: why na? Why you nofit commot eye for toto, na everywhere you go chuk your short and mighty?

Biggy: chill na... I just helped a sister in need and a brother in absence.

Me: who send you?

Biggy: the girl come fine you several times, I come dey gist am till she come gree tell me why she come find you, i come help you. You suppose buy malt and thank me, is not easy to satisfy a tight and sweet p+ssy.

Me: malt kill you there!! Person wey I arrange to scatter her toto today, na you smack clean mouth like that. Food dey this house?

Biggy: yes na, i cook rice and stew, with that your money.

Me: hope say na comedy? *he hissed*

I went to the small kitchen section that has one big locker, I kept kitchen utensils in. I opened it and brought out a big pot with smaller one containing the stew and the other rice.
Phcn brought light and I tried to open the fridge in my room, to take water I kept inside. Immediately I touched the handle I was shocked.

Me: oboy, this fridge dey shock!!

Biggy: who get am? You no go gree buy fridge you go like to inherit. Off am oh, before that your fridge go record kill one.

Actually I inherited the fridge from one of the tenant that was my good friend that parked out of the yard, i took the water and devoured the food. Later, took my bath and came online.

Beauty: hey baby! *whatsapp message*

Biggy: why you keep face like person wey wan c+m?

Me: will you keep quiet!!

Beauty was a girl that I have wooed with five thousand ways of winning girl's heart and she still refused to go out on a date with me, she is very beautiful and her profile pictures are intoxicating.

Me: hmm... This one you remember me, I know say heaven have started discussing my matter. *typed and sent*

Beauty: lol... You are funny, I just came back from South Africa, I will be bored this weekend. *greenlight*

Me: lets have a date, and I promise to take you to cloud 9 and 10. *typed and sent*

Beauty: lol.. How will you do that? *my d+ck will do that*

Me: is a surprise, it will come with complete package *typed and sent*

She went offline, so I turned to Biggy as a master planner on date.

Me: you don subscribe your sim sense this Month?

Biggy: wetin come bring that one?

Me: where you want my carry this babe go this weekend, she be lady with class oh. *showing Biggy her picture*

Biggy: as broke guy with his future in shadow, carry am go club so that you go fit chop her quick quick. Except say you wan be Romeo and 21st century Romeo must get money.

Me: dey serious abeg..

A message came into my phone and I swiped the screen, read it.

Me: thank you Jesus!!! *screaming*


TBC...

TOTO PASS TOTO 21+

Subtitle: F*ck Mark Z.

-Episode 16


Biggy: why you dey bark like dog wey the owner don disown? *I gave him my phone*

Me: I don become working class, poverty bye bye *he look at me like I have run mad*

Biggy: for 70k? divide am by your school fees.

Me: guy, this place no sweet me for body again, I wan rent self-contain.

Biggy: make we dey go fine na, you think say I go advice you?

We dressed up and headed out in search of self-contain apartment, after we have gone to three streets the fourth one. A fenced yard, that has four self-contain apartments and two bedrooms apartment, I decided to rent the only vacant self-contain apartment because of the occupants are mainly female that are yet to marry, and a newly wedded young couple.

I met the caretaker and did the required transaction, we were about leaving the compound...

Caretaker: you will be moving in next week, right? *is this one head correct?*

Me: tomorrow, I will be starting my newly find work next week. So, i will not be chance next week.

Biggy: we will be cleaning the house today, can I have the keys?

He gave us the keys reluctantly, i began to suspect the man.
When we left the compound...

Biggy: that caretaker no wan rent the house give you.

Me: i see am like that, em no want division for em kingdom. King Solomon.

Biggy: no wonder em papa call am Solo, with his flat onion nose.

Me: if em like am or not, I dey enter this yard to shift pants.

Biggy: I trust you, make HIV no shift you go the other side sha..

We took a taxi and went home, later came back to the yard in the evening. And did a sparkling cleaning in the rooms, we were busy with the floor brush when a lady of about 25years came.

Lady: good evening, are you the new tenant

Biggy: yes oh, hope you live in this compound too?

Lady: yes, I do... Am actually your neighbor. *smiling*

Biggy: am actually protected if beautiful angel like you live here, what is your sexy name?

Lady: you are very funny, am Tricia. And what is yours?

