Sunnyb10:
Madam i understand your worries, i think you should keep begging your husband, at thesame time put him in boarding school by so doing he won't be around much, only during holidays. I think your husband is scared of his stealing habit of which you have to assure him that he won't do such a thing in his house. may God help you. but don't break your marriage for your boy as some nairalanders are suggesting.

I am ready to do anything for my children even ready to loose my marriage for my son sake. I even regrets marrying him . A man who came with all those sweets words I love you and your children they are my children I will take care of them better than their deadbeat dad. Now he doesn’t want my son he is saying he should stay with my brother or go to his father family forgetting everything sweet he has said when we were courting

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks for nice advice. You are right my son has become a thief due to the way my sister in law has being treating him , depriving him from food and many bad things the boy had no other choice than to steel. Since I’m alive I want him to be with me and I will take good care of him

Why not send him to a boarding school for now, while you keep talking to your husband. But make it a point of duty to go see him every visiting day, with enough words of encouragement and love.
Who knows before holiday comes your husband mind might have settled towards him.


Please don't fail that child most especially when you're still much alive and doing well.
Save your child now that it hasn't gotten bad else he might end up becoming your worst nightmare.

letskeeptalking:


You foot 70% of bills in your house and yet you allow your husband to dictate to you what to do with your own son.

Madam, I don't think you are a serious person.

Personally I will rather be single than be with a man who will stand between me and my children. Even if I have to live in poverty. But you are financially capable, you just want to answer 'Mrs' at the expense of your child.

After bouncing him off relatives for years, you are now using your husband as an excuse to run from your duty.

Shame!

As in! What some women go through to get and retain the Mrs title eh! It's so appalling. She doesn't know the hate she is creating in the heart of her son. It would have been better she did not birth him.

Belafonte:


This is the entitlement we are talking about. How did her elder brother fail her? By refusing to house a thief? Do bear in mind that may have been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Why doesn’t she send the boy to his father, after all, he’s alive

I believe u are a woman...I pray you don't be like the woman's sister inlaw because i smell heartless & wicked woman here..zombie

ur husband knew u had them before marrying u? if yes, one thing with reality is that it will come to take it's place one day. ur brother provided the initial shelter now it's time to give the boy(12yrs) what children of that age require, a peaceful home. the biological dad, u didn't tell us the circumstances that made him leave u and the boy and absconded...that issue will come up one day when ur son is fully grown and these ppl here will start blaming u for not giving him access to his son.....
back to the issue, plead more with your husband and then sit the boy down and advice him on how to behave well...this period is precarious before u ppl will lose this boy to juvenile deliquency....the street is very bad to a boy entering teenage years....I feel ur situation but I just wish ur husband will reconsider.... bringing up another person's child is not easy, he's already doing it for ur daughter.

hakeemhakeem:
Take him to boarding sch during holidays talk some friends who can allows him stay

She shouldn't yet. That boy needs mother's love to be able to curb those bad habits. If not he will be worst. He needs his father or a father figure.

Richy4:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.



Haba!! U are acting as if he was doing her a favor by marrying her.. That mentality is so rustic in my opinion

Davash222:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.

Deep wisdom

Vyvyanvyvy:

He will be 12 years in August , my daughter is 6 years, I have one daughter for my husband she is 2 years and I’m pregnant with another one. Their father is not in Nigeria and I don’t have his contact or his siblings. Yes I have a grocery shop I foot 70% bills in my house

A 12 year old boy needs care and direction. I feel sad he’s left on his own when he has parents. U can’t force ur husband cos he tried bt u can find a way to plead with him or strike a deal with him and he gives conditions on which the boy can stay be it temporary or permanent. Or atleast let the boy come for holidays and go back.

Find an arrangement that works for everybody. Cheers.

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

He doesn't have a father or what ? Your husband has made his position very clear; he doesn't want your boy in his house. Pls allow sleeping dog to lie down jejely.

