Please, you'll recall that the trend of marriage is scarce nowadays. Men do not get married as before.

One may tend to think that it is the economy that put them in tight corner even when our ladies are saying money is not everything, that things can get better even after marriage for the "bible say who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from God".

Can the trend change if women are allowed to pay dowries for their would be husbands? I know of a country where this custom is being practised: Sri Lanka.

Please men and ladies of substance with unquestionable character, full of wisdom. What is your view? Let's get to talk.

What nonsense is that? I'd rather remain single for life. As a lady, I've got my dignity to defend.

Shoot!!!.. How will i pay my husbands dowry. What is dowry?? We ain't gon pay no dowry on whoever. Do they still do that dowry and goat and yam thing?? Great!

Aren't you a Nigerian or African rather. We still dey pay dowries ooo. They no go pay on you? Cho!

They do it in India (now a big problem http://www.asiaobserver.com/India-story2.htm ) & other Asian countries.

Sorry to say, but I dislike those people because they have no respect for their women. They are uncivilised! Women are the best creatures of God. The so-called male gender should accept that we (women) represent the earth, so we are to be honored.

Just because of the usually traditional way, I will feel odd paying for it now and in fact, it will look as if am marrying in the wrong way.

Dont u think it's silly encouraging such thing, even when a man is paying the dowry, he still dont appriciate his wife. Despite the money he paid on her, so what happen if the woman now pays the money, dont u think the man will not even care wat he dose at all, he might even tell the her to lye on the floor so dat he could walk on her

Wow this is a big deal and i'm not too sure if the people doing this really understands the point of a dowry. I guess it may mean something different to everyone.

From what I understand, the point of men paying a dowry is for him to demonstraight his ability to provide for his wife and family.
If women allow men to under cut this then I could only see them settling for less than what Allah has prescribed. A dowry is not just finanical it is supposed to be what ever the woman wants and her dowry should be within his means. If he is not very wealthy then her dowry should not be very expensive because she has to think about his current status and how her dowry cold possibly affect him. The dowry does not have to be paid right away, but it should be paid before the marriage takes place.

Some people use Prophet Mohammad and his first wife Khadijah as an excuse for women paying for dowrys. Khadijah was a very wealthy woman and the Prophet worked for her before they married but he still paid a dowry within his means as a demonstration of his ability to handle things.


I do not support the actions of women paying dowry and at the same time it is rightfully their choice. This just tells me more about the state of women & men in the world today. It's sad to me because the roles are being revesed and women have been oppressed for so long that lot's of us feel we have to prove a point to men. The point of being equal and able to provide. This is not right because women and men are equal in being creation but we are very different in our natures which seperates us in how we function on many levels. For me there is not point to prove because Allah never said that women can not provide for her family or handle manly functions, nor did he say that men were unable to handle women functions.  Allah gave us specific nature that we prodominatly function within for a specific reason.

I don't know but this is my take.


Keep it moving!!!!

Whether you guys like it or not, In countries like India, "Women would still pay dowries" . So the whole issue is more of culturally inclined. If the culture accomodates it, why not? if it doesnt, why should you encourage it?

I think cultures should be respected and left perfect, just the way they are, especially when it causes no harm, and nobody is complaining.

It is a matter of culture. The fact that you dont understand the culture doesnt mean you should insult it. In India and most of asia, the women pay the dowry. For my people, yoruba, most fathers dont accept it anymore, cos they'd tell you, am not selling my daughter. But of course you still bring the yam, bible and other stuff.

For the Ibos, they would collect it. In fact, I have a couple of ibo friends who refused to marry ibo girls cos they said they couldnt afford the dowry. As we speak, I have a yoruba guy who is getting married to an Ibo girl and the dowry thing is nearly killing his family.

Each to his own......you girls are just making mouth. If you fell in love with an Indian or pakistan man, believe me, you;d pay the dowry.

A Nigerian lady marrying an indian man, can't picture it, someone help me out? What happened to all the Nigerian fine boys?

It's not done in my place but I think a woman paying dowry to the man is the best thing for the man is doing the woman more favour than the woman is doing the man by marrying her.

For a Nigerian womana marrying India; well, my sister cannot marry an Indian and I will clap for her.

I almost laughed so hard when I read your post. You seem a little comfused about men doing a woman a favor by marrying her. Are you crazy? were you dropped on your head? lol. No but really How is that a good thing for a man by having a woman pay his way? If anything it seems as if it would take away from his credibility. Truthfully women respect men who hold their own. When a woman takes care of you she has little to know respect for you as a man and would more than likly look at you as if you were her property of play thing, unless she was a very different woman which is very rare. I do not have a problem with people's cultures if that's how they choose to function I'm just saying that it's not the original way that it was designed.

Kenya:

I do not have a problem with people's cultures if that's how they choose to function I'm just saying that it's not the original way that it was designed.

The original way that it was designed? Please go ahead and tell us the original way? Because frankly, there is no originality in present cultural practices to past cultural practices. All cultures have been just the way they are.

Although cultures have developed with time. Some Cultures have been dropped, especially the unnecessary harmful ones for example "The Yoruba inheritance system, whereby the child inherits his Fathers Wives, when the Father Dies (He becomes the Successor)", so please elaborate on what you meant by the original way that it was designed. And also who designed them?

Outside of ethnic or community culture there is a thing called human culture and Human nature which can be broken into specific genders as well.
Example: we all function on the same human ways of living. We use air for breathing, we use water for hydration and we use physical food to nurture our bodies and so on.

What I mean by Original is the natures that God created us in and with as man and woman.
He created men physically stronger than women for a reason. He created women to be delicate for a reason. It all ties into Gods original plan for man and woman.

