you're a confused woman and should never had married. he doesn't love you more than your husband even if it looks that way. maybe you deserve him, two confused loosers. a dirty old fool, trying to sleep with a unintelligent confused woman if he's not done just that. i'm 47, when i first got married, it was also the period i was building my carrier, young families go trough that.get this to your scull, your husband loves you more than he.s showing. what you need to do is to pay more attention to your marriage. i also pray that my two sons will never meet a confused woman like you, and i wish you well

HARDDICK:

@poster:

Give your man sex for one to three times and see him get tired of you,and you will be in peace with your husband,he is disturbing you because he has not slept with you,also you accepting things from him without giving him sex is a SIN,how else can you pay him back for all the love and attention he is showing you? Are you that WICKED for not allowing him touch you? That alone will close the Gates of heaven on you.

Give him sex and tell him goodbye,that now he has tasted you and should move on as your married and sleeping with him as a married woman is the highest reciprocation any married woman can give a man,he will understand and when you give it to him make sure you do it really good and hot so that he won't see you and look at you again.

Wish you a sweet and memorable intimacy with him.

jas man:

you're a confused woman and should never had married. he doesn't love you more than your husband even if it looks that way. maybe you deserve him, two confused loosers. a dirty old fool, trying to sleep with a unintelligent confused woman if he's not done just that. i'm 47, when i first got married, it was also the period i was building my carrier, young families go trough that.get this to your scull, your husband loves you more than he.s showing. what you need to do is to pay more attention to your marriage. i also pray that my two sons will never meet a confused woman like you, and i wish you well

O'l boi jazzzzman dey vex no bi small

Anyway you are telling the truth

@ Poster,
sorry to sound this way but you need counselling!
A divorcee with no respect for the marrriage institution is hitting on you and you feeling all pulp?
Damn!
wish you mother-inlaw reads this

SMH i bet you wouldnt have the guts to tell your husband about this year long affair. Guilty arent you?

you are playing with fire, you may get burned but i pray you realize your mistakes

@poster be very careful or u will be doomed. I was also going to be in your shoes recently until I quickly retrace my steps. I wonder how a man can be this nice and his wife will still divorce him even after he begged her to stay. There is something seriously amiss here and if u look beyond your nose u will see it.

A man started off being good  customer then later mere friends with me which was cool with me, and he knew I was married cos he sees my ring and my baby is mostly with me when he comes around to buy some stuffs. He started coming often to buy things from me and was really behaving like a complete gentleman. some times he would strike a conversation, one day he jokingly(or so I thought) told me if  I wasnt married that he wouldnt think twice about getting married to me, he started recounting my attributes and he wouldnt mind getting acquainted with my sister if I have any.  I told him I have but am sure they might be interested.

He started recounting how he was in a middle of a messy divorce, hw is wife has been a bad woman, hw she nearly killed him and and paralysed him, that if not 4 God he would have been a dead man. that he is now in pastoral school. The man sounded convicing and I promised to talk to my sister who is a single mom (boy) about him. He was very happy (he too had a boy from his previous marriage).
My sister was not really interested, I persuaded her to meet him at least to  see hw things will play out. I told him about my sis and her son and he said that makes them two of a kind and that he is happy that my sis have some life's experience.

He came back for a feedback the following week and they were going to plan hw to meet one on one. The next time he came he reverted back to 'I wish all these was happening btw u and I', that since he already a boy he would prefer someone with a baby girl. To my surprise he started sweet talking me,  I was so angry  and asked if he realised that I am a married woman or does he want  me to divorce my husband and marry him? he cleverly avoided the question, he said being with him will make me happy. At this point I was so infuriated and told him never to come to my shop nor mention anything about this again that he should go and look 4 another woman with a baby girl elsewhere, I then called my sis to 4get about him.

A man that have always appeared to be a saint all along have been galavanting around town with different ladies, drinking alcohol while driving and he says he a pastor.  All these I never noticed about him, Goddd forbid.

