shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

theoilguy:


Thank you sir for this piece.. OP, listen to him.. give your marriage a second chance and yes, you are married traditionally which is what counts in Nigeria anyway. You are both very young so there would normally be tension and disagreement.. Even older couples quarrel and fight so nothing new here.. Give your marriage a second chance and work on it fully. Treat her better and she ll reciprocate. Nothing here guarantees that your new girlfriend would not be worse than your wife when you eventually settle with her..

Las las, you ll be alright.

Burggerxbabe:
other men will , even ladies with 4 to 5 children remarry .

LadySarah:


Lol
My brother ,it is my Chinko Hauwei phoneoo.It keeps capitalizing some words for me.Unless i did massive editing,you'd see it alot in my sentences.

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and [b]we paid something on her head [/b]but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

24kmagic:


Sometimes I read comments on nairaland and I wonder if the comments are coming from the so called intelligent/sapiosexual folks

He only asked a simple question that requires a yes/no kinda answer with little explanation.

According to him, there was no formal court/church wedding, meaning the marriage doesn't have paper.

His question is would it be considered a divorce if he separates from this lady and settles for another?

If yes, why?
If no, why not?

Some people are even blaming him for not involving Jesus from the beginning of the relationship, what nonsense! We have a divorcee as one of the renowned men of God in this country who people look up to.

Asin, we lack understanding of some basic things in this country I swear

OP, it is not a divorce because the marriage isn't backed by the law since it has no certificate.
Separate from that Jezebel before she sends you to your early grave.

God knows I can't endure such problems for even a week. I like my peace and happiness, and nothing (not even a wife ) can take that away from me.

shugaboy6102:
you are wonderful. Thanks for that response

LadySarah:


See your life.It is what you want

Gracealone:
If you must separate, you need to carry the woman along. Both of you should agree on time that it cannot work.

dalass:


Please stay and fix whatever is wrong. You both consented to that union and 5 years you're fed up. You both married young and quite immature too. So its the building stage, its gonna be rough and tough but the tough must get going. She's your wife! Yes and the mother of your kids. Leave the new lady, you wan chop and clean mouth again. Its an adulterous relationship. That's what it is

Iyawe247:


Pls I want to confirm if this is a true life story or make-up?...I want to know what to comment.

clemzo101:
Go and complete the marriage rites and you will see how peaceful your home and wife will be. I am speaking from experience. My elder sister got pregnant for her husband out of wedlock while dating, to worsen it the guy impregnated her again after the first child and they started living togeda. It was always problem, quarrel today, fight tomorrow, breaking of things and ll that, she vet irritated at the slightest opportunity, I settle fight I tire. One day after settling a very big fight, I called the guy aside and told him that the cause of ll these is because he hasn't married her legally. Right on that spot the picked a date and came to do the right thing, he even did it in a very big way. It's over 6years now I have never gone to settle anutbing. They are living peacefully.

Go and complete the rites and have peace

Josh44s:


Marriage or having a partner nor be beans bro. If you truly love your girl and you are sure she genuinely loves you, change your ways. Don’t jump from one woman to another just because the one you are with is giving you the woman mood. The one you are picking interesting on newly might be a serial killer if you try the nonsense you are doing with your girl. I have been in your shoes when my wife and I newly got married. We quarreled over every little thing and I tried seeking peace else here like you are doing right now. Sit down as a man and think. I won’t advice you to jump into conclusions and move to the next woman. The devil you know is far better than the angel you don’t know bro. If you are 100% certain the mother of your child loves you, amend your ways and stop doing things that will make her feel jealous. My wife get PHD for jealousy I later realized so I stopped doing things that makes her feel jealous because she acts crazy and heartless just to get back at me whenever she feels jealous. We live in peace ever since I understood my wife. I hope you read my advice and think twice. One love

livebyday:


Dear sis if you read his wording construction, this op is a very manipulative person, I am good at spotting them.

He chooses his words to reflect victimhood .. do not trust a word he has typed here.

I can bet my soul.if his wife comes here you will hear stories of endured cheating emotional and psychological abuse

He is a narcissist

Dextre:



What are you saying? 'Woman that has been with him for years' and so. PS; He has been with her for years too. Victim card nor go allow una reason well,the woman wants out too,can't you read

DenreleDave:

U ladies just keep saying trash.. See I know we have not heard her own side of the story.

Did u read this part??

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.she doesn't want out. She wants to be sure of her stand. He should marry her properly


What if she already has another man sef, what if she is also tired and want out

lovchalice:
he should sit her down and talk to her. From what I read she doesn't want out. She wants stability. We all do

shugaboy6102:
why do you choose to throw insult @ me. All I ask is your advice and not your insult please I beg of you.

shugaboy6102:
Really am not talking even based on the new lady I met, what am asking is are we legally married? and if so do we keep enduring each other and for how long. Should I stay with her out of convenience because of what people in my church will say, my neighbours, friends, colleagues etc. Do we keep tolerating when we both know it was out of passion and youthful exuberance that landed us both in this. Oh God help me because my life is in a mess I hope someone understands me

Mindfulness:


@bold
You have already answered your own question, haven't you?

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.