Oyindidi:
Lol, men hate independent women see as e dey pain you

What's she doing here if she is independent? So this is ur definition of independence? Have children here and there and still require another man to accept them? What happened to independence? She should have stated single and independent after the two kids.

You shouldn’t have bothered us when you know you got those bills and the man is like a broken Congo record. Follow the first advice and allow that man some peace.

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

SoNature:
Vyvyanvyvy's issue explains why more and more women are seeking to be empowered to format the brains of many men who treat women unfairly in marriages.

The truth of the matter is that most of our mothers survived abusive marriages because women were not empowered.

By and large, most African men don't treat their wives fairly. That's why women are increasingly pushing for empowerment (feminism).

If men continue with this trend, Nigeria will get to a level where marriages become mere contracts as it is practiced elsewhere in the world.

To Vyvyanvyvy, get your son an apartment if you can afford it. Better still, your husband should support you to do that if you cannot afford it and the boy is old enough to live alone.

Dear men, don't emotionally say yes to a condition you cannot honor just because you wish to please the woman

Well said.

LadySarah:


You are a good woman. Pls stand up for him no matter what. He needs a home and the love of a mother. Do all you can

Me, my children comes first no matter what.

Men, you see your life.... Some of us are mumu. Real mumu. You see the thinking of most women, it's their children first. Not husband. And some men will be taking their wife as first abandoning friends & family.
Some Men are real mumu.

Nooil:



As in! What some women go through to get and retain the Mrs title eh! It's so appalling. She doesn't know the hate she is creating in the heart of her son. It would have been better she did not birth him.

Exactly

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

It's a difficult one and ur hubby is not mandated to allow the boy stay with u people. Problem there is that the boy may become a torn in both Ur fleshes in the future if his excesses Vis not controlled. How old is the boy? Can he still be put right with love and good home training.
Am sorry but u are at the mercy of Ur husband on this one. He has to agree to the responsibility and u have to attempt not fighting but begging him to see reason.
Cheers

Vyvyanvyvy:

I am ready to do anything for my children even ready to loose my marriage for my son sake. I even regrets marrying him . A man who came with all those sweets words I love you and your children they are my children I will take care of them better than their deadbeat dad. Now he doesn’t want my son he is saying he should stay with my brother or go to his father family forgetting everything sweet he has said when we were courting

God will never forsake u..Nothing should ever come in between your kids & u.

Where I have the problem is when you started saying you foot 70% of the bill at home. Women are all the same. I just wish I can hear from the man.

I will never believe stories like this. I wish the man can read what you have posted here as well.

I hope you will listen to those who said you should take your children and live with them separately. As some people cannot think properly!

You better beg the man well. He's not responsible for all the problems on ground.

Just beg him ooo

Hello Vivian,

Do not let anything anyone here say drag you into self pity. You have two kids for someone you thought was sane and he failed you. You are not a failure in anyway. You just have a difficult period. You can tarry a while. Let your husband calm down. Make him understand that depending on the love and affection he shows to a child, he may well end up having a son he doesnt have yet because the boy will grow to love and cherish him as a father. It is a win win thing. we have had instances where biological children failed us and adopted kids exalted us. Take it easy on him for now and appeal to his senses and not emotion. and whenever you can, visit your boy, counsel him, love him, never scold him for stealing, care for him even with the distance and learn to teach him the ways of God. He will come good.

Peace

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

So many juveniles on this nairaland churning out bitterness in its purest form.
Is it not amazing that a woman who contributes 70% of the house income is subjected to such heartwrenching situation? Madam, please bring your son closer to you. Between husband and children, no man on earth will love you as much as your children. And if you abandon that boy, posterity will judge you.

she needs to get a house for d boy,,then the boy needs a father figure

Godsfavour78:
which game madam. Oya confess

olosho game aka having children for different men "game"

Sixfeetbelle:


He initially agreed to the two. Why change his mind now? Explain that.

