midnighter:


Exactly but since the sound of her voice is already enough to send him mad, its better if she leaves and comes back later.

The guy is not all right; the begging might annoy him even more.

She should just totally avoid him before he snaps and causes her a serious injury.

I admire your patience, I swear!
Including @Thebutterfly
How do you guys do it ? Nothing gets to you, and you both still take the time to address some irrational comments .

Enwhen:



How do u expect that kinda of person to beg, it is clear he is not in a stable mental state... He is being depressed or being manipulated , and she must act fast , before the madness push him to pack her loads out that she is a witch... I have seen many of such , that man is in a serious problem, he needs help

This is it, if the account is correct, then the OP's husband is depressed and unstable, bewitched/manipulated from external sources or plain mad

Chai...it is really well fa. Bet how nau? Is something touching his brain? Dead bodies dont tell stories

Compliment of the season.

MariaAngeles:

I admire your patience, I swear!
Including @Thebutterfly
How do you guys do it ? Nothing gets to you, and you both still take the time to address some irrational comments .

Lol! I didn't see his comment as being totally irrational..I got where he was coming from but the timing of such an action would be inappropriate in this case

MariaAngeles:

Woman beater like you ! Who knows sef ? You even worse pass op husband.
We know una type; bitter and angry lots who think the world owes them.

Your comment reeks of deliberate foolishness.

The guy clearly told you he has never laid a finger on a woman before but would make an example of you for daring him. Yet you just had to label him. This is why we don’t believe you women when you cry out. You often take the opportunity to label people indiscriminately. Someone has not even raised his voice at you but he is a woman beater.

The OP is living with someone that has kept his anger in check for too long and one day (in her own words) he snapped.

Why?

I suspect the words were not the trigger here, but the tone with which she uttered those words. For example, I could say to you “Wow! That’s such a wise thing to do!” And you’d feel so insulted and humiliated by my tone. While that doesn’t give him the right (in my books) to hit her, it is a valid cause for a reaction from him. And it is not something that started on Christmas Day. It had been building up.

People react in different ways. Your guy there just said he is not violent to women, but he’d make an exception in your case just because of the manner of your response. This is why couples should not seek to hurt their partners deeply. If you keep hitting that nerve, you don’t know what you’d unearth.

If you take this as me giving an excuse for violence against women, I wouldn’t be bothered. I grew up regarding and treating females as literal equals and only learned to be a chivalrous in my teen years. So I am not inclined to view violence against women as a “thing” cos humans have been violent against other humans from the beginning. Call me woman beater; it makes no real sense to me cause there are no such specially touted labels as “men beaters”.

This is the second time according to you, the next beating we will read it here with rip beneath. Useless women, no sense, you keep marrying idiots from damaged homes. Most of them are already here, seeking to justify the man's reason for beating you. Continue, Zainab from Abeokuta journey ended on 25th December due to beating, she is gone. Be here and be looking for advice. Assuming you even said something that made him angry, is it a cause for beating? This is my 11th years in marriage, my husband can never raise his hand on me. The highest thing he does is to walk away. Sound men don't beat their spouse, only animals do. Stop looking for answers here, go and enjoy beating. I hope you survive the next episode.

AfroKnight:


Your comment reeks of deliberate foolishness.

The guy clearly told you he has never laid a finger on a woman before but would make an example of you for daring him. Yet you just had to label him. This is why we don’t believe you women when you cry out. You often take the opportunity to label people indiscriminately. Someone has not even raised his voice at you but he is a woman beater.

The OP is living with someone that has kept his anger in check for too long and one day (in her own words!) he snapped.

Why?

I suspect the words were not the trigger here, but the tone with which she uttered those words. For example, I could say to you “Wow! That’s such a wise thing to do!” And you’d feel so insulted and humiliated by my tone. While that doesn’t give him the right (in my books) to hit her, it is a valid cause for a reaction from him. And it is not something that started on Christmas Day. It had been building up.