Biggy: am B and D, is nice meeting you Tricia.

Lady: you mean Big Dick? *Biggy grinning like organic monkey*

Biggy: yeah... Pretty Tricia.

Lady: hope is actually big, i will be going. See you some other time.

Lady: hi

Me: hi *she left*

Me: which day your papa start to call you Big Dick?

Biggy: I no understand, when you turn questioneer?

Me: we no follow rent this house o, I no know why you dey in a hurry to run enter pant.

Biggy: dey there, her nyash dey very attractive.

Around 8pm we left the place sparkling white, the next morning I wanted to move my foam and stove, to my new house...

Biggy: where all these things wan go?

Me: you lose your memory for sleep, i wan park na.

Biggy: you no read am for bible, old things shall pass away and new things shall come to stay, guy pretend say you be big boy for once. Leave this economical lifestyle, na food wey dey belle na person dey die with oh.

Me: I don hear, so wetin you want my do now?

Biggy: na to make withdrawal then blaze inside market.

I agreed with him, after the bank transaction we went straight to the market. And I spent all the money I took from the bank, Biggy was still urging me to buy more as I kept on doing bank transfers.
I was weeping in my heart, is like I was not with my senses.

After we conveyed all what we bought to my new apartment, we arranged it and Biggy left.

I saw my account balance and wept like baby, I had a sleepless night. That I slept off the next day at 6am, stupid MTN borrowu message woke me up around 11am.
I decided to log in to console my sorrow, immediately I switch on my data a whatsapp message pop-up on the notification bar from Tracy.

Tracy: hi sweet d+ck, am coming to visit you *online*

Me: Tracy, my sweet toto... I have upgrade oh, I nodey stay for that place again. *typed and sent*

Tracy: where do you now live?

Me: ........... When you wan come? *typed and sent*

Tracy: 2pm, i go don do come. *i will so scatter this girl p+ssy, that she will not be able to walk home*

TBC..

Dis storyline mad Oo!..I dey follow u bumper2bumper.

I just stop laughing..victor and biggy are two funny fellows,,and d pidgin here na die..keep d good work on

Oga continue b4 u share rice with me

Wetin toto go cause ehn...
No make he long bro..

Next!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOTO PASS TOTO 21+

Subtitle: F*ck Mark Z.


-Episode 17



No time to waste, I logged out 'cause it is just two hours and some minutes to paralyse somebody's daughter.
I swept my room and cleaned the electronics in the room furniture in the room.

Dressed the bed and brushed my teeth, went to the bathroom and took my bath.
Spray the whole room, insert a soft music in the speaking system.

I checked the time 12noon, I put a call to Tracy.

Me: hello, Tracy baby *smiling*

Tracy: my love, hope you are hard and ready to scatter my p+ssy *giggling, my d+ck twitch*

Me: am overly ready to do that, am even h+rd right now.

Tracy: lemme go and wash my p+ssy properly clean, and then start coming.

Me: alright, baby. *call ended*

I laid on my bed kicking the air, Tracy is a girl that her p+ssy can make any man go gaga.
Last supper with my ex is not a bad idea, i went out of the room in search of pharmacy.

On my way I saw PHCN officials climbing an electric pole beside a yard, some rugged looking muscular built guys of three emerge accompanied with children, and some women with young guys.

Muscle guy1: iffa count 1! You don jump down from that pole like agama lizard *I stop and watch*

Phcn official1: ona nodey gree pay bill *Still climbing the pole*

Muscle guy2: you nodey hear? *rushing to push down the pole*

Phcn 2: wetin you wan do? *blocking his way*

The muscle man lifted the PHCN official blocking him up...

Muscle 2: you wan swim for inside that suckaway? *he stood before open suckaway filled with dirty water*

Phcn 2: abeg ooohh!! No! No!! I get children for house oh!! My family!!

I shook my head and walked away, got to the pharmacy and saw one small girl alone in the pharmacy.

Small girl: good afternoon *thinking if I should buy the Cd and Tm from her*

Me: umhh... Give me that medicine called Kiss.

Small girl: okay *she brought out a roll of it* how many?

Me: three *i brought two hundred naira and gave it to her*

Small: why is the medicine called kiss? I asked my aunty but she refused to tell me.

Me: because Judas kissed Jesus before he was captured, eehhh...

