I married last year. My wife is a choleric just like myself.she is the type that will not tolerate mistakes from me, if i don't keep things in their position, then hell will let loose,she hardly 'respects' me, she behaves independently and when i threaten divorce, she will say i should do it fast, because of her attitude i hardly give her money, when she demands for money, i will ask her, what of your salary, she will tell me that its my responsibility to give her money for somethings irrespective of her personal earnings. Meanwhile she never brings any money on the table for the family upkeep, i foot the bills :rentage,food,nepa, etc. I stopped buying clothes, etc for her since she put up those attitudes that piss me off. Infact i just don't love her again, we argue a lot except i just lock myself up in one room which is my new method now. Pls experienced advice needed

The marriage is just one year and we 'hate each other', will it be possible for the old love we had before wedding to come back.pls if u know a similar case, share it here pls
Honestly i passively want the marriage to .....

juiicii:
will it be possible for the old love we had before wedding to come back..

Yes

Immaturity at play . Yes, keep working at it


Meanwhile, NL association of advicers(NLAA), your advices are needed here

juiicii:
I married last year. My wife is a choleric just like myself.she is the type that will not tolerate mistakes from me, if i don't keep things in their position, then hell will let loose,she hardly 'respects' me, she behaves independently and when i threaten divorce, she will say i should do it fast, because of her attitude i hardly give her money, when she demands for money, i will ask her, what of your salary, she will tell me that its my responsibility to give her money for somethings irrespective of her personal earnings. Meanwhile she never brings any money on the table for the family upkeep, i foot the bills :rentage,food,nepa, etc. I stopped buying clothes, etc for her since she put up those attitudes that piss me off. Infact i just don't love her again, we argue a lot except i just lock myself up in one room which is my new method now. Pls experienced advice needed

Just imagine the sense of entitlement. So disgusting!

This mentality right here is what makes the average Nigerian woman a completely useless non-entity who is undeserving of love, loyalty or respect.

I dont blame them sha.. it's some of these lilly-livered beta simps we call 'men' in the society who have done a fantastic job in convincing foolish women that they deserve the world simply because of that putrid GUTTER in between their legs

if she does all those things you just outlined, then SUE HER!!!. Like one sage once asked, if they can do this when the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?. If she gives you any child then you are finished.
Better talk to her parents or complain to your parents. in-short call a family meeting, this case needs more than a third party to settle.
Abeg make una no kill meoooo

make una just end d marriage....nothing come out.

U know u are both choleric so why did u still marry her to start spewing rubbish now?
No 1 mistake by you.

Whatever u accuse your wife of doing, u do the same.
Why are u absorbing yourself of any wrong?

I have noticed that to every story here, the person always like to paint him/herself as saint that always married the devil.

Anyway, choleric personality have weak points and soft spots. Look for her weak point and get through her.
Also check her secondary temperament, u 2 May differ and look out for her strong points and encourage her through those strong points. Never ever cage a choleric. Give her maximum freedom and support and watch her relax. When she is relaxed, she will give you her best
Female choleric are very faithful and supportive. Tell us what u did or said that made her react this way.
Words are very important to u guys and u know it


There is one major thing couples that want to marry don't ever look into and that is how the intended spouse lived his or life during their formative yrs.
This to a major extent is what determines who will be as an adult.

once there is no respect in marriage again, then that marriage is heading to the rock


with time love dies out, especially when what you love in her is fading away.

may be you guys need beneficial mediation.

remember communication is important.

Nothing wrong sir.

Two cholerics will have to work hard at making a marriage work.

My husband is a very annoying choleric and am phelgmatic. Despite being phelgmatic i still find him very annoying most times.

I know how cholerics behave. Their opinions rule, whatever you think you have to say is zero.


Since your also choleric, look at it from this angle.
How do you want to be treated when you are angry?
How do you want to be spoken to?
Generally, how do you want people around you to behave so as not to upset you.
What would a partner do to make you feel happy and loved.

Ponder on these things and start doing them to her.

sassysure:
U know u are both choleric so why did u still marry her to start spewing rubbish now?
No 1 mistake by you.

Whatever u accuse your wife of doing, u do the same.
Why are u absorbing yourself of any wrong?

I have noticed that to every story here, the person always like to paint him/herself as saint that always married the devil.