People react in different ways. Your guy there just said he is not violent to women, but he’d make an exception in your case just because of the manner of your response. This is why couples should not seek to hurt their partners deeply. If you keep hitting that nerve, you don’t know what you’d unearth.

If you take this as me giving an excuse for violence against women, I wouldn’t be bothered. I grew up regarding and treating females as literal equals and only learned to be a chivalrous in my teen years. So I am not inclined to view violence against women as a “thing” cos humans have been violent against other humans from the beginning. Call me woman beater; it makes no real sense to me cause there are no such specially touted labels as “men beaters”.

Careful with your words yeah ?
You can share your opinion without insults.
No man has the right to lay his filthy hands on a woman, talk more of the mother of your children ( and right in front of them).
Believe me, they're never going to forget that!

Graxie:
This is the second time according to you, the next beating we will read it here with rip beneath. Useless women, no sense, you keep marrying idiots from damaged homes. Most of them are already here, seeking to justify the man's reason for beating you. Continue, Zainab from Abeokuta journey ended on 25th December due to beating, she is gone. Be here and be looking for advice. Assuming you even said something that made him angry, is it a cause for beating? This is my 11th years in marriage, my husband can never raise his hand on me. The highest thing he does is to walk away. Sound men don't beat their spouse, only animals do. Stop looking for answers here, go and enjoy beating. I hope you survive the next episode.

Glad your man doesn't beat you.

I hope u show the same restraint by not verbally assaulting him.

His muscles is his strength. Ur tongue is yours.

Just as he shows restraints in his strength, do the same. Always walk away, instead of insulting him.

Goddeywithme:


Glad your man doesn't beat you.

I hope u show the same restraint by not verbally assaulting him.

His muscles is his strength. Ur tongue is yours.

Just as he shows restraints in his strength, do the same. Always walk away, instead of insulting him.

Keep your advice, I have been married for 11 good years, sometimes I yell when I don't like a particular situation. He doesn't raise his hand, sometimes I don't even respond and beating doesn't happen. He is a balanced man, his brain is working. We are heading to our 12 years, no shaking.

Graxie:
Keep your advice, I have been married for 11 good years, sometimes I yell when I don't like a particular situation. He doesn't raise his hand, sometimes I don't even respond and beating doesn't happen. He is a balanced man, his brain is working. We are heading to our 12 years, no shaking.

There you go justifying your yelling. Hahahaha. You see....

The same way u justify your yelling, so will your man (and other men) justify beating you the day he will snap.

I do not condone and do not justify violence against women. I also do not condone and do not justify verbal violence by women against men. I believe in equality. No verbal assault. No physical assault. Both are injurious to the victim.

You are as free as the wind to do what u want to ur man. Its ur life. Remember though, that you are teaching ur sons that it is acceptable to be yelled at by a woman. You see, what goes around comes around.

Enjoy ur life ma'am. It's ur life

MariaAngeles:

Careful with your words yeah ?
You can share your opinion without insults.
No man has the right to lay his filthy hands on a woman, talk more of the mother of your children ( and right in front of them).
Believe me, they're never going to forget that!

Labelling him a woman beater is not just an insult but a vile attempt to smear his name just because the argument was not going the way you wished it would.


Also, for avoidance of doubt, no partner has the right to abuse the other whether physically or not. If you do so, you must be prepared for the consequences (violent or passive aggressive) depending on the nature of your partner.

AgwoAkpi:
[/s]
my nigga
what's up[s]

I'm not your nigga you this tribalist, we are not the same, you pretend you don't exist when your kinsmen makes tribal comments here, and you pop up from nowhere when others do the same... Bloody hypocrite

Goddeywithme:


There you go justifying your yelling. Hahahaha. You see....

The same way u justify your yelling, so will your man (and other men) justify beating you the day he will snap.

I do not condone and do not justify violence against women. I also do not condone and do not justify verbal violence by women against men. I believe in equality. No verbal assault. No physical assault. Both are injurious to the victim.

