How can we convince our mother to let go of 2 or 3 of her grandchild out of 4 to any one instead of she suffering herself.. This matter is so much that my younger brother & I are losing it. She keep borrowing and borrowing and the creditors always call us to ask for their debt. Mum is so stubborn and too sturborn to let go of any. Abt d 4 kids, their parents aren't 2geda.
We can't save much due to this her problem of debt debt debt debt.


Pls advise me

My brother...those kids are her joy at the moment, any attempt to take anyone away from her is tantamount to stealing her joy and state of happiness. Allow her to be, just don't give more than you can. I suggest all of you should come together and place her on a monthly salary, and inform her that she is on her own if she spends more than that.

Lalasticala Pls help me move to front page..

I will be available to answer any questions as long as you give me a viable option and advice.Pls I am not begging for anyone money, no money is needed.

Cc: Lalasticala socialmediaman vickydankal wiseandtrue imalma1 bola146 fatymore and others I didn't mention

Pls wise people, I need ur counsel

Skyfornia:
My brother...

Yes Bro.. U can ask ur questions.. I posted the long story but I was banned for anti-spam... So I made it in a brief form but any questions will be answered.

Pls i don't need money ooooo.. Pls note that

You and your brother should set up a business for her so she can be taking care of the grandchildren from there.

Taking them away may not be a realistic option.
The more realistic option is to come up with a financial plan for her and the children and also have a word with your mother about managing her finances.

The major things will be their schooling expenses and feeding.Have a budget for that and bring every one of your siblings to contribute.Try to make THEIR parents too to make substantial contributions.

Skyfornia:
My brother...those kids are her joy at the moment, any attempt to take anyone away from her is tantamount to stealing her joy and state of happiness. Allow her to be, just don't give more than you can. I suggest all of you should come together and place her on a monthly salary, and inform her that she is on her own if she spends more than that.

Lemme explain guys, first thank you all.

Out of 5 kids, my younger Bro n I being the 5th n 4th respectively, her first born (Wale) is more like a loss.. When he has money, he didn't take care of our mother n us.. He took care of his wife family and 2kids.. He is a good shoe maker, as in like talented one but his attitude of drinking alcohol ruined him. He collected money for shoe n wunt do it for the customers. People like him but he gave himself up for hatred.. He is almost ruined now and his 2 kids stays with my mother.

My mother lives in a shop with 4kids and recently, my elder brother wale has been pursued from a church he stays coz he drinks too much. He too don move in with mama for small shop dey sleep. Imagine, my brother is jst 24 n a surviving tailor trying to gain his stand, for me, I just finish degree and abt to serve..

Sir we are tired

Davash222:
You and your brother should set up a business for her so she can be taking care of the grandchildren from there.

Guys I love u all. Thanks for ur concern

She live in a shop dt she sell bread, egg and mineral in a petty way sha. But 4 kids is too much. It's a petty market n she keep borrowing and running into debt everyday.

1st born wale is utterly useless. I'm sorry to say this. 2 kids from him stay with mom plus him recently for a shop oo, wife don run go back to her village remarry..

2nd born kunle is missing since 2010.. He shud have been our benefactor but one day, he was missing till date. Whether dead or alive, we don't know. That alone made my mom almost crazy coz she spent her fortune visiting men of God and doing some things to find her son back. His only daughter stays with mom.. Wife don go remarry after waiting for years for her missing husband and no hope again


3rd born shade is trying though but she is not well too. One of her kids stay with mom though the dad of that particular kid caters for his daughter with mum

4th born: Me and 5th my younger bro

thorpido:
Taking them away may not be a realistic option.
The more realistic option is to come up with a financial plan for her and the children and also have a word with your mother about managing her finances.

The major things will be their schooling expenses and feeding.Have a budget for that and bring every one of your siblings to contribute.Try to make THEIR parents too to make substantial contributions.

We never settle sef.. Abt to serve n Bro is a hustling tailor.. We just need her to let go of 2 or 3.. One is okay for her to take care.. Just one or two is much okay than 4..

