Vyvyanvyvy:

You want me to take my child to the orphanage whyle I’m still alive and in good health? You must be joking . I rather be a single mother and suffer with my 4 children than rejecting my son.

If he wunt agree. You have two options


Take him to his father or father family


Or go and stay on your own, don't depend on ur husband again

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks for nice advice. You are right my son has become a thief due to the way my sister in law has being treating him , depriving him from food and many bad things the boy had no other choice than to steel. Since I’m alive I want him to be with me and I will take good care of him

Your problem is minimal since you can financially shoulder the responsibility. Get an apartment very close to you and put him there with any of your other siblings to monitor his movement.

. When he leaves school, if he doesn't go for extra curricular activities like evening lesson classes he should resume immediately at your grocery shop. Make sure he only goes home late in the evening. This will help you train him in trade.

All eatings have to be done in your shop and you have to check on him intermittently, unknowingly most of the time to know what he's up to. It could be late at nights or sometimes early in the morning. This will help you curb his excessiveness.

God help you in Jesus name. Don't burden your husband if he's presently not comfortable having him inhouse. I'm sure he'll finally allow him if he's seen improvement in his behavior.

This is bullshit, arant nonsense.. Was he not aware that she had two kids already before marrying her And what's wore is that they even had an agreement that eventually they'll all stay together like the family which they are and now he is backing out from it...... Sorry ma'am your husband isn't trust worthy.
Davash222, lemme tell you what a real man will do. A real man will always keep to his words, and yeah the boy might have gone haywire but a real man will take the boy in and be a father figure to him, he'll mentor him in the right direction. It's so pathetic that you're even the first person to comment. #TypicalNigerianMan that's what you are, so thoughtless............

Davash222:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.

SenecaTheYonger:


How do 0you beat someone then they start stealing or were they stealing and because of that they started beating him? because it is not easy to live with a thief.

My son wasn’t a thief when he was staying with me he used to eat 3 square meals but in my brother he doesn’t eat like that , the wife always deprived him of foods and the boy had not other choice than to go and steel which is was a wrong step. That’s why I want him back with me because when he is here he will eat and won’t have any bad ideas about steeling

Ladies, before you bed down with a man to procreate please

1) Make sure that you’re self sufficient.

2) Realize that if your marriage fails it’ll be hard for another man to play daddy to another mans children. Many men do but I’m part of those that won’t/can’t.

3) Be prepared to raise your children as single mums till they go off to college and then you can start getting into relationships.

In this specific situation I would never accept the child to come and spoil my home. I’ll rather divorce first.

chinonso47:


Ode...
Can u hear yourself

She is right. Why marry the woman in the 1st place? Did the child choose his parents? This is just punishing an innoce t child for nothing and the fact that you people see nothing wrong in it is just sad. If somehow the boy becomes a big man tomorrow everyone will shamelessly come to identify with him.

You are a good woman. Put it to your husband that you must rescue this child of yours. If he doesn't accept leave him. Believe me you'll have rest of mind forever. But if you leave that boy on his own, you'll live to regret it. Be strong on your decision to give to this boy a life.

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks I will rather be alone with my children . I’m thinking of going there on Sunday to pick him up from my brother and I will let him do his worst. If he denied him access to the house then I’m ready to quit

Pls update us ooo.. We will be waiting . Make I book seat and pls




Mention me when u come back with the latest..

Create a new thread and mention me

Oyindidi:
I'll rather leave that Godforsaken marriage. My son stays with me or I leave that man

Exactly.I would not have set foot in that house, if all my children are accepted in the first place.
The woman on the other hand, should investigate the reason for his sons behavior. Children are emotional and can act in various way just to get your attention. Meanwhile, children do inherited trait such stealing,aggressiveness and stubbornness ..I do not pray for such anyway.

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

So because you do all these you want to push everything down his throat What he is trying to do is avoid a break up in your marriage. Once the boy comes any quarrel between the kids and your son will test your marriage. Your son will be seen as a stranger to your husband like you said he has started stealing. The best bet is to talk to your husband at night no be quarrel cause you go loose. 100%..... Beg him and cry if possible he will give him a chance and talk to your son not to betray you. Good luck.

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

Then stop paying the bills and use the money to rent a room apartment for him. Case settled.

24kmagic:
No one is talking about how a woman will have two kids for a man whose family and relatives she doesn't know, and who she's not married to.
I no pity your condition one bit.

That your husband sef... How were you able to convince him to marry you? You said somewhere that you foot 70% of the bills, I think that's why he married you. I mean, wtf?
You foot 70% of the bills and you can't get your husband to accept your 12years old boy into his house.

Asin, e get wetin you never tell us.
Because something is not adding up.