You are as free as the wind to do what u want to ur man. Its ur life. Remember though, that you are teaching ur sons that it is acceptable to be yelled at by a woman. You see, what goes around comes around.

Enjoy ur life ma'am. It's ur life

Get it that my husband can never beat me, let it sink in your head. I know and I am sure, my home is far different from what you guys have and portray on nairaland. He can never snap to beat me, oh before I forget, this year makes it 16years of my knowing him. Men with head don't snap to beat their wives. Don't bother about my kids, the home they are coming out from and the type of father they have is already a testament that they won't beat their wives. As per my daughter, she will choose right.

Ardar:


I have seen how abusive marriages mess up wives and most especially the children.

People like you advise women to stay and die but tell men the complete opposite because due to your upbringing, you see it as normal and thus anyone saying or doing other wise is single and frustrated.

Marriage is not a do or die affair, I'd rather spend the rest of my days single and in peace than stay in a house where a bitter man will take out his frustration on me in front of my growing kids because of what people will stay. It's these same people that will shed fake tears and eat jollof rice on my funeral.

Everything now na divorce. Na you go take care of her and her kids? If u carry this kidda mentality into marriage, u go end up with 10 husbands. Your own parents no dey beat you? Your brother never slap you before? Abeg shift

Graxie:
Get it that my husband can never beat me, let it sink in your head. I know and I am sure, my home is far different from what you guys have and portray on nairaland. He can never snap to beat me, oh before I forget, this year makes it 16years of my knowing him. Men with head don't snap to beat their wives. Don't bother about my kids, the home they are coming out from and the type of father they have is already a testament that they won't beat their wives. As per my daughter, she will choose right.

You are so concerned that your husband won't beat you. That's significant. I am happy for you.

Have you wondered about the impact of your yelling? Have you. Do you know what it does to him. Do you seriously believe your kids enjoy seeing their mother yell at their father?
Have you read any psychological research about what that yelling does to the man and to the children who witness it?

Or you think because you do it in your room when you are alone with your husband (if that is the case) that your children do not know?

As I said, enjoy your life ma'am. Its your life. Just know that what goes around comes around.

You said you have a daughter. She is learning from you that it is okay to tell at a man. Let us pray she gets a man who will never snap at her

If her future husband never snaps at her, she might yell at a random man in the public, who will snap t her and who knows, hit her. The man may go to prison, but ur daughter might be seriously injured, or go six feet under

What is wrong is wrong madam, irrespective of who does it. That is the main thing I am trying to explain here. By the way I am not trying to change you. I only want all readers on nairaland to read my perspective as well as yours, and choose which way to follow. To each his or her own

Goddeywithme:


You are so concerned that your husband won't beat you. That's significant. I am happy for you.

Have you wondered about the impact of your yelling? Have you. Do you know what it does to him. Do you seriously believe your kids enjoy seeing their mother yell at their father?
Have you read any psychological research about what that yelling does to the man and to the children who witness it? Hi

Or you think because you do it in your room when you are alone with your husband (if that is the case) that your children do not know?

As I said, enjoy your life ma'am. Its your life. Just know that what goes around comes around.

You said you have a daughter. She is learning from you that it is okay to tell at a man. Let us pray she gets a man who will never snap at her

If her future husband never snaps at her, she might yell at a random man in the public, who will snap t her and who knows, hit her. The man may go to prison, but ur daughter might be seriously injured, or go six feet under

What is wrong is wrong madam, irrespective of who does it. That is the main thing I am trying to explain here. By the way I am not trying to change you. I only want all readers on nairaland to read my perspective as well as yours, and choose which way to follow. To each his or her own

You are not wanting people on Nairaland to see anything, you are just shocked to know that a man can decide not to beat a woman that yells at him. You are not use to such a scenario. You are justifying women battering due to yelling and claiming the men snap. I have shown you that I yell, not all the time but when it happens, I don't get beaten. My sound husband doesn't see my yelling as an avenue to beat me. Meanwhile, enjoy. Keep doing what works for you.