We never even get money sef but when I was in school, I send almost all my allowances of 3k to 5k to her..

I can't be in school and my mother is sick, need money, in debt and I will act unconcerned but it's killing me

RiyadhGoddess:
Waoooh.
You want mama to let go of her grand children like seriously?
Why don't you do it this way, empower your mother. You and your siblings should come together and empower your mother. Establish a business for her and then watch her cater for herself and grandchildren without any disturbances or debt.
Please don't force her to let go of those beautiful kids ooo.

Empower Ke, we are still struggling sef.... Read my other mention on people comment...

We are doing our best but it's not enough.. 4 kids responsibilities is too much.. Mama even looks old than she is..

Gone are the days when mama was strong and financially okay.. My elder brother wale and missing brother kunle plunge her into a big debt of her life and she hasn't recover from it since. She has a business dt she has been doing. Petty market sha


We don't av money for another big business, we dey bustle & hustle to eat sef...

OP are you ok?! Let them go to who?! To go and serve as house helps right? So with all the news of child abuse and death going around a supposedly educated person still want to “let go” of his minor relations to “anyone”.


Your mother knows what she’s avoiding.

Mymynd4u:


Empower Ke, we are still struggling sef.... Read my other mention on people comment...

We are doing our best but it's not enough.. 4 kids responsibilities is too much.. Mama even looks old than she is..

Gone are the days when mama was strong and financially okay.. My elder brother wale and missing brother kunle plunge her into a big debt of her life and she hasn't recover from it since. She has a business dt she has been doing. Petty market sha


We don't av money for another big business, we dey bustle & hustle to eat sef...

When I say empower, I don't mean multi million or thousands business. Get her a small business to do. If she already have one, expand that same one or she changes it into another if it's not doing well.
Those kids are your blood ooo. Your niece and nephew. Do to them what you want others to do to your children. Nobody know tomorrow ooo.

Mymynd4u:


We never settle sef.. Abt to serve n Bro is a hustling tailor.. We just need her to let go of 2 or 3.. One is okay for her to take care.. Just one or two is much okay than 4..

We never even get money sef but when I was in school, I send almost all my allowances of 3k to 5k to her..

I can't be in school and my mother is sick, need money, in debt and I will act unconcerned but it's killing me

Hmmm,the status of your siblings won't help matters.smh
Is there a way to make the mothers of these kids contribute too?Do you have their contacts?

How do people know they have kids somewhere and live unbothered about their welfare?

Mymynd4u:


Lemme explain guys, first thank you all.

Out of 5 kids, my younger Bro n I being the 5th n 4th respectively, her first born (Wale) is more like a loss.. When he has money, he didn't take care of our mother n us.. He took care of his wife family and 2kids.. He is a good shoe maker, as in like talented one but his attitude of drinking alcohol ruined him. He collected money for shoe n wunt do it for the customers. People like him but he gave himself up for hatred.. He is almost ruined now and his 2 kids stays with my mother.

My mother lives in a shop with 4kids and recently, my elder brother wale has been pursued from a church he stays coz he drinks too much. He too don move in with mama for small shop dey sleep. Imagine, my brother is jst 24 n a surviving tailor trying to gain his stand, for me, I just finish degree and abt to serve..

Sir we are tired

Goodness gracious!... Your family needs deliverance I must say... Especially the wale... Your mom lives in a shop? How old is wale?

Mehn this disheartening... Don't take the kids away from her.. If y'all can even move her out from that shop.. What about the children's mom(s) ... Things are happening in this life oo...

This is an easy problem to solve.

Leave the children with her. Just settle her existing debts and put her on a steady income that will keep her debt free and the children comfortable.

Mymynd4u:
How can we convince our mother to let go of 2 or 3 of her grandchild out of 4 to any one instead of she suffering herself.. This matter is so much that my younger brother & I are losing it. She keep borrowing and borrowing and the creditors always call us to ask for their debt. Mum is so stubborn and too sturborn to let go of any. Abt d 4 kids, their parents aren't 2geda.
We can't save much due to this her problem of debt debt debt debt.


