Pls, if you don't really understand this post, don't comment please. If you're gender bias, pls, read and ignore.

Good morning kind hearted people in the house. Pls, I need honest and matured advice from experience and knowledgeable people in the house.

How can I train my sons especially my 11yrs old boy into a good, respectful, well behaved young man in a situation where he constantly see his father in gambling addiction, and the house is not always peaceful because of this?

How can I make them believe that the fact that their father does not provide anything for them nor anything in the house, does not mean they're not good enough?
My son has learnt the habit of not asking his Dad for anything no matter how little because he knows the answer already. He would rather starve than ask him for anything. Every of his needs, he will patiently wait for me.

I practically provide everything in the house and he knows. Infact my husband and my two sons can be in the house hungry for the whole day if I'm not around.
Any money he has is strictly for betting. He wouldn't even use it to feed himself not to talk of his children.
He eat anything I provide in the house without him providing. Most times it's very annoying.
Most times, we don't talk to each other in this house, yet anything I cook, he must eat.
I'm trying my best, because I can't watch my kids go hungry or stay without light, water, TV subscriptions and the rest. But once he's holding TV remote, no one dare change the channel.

How can I train well behaved young boys in a home like this? I'm so lonely and worried for my children too.

I'm no longer traumatized by his gambling addiction, because I have tried everything, and it didn't work if this is the life he wants, then fine.

I'm traveling with my two boys for the Christmas and I intend to stay in my family house for a very long time. Maybe not to return back here.
This house, I shoulder the house rent, all the bills all for the sake of my children. I don't want a broken home. I don't want my children growing up lonely without the presence of their both parents. But, am I doing the right thing here?
My husband has refused to change for years. all efforts, complain, family intervention all failed.
He's been in gambling even before we got married. I have endure for so long and I'm scared if what I'm enduring really worth it.

I've given up either.

Am I making my children better by staying together here or they could be better when we're apart?
Anyone experience this before?

What's the right thing to do here?

You are not making your children better by staying there enduring or else they will grow up with the mentality that they can be irresponsible and expect their wives to also endure.
Since you've already decided to go to your family house, I hope you have solid plans in place how to take care of your children.
I would have said being a single parent is not easy at all, but then again you are a single parent already and your husband is an extra burden for you. Just takes care of your kids and train them well so they don't follow their father's footsteps.

Just kys please

My dear, I can relate to you because I have a first hand experience of what you are going through. Please keep providing for your boys, God will always come through for you.
As for the deadbeat dad, karma is real. He will definitely reap what he is sowing
I have managed to teach my children contentment, even if it's garri and sugar that I can afford, we all drink it in joy and lots of laughter. Contentment has really helped me.
FYI some men will blame you for his addiction to gambling, they will say you nagged him into gambling. Wait for them, they will soon land but sweetheart I will advice you press the IGNORE BUTTON.

I admire the persistence but you should not leave your husband no matter what, I don't know how hard you've tried helping him overcome his gambling addiction, probably it's the kind of herd he has ganged up with that introduced him to it. I believe you should try and challenge him to become a better father(be respectable and submissive about this) and back it up with prayers. There are Men coaches online including pastors where he can listen to their messages and be motivated to take up fatherly responsibility, encourage and cheerlead him in doing this.

And for your boys, don't bad mouth their father to them. No matter what a boy when growing up needs his father even if he is not responsible(afterall they are the result of their father's seed). If your husband is lacking the father figure they need at that age, I don't know if you have relations that can teach and guide them in the right masculine path. A boy needs mentors to look up to to become a man so as not to become a nuisance in the society and a woman can't be the mentors they need. Again I will say look up resources online they can learn from incase you don't know relations that can help guide them.

Sorry to hear that.

I suggest you take some time apart, try and see if things work better.
While, apart when you start becoming happier or start gaining some sense of peace then no need to return.

A gambling lay back father, who doesn't know he should support with rent, food, other bills will drain your soul. He is also a bad example for the kids.

Thanks @all for your advice.

For the sake of your children's wellbeing, health and mental health, please leave. Based on your post, they're already being badly affected by their father's habits, so please leave that place and go give them a healthier, saner upbringing elsewhere.