Graxie:
You are not wanting people on Nairaland to see anything, you are just shocked to know that a man can decide not to beat a woman that yells at him. You are not use to such a scenario. You are justifying women battering due to yelling and claiming the men snap. I have shown you that I yell, not all the time but when it happens, I don't get beaten. My sound husband doesn't see my yelling as an avenue to beat me. Meanwhile, enjoy. Keep doing what works for you.

Where did I justify men beating women? Point it out for me and I will apologise on my knees.

I do not and will never justify men beating women. However the same way I condemn men beating women, is the same way I condemn women yelling at and insulting men. That is me. I condemn both.

Pls, read my previous posts and show me where I justified men beating women. I am waiting patiently for u to point it out to me

Goddeywithme:


There you go justifying your yelling. Hahahaha. You see....

The same way u justify your yelling, so will your man (and other men) justify beating you the day he will snap.

I do not condone and do not justify violence against women. I also do not condone and do not justify verbal violence by women against men. I believe in equality. No verbal assault. No physical assault. Both are injurious to the victim.

You are as free as the wind to do what u want to ur man. Its ur life. Remember though, that you are teaching ur sons that it is acceptable to be yelled at by a woman. You see, what goes around comes around.

Enjoy ur life ma'am. It's ur life

Read this and get your answer.

Graxie:
Read this and get your answer.

Did you see this part? See it copied and posted below. It is from the same post I made you said I justified violence against women. Now tell me how this bolded part below justifies violence against women.

I do not condone and do not justify violence against women. I also do not condone and do not justify verbal violence by women against men. I believe in equality. No verbal assault. No physical assault. Both are injurious to the victim.

[s]

waledeji:
I'm not your nigga you this tribalist, we are not the same, you pretend you don't exist when your kinsmen makes tribal comments here, and you pop up from nowhere when others do the same... Bloody hypocrite

[/s]

Goddeywithme:


I disagree with you 100%

Verbal assaults can be emotionally and psychologically damaging. Their impacts last for years and destroys people. Sometimes it is more lethal and leaves no trace, in the sense that it can drive the victim to suicide, and leaves the guilty party free to walk away innocently, because there is no evidence. Comments like yours make women feel they have the God given right to use their tongue to kill a man's soul, believing it is acceptable and has no consequence. Not so sir.

I beg you to read up on psychological books on the evidence of the destructiveness of emotional and verbal assaults.

As many have said, op's story doesn't add up. I am waiting for the fuller picture before I....

Just as many women say that the day a man lays a hand in them, that is the end of the marriage/relationship. I often say, the day a woman verbally or emotionally or psychologically insults me, that is the end of the relationship /marriage. This mindset has led me to avoid abusive women.

Some women will come here now and say but that is just a way for a woman to vent her frustration. Thus makes me laugh when I hear it. My reply to them is this, what if I tell u that a man beating u is his way of letting out his frustration?

My advice to women is if u want a shouting match or want to show ur prowess in verbal assaults, go finds a fellow woman. For men, if u want to show ur strength, go find a fellow man and have a boxing match.

I know the impact of emotional and psychological abuse by women. I know men who have committed suicide because of that, and the woman continues to enjoy life.

Rubbish. So if I should give you the insults of your life that will make you regret why you came to life the next thing is to physically assault me abi?
I repeat,no amount of verbal assault equates or requires physical assault. Insult the person back or forget about it.

Honestly,I keep saying it that 90% of Africans(especially Nigerians) if given the chance to live in the west they won’t last upto 5months before being locked up/thrown into jail.

Animals !

AfroKnight:

The OP is living with someone that has kept his anger in check for too long and one day (in her own words) he snapped.

Why?

I suspect the words were not the trigger here, but the tone with which she uttered those words. For example, I could say to you “Wow! That’s such a wise thing to do!” And you’d feel so insulted and humiliated by my tone. While that doesn’t give him the right (in my books) to hit her, it is a valid cause for a reaction from him. And it is not something that started on Christmas Day. It had been building up.