Pls advise me

I don't understand. You want her to abandon her grandchildren? Will you take care of them for her?

Nawa!

Mymynd4u:


...

her first born (Wale) is more like a loss.. When he has money, he didn't take care of our mother n us.. He took care of his wife family and 2kids.. He is a good shoe maker, as in like talented one but his attitude of drinking alcohol ruined him. He collected money for shoe n wunt do it for the customers. People like him but he gave himself up for hatred.. He is almost ruined now and his 2 kids stays with my mother.

...

Mymynd4u:

...

1st born wale is utterly useless. I'm sorry to say this. 2 kids from him stay with mom plus him recently for a shop oo, wife don run go back to her village remarry..

...

So after everything you elder brother did for her and her family, she later abandoned him after you brother lost his job, Dear men hope you are seeing this, the people telling you to cut off your family because you are married, once things go south, they'd abandon you and you will be left with nothing but the same family you abandoned.

OP, there is nothing much you can do, try and stock mama's shop, you can't leave her now, what about your elder brother, you guys should look for way to help him start his shoe business again, he should move to a new location, but only do that when you noticed a change in behavior.

Wishing your family all the best.

Efewestern:




So after everything you elder brother did for her and her family, she later abandoned him after you brother lost his job, Dear men hope you are seeing this, the people telling you to cut off your family because you are married, once things go south, they'd abandon you and you will be left with nothing but the same family you abandoned.

OP, there is nothing much you can do, try and stock mama's shop, you can't leave her now, what about your elder brother, you guys should look for way to help him start his shoe business again, he should move to a new location, but only do that when you noticed a change in behavior.

Wishing your family all the best.

Hmmm exactly my thoughts too. God bless you for r this. Honestly Family is everything in life. At the end of the day, only one's family will be worth it.

MISTAICEY02288:


Hmmm exactly my thoughts too. God bless you for r this. Honestly Family is everything in life. At the end of the day, only one's family will be worth it.

I tell you, come rain come shine, they are there, especially mothers, most men always make this mistake, sometimes if you see the way they maltreat their own extended family because they are now married, you'd be shocked.

At the end of the day, only few wives will stick with you if things get difficult, but there is high probability that your own family won't abandon you, as you take care of your wife, don't forget to do same to those who made you YOU.

Look at OP's mom, despite having less, she didn't disown her son and grandchildren, instead she is even borrowing to feed those kids... and the wife? grooving with another man.

Mymynd4u:
How can we convince our mother to let go of 2 or 3 of her grandchild out of 4 to any one instead of she suffering herself.. This matter is so much that my younger brother & I are losing it. She keep borrowing and borrowing and the creditors always call us to ask for their debt. Mum is so stubborn and too sturborn to let go of any. Abt d 4 kids, their parents aren't 2geda.
We can't save much due to this her problem of debt debt debt debt.


Pls advise me

What I can advise you to do is to give your grandma what you can afford, let her understand your income. Contact the parents of the kids now... what if they don't have any grandma Let her know you love her and the kids but you are still struggling, please

Does your mum think she will be able to train 4grand children till they become grown adults, will she be able to educate them or assist them to learn a trade? Or she wants to send them away much later in future? The earlier she sends the kids back to their parents, the better for her. She should send the kids to their parents, however you guys can support from time to time if you are capable.

Mymynd4u:


Lemme explain guys, first thank you all.

Out of 5 kids, my younger Bro n I being the 5th n 4th respectively, her first born (Wale) is more like a loss.. When he has money, he didn't take care of our mother n us.. He took care of his wife family and 2kids.. He is a good shoe maker, as in like talented one but his attitude of drinking alcohol ruined him. He collected money for shoe n wunt do it for the customers. People like him but he gave himself up for hatred.. He is almost ruined now and his 2 kids stays with my mother.