He needs help. Urgently. You need to take the children far away from him until he is able to overcome his addiction lest they also become addicted to gambling in the future, it is possible for an ailment that kill the father to also kill the children, it is in your hands to prevent this calamity from being transferred to your kids....Do it.

Another one-sided story as usual.

@op, I am sorry you found yourself in such a situation.
Men like your husband won't change.

Get your boys out of that house if you can. Nature would decide their fates.

Ok o

God is ur STRENGTH

Dear OP, you have indirectly answered your own question without realizing it. Didn't you say your kids don't ask their father for anything since they already know he's penniless due to gambling addiction? Therein lies your answer. They will choose to never become like him and that's their first step to becoming successful in life. He is the example of who they will never wish to become.

At 11 years old, your boy is still in his 'formative stage' hence his brain is already distinguishing between right and wrong. And trust me, he already knows who is the lazy and hardworking one in that house.


Do not separate them from their dad so that it wouldn't psychologically mess them up. It's better to have an irresponsible dad than to have none at all. If you separate them from him, it may lead to pent up anger and other 'Daddy issues' which will later affect them in life. Seeing that he is 'irresponsible' is even a form of education. At least, they will grow up to never want to be like him. What greater education is more than experience?

In summary, the fact that your kids see you toil to provide for them is the fuel that will propel them to face their studies and be serious in life. All through my years in the University, I never forgot my parents hustle and that motivated me to study hard, shun cultism and other social vices. Don't hide your struggles from your children, they will learn from it.

..

Greatmind653:
Pls, if you don't really understand this post, don't comment please. If you're gender bias, pls, read and ignore.

Am I making my children better by staying together here or they could be better when we're apart?
Anyone experience this before?

What's the right thing to do here?

Please stay with your husband till at least your kids are old enough (possibly when they 'enter' university). My dad is like your husband. Almost the same thing, no difference whatsoever but his male presence in our lives shaped us one way or the other. When he was frustrated from losing a bet and taking the anger out on us for the slightest offence, my mum was always there to say sorry. I never had consensual sex until I was over 20 because my dad was very strict, the man na weyrey but my mum still stayed. I would have been a lot of things(bad) if not for my dad. When I wanted to join cultism because of an event that happened in school, it was the thought of my mother that stopped me (all her effort would have been in vain and my dad would have won with all the useless crap he used to say).
Just endure a little more, in the end, you will be grateful for it. You'll see!!!

Okay

Greatmind653:
Pls, if you don't really understand this post, don't comment please. If you're gender bias, pls, read and ignore.

Good morning kind hearted people in the house. Pls, I need honest and matured advice from experience and knowledgeable people in the house.

How can I train my sons especially my 11yrs old boy into a good, respectful, well behaved young man in a situation where he constantly see his father in gambling addiction, and the house is not always peaceful because of this?

How can I make them believe that the fact that their father does not provide anything for them nor anything in the house, does not mean they're not good enough?
My son has learnt the habit of not asking his Dad for anything no matter how little because he knows the answer already. He would rather starve than ask him for anything. Every of his needs, he will patiently wait for me.

I practically provide everything in the house and he knows. Infact my husband and my two sons can be in the house hungry for the whole day if I'm not around.
Any money he has is strictly for betting. He wouldn't even use it to feed himself not to talk of his children.
He eat anything I provide in the house without him providing. Most times it's very annoying.
Most times, we don't talk to each other in this house, yet anything I cook, he must eat.
I'm trying my best, because I can't watch my kids go hungry or stay without light, water, TV subscriptions and the rest. But once he's holding TV remote, no one dare change the channel.

How can I train well behaved young boys in a home like this? I'm so lonely and worried for my children too.

I'm no longer traumatized by his gambling addiction, because I have tried everything, and it didn't work if this is the life he wants, then fine.

I'm traveling with my two boys for the Christmas and I intend to stay in my family house for a very long time. Maybe not to return back here.
This house, I shoulder the house rent, all the bills all for the sake of my children. I don't want a broken home. I don't want my children growing up lonely without the presence of their both parents. But, am I doing the right thing here?
My husband has refused to change for years. all efforts, complain, family intervention all failed.
He's been in gambling even before we got married. I have endure for so long and I'm scared if what I'm enduring really worth it.

I've given up either.