Small girl: hmm.. But my uncle use to wear it *see this small pikin oh*

I was scratching my brain on what to say when her aunty entered the shop talking with a passerby.

Me: good afternoon, give me tm 200ml

Her aunty: okay, do you have malaria?

Me: yes, strong one.

Small girl: aunty what is TM? *all these kind small pikin be witch o*

Her aunty: is temple and mountain *she gave me the drugs in package*

Small girl: okay!

The sun was so angry that I have to buy cold pure water trekking down to my house, when I got to the house and checked the time it was 1pm on the time.
I rushed inside the bathroom and took a quick bath, came out and dried my body with my towel.

Ate rice quickly and drank two tins of milk, i took a glass of water and swallowed the TM pee.
Stripped myself to my boxer, I picked up my phone and dialed Tracy number...

Mtn woman: the mtn number you are calling is switched off *i press the red button angrily*

Me: Tracy you have kill me!

I rolled on the bed in frustration, minutes later my d+ck started rising slowly and became very strong and hard.
I checked my contact list to see who I will call to help my condition, a knock landed on my door.

Door: koo! Ko ko!!

Me: am coming *I fly to the door thinking was Tracy*

Ada: good afternoon, can you... *staring at my boxer were my d+ck was standing like pole*

Me: ehnn.. What should i help you with? *shifted my waist inside the room*

Ada: ehnn.. Is inside my room, just to put bulb.

Me: let me wear short, am coming.

I went inside and wore short, came out and followed Ada, the young couple house wife.
Her ass vibrate with strong velocity that I started imagining stuffs coupled with my h+rd b+g d+ck.
She went inside and I followed, my big d+ck forming a huge bulge in my short.

Ada: wait...

She entered the hallway and some minutes later...

Ada: come inside...

I left the chair and entered inside the room closing the door from behind, I was surprise to see her on just towel.
I lost all my senses as she untied it and let it fell from her body, i was about pulling my boxer 'cause I have pulled the short I was wearing earlier with speed of light...

Voice: darling, am home...!! *from sittingroom*

Enemies...

TBC..

TOTO PASS TOTO 21+


Subtitle: F*ck Mark Z.


-Episode 18


Ada: my husband is back *tying her towel back*

Me: where should I hide? *parked the whole things I pulled earlier*

Ada: get inside the wardrobe *both of us sweating*

Me: no, no, bathroom.

Voice: sweetheart, am home! *heavy foot-falls coming from the hallway*

I ran inside the bathroom and I heard the door opening sound, breathing heavily and drenched with sweats of survival.
My foolish d*ck was still standing aright and strong, if I escape this I will stay away from s*x enhancer drugs I swore.

Voice: I was calling you, what were you doing?

Ada: I was naked, wanted to have my bath. Why are you home so early?

Voice: I forgot the file I wanted to take earlier inside the wardrobe *thank you Jesus*

After some minutes, I heard little sounds, probably he took the file...

Voice: you look so take away with the towel on you, baby.

Ada: owwhoo! I need you inside me baby *I dey inside this bathroom*

Heard kissing sounds for some minutes, and then the bed started making some sounds. I come wish say I don marry, my wife go hear am.

Ada: aahhh! Ooohh! Like that baby.. F+ck me hard, harder!! Ah ah..

Voice: ah aah ahh! your p+ssy so sweet!! *skin slapping sounds*

Bed: wikiwikiwiki....

Ada: sp+nk my big +ss *kpaaa!!*

Voice: yaaaa! Aaahhh!! Oh! Oh!

Two minutes later...

Voice: ummhh...... Aaaaaahhhh..... Am cummmmmmmmiiiiiinnnngggg....

Ada: no, no, am just starting to... Ah ah, enjoy it...

Voice: ah ah! ah! ah!! You are so sweet, baby.

I almost laughed out but I held myself, two minutes for quickie. I wondered how many minutes he will use in the night while servicing his wife, no wonder she is cheating on him.
I was anticipating for the man to leave so that I will rough handle his wife, everywhere was quiet maybe they are catching their breathes..

Voice: you are the best wife in the world, let me use the bathroom.

Ada: okay. * how em take dey okay?*

Heavy foot-falls approaching the door I was behind, my bladder immediately was filled up and I started urinating in my boxer and as pee dropped on the bathroom floor making sounds, I tried to stop it but it refused to stop.