My mother lives in a shop with 4kids and recently, my elder brother wale has been pursued from a church he stays coz he drinks too much. He too don move in with mama for small shop dey sleep. Imagine, my brother is jst 24 n a surviving tailor trying to gain his stand, for me, I just finish degree and abt to serve..

Sir we are tired

RiyadhGoddess:



When I say empower, I don't mean multi million or thousands business. Get her a small business to do. If she already have one, expand that same one or she changes it into another if it's not doing well.
Those kids are your blood ooo. Your niece and nephew. Do to them what you want others to do to your children. Nobody know tomorrow ooo.

U think it's easy to run a biz even a petty one?

Somebody who don't know how to save will still squander multibillion naira biz set up.

Not to talk of an old woman.

The emphasis here is old.

The children especially the parents are one ungrateful bunch.

Bundle the kids to their parents or better still involve both parents. When those kids will become somebody tomorrow, it's still the same parents that will claim my child my child and mama will be no more.

The moment u become a parent,u have the responsibility to train that child. It is your obligation.

As for the children being mama joy, far from it. They are actually a burden
That mama will live longer without them in her life. She has passed that virile age according to the @op which happens to be her child so he knew better.

One child is already a big headache not to talk of 4 without assistance.
They want to kill her?

Age and motherhood is what made her keep those children.
Irresponsible parents everywhere

UjuJoan2:


I don't understand. You want her to abandon her grandchildren? Will you take care of them for her?

Nawa!

She is old. 4 grandchildren will drain her life.

The parents should take responsibility.

If she is not there, what happens?


One day she will slump and die.

As young as we are, it's very hard already taking care of 2 or 3 with help from husband and househelp etc not to talk of aged mother.

Her problem doesn't stop in borrowing and borrowing but her blood pressure too.
They are great burden.
Person way born pikin should take care of his child.
Mama no come this world to suffer till she kpeme.
It is false joy. Let's not sugarcoat it.

Had she refused, the parents must sit up. It's because they have her that's why they all relaxed. Let them sort out their mess and let that mama be. Imagine, she is even living in a shop. They even failed her too.
Tomorrow, another one will bring another child join.

Efewestern:




So after everything you elder brother did for her and her family, she later abandoned him after you brother lost his job, Dear men hope you are seeing this, the people telling you to cut off your family because you are married, once things go south, they'd abandon you and you will be left with nothing but the same family you abandoned.

OP, there is nothing much you can do, try and stock mama's shop, you can't leave her now, what about your elder brother, you guys should look for way to help him start his shoe business again, he should move to a new location, but only do that when you noticed a change in behavior.

Wishing your family all the best.

..
The man became irresponsible and an alcoholic..
What do u expect her do?

Was this the only thing you got from the story? A foolish man married a foolish woman, that's a fair one.

Efewestern:




So after everything you elder brother did for her and her family, she later abandoned him after you brother lost his job, Dear men hope you are seeing this, the people telling you to cut off your family because you are married, once things go south, they'd abandon you and you will be left with nothing but the same family you abandoned.

OP, there is nothing much you can do, try and stock mama's shop, you can't leave her now, what about your elder brother, you guys should look for way to help him start his shoe business again, he should move to a new location, but only do that when you noticed a change in behavior.

Wishing your family all the best.

Mymynd4u:


Guys I love u all. Thanks for ur concern

She live in a shop dt she sell bread, egg and mineral in a petty way sha. But 4 kids is too much. It's a petty market n she keep borrowing and running into debt everyday.

1st born wale is utterly useless. I'm sorry to say this. 2 kids from him stay with mom plus him recently for a shop oo, wife don run go back to her village remarry..