Nah lie she dey lie jare

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

madam this is ur problem. u think because u foot 70% of the bills in ur home ll quaranty u to bring ur son into ur husband house? please dont bruise his ego as the man of the house. just continue doing ur bits as the woman of the house and appeal to his concience to consider the hardship ur son passing through.

Op I can relate to your story well.I have a friend who abandoned his wife with 2 kids in Nigeria for the U.S. He promised he was going to pick the Wife and kids when he settles down but this is 8 years after.

He is married an American lady and recently sent a message to the lady in Nigeria that he will only take care of his children and can't marry 2 wives.It has been devastating for the woman.

She has to move on .Op I feel you.I live Abroad and I have seen a lot of marriages broken up because the husband most time end the marriage for papers Abroad.I perceive your husband went into the marriage with his heart (love) and not his head.I have been in his shoes before financially.I perceive based on your story that he is financially handicapped .

My dear Sister ,pray about it.Pls don't put it to his face that you are the one carrying most of the bills.

Contact your Church member / pastor or Imam if they can help out temporarily while you put your boy in a boarding school.God will help you and your husband

Mymynd4u:


If he wunt agree. You have two options


Take him to his father or father family


Or go and stay on your own, don't depend on ur husband again

Thanks I rather stay on my own with my children

Sixfeetbelle:


Don't give this kind of advice to a married woman who is clearly in distress. Where is your sympathy!

From the post, it's clear she wants to be there for her son and the people she hoped will stand by her aren't. A divorce isn't what she needs, rather a talk with her husband and maybe the people he confides in most can help bridge the situation and bring harmony.

Op, talk to people your husband is close with and beg them to help you convince him. Since he accepted the girl, I believe he'll accept the boy if he understands he doesn't have to shoulder much responsibility. Perhaps, you act more favorable to your daughter than his and he fears another step child will uneven the love scale the more. Perhaps, he accepted the girl for selfish interests? which may shed more light on why he doesn't want the boy around. Whatever the reason, discuss it in detail with him and understand his reasons and stand.

A divorce should only be reached in the dire of situations.

U r a good lady.. U aint like those senseless ladies on nairaland...

Vyvyanvyvy

Please come clean on what your son is accused of. Is it just stealing? At 12, kids are known to do a lot. Does your brother have his own kids that your son may have harmed or gotten into a scuffle with? Cos i'm pretty sure your brother would not toss him out for petty stealing alone even if his wife says otherwise. Its possible they may have mentioned other things your husband is scared of. Like does he keep bad company with older criminals? Is he sexually active? These things would make even a man of God reject to keep such child in their home especially when they have younger kids that are impressionable or could easily become potential victims.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

You had two children already and yet went on to marry a struggling man and start raising new family with him and now you want him to bear the responsibility for your wayward son. Where is your son's father ? Where is your son's father family?

bosstim:
This is bullshit, arant nonsense.. Was he not aware that she had two kids already before marrying her And what's wore is that they even had an agreement that eventually they'll all stay together like the family which they are and now he is backing out from it...... Sorry ma'am your husband isn't trust worthy.
Davash222, lemme tell you what a real man will do. A real man will always keep to his words, and yeah the boy might have gone haywire but a real man will take the boy in and be a father figure to him, he'll mentor him in the right direction. It's so pathetic that you're even the first person to comment. #TypicalNigerianMan that's what you are, so thoughtless............

Unfortunately we dont have real men in that country. Like I stated, if somegow the boy becomes a milionaire these same people will encourage the man to adopt the boy

James289:
Take him to the orphanage

Why na... This is wickedness

Anyway mistakes have been made on so many levels

-The man agreeing to marry a single mother with two engines when he knows deep down he can't accept it truly
-Op agreeing for the son to live elsewhere in the first place no matter what.. After all couples with children still make babies in one room apartment
-op not making sure she gets the contact and keeps in touch with her ex and his family members
As for stealing nobody wants a thief in the house as its a very dangerous thing.
As for a solution you will just have to call your husband's bluff and bring your son home after all he knew what he signed up for..

N.B : you must be a pretty woman for a man to still want after two kids ..

letskeeptalking:


You foot 70% of bills in your house and yet you allow your husband to dictate to you what to do with your own son.

Madam, I don't think you are a serious person.

Personally I will rather be single than be with a man who will stand between me and my children. Even if I have to live in poverty. But you are financially capable, you just want to answer 'Mrs' at the expense of your child.

After bouncing him off relatives for years, you are now using your husband as an excuse to run from your duty.

Shame!

madam poster, this is your truth! Face it.