Voice: did you keep the tap on?

Ada: oh! Yeah, yeah, I was busy washing my panties in the bathroom.

Voice: oh.. I will use the other bathroom then.

Ada: please do, I do not want you to see my dirty panties *so I be dirty panties?*

Voice: I love you so much darling, I will make it up to you in the evening.

Ada: love you too, I understand.

Their feet were making sounds as they exit the room through the door which sound I heard when it was slammed shut, I pulled my boxer and wore the short on.
I waited patiently for the door to open, my d*ck has already fallen by this time. The door was opened by Ada.

Ada: am so sorry... *with remorseful look*

Me: no be me and you oohh!!

I ran as fast as my legs could take me to my apartment, after washing myself and soaked my boxer I came out of the bathroom refreshed, I tried Tracy number...

Tracy: hope you did not take tramadol or viagra *laughing*

Me: Tracy, make thunder from transformer strike you with electricity.

Tracy: calm down now, I be wan come oh... But you see ehhnn.. I no get TP *laughing*

Me: na your parents you dey laugh, witch!! Idiot!! *she ended the call*

I angrily blacklisted her phone number and blocked her on whatsapp, Biggy entered the room...

Biggy: you been dey pray? I no know say you don join mountain of fire.

Me: oboy no be prayer oh, na Tracy wey for don land me for mortuary by now.

Biggy: I for come inherit this place na em be so, oboy... Your former yard girls bad oh!

Me: hope say you nodey f+ck f+ck those small girls?

Biggy: my brother, em hard to make heaven when person dey live for hell. Wetin you cook?

Me: I no cook anything oh, no near that kitchen oh.

He still went ahead and entered the kitchen and came back with a plate of rice, I decided to ignore him and ease my anger on social media.
A message came in from Albino...

Albino: chiaa! You wicked oh, you no even tell me say you don park commot sef.

Me: you no be dey around na, you go play away match.

Albino: shey you no get my number, if no be your friend I for no know, which side you dey? my come see you... *shey them send ona?*

TBC...

op oil dey ya head...ur write up reminds me of a fun crazy story with a ridiculous tittle "MAN WEN DEY REASON"

fresh Tracy u for Don died jare

Go meet Ada na. Well done OP

TOTO PASS TOTO 21+

Subtitle: F*ck Mark Z.


-Episode 19


Me: abeg no come today, come tomorrow *typed and sent*

Albino: okay.

I switched off my data, and faced Biggy who was going through a book.

Me: when you start to read na?

Biggy: when you turn my father, ehem... Man u get match today oh.

Me: make we go watch am, their mate dey play night football.them dey play afternoon.

Biggy: if them nofit win this Europa I go commot from the club.

Me: see you? Them sign you enter the club, you don ever buy ticket go watch their match.

Biggy: very soon my yahoo go click, I go lock you up for all the insults you dey insult me.

Me: matcheewww... I go lock you inside house oh, come outside na.

We came out of the house ready to exit the compound, when we started hearing...

Voice1: useless man, you can not take care of your family *shouting*

Voice2: woman, i will beat you mercilessly, if you do not shut up! *yelling*

Biggy: no be caretaker voice be that?

Me: yes na, them don start their evening madness. The man sef no get manhood.

Biggy: you mean say em no get amu, guy, why you dey lie na..

Me: mumu... Your brain nodey function well, I mean say na em wife dey take care of the family, come make we dey go joor.. *hiss*

We went down to the street, and stood on the main road.

Biggy: make we enter this bar watch the match.

Me: before! I dey hear say police dey jack people for bet9ja office.

We entered inside the bar, and took seats. The match was on as people have started cursing the players on the screen that are not playing well. Biggy signaled the waitress, the girl probably will be 19years, she is very dark to come over.

Biggy: bring two bottles of star. *chisos! Two?*

Me: hope say you get money to pay for the heaven and earth you dey order for sha..?

Biggy: if you no buy drink, them go pursue you commot.

Me: how the talk translate the question I ask you?

Biggy: I don hear *she served the drink and keep an opener on the table*

Me: Blacky, bring one bottle of coke and one hundred naira meat.