Accept a child out of gesture? What kind of charitable work is that? No child deserves being treated as an extra load that must be carried.


See, I'm even having this suspicion about the man now. I want to believe his family and friends are making jest of him taking care of another man's child, and he's beginning to renegade on his promise to prove he's 'still a man'. If that's the issue here, divorce is the best case scenario.

It is well sha

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

It's obvious you are a kid, and yet to get married.

So you mean the husband should shoulder another man's responsibilities when the man is still alive all in the name of marriage? Do you know if he has the means?

More importantly, for the wife to agree that her own siblings rejected their nephew is a sign that the boy is not a good example to kids.

Vyvyanvyvy:

He traveled to Italy and abandoned me with the children I shouldn’t waste my time waiting for him because he had move on and I’m also free to move on with my life

This is the balance you will do. Tell your brother to allow him to sleep in his house but during the day he should be in your shop where he can help you out and also get the mother care he needs

are you second mary
don't ur only son gt his own father?

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks for nice advice. You are right my son has become a thief due to the way my sister in law has being treating him , depriving him from food and many bad things the boy had no other choice than to steel. Since I’m alive I want him to be with me and I will take good care of him

You made a mistake by agreeing to marry your second husband without moving in with your children no matter how many they are.Marriage is a life long union and you children are you.A man that cannot accommodate you and your children does not love you and will kick you out when his gotten enough... Summary,go rent a house, bring your children together, love them,teach them,help them.Don't put that innocent boy through pains and misery. You can always get sexual satisfaction any time.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

I sympathize with you on your plight, the truth is that you didn't make any concrete plans for your children before you got married. What your husband is doing is called bait and switch, he knew the only way to get you was to agree to taking your kids even if he doesn't want them, now he has you, he can now switch to his natural inclination.

Secondly, every man knows how difficult it is to raise boys, not to talk of a teenager that the man has no history with, now a maltreated teenager who assumes the whole world is against him, I can tell you for free that they will clash with each other which could end badly and put a strain on your relationship with your spouse. No man wants anything or one that will trample on his authority.

You fell in love but never considered the implications of integrating a blended family together, better put you had no concrete plans on how this would work, your plans were based on assumption.

I will suggest you get professional help, go see a councillor who have experience in dealing with these kind of family crisis, I will recommend Mr Praise Fowowe. Add him as a friend on Facebook and see if you can get an appointment. I will also suggest you don't get extended family on the matter yet, a councillor will guide you on how to navigate them in the process.

P.S don't go about telling people you fund your family 70%, men have ego as thing as a thread, you need your husband to embrace your son, that's the goal do not create another problem that will take your attention away from the goal. Also make the necessary plan for the rehabilitation of your son, he has gone through a lot and will need professional help too.

Sixfeetbelle:


If it's your child, you won't make this statement. No child deserves their parent treating them like a baggage. That is how resentment breed in people, leading some to be mentally unbalanced.

On the man's part, I'd say he's a coward. He knew there were two kids before the marriage, and he accepted one but rejected the other. Why? Why did he accept the girl? Did he have ulterior motives for her? Is that why he doesn't want the boy around? His actions looks fishy.

Stop been myopic!! if he accepted the boy and left the girl, people like you will say he is misogynistic. Leaving one for the other is wrong. Stop making all decisions look shady. Reasons like this are why men don't tangle with single mom, little issues get overbloated and underlying detectives starts suspecting him for every action or steps he takes towards the kids.

xyz123456:

Men, you see your life.... Some of us are mumu. Real mumu. You see the thinking of most women, it's their children first. Not husband. And some men will be taking their wife as first abandoning friends & family.
Some Men are real mumu.

Are u a father? I know u are not.. I am one and no human being nor gods can travel close to me & mine baby girlie..

ElSherriff:
Hello Vivian,

See this one, did she tell u that her name is Vivian.. Nigerian and assumption sha

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

taking him to boarding school and take him to learn a skill during the holiday.