What is his original plan? Well there's not a specific answer to that but we can assume the bottom line is to submitt to God's will no matter what. God's original plan doesn't mean that man and woman don't evolve, God wants us to evolve. But just because we evolve, discover and create new things in this world doesn't mean that our original natures change. We still have the same natures as humans and man and woman and those natures are still governed by the same principles that God created them with.
When we go against our natures we create bigger problems and go further away from what was intended.

My whole point is that we can have our cultures but our cultures must not conflict with the original culture of mankind as God has designed it.  Another example

There is a culture of men who love other men. The conflict is clear to me. Some may say that it's normal and it's their life. I would say Yes it's their life and it is normal to decide to be how you are but in retrospect according to the Original culture of man it's not normal. It conflicts with man's nature completely. He is imbalanced and UN-able to produce as a part of why he was put here. He's 100% masculine with out feminine balance of a natural woman.

How it relates to this topic. Men are originally the head providers of women so if she's the head provider then the roles are switched and there's an imbalance and it should conflict with both natures. But now a days men are so use to being treated like women and love for women to take care of them giving them the easy way out. The flip side is that women have been oppressed for so long or suffer the lost of our men in wars or more that we pick up the bill in striving to prove that we can handle things and take care of everything and he could play our roles until he ge's in together.
yet he can't nurse the children, nor can he deliver them from a womb that he doesn't have. 

I hope you get my point. Sorry if not this is the best i can do. Maybe someone who understand me can help you understand the point I'm making. We are all entitled to our opinions so I respect yours

Keep in mind that I live in America so my veiws are mostly based on my experiences here and the social and moral structure of this country with some global education.

Hello People, this is my first day here, so I'm still learning my way around the site

jogego:

... For my people, yoruba, most fathers don't accept it anymore, because they'd tell you, am not selling my daughter. But of course you still bring the yam, bible and other stuff.

For the Ibos, they would collect it. In fact, I have a couple of ibo friends who refused to marry ibo girls because they said they couldnt afford the dowry. As we speak, I have a yoruba guy who is getting married to an Ibo girl and the dowry thing is nearly killing his family.

Jogego seems to be generalizing a bit. I believe that some yoruba's as well as igbo's collect dowry and some igbo's and yoruba's do not collect dowry. Collection of dowry is prevalent where the family is impoverished.  Generally, where  the family is very well off, the father would most likely not be interested in collecting dowry from some 'young boy' that is just starting out.

As far as women paying dowry to men, I see no problem with that, just as long as the men agree to take the women's last names 

Dowry does not have anything to do with whether you are rich or poor. Its just a culture that we practise and it does makes the whole wedding process more fun and remarkable.

Dem the dowry drained me , and we had to go on garri for a month !!, Imagine

I don't mean to be a smart arse but a dowry is the opposite of a bride-price

dowry= money paid to groom's family

bride-price=money paid to bride's family

Ok thanks for that correction. But the message has been passed.

Idea is needed.

This is one of the many problems we have in many homes today which people re misunderstanding for age difference.How,for God's sake would a man allow a woman to pay the bride price which is his first responsibility as a man? No wonder,so many of our women today control their husbands.Why won't they when theyare the husbands? A man who can not afford the dowry is not yet matured to house a woman,and if she does that b'cos u don't have the money,then never complain when she begins to rule u.We,as men rule them b'cos we marry them-paying the dowry.We shold expect them to rule us if they marry us-paying the dowry; but that is a taboo!

A taboo here but a normal practice in other nations.

Whether dowry or bride-price. The practise of paying money to marry is a useless tradition to me. They've lost sight of d purpose. U pay to show how much u love your spouse but now its 4 buying your spouse..which is rubbish.
I don't like the idea 1 bit.

I am a American male who is currently in a serious relationship with a Nigerian (Yoruba) woman. We are serious about each other and marriage is on the horizon. I was recently told about the Dowry. Did not know it was still practice only in East Indian and Muslim cultures. Our circumstance are unusual her parents are gone and so are my parents. who does the Dowry go to?

To me
No it ususally goes to the male's in her current family
That would include brothers, uncles, and close cousins.
U be foreigner dont allow them to price to high
Brideprice is something that is supposed to be cultural, not a way of making money
but some tribes have changed it into a lucrative business whereby the chief is also entitled to a cut
one question why do mangu girls have such a high bride price?
i have always wondered?

Wow this is so stupid woman paying a dowry for a husband
This is America and men are to marry for love and when they divorce the woman take all the money and leave the husband with the shirt on his back. I guess this is how the American male pig is born. I who am an American pig would love to meet a rich foreign woman with a dowry.
At least when she leaves I could pay for food and not have to go the local food bank.

this is funny, me pay my own husband dowries??

it wasn't even that way in the bible. but if its practiced in some cultures oh well.

some does,some dont

darling

dont worry, trust me before that happens in igbo land chai,well heaven will fall down first.

It is very funny for a woman to pay her dowry or bride price as the case may be. In Nigeria, it is the duty of a man to pay for such. It is an issue of custom and not that the woman is being sold. It shows that the man cherishes his wife to be and will always strive to make her comfortable to the best of his ability. However the issue of whether to demand or accept such depends on the head of the lady's family. Some communities have even made it possible for it to be less stressful for the man by fixing a minimun. This is to make sure that finance did not hinder their children from finding suitors. My brother did not pay any money as dowry, not because he cannot but because his inlaw refused to accept that. He said that he was only interested in seeing his daughter live happily with her husband. However to me the duty of who provides the money depends on the individual. Unless the couple open their mouth very wide as long as they can keep it to themselves, I do not think there is any problem. But I will advice that the parties do a soul searching before embarking on such a venture. I have witnessed where a woman provided all the money for the marriage and today they are very happy couple, loving and caring.