2nd born kunle is missing since 2010.. He shud have been our benefactor but one day, he was missing till date. Whether dead or alive, we don't know. That alone made my mom almost crazy coz she spent her fortune visiting men of God and doing some things to find her son back. His only daughter stays with mom.. Wife don go remarry after waiting for years for her missing husband and no hope again


3rd born shade is trying though but she is not well too. One of her kids stay with mom though the dad of that particular kid caters for his daughter with mum

4th born: Me and 5th my younger bro

The family look complicated .... There is need for serious deliverance prayers . Not fortune telling spiritualists they wil waste money and time

Uyi168:
..
The man became irresponsible and an alcoholic..
What do u expect her do?

When she was lavishing the man's money, she never knew he was alcoholic right? why didn't the said wife leave when she noticed the man's bad behavior, she had to wait for the man to get dry before running.

As the son is alcoholic, why didn't mama leave him and the grandchildren too? you aren't getting my points sir, some women are only with men when things are good, only your family will stay with you in both good and bad times, so make sure you help them, that's the message I'm trying to pass.

missimelda01:
Was this the only thing you got from the story? A foolish man married a foolish woman, that's a fair one.

Nope, just advising my fellow men to never abandon home, as you provide for your immediate family, do not forget mama and papa, no matter how little it is.

Efewestern:


I tell you, come rain come shine, they are there, especially mothers, most men always make this mistake, sometimes if you see the way they maltreat their own extended family because they are now married, you'd be shocked.

At the end of the day, only few wives will stick with you if things get difficult, but there is high probability that your own family won't abandon you, as you take care of your wife, don't forget to do same to those who made you YOU.

Look at OP's mom, despite having less, she didn't disown her son and grandchildren, instead she is even borrowing to feed those kids... and the wife? grooving with another man.

That's just the way it is. You've said it all..

I’m so sorry to say, but I think this family is complicated. If I want to be religious i would say it has some spiritual implications. Back to the matter:

I think you didn’t furnished us with enough information.

Between, there’s almost nothing you could do to take away those kids from your mum. If you end up taking them away by force you may incur the wrath of your mum. There’s this level of love mothers transfer to their grandchildren because their own children is all grown up and nurtured, they won’t feel or appreciate much of the love, care and kindness of their mum.

But, grandchildren are still delicate, simple, loving, forgiving, forgetful and ignorant to an extent and what mothers do at the stage is highly effective and fulfilling.

I advice you to stop paying debts. Because if you pay someone’s bills or debts without giving them money to continue life, they will take fresh loan and continue the circle again.

Give her the money, make her as comfortable as you possibly can, by stocking her shop with goods and small money every now and then. I had a similar challenge with my mum Few years ago, we stop monthly upkeep and divided the month to weekly upkeep with stocking her shop. While at it, we were still praying and finding ways to convince her to return the child to the parents. Take it easy with the woman. She can’t let go of those children. Don’t use force on her to release them. Show the children as much love as your mum does and just a matter of time you will have a say.

This is my day!

Addition:
After going through the comments and OPs addendum. I must say your family needs deliverance and breakthrough. Any advice given here will require finances to enforce. God tells me, you are like a Moses in your family. Don’t end your quest for answers and solutions in Nairaland but in fasting, prayers and seeking help from your pastor. (That’s if you are a Christian) I can help you connect to Apostle Joshua Selman In Zaria Kaduna.

May God help your family. Try to put the children in skills aquisition centers ones they come back from school they go there. With this they will be able to be generating something to no matter how small. I know a 10 year old girl down my street who make hair for her fellow class mates and they pay her minimum of 200 naira per hair.

Mymynd4u:
How can we convince our mother to let go of 2 or 3 of her grandchild out of 4 to any one instead of she suffering herself.. This matter is so much that my younger brother & I are losing it. She keep borrowing and borrowing and the creditors always call us to ask for their debt. Mum is so stubborn and too sturborn to let go of any. Abt d 4 kids, their parents aren't 2geda.
We can't save much due to this her problem of debt debt debt debt.


Pls advise me

Leave her, she will collect the debt that will put her in jail

Then you guys will return the kids to either their fathers or mothers

It seems they don't want to take responsibility of their children even if they are from separated homes