Madam you failed that boy before pls. Don't fail him again. If you're husband can't accommodate you and that innocent boy then move away from his house and rent apartment for yourself and your children. He will come around if he truly cares about you but if he doesn't, move on with your life. unless you want your son to become an armed rubber and murder you one day.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

There is no best advice for this case. There is only one thing to do. Bring your son home. Anything your husband wants to do, let him do. Your son is at the formative years of his life. He needs love and character formation. If you dont act now, you will create a beast in him that will never forgive you for rejecting him. Also you dont have to blame your brother. He is not the father. He has done the best. Now you, do what you should.

Vyvyanvyvy's issue explains why more and more women are seeking to be empowered to format the brains of many men who treat women unfairly in marriages.

The truth of the matter is that most of our mothers survived abusive marriages because women were not empowered.

By and large, most African men don't treat their wives fairly. That's why women are increasingly pushing for empowerment (feminism).

If men continue with this trend, Nigeria will get to a level where marriages become mere contracts as it is practiced elsewhere in the world.

To Vyvyanvyvy, get your son an apartment if you can afford it. Better still, your husband should support you to do that if you cannot afford it and the boy is old enough to live alone.

Dear men, don't emotionally say yes to a condition you cannot honor just because you wish to please the woman

martowskin1:


From the initial story, they were living in a small apartment, which can't contain all of them... So she asked her brother to take care of the boy for him why she and her husband and her little girl manage the little apartment.

Now things got better and they moved to a bigger apartment, with the issue the boy is having with her brother, she now wanted the boy to return since apartment is now big.

But the husband refuse base on the fact that the boy is now a baggage with different character he could harm their girls with.

But this woman didn't tell us the option the man gave her since he can't accept the son into his home.

A man who could accept one of her kids and base on the fact he agreed initially b4 condition changed won't reject the boy without giving other option to explore.

She just gave us a one sided story... All to gain pity and paint the man evil.

Is obvious she is getting all that, but people like us are standing for the husband even though he is not here to tell his own story

Op isn't giving us the full gist

Sixfeetbelle:


I'm not debating the man taking care of someone else's kids. I even applaud him for doing so. Men rarely do that.

The problem here is that he initially agreed to accept the two and then changed his mind and accepted only one. Why? Do you see where people's opinion about this issue lies?

It reeks of suspicion.

See, the case would be better judged if he didn't accept either then everyone will be telling the woman to find where to send both kids and leave the marriage if the kids were her priority.

But be sincere.. Accepting one is even a kind gesture talkless of two.. Forget it, the man has done enough, so he isn't a coward.. The only coward I see is the one that ran away from his family

u had two babies from ur formal husband or who exactly?.....I don't get it,I would have understood if it is just a baby

so many back seat husbands and wives... giving advice on what they care not to know the effect of their half-cocked advice... let me add my own... madam take your son to your grandmother or grandfather ... uncle.... aunty.... you no be ophan.... somebody dey wey still get sense pass your brother to know that blood is thicker than palm wine.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

If you pay the school fees, change him to a boarding school. During visiting days, beg your husband to follow you so that you two can visit him together. He would have to go back to your brother during holidays unless you are able to convince your husband to see the child's good side during the visiting days. You can also make an arrangement for him to learn skills or trade during holidays. the point is to keep him busy and minimize the time he spends in the house with your brother's family.

janvier27:
Your son is not a thief. He's a small child who found himself in an unfortunate situation, and he'll surely get over it. He needs love and attention. It's difficult not to place blames. I think you should have allowed those kids to get older before marriage. Your elder brother has failed you. So also your husband. Keep appealing to your husband or take a break off to live with your kids and show them love so that they can grow properly. Marriage is not all about keeping a woman at home and raising biological children from her.

the bes

Mymynd4u:


If he wunt agree. You have two options


Take him to his father or father family


Or go and stay on your own, don't depend on ur husband again

the best response and exactly what I wanted to say. The man knew that you had children and still went ahead to marry you. I think you should sit down and renagociate with your husband and if he refused, then the do your swort analysis and choose between your husband and the children

[quote author=24kmagic post=87382977]No one is talking about how a woman will have two kids for a man whose family and relatives she doesn't know, and who she's not married to.
I no pity your condition one bit.

That your husband sef... How were you able to convince him to marry you? You said somewhere that you foot 70% of the bills, I think that's why he married you. I mean, wtf?
You foot 70% of the bills and you can't get your husband to accept your 12years old boy into his house.

Asin, e get wetin you never tell us.
Because something is not adding up.


Bros na only u get sense for this thread

Belafonte:


This is the entitlement we are talking about. How did her elder brother fail her? By refusing to house a thief? Do bear in mind that may have been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Why doesn’t she send the boy to his father, after all, he’s alive

He is 12. He is still a child. So what he stole? You think he just strted stealing because it was hereditary