Waitress: my name no be Blacky oh, I get name, my name na Regina. *see nyash*

Me: your name fine like you, we fit talk later.. *she start smiling*

Waitress: yes na, I go close for 8pm. My go bring your order.

Biggy: ashawo dey worry you oh, wetin you wan use that girl do?

Me: you be her father or brother?

The match started well, as my club pressed on the opposition. They scored a goal, and the loud shout from the free viewer in bet9ja office was more than those of us who bought stuffs to watch the match.

Voices: goooaaaaaalllll!! Man u!! For life!!! *outside*

Man: goaaaallll!! *shouting close to our table, spits dropping out of his mouth*

Me: oga wetin na! i go use umbrella *yell at him*

Man: you dey shout for me? You know who I be?

Biggy: wetin concern am? Oga shift your gutter mouth, em dey smell.

Man: you dey mad! *he want to slap Biggy, but when Biggy get up from his seat the man change his mind*

Me: Biggy pity am, em weight no reach.

Man: you wan fight bah? We go see *he walk outside holding his phone*

We were still watching the match, when the man came in with two other rugged looking guys.
I kept one of my eye on the screen and one on them, the match was about 78minutes when Biggy stood up.

Me: where you dey go? You never pay for the drinks you buy oh!

Biggy: na two bottles of beer wey go make me run, i wan piss.. I dey come now now.

I was suspicious of him, Biggy can do the unthinkable sometimes. Some minutes later, another rugged looking guy joined the table of the man that we had quarrel earlier.
80minutes into the match and Biggy did not return, I waited for another three minutes he did not return. Is Biggy bladder now 50litres?
I signaled the waitress to come over, I wanted to escape.

Me: how much be the money? *give her one thousand naira note*

Waitress: you and your friend own na eight hundred naira *searching my pocket for my phone*

Me: my phone... If you hold your phone, help me call my line *still searching for it*

Waitress: call your number

Me: 0906379****

Voices: goaaaalll! Man U for gutter! *my phone ringing in my pocket*

Boy: thunder roast this coach, commot this Ashley young na, make my slip no cut oh!

Man: na this guy talk say my mouth smell pass dirty gutter *pointing towards me*

Me: goaaaaalllll!!! Man u na stupid club, tufiaaa.. *i start walking towards the exit*

Waitress: oga your change.

Me: I dey come...

Immediately I stepped out of the bar, the other men stood up from their seats. I broke into a run, and they chased me.
I ran like my life depend on it.

TBC..

TOTO PASS TOTO 21+

Subtitle: F*ck Mark Z.


-Episode 20


I ran very fast, they continued chasing even when I was out on the street.
When people start seeing how serious the race was, people that were walking joined me in running. I wondered who was chasing them.

Voices: stop there!! Stop there!! *shouting*

Me: I dey craze?

Boy: why you dey run *running with me*

Me: I no know.

I got to my gate because it is not far from the bar that Biggy and I went to watch the match earlier,
I used my both hands and slammed on the gate repeatedly in a hurry.

Me: Musa Alai! open the gate! fast fast!!

Musa: who wan bring am down for my gate?

Me: na me Victor, abeg open oh! fast fast!!

Musa: so na you, I dey come..

I nearly climbed the gate before the gateman opened the gate, those guys after me were closing in on me. Luckily for me their trousers were not on their waist, I quickly ran in and jammed the gate close.

Musa: oga Victor na you be this? *no, na my ghost*

Me: you don see am *breathing heavily*

Musa: na who dey chase am for you?

Me: armed robbers....

I did not even finish what I was saying when Musa disappeared inside his security quarter, and I wondered what will happen if thieves invade the yard. I ran into my apartment the moment loud banging started on the gate.

I barged inside my room and saw Biggy, sitted before the table that a bottle of malt with a bowl of plantain chips with two laps of fried chicken is on top.

Me: how manage? *breathing heavily*

Biggy: wetin happen? why you dey sweat like ice block.

Me: those guys you fine trouble dey wait for you outside oh.

Biggy: you no mean am, come show me them. My scatter their teeth and their bones, ama bone breaker.

Me: cat fish dey swim for your brain, I no need to be your map. Go outside go see them.

Biggy: fear fear, those small boys pursue you and you run like cow wey escape slaughter *laughing*

Me: you think say em funny? Shift joor.