@poster be careful this man might just be a devil

@ poster, the advise you are getting here are words of gold, i beg you to take them and severe all ties with him. It may seem painful but it won't kill you.
If you persist, you may loose the control you think you have and find yourself regretting. The man has no good intentions for you.

this your long story is getting me dizzy already.i'll cont. 2mrw ,,

Another sad story of dumb ungrateful women. . .

If the guy stays at home most of the time and isn't a good provider, he's called an irresponsible-lazy-good-for-nothing man.

If the guy works his slaves his butt off trying to give his family the good life and in the process of achieving this, he has to sacrifice his family time, he's called a terrible dad who doesn't make time for his wife and kids and as such, any rubbish the wife does during this time is entirely his FAULT! ! !

With all this nonsense going on, i still wonder why people bother getting married. The age old tradition/custom has lost it's usefulness. You can have kids without the bondage of marriage.

Haba!

@Poster

You are an ungrateful slut! ! !

harakiri:

Another sad story of dumb ungrateful women. . .

If the guy stays at home most of the time and isn't a good provider, he's called an irresponsible-lazy-good-for-nothing man.

If the guy works his slaves his butt off trying to give his family the good life and in the process of achieving this, he has to sacrifice his family time, he's called a terrible dad who doesn't make time for his wife and kids and as such, any rubbish the wife does during this time is entirely his FAULT! ! !

With all this nonsense going on, i still wonder why people bother getting married. The age old tradition/custom has lost it's usefulness. You can have kids without the bondage of marriage.

Haba!

@Poster

You are an ungrateful slut! ! !

@Harakiri ; Wasn't that a bit much?


@Poster; Have you ever heard of the 80/20 rule?
Please check it out before you do something stupid.

The thing is I would have loved to advice but experience has taught me that it is stupid to advice women and akin to using a sieve to gather water. Do what you want to do and get experience.

You obviously came here to gather support for whatever action you want to take. Go ahead and do it and stop wasting our time. The marriage was doomed from the time you didn't kick your male friend to the curb. I agree with harakiri.

If however you want to listen - this is what I would do.

- Get on your knees and pray. You made a vow before GOD and man and I can tell you for free that you have broken it. You dont have to have sex to commit adultery.
- Tell the male friend to beat it.
- Submit to your husband and love him more.

However it is up to you.

Like so many people here have adviced correctly, I believe u already know the part to follow;
Your dilemma as it were is really one of the following;

1. How to break up with this older dude without coming out as being too harsh,bad or ungrateful. ( Like u explained- anytime u do it, it translates to more gifts. . . which u take!)

2. You really love him more than you do love your husband (Even thou u don't want to admit this) and u need justification to go on with it!

Hopefully, if it's number 1 then tell him you told your husband or your husband found out somehow about him, explaining that he gave u an ultimatum- to continue with your marriage or sever all ties/affiliation with him. Tell him you CHOSE YOUR HUSBAND, and u are"sorry" you want your marriage to last. This way nobody is hurt and your aim is achieved.
Well if it's number 2. . . then u are on your own, Just a matter of time before u realise what his ex wive saw dat u haven't seen.

@poster, just get pregnant for your husband ofcourse and make sure that 10 months after delivery you are carrying another pregnancy. your Mr. man (do good) will forget about a certain pretty chic now with sagging bosoms and body full of strecth marks.

damisire:

But truly all this yrs, I must av fallen in love with him too. I luv my husband too and he is d man I got married to and stlii love to be with but truly I know dis man shows me more love.
If my car breaks down in d middle of 3rd mainland aqnd I call my husband and call him too. I’m 100% sure, he’ll get there first. I’m not deceiving myself, he is d kind of guy that can take a bullet for me.
I considered d possibility of marring him before I got married. I jokingly told my folks and they all said No, as per older man with kids, u know. He’s met some of my siblings but just as a nice uncle and I think he still calls them.
Pls advise, wt can I do now??

@ OP, You just registered on NL only to post this?
Maybe you are reading the comments/responses with a different UserName.
1. You have no clue "why dis man shows you more love."
2. You are ignorantly deceving yourself.
3. The man is not talking any bullet for you, instead he is shooting the bullet at you and your husband.