Am I making my children better by staying together here or they could be better when we're apart?
Anyone experience this before?

What's the right thing to do here?

You have tried your best. Continue doing what you are doing. It would end well for you.

Look, woman, we have to admit responsibility for our decisions in life.

You knew he was gambling before you married him, so you should have prepared for such repercussions.

Do you expect him to stop a habit? Even in marriage when financial responsibilities keeps climbing?

My advice; stay in the marriage if you still love him, and pray passionately with well-timed counsels for him to shift.

As per the kids, you just have to let them know clearly that you don't want them to follow such ways. You have to be very close to them and try to take good care of them while in this challenge. In the future, if you have funds or means, you can send them abroad to school.

It's still a one-sided story. That is my take.

Don't forget to also teach them how to give at a young stage. Imbibe the culture of what your children love the most and tell them to give it out to other children in your presence and see their reactions. They will persist in the beginning but would learn to give subsequently. I use this method on my children.

Greatmind653:
Pls, if you don't really understand this post, don't comment please. If you're gender bias, pls, read and ignore.

Good morning kind hearted people in the house. Pls, I need honest and matured advice from experience and knowledgeable people in the house.

How can I train my sons especially my 11yrs old boy into a good, respectful, well behaved young man in a situation where he constantly see his father in gambling addiction, and the house is not always peaceful because of this?

How can I make them believe that the fact that their father does not provide anything for them nor anything in the house, does not mean they're not good enough?
My son has learnt the habit of not asking his Dad for anything no matter how little because he knows the answer already. He would rather starve than ask him for anything. Every of his needs, he will patiently wait for me.

I practically provide everything in the house and he knows. Infact my husband and my two sons can be in the house hungry for the whole day if I'm not around.
Any money he has is strictly for betting. He wouldn't even use it to feed himself not to talk of his children.
He eat anything I provide in the house without him providing. Most times it's very annoying.
Most times, we don't talk to each other in this house, yet anything I cook, he must eat.
I'm trying my best, because I can't watch my kids go hungry or stay without light, water, TV subscriptions and the rest. But once he's holding TV remote, no one dare change the channel.

How can I train well behaved young boys in a home like this? I'm so lonely and worried for my children too.

I'm no longer traumatized by his gambling addiction, because I have tried everything, and it didn't work if this is the life he wants, then fine.

I'm traveling with my two boys for the Christmas and I intend to stay in my family house for a very long time. Maybe not to return back here.
This house, I shoulder the house rent, all the bills all for the sake of my children. I don't want a broken home. I don't want my children growing up lonely without the presence of their both parents. But, am I doing the right thing here?
My husband has refused to change for years. all efforts, complain, family intervention all failed.
He's been in gambling even before we got married. I have endure for so long and I'm scared if what I'm enduring really worth it.

I've given up either.

Am I making my children better by staying together here or they could be better when we're apart?
Anyone experience this before?

What's the right thing to do here?

How can you marry a Gambler with all the signs there while dating.. You and only YOU caused the trauma your kids are going through... You felt love and private parts smashing each other brings happily ever after?

Anyway, just stay away till your husband changes.. I don't support divorce... It's a sin

Maybe.

Hope your husband is not yellowgarri2.
That man is a useless entity,a disgrace to his family.


Back to my advice....pls if need be get other streams of incomes and keep providing for your kids, kids are priceless.

I feel your pains.

Okay nah. Let the analysis begin. Billions of men all over the world are providing for their lazy wives and their parents, yet no noise from the men

Endurance

Go to your family house and have your peace. You can't change him yet, not until he feels he's lost you and the kids.

I feel your pain. May God comfort you.

You sons can become responsible and whatever you want them to become with God on your side.

I would advise you and your kids separate from him. If you continually feed a gambler without him bringing anything to the table, be ready to continue down that path for the next 30 years. But when you are separated from him, hopefully he will come to his senses. Hunger will drive him into the streets to get something doing

Osha're mavor no'ne?

sylve11:
@op, I am sorry you found yourself in such a situation.
Men like your husband won't change.

Get your boys out of that house if you can. Nature would decide their fates.

Endure.. U said it with your mouth, for better for worse.

The children will likely behave like their dad and be entitled even when you are at a retirement age. During courtship or early in the marriage didn’t you see the signs