I sat on the couch with him and took one lap of chicken and devoured with speed, I quickly filled my hand with the chips and stuffed them in my mouth. I ate like a mad man, Biggy raised the bowl of the potato chips and I went for the bottle of malt and emptied the remaining content.

Biggy face was like someone who swallowed a crocodile, his eyes turned red.
The spirit of stinginess was telling me to check the potatoes I bought few days ago, I left for the kitchen and was not surprised that Biggy has fried all.

Me: you no fit see food commot eye Biggy? Remember say bible say man shall not live by bread alone. One day I go give you rat chop.

Biggy: if you leave food you no go die, em don tay wey you go church my interpret am for you, wetin there mean say make we no chop only one food alone. Na em make I add am two laps of chicken with bottle of malt.

Me: I no blame you, your sense expiring date don pass. You wan play game?

Biggy: yes na, my teach you how to play game.

Me: go drop those plates wey you finish my precious potatoes for inside kitchen first.

Biggy went to the kitchen, while I busied myself with setting the game. I connected my laptop to my flat screen television, and did the same with the two wireless pads.
I gave Biggy the one that the running button was not working and took the one in perfect condition. he picked Barcelona and I picked Real Madrid.

We started the game and I was quick to score him one.

Me: goal! You are my son *touching his head*

Biggy: my men nodey run.

Me: see excuse, you don dey fear? nothing do the pad oh.

We resumed the game again, I immediately scored another. Biggy paused the game and changed the control settings, within some minutes he scored.

Biggy: I talk am, say my run control nodey work. Messi been dey run like person wey carry shit for nyash.

Me: las las, you no go fit win me sha..

Biggy: I go pity you, maybe dash you extra two.

I was strong defensively for the half-time, and we ended the first half with one goal difference, I was the one leading. The moment we started second half, he rushed and equalised.

Biggy: you dey feel am, i will whip your bum bum.

Me: na only Messi you dey use na, and my mind nodey here.

Biggy: you wan run *laughing* why you even run from those small boys sef, you nofit withstand them. Fight them like man.

Me: for your info. I be young man, my go fight those people wey don reach bus stop of their destiny and future, is your brain aware of what you are saying?

Biggy: na only to sharp mouth you sabi, gerrehiaaaa.....

Me: my call this babe oooohhh... Na 10pm.

Biggy: so, you sacrifice your life because of phone number?

Me: you suppose to dey think of where to sleep, go arrange kitchen na there you go crash during the friendly match.

I tried Blacky phone number and after it rang twice, she picked the call.

Blacky: hello...

Me: Blacky how far na? Ona don close?

Blacky: hiaa.. I don tell you say my name no be Blacky, we don close, anything?

Me: where you dey now?

Blacky: I wan go house, I dey junction.

Me: Jesus! Thank God you never enter motor oh, them dey kidnap and kill people well well for this area around this time, them even rob one girl yesterday. You no get anybody to sleep with for this area?

Blacky: no, I no get. Talk truth.

Me: I nodey joke oh, I dey live for one self-contain around that junction.

Blacky: i fit come your house? *compass don click*

Me: ehnn.. I dey come now now. Wait for me for the junction.

I ended the call...

Biggy: guy where you dey go? Na toto go kill you oh.

Me: no worry, na my destiny be that.

TBC..

Next !!!!!!!!

Next o

Lol... The game pad got me...my friend did same to me, he gave me a faulty game pad.

Following

Next !!!!!! Feed me more! feed me more!!! Feed me more!!!!

TOTO PASS TOTO 21+


Subtitle: F*ck Mark Z.

-Episode 21.



I came out of my apartment and saw Ada husband entering his house, his muscles and tall frame made me re-thank God from rescuing me from being caught that particular day.

Ada husband: good evening, neighbour.

Me: evening neighbour, how was work today?

Ada husband: fine, we will see some other time *no be wetin I dey think sha*

I walked to the gate and met the arm chair that Musa always sits on vacant, I walked to the security house and dragged him out.

Musa: aaaii! Me no fe trouble maker ko, live am from my shirt.

Me: open gate joor, you too dey fear.

Musa: the armed robbers don go bah?

Me: no armed robbers oh, I just dey do exercise na em I lie to you. Fear, fear.

Musa: I no dey do am for that kin play ko.