Be wise.
You need to know the motive behind his extraordinary kindness.

Women and these their ruin-causing comparisons sef. He's more caring than my man, he's more generous than my man, he has a bigger d1ck than my man, he is more charming than my man, his teeth are whiter than my man's! On and on they keep comparing, wanting all and ending up disillusioned and bleeped up.

The key to happiness is contentment. You have to choose a partner with the overriding quality you consider a priority and make up your mind to be blind to all his defects and the comparative advantages other men may have out there - you can't keep looking out for a better deal in this or that regard and hope to find fulfillment. If your husband no belleful you, why you marry am in the first place? Face you darn husband, dedicate your body, mind, heart and soul to him alone - therein lies happiness and fulfilment.

As for the so-called Mr. Man, he's only being a man: men are allowed to attempt to seduce and toast any woman that catches their fancy.  NOTE: IT IS THE RESPONSIBLE AND FAITHFUL WOMAN'S DUTY TO REJECT ANOTHER MAN'S ADVANCES AND REFUSE TO LEAVE ROOM FOR ANY KIND OF SEDUCTION TO TAKE PLACE. Men don't persist for long with women who don't 'encourage' them in one way or the other. . .like you accepting his gifts, and using his car/driver all over the place. Is there any such thing as a free lunch? Especially in Man-Woman dealings?

But of course, you would go on and cheat on your husband if its already in your nature to do so. Either way, the ball is in your court.

Another case of Nigerian meddling parents forcing their children to marry whom they don't love and force them to dump the ones whom their heart yearns for and whose love strings is pulling their hearts See how they mercilessly dashed true love and did not allow it to foster, and now the daughter is in an emotional quagmire suffering from symptoms of unrequitted love, awww, God save us


@ OP

Your parents would not want you to divorce, so keep enduring and learn to grit your teeth, grin and bear it. Your case is not that bad, you are only dealing with a Husband who is a very busy man, whose only crime is to prefer to spend the little time he has left with his friends instead of you, his dearest wife, thereby leaving you alone with no company. Don't stop trying to reach your Husband and get him to change though.

As they say in yorubaland "Aiye se yan" meaning the "world is doing you" as it refers to forces beyond your control influencing life. But this is a clear case of someone using their own hand to "do" themself.

It is clear that the lady in question is selfish, prideful, immature and self-absorbing which is actually the greatest excuse of divorce, the desire to please self alone. Marriage is not all about emotion, there is trust, commitment and sacrifice, these things have nothing to do with feelings.

You have clearly opened the door to the devil in your family and the repercussions will not be pretty. From what I can garner you seem too young to messs up your life and that of your young family. Believe me there are a lot of messed up lives out there.

As a married woman you lacked wisdom in allowing a married man to "enter" into your life. You are careless.

The wise woman uses her hands to build her family so the book says but the foolish woman tears it down. You be the judge madam.

I have no pity for you rather my pity is for your husband who "thinks" he has a wife.

Remember that the past cannot be changed. Make sure you prepare for a future that you can be proud of.

Close the door to satan and you will look back years from now and say "how foolish could I have been" almost destroying the beautiful things of my life.

^^

Tell them oh. Excellent contribution. Yet some busy bodies are here blaming parents for her s.t.u.p.idity and flirtatiousness. I guess it's impossible for them to accept responsibility and blame for THEIR OWN actions and sluttishness. Blaming another for one's own failings is the most idiotic thing imaginable. As if there's a clause in the marriage contract that permits them to seek outside, whatever they *think* the husband cannot provide inside.

@ Poster
There is one thing you have missed to mention. Have you ever told your hubby about this relationship ? Does he even know this man ? If you haven't, pls brief him ASAP.