Anyway, choleric personality have weak points and soft spots. Look for her weak point and get through her.
Also check her secondary temperament, u 2 May differ and look out for her strong points and encourage her through those strong points. Never ever cage a choleric. Give her maximum freedom and support and watch her relax. When she is relaxed, she will give you her best
Female choleric are very faithful and supportive. Tell us what u did or said that made her react this way.
Words are very important to u guys and u know it


There is one major thing couples that want to marry don't ever look into and that is how the intended spouse lived his or life during their formative yrs.
This to a major extent is what determines who will be as an adult.

hear this

juiicii:
I married last year. My wife is a choleric just like myself.she is the type that will not tolerate mistakes from me, if i don't keep things in their position, then hell will let loose,she hardly 'respects' me, she behaves independently and when i threaten divorce, she will say i should do it fast, because of her attitude i hardly give her money, when she demands for money, i will ask her, what of your salary, she will tell me that its my responsibility to give her money for somethings irrespective of her personal earnings. Meanwhile she never brings any money on the table for the family upkeep, i foot the bills :rentage,food,nepa, etc. I stopped buying clothes, etc for her since she put up those attitudes that piss me off. Infact i just don't love her again, we argue a lot except i just lock myself up in one room which is my new method now. Pls experienced advice needed

it is normal, the masks are off. Dont always try to assert your authority. your wife is a human not a door mat. use wisdom to follow her. dont always expect her to bring to the table, continue to provide for the family. when she starts screaming, move away from the situation that doesnt mean you should not also register your displeasure when you are pissed. summary, marriage is hard work, you and your wife should come to a compromise to make it successful.

Two Cholerics? Fireworks!

"One problem with people of this temperament is that they struggle to accept anything perceived as criticism. If they are criticized or even simply opposed, they will confront people and try to dominate those who they received criticism from. They will try to win through loudness and intimidation"

I suggest you both go for couples therapy.

This Marriage shouldn't have held in the first place.

When you discovered both of you are choleric without intention of adapting to this union called marriage, the best option would have been to let go. But you managed it.

Well, it has be. First, I think you guys should sit down as Adult (oga go and meet her) and ask yourselves if you truly want this marriage to work.

Then develop a heart to heart template that works for your communication, finances and others.

Stick to that template until it becomes part of you.
Lastly, if you are a religious person, make the holy book a standard for living. I can tell you, it helps.

Please don't join the list of divorce.
All the best.

A few problems are obvious here.

First, you never discussed financial contribution before entering the union. This is wrong. It is important for intending couples to cooperate financially, and to set budgets for their lifestyle together. If you do it alone, then there's an obvious communication gap between the two of you.

An adult must take certain responsibilities not withstanding their gender. An understanding must exist for a balanced relationship.

Secondly, your wife might be a Choleric, but she will also be a mix of temperaments with the Choleric as the major temperament, while a different temperament operates in the background. Find out what her other interests are, and work on drawing her minor temperament out. Does she like tv, art or sports? What does she like to do for relaxation? You need to know this and work on building a relaxed atmosphere in your home.

You didn't mention the mistakes you made. Were they financial, moral or behavioural ? Sit your wife down and reason with her. Everyone makes mistakes and it is our ability to accept others mistakes that shows maturity.

Marriage is hard work bro, don't think it is easy for anyone. It is what you put into your marriage in terms of communication, cooperation, and coordination that will yield positive results for you.

I can't compromise my happiness for someone else


@op it's better you deeevorce her because the future is not bright

juiicii:
I married last year. My wife is a choleric just like myself.she is the type that will not tolerate mistakes from me, if i don't keep things in their position, then hell will let loose,she hardly 'respects' me, she behaves independently and when i threaten divorce, she will say i should do it fast, because of her attitude i hardly give her money, when she demands for money, i will ask her, what of your salary, she will tell me that its my responsibility to give her money for somethings irrespective of her personal earnings. Meanwhile she never brings any money on the table for the family upkeep, i foot the bills :rentage,food,nepa, etc. I stopped buying clothes, etc for her since she put up those attitudes that piss me off. Infact i just don't love her again, we argue a lot except i just lock myself up in one room which is my new method now. Pls experienced advice needed

the nerve


Bro divorce it immediately, we dey your back

No disrespect, rude, irritating attitude will be tolerated

DIVORCE her now bro, you will appreciate it

At this stage why will you be threatening divorce over mere verbal insubordination?

It shows that you need to work on your self, your expectations in your marriage, and communicate expectations of your spouse to her.

juiicii:
I married last year. My wife is a choleric just like myself.she is the type that will not tolerate mistakes from me, if i don't keep things in their position, then hell will let loose,she hardly 'respects' me, she behaves independently and when i threaten divorce, she will say i should do it fast, because of her attitude i hardly give her money, when she demands for money, i will ask her, what of your salary, she will tell me that its my responsibility to give her money for somethings irrespective of her personal earnings. Meanwhile she never brings any money on the table for the family upkeep, i foot the bills :rentage,food,nepa, etc. I stopped buying clothes, etc for her since she put up those attitudes that piss me off. Infact i just don't love her again, we argue a lot except i just lock myself up in one room which is my new method now. Pls experienced advice needed

She wasn't like this before marriage

There must have been some thing you did to her that she bent in taking her turn

A marriage without respect is like rival's sharing same apartments

You guts need to be separated for a while and see if you think you need to come back

She us nit scared of divorce because probably she is not even enjoying you irbtge marriage

If you are tough on her, you can only build her tougher

But then sut her do and ask her what's the problem, she has a lot to say and be ready to listen to her

Not just listening, there are some things you did to her years back, she is still holding it against you

If after her complaints, it's something you can treat, pls do and you guys will move on

Stop taking her for granted , she needs respect too

Treat her like a woman and her madness will be tamed

It is well...may peace be unto the land for it looks like the devil is out to destroy the heartbeat of the society...family.