If you keep hitting that nerve, you don’t know what you’d unearth.

I agree with your speculation; he has probably been angry with her for quite a while.

But I think it's up to him to make his feelings known...how can you get so wound up to the point where literally anything the person says blows you up

It's not healthy at all...

Anyway we still don't have enough information. The OP is still in danger going by this incident alone

Mrsprissy:
Good evening my brothers and sisters in the house. First , I am not a troll . I've been a member on NL since 2008 and am very active, but I prefer using a new account for my story to seek advice and also learn from other experienced people in this great group.

On christmas day hubby and I were invited to attend a special dinner at his friend's house and I picked a nice outfit for him to wear on the day, he wore another outfit, a t shirt and jeans his every day clothes so I asked him politely to go and change, he got angry at me and told me to keep quiet and he went inside.

He was in our room for an hour while the kids and I were still waiting for him, I even sent the kids in their room to play, he later came out he only changed his top but didn't changed the trousers and trainers. I had decided not to say anything for peace to reign, so as we were leaving, I asked him if we could take a family picture, he just snapped and slapped me and started beating me up so badly, he only stopped because my children were screaming and crying for him to stop.

I am so pained because before the incident happened, we were fine, no quarrel at all, I just don't understand his reasons for beating me like this and I swear to God, I didn't say something to make him this angry, he left me there and went out, his friend later called to know if we were still coming because he couldn't reach hubby on the phone, I told him we are coming.

I cleaned myself, changed my clothes and I left with the kids to his friend's house, to my surprise he was already there, we acted like everything was normal and I tried hard to stop tears coming because I was in pained.

For the past 3 days he has been acting as if I did wronged him, he doesn't talk to me, he doesn't eat my foods and he left the room and he is now sleeping in our son's room. I just don't know what to do again

I'll wait till I hear from the husband too. Women are devils.

vanity upon vanity

You need to reset him.

Arrange guys to help you beat him up very well.


And you will be the same one to help him use hot water and balm to massage. That way, you will get closer again

thorpido:
That must be his own way of celebrating Christmas with you.

Some people dey talk Sha.. see comment

Cutehector:
Not that I am supporting him for hitting you ooo.. Never. But take a look at your words


You asked him to take a family picture and he snapped and slapped you just like that? I sha know that women are very good at removing a lot of details when narrating their own side of the story.

On no account should a man hit his wife papa. No matter what.

doitforyou:
You didn’t deserve to get beat up on Christmas Day.

Personally, I believe that anytime violence is introduced in a relationship, the relationship is done. It never happens only once especially when the abuser is not remorseful. It’s even worse that your children are exposed to violence.

If you apologize for being beaten or you entertain his silent treatment you’ve given him a green light for future beatings.

Instead of talking about abuser and abusee, why don't you examine her story properly... She told the man to snap a family picture and he started beating his wife.. doesn't that sound like some details were missing to you? What would warrant such an action when the man isn't suffering from mental illness...

Men are not monsters, it's just that a lot of women choose to demonize their men, leaving their own faults out of the story.

Its criminal to beat a woman but also its also criminal not to tell us the complete story
. Wenti u do? From ur story it's like this is the first time?.

So I believe u haven't told us went u did wrong.

Abi, ur husband is now a lunatic overnight?

Mrsprissy:
Good evening my brothers and sisters in the house. First , I am not a troll . I've been a member on NL since 2008 and am very active

For the past 3 days he has been acting as if I did wronged him, he doesn't talk to me, he doesn't eat my foods and he left the room and he is now sleeping in our son's room. I just don't know what to do again

He has made a discovery about one of your past secret o... It could be true or false but he just found out about one thing you never told him... Maybe one of the kids is not his or maybe someone slept with you.. Believe me it's a grave discovery... Try to find out

Talk to him unpolitely this time may be he will return to his normal senses...

If this is his first time of beating you up - meet him, negotiate with him for peace to reign