He went to the gate and unlocked.

Me: anybody dey there?

Musa: nobody, me pia.. I fit kill am for ten thieves.

I ignored him and went outside, I stood at the gate and scanned the street for any of those who were chasing me earlier.
I walked towards the junction and saw Blacky, we went inside the yard together.

Immediately, I entered the room Biggy started smiling like suspicious crayfish.

Me: guy why you dey shine your 44 teeth?

Blacky: good evening.

Me: which evening? What do you care for dear? Hope no be food sha... Cause food undertaker have buried all the edible.

Biggy: evening ebony beau... *I cover his mouth*

Me: guy, warn your prick oh! Ehnn.. Blacky, you no wan baf?

Blacky: I wan baf sleep, I don tire.

Me: oya na, my show you bathroom.

I brought out a towel and one big basket ball shirt that looks like I inherited it from my fat ancestors and gave it to her, to prevent her from wearing trouser and the shirt she was wearing.
I took her to the bathroom myself safe-guarding her against the evil eyes of Biggy.

After sometime I started hearing water splashes.

Me: em never reach time for you to lap kitchen go sleep?

Biggy: so you mean wetin you been talk?

Me: before? We be Oliver twins to share toto? Guy, park well oh.. Na privatize compass be this.

Biggy: o shey, kitten privatizer.

Blacky came out after I switched off the light in the room, she wore only the basket ball shirt I gave to her without panties and my brain started sending s*xual signals to my groin.

Blacky: I wan lie down, where I fit sleep?

Me: lie down for bed.

She went to the bed and lay, my d+ck was already standing like a stiff rock.
I could not concentrate on the game even Biggy also, I paused the game.

Biggy: only you fit handle that nyash? that nyash big pass your entire lineage destinies combined.

Me: chin chin full your brain, my go piss, I no wan see you for that bed oh!

Biggy: yes, sir!!

I hurriedly rush inside the bathroom and kept the door open in case Satan want to tempt Biggy to be another Jacob,
I quickly pulled down the boxer I wore and my d*ck sprang up, I tore the condom sachet.

And released the whitish rubber, placed the ring around my cap and did a quick drag, and my h*rd d*ck was fully condomize.

I returned to the room and switched off everything.

Biggy: why na? I wan score goal.

Me: I wan help you, sleep quick so that konji no go kill you.

Biggy: you harsh oh! So you mean am say I nofit even put only the cap commot.

Me: no be only cap you go put, na head. Go sleep, or you wan follow them fly? *he hiss*

I climb the bed while Biggy managed the couch for the mean time, I saw that Blacky was already snoring lightly and her legs are wide opened with the shirt shifted to her waist, making her womanliness visible to my eyes.

I did not know if it was my brain or my d*ck, or is within both of them doing the thinking. One thought was asking me to wake Blacky up and sweet talk her into having s*x with me.
While the other was encouraging me to just thr*st in and do it slowly, that she will not wake instead of stressing myself.

I went for the latter 'cause of the fear of she disagreeing and is not easy to make heaven while someone is living in hell, I placed my both hands in between her body.

And positioned myself in between her legs, I rubbed my h*rd d*ck on her crack and the penetration was made easy because she was w*t already.
The hammer head of my d*ck was the first to slide in, and I allowed the full size to go in slowly slowly until I fed her up.

I started lifting my waist up and down in a slow pace.

Blacky: ah uhm... Oh! *m+aning slowly*

Me: assh aaahh *groaning*

The fear of being caught made my s*xual satisfaction to build up quickly, within five minutes my orgasm build up and I started thr*sting in with reckless abandon.

Me: aah! Aaahh!! Aaaaahhhhh!!! *she start m+aning loud*

Blacky: ossshhh! Ooihhh!! Yeaaaahhh! Babbby!!! *grabbing the sheets*

I started spurting my sp*rm in the rubber, I pulled out and rolled off breathing out satisfaction. I exhaled and wiped out the beads of sweats on my forehead.

Me: this is what oyigbo people call dangerous s*x.

I slept off and woke up to see the bed empty, I was shock. I stood up and ran to the bathroom to check for Blacky and did not find her or her belongings, I came back to the room and met only Biggy snoring away his life loudly.

I decided to digest the shock with a cup of water, I looked through the kitchen window and my eyes met with a policeman.