You knew what you were getting yourself into b|c these attitudes are too prominent to miss during courtship and these are things nobody develops overnight, meaning she was like these then and you must've noticed them then. Stay in your marriage and make it work.

freecocoahubby:


Just imagine the sense of entitlement. So disgusting!

This mentality right here is what makes the average Nigerian woman a completely useless non-entity who is undeserving of love, loyalty or respect.

I dont blame them sha.. it's some of these lilly-livered beta simps we call 'men' in the society who have done a fantastic job in convincing foolish women that they deserve the world simply because of that putrid GUTTER in between their legs

Are the insults really necessary?

People are talking divorce already. What happened to seeing a counsellor?
This our generation sha..we're like a spoilt child who instead changing the batteries of his tired toy car, smashes and destroys it cos it wouldn't work. Let's try the "Fix" option before we destroy naa.

What were you both discussing during your courtship days? There are some issues that should have been trashed out while dating so that you know you are on the same page.

Pavore9:
Two Cholerics? Fireworks!

"One problem with people of this temperament is that they struggle to accept anything perceived as criticism. If they are criticized or even simply opposed, they will confront people and try to dominate those who they received criticism from. They will try to win through loudness and intimidation"

I suggest you both go for couples therapy.

wat de meaning of DAT?

juiicii:
I married last year. My wife is a choleric just like myself.she is the type that will not tolerate mistakes from me, if i don't keep things in their position, then hell will let loose,she hardly 'respects' me, she behaves independently and when i threaten divorce, she will say i should do it fast, because of her attitude i hardly give her money, when she demands for money, i will ask her, what of your salary, she will tell me that its my responsibility to give her money for somethings irrespective of her personal earnings. Meanwhile she never brings any money on the table for the family upkeep, i foot the bills :rentage,food,nepa, etc. I stopped buying clothes, etc for her since she put up those attitudes that piss me off. Infact i just don't love her again, we argue a lot except i just lock myself up in one room which is my new method now. Pls experienced advice needed

u are d man of d house u need to proove DAT.how can u have a wife who refuse to respect u and shout at u.do she still Cook or wash for u.do u still sex each oda. u paid her brideprice so u are in control.I think she is wicked she got her own money yet want to keep collecting from u. I think u mess up from d start of d marriage wen u start to collect rubbish from her have u ever dicipline her before? I keep saying it is bad to beat woman but is necessary sometimes. d way I see it she dont respect ur family.guy next time u quarell u dicipline her not too much to injure her did u know as shes crying u walk out for like 10 mins.
then u come back and apologized to her.she will still be forming. u now beg her well.she will accept.explain to her why u beat and DAT u feel sad for doing DAT.u take her to eatry later.and have mind blowing sex wen u get back.ur family will be stronger.pls dont listen to anyone who say u shd divorce ur wife. send ur email bro I wish we can chat inboxly

Honestly you most likely to see the real woman you got married to after marriage.... my advice is that you keep doing what you ought to do as a man.... that way nobody will fault you....

jakandeola:
u are d man of d house u need to proove DAT.how can u have a wife who refuse to respect u and shout at u.do she still Cook or wash for u.do u still sex each oda. u paid her brideprice so u are in control.I think she is wicked she got her own money yet want to keep collecting from u. I think u mess up from d start of d marriage wen u start to collect rubbish from her have u ever dicipline her before? I keep saying it is bad to beat woman but is necessary sometimes. d way I see it she dont respect ur family.guy next time u quarell u dicipline her not too much to injure her did u know as shes crying u walk out for like 10 mins.
then u come back and apologized to her.she will still be forming. u now beg her well.she will accept.explain to her why u beat and DAT u feel sad for doing DAT.u take her to eatry later.and have mind blowing sex wen u get back.ur family will be stronger.pls dont listen to anyone who say u shd divorce ur wife. send ur email bro I wish we can chat inboxly

So she should still cook daily and wash for him and do other things a woman is supposed to do at home and also be providing money for him at the same time as Co breadwinner?

As for the rest of your post about beating women, I hope you give your daughters husband the same advice.

jakandeola:
wat de meaning of DAT?

Meaning of what?

Pavore9:
Two Cholerics? Fireworks!

"One problem with people of this temperament is that they struggle to accept anything perceived as criticism. If they are criticized or even simply opposed, they will confront people and try to dominate those who they received criticism from. They will try to win through loudness and intimidation"

I suggest you both go for couples therapy.

This is so true... They try to seek public comfort by speaking ill about the opposing force.... They never admit the fact that they themselves were at fault... Always domineering and its very much annoying if you are in a relationship with them.

My uncle marraige is like this but more fierce because they go physical and destroy things, just yesterday phones got spoiled. I'm seriously contemplating on just having a baby mama next year, after breastfeeding my baby for 2 years I collect my child and give to my mom. Marraige is scary.