Pls dont fall for such crazy people. He could later turn into something beyond your worst nightmare,

OP
I did not even finish reading your story and I am not gonna pet you like the rest people here are doing. You deserve to be treated like a piece of rag, what you are doing is tantamount to emotional cheating and it is worse than your husband spending a night in a LovePeddler house. You have thrown away that which is most important to your man while he slaves out there to make life better for you. Are you stupid enough not to realise that the dude aint a saint? You think he loves you? huh? You are silly daft naive and very selfish. You are a man's nightmare and is this how you plan on holding a marriage? If you read this story from your husband would you not feel gutted? Wherever you are reading this you DO NOT DESERVE THE MAN YOU ARE MARRIED TO 
You are busy thinking of how the mans son likes you, go and give birth to you own. If it were a one off thing I would say errrmmm you were tempted but this is pre mediated, nefarious and totally_____ In fact lemme stop typing before I puke on my computer, you are certainly not worth any advice, how I wish I knew your husband 

Didn't bother reading the whole story because the topic alone has killed everything.


Women self.

touching story!

Thank GOD that I did not marry an adulterous slut like the poster. You are disgrace to the marriage institution. kindly pack out before giving birth to a bastard whose real father will come for after many years. You have told us 1% what you have been doing with the divorcee, we can imagine other things you have done together, this is why guys think all women are slut and that it is better to be single than marry an adulterous slut.

@poster, I understand you. U're in love with the other guy. However u're too weak (from ur xter or cos u love him)to break up with him and he sees it. That's why he's still persisting. Pls,for ur sake and for ur young family's sake,break up with the man completely. The Bible says stolen water is sweet. The man doesn't mean well for u,I know his type. He probably has an obsessive-compulsive disorder,otherwise,he would have let u go. He's more intelligent than u,and that makes him more dangerous. If u could talk to his ex-wife,u'll realize he's not a saint at all. He doesn't need juju to make u 4get ur hubby,he'll just overwhelm u with love. U sound naive,that's why I want u to understand my point. May God's grace be with u.

Just juggle both. No one man can satisfy all your needs, LOL . . . . . . . . . .

suitable topic for this thread should have been "im inlove with two men"

Madam op

stop being selfish and hogging all the attention.

You cant find someone else to befriend the other guy?

@OP, let me first congratulate you on your good fortune. You have finally found your prince charming, your knight in shining armour, I'm so happy for you. Then I have to say that you are ignorant, naive, SELFISH, not to mention dangerous. First of all, this guy is calling you day and night because he doesn't wake up beside you everyday; your husband need not call you to ask how your night was or what you had for dinner or what you had or intend to have for breakfast. You really are daft, no offence. I think you should just divorce your hardworking, sacrificing, most likely loving husband and elope with the man of your dreams; but please by all means come back to update nairaland, I would really like to know how green the grass on the other side really is. Mumu monkey.

i understand what you feel because my hubby kinda behaves like yours sometimes but i would still prefer my hubby to the other man.i know my hubby is busy because of i and the kids.it's fun to learn how to do some cetain things by yourself like fixing your car.though my hubby normall comes to my rescue but at the same time he tells me to learn how to do some things for myself.
in conclusion, stick to your hubby, he still loves you and he is your husband.

You'll have lots of stories to tell when ur hubby discovers the depleted or shared love, let alone when he reasonably suspects u are cheating on him (cos u are cheating him emotionally). Men can forgive any infraction but infidelity. Plz guard ur marriage jealously irrespective of d seeming savoury distraction.

Madam OP, I don't even know how to comment on this your post. So because the old caring man sends his driver to help you while your husband is too busy trying to provide for YOU and YOUR child, that makes him a better man?

Most men at the early stage of their marriages tend to pursue bigger dreams than when they were single to ensure their families have the good life. You've got to be a strong pillar for your husband to lean on and not be busy daydreaming about some man who is trying to break your marriage. You cannot have it all.

Did I hear you say he's religious ? The more reason why you should FLEE from him. I hope you will learn a little from people's comments here.

Godliness with contentment is great gain, so says the bible.

In addition to what every other person has said, I'm quite lost as to why ur husband hasn't noticed the continuous attention u're receiving frm the man. If he hasn't, then he has some work to do on observing, paying attention and deciphering.