Policeman: you know who be Mr. Victor?

Me: no, check the next door.

TBC..

TOTO PASS TOTO 21+

Subtitle: F*ck Mark Z.

-Episode 22



Police officer: oga thank you.

Me: always at your service, you know say police na my friend.

I quickly locked the window and a thought came to me to check if the protector is locked, I went out of the kitchen into the verandah and saw Blacky with two other policemen.

I wanted to run inside when...

Police officer 1: stop there before I shoot? *I pause with immediate effect*

Police officer 2: na the guy be this?

Blacky: yes, na the man wey rape me * rape?! How na?!*

Police officer: you be the Victor na you come deny.

Me: you put am Mr. I never marry o, and I no know this girl o.. Who are you? *pointing at Blacky*

Police officer: when we reach station will go install the formatted file back into your head.

They forced the protector open and handcuffed me, Biggy came out sluggishly yawning.

Me: come release me from police station.

Biggy: I nodey come, chop alone and die alone.

Me: officer I fit carry my phone?

They whispered amongst themselves and nodded, one of them ordered Biggy to get my phone and he foolishly went ahead and brought it.

Biggy: officers, abeg ohh.. Make ona give my friend vip treatment.

Police officer2: you wan join am?

Biggy: I dey craze?

Me: Biggy! When you dey come release me, lap with food abeg... *dragging me out of the compound*

I was forced out of the compound as Musa look on with pity, forced into their car.
One of the police officer was with Blacky as they discuss from a distance that I can not hear whatever they were discussing.

Blacky walked away and the other police officer returned back to the car, they drive quietly and I began to fear as we drove out my street.

Me: officers please na, i will not do it again.*two police officers sat with me at the back*

Police officer: na only soapy dey for prison, no rape my brother.

Me: I go do anything, abeg na *crying*

Police officer 2: na 21years in prison for rape charge.

Me: abeg na! I still young to go jail *begging and crying*

Police officer: you no too young to chuk your prick for every hole? *the one driving us*

Me: na devil oohh.. Abeg na, make ona pity my mama and papa.

Police officer 2: before, na always devil or another person dey? if we carry you go station you go go prison for 21years no be days oh. You no go even see sun or faggy x mas, you better corporate.

Police officer: if you no wan enter, you go transfer 50k now now... We go free you.

Me: aaahhmm! 50k!!

Police officer: officer Tunde drive fast fast, you think we are joking.

Me: no no! Account details my send am.

Police officer2: see am here.

I tapped my phone and it displayed, I log into my bank application and did the transfer.
They parked by the roadside and asked me to come down.

Police officer2: stay away from rape, be a good citizen.

Me: sir yes sir! *I salute*

They drove away and I flagged down a taxi and entered, we got to my gate and I came down paid the taxi driver.
I started hearing loud shouts when I got to the gate, immediately I opened the gate a girl ran pass me.

With her p*nt in hand, merely looking at her size she will be those secondary school girls that want to start slaying at young age.

Musa: Angeli.... Angeliiiii.. Me never puff am for two round. *Musa come out of the gate with his trouser in hand*

Me: Musa, wetin happen?

Musa: I do I do, Angeli say em dey pain am, I do I do kaii.. Angeli say em sweet well.. I do I do I come bozaga, I wan puff am again na Angeli run. *laughing*

Me: sorry Musa, my go inside.

I met Biggy in the kitchen preparing breakfast.

Biggy: yahoo boys don free you?

Me: how you take know say no be better police people be that?

Biggy: na the same girl wey scam Johnny na, my neighbor then.

Me: na you no tell me? I give them 50k! I don die..

Biggy: 50k! You? Even if them point you gun, you no go fit give that money.

Me: I just commot one zero, I no try? *both of us laughing*

Biggy: you try well well...

Me: abeg... Bring the food, I wan enter work today.

After we finished eating, i took my bath and prepared for work.
I took a taxi and came out of the busy road, I flagged down a bus.

Conductor: be serious! Shake body, oga enter. *I sight small Mama*

Voices: where that man wan stay? Here tight well well.. ona wan kill human being. How four people go stay for seat? this woman wey fat come down na!

Conductor: madam adjust, oga enter.

Me: I nodey go again.

Conductor: oga use your head o, you no even get money.

TBC...