First, this moniker was created for this purpose.

So here is my true life story...I wedded my wife (white and traditional) in early 2004 now a little over 15 years ago while I was around 25yrs old. The courtship was about a year and there was no premarital defilement which was encouraged by long distance relationship and above all our Biblical belief.

Now we have 2 children, a boy and a girl, and the first (i.e. a boy) does not look like me at all. He was conceived while she was schooling in one of the south western states (and living off camp) whereas I was in Lagos hustling to pay our bills. She took in immediately after her service and our first child is 12yrs plus.

Due to the free time caused by the CORVID19 effect I decided to clear my worries by doing DNA test on my 2 children and below is the summarized results:

1) SON
- Combined Paternity Index = 0
- Probability of Paternity = 0%

2) DAUGHTER
- Combined Paternity Index = 5,008,715,850
- Probability of Paternity = 99.99999998%

I have known about this result for almost a week now and I intend to file for divorce but the courts are virtually closed according to my lawyer.

Truth is DNA does NOT lie so should I still confront her with this my concrete evidence before the pending legal action?

Should I be bothered about what happens to the (innocent) boy?

Is there anything like mercy or forgiveness?

What else should I do at this moment?

Abeg, I do not want to commit murder during this period....please help!

Very mature advice-s could be sent directly to oludairo@yahoo.com

Good the court are not in process. Good, you also have patience to ask on how to handle it perfectly. I appreciate that in you. You are manly.

Now, to the solution. It's going to be a hard one. I don't know how you can handle what am about to advise but with your patience and manly stand, I think you would be able.

Op, this life, we are faced with different tribulations. Yours will differ from mine. To be frank, you went too far and now you have to be bold enough to face the consequence. It's just like couples checking each other's phone. They will definitely see something they never planned. Either get depressed or break up.

You have two options but before you take any, let the children in question be your first reason to decide

The first option is, tell your wife and seek for divorce. If you divorce, your daughter would live separately which is a problem to you because rarely would have the chance to train her.

Second, take it as your destiny. The greatest secret you will take down to your grave. Accept fate, forgive and move on as if nothing happened. It's easy said than done but that's the truth. We all have secrets and this should be added to yours. Love your wife as well.

It starts with confronting the woman with the result of the tests.

Brother, Some truth are better taking to the grave.

Sit down Look. if you can.

Chai umunwanyi sef.. Nothing is hidden under the sun. First consult your lawyer before your village people. So sorry...

this is worst than corona virus. i can't advice you to scatter your home and i can't encourage you to build on a sandy soil. well you may find a good one below.

I know the kind of rage boiling in you right now. But do not get physical, please. It will only end in tears.

Don't confront her yet. Consider the lock down. She still cooks your meals bro.

Endure till the lock down is over. Confront her, then everyone splits.

This way, she will have a place to go after.

You will also avoid the risks acrimony brings. Possibility of poisonings, stabbings, or assault and battery and murder (on both your parts).


Just hold on bro. It will be tough but you have to be strong.


NB. Do not maltreat the child. It is no fault of his.

Wake her up at midnight.
Confront her but don't get your son involved..

Another king has fallen victim...

Did you get a dna test on her too? Confirm your kid wasn't swapped at the hospital. Then you can be sure that she cheated.

Of you do confirm.she cheated, I honestly have no advice to give you there. That's some messed up shnitzle.

We should send our advise to your email

pamidez:
First, this moniker was created for this purpose.

So here is my true life story...I wedded my wife (white and traditional) in early 2004 now a little over 15 years ago while I was around 25yrs old. The courtship was about a year and there was no premarital defilement which was encouraged by long distance relationship and above all our Biblical belief.

Now we have 2 children, a boy and a girl, and the first (i.e. a boy) does not look like me at all. He was conceived while she was schooling in one of the south western states (and living off camp) whereas I was in Lagos hustling to pay our bills. She took in immediately after her service and our first child is 12yrs plus.

Due to the free time caused by the CORVID19 effect I decided to clear my worries by doing DNA test on my 2 children and below is the summarized results:

1) SON
- Combined Paternity Index = 0
- Probability of Paternity = 0%

2) DAUGHTER
- Combined Paternity Index = 5,008,715,850
- Probability of Paternity = 99.99999998%

I have known about this result for almost a week now and I intend to file for divorce but the courts are virtually closed according to my lawyer.

Truth is DNA does NOT lie so should I still confront her with this my concrete evidence before the pending legal action?

Should I be bothered about what happens to the (innocent) boy?

Is there anything like mercy or forgiveness?

What else should I do at this moment?

Abeg, I do not want to commit murder during this period....please help!

Very mature advice-s could be sent directly to oludairo@yahoo.com

What's the cost of DNA test

This is a tough one, you need reassess the situation and make your best decision. Can you forgive if she tells you the true story about it? If yes, forgive, otherwise, move on. As for the boy, it takes a sperm donor to be a father and special love to be a dad. You could choose to remain in his life as his dad or you might tell your wife to take him to his dad. Before you involve third parties, please talk to your wife and you both reach a meaningful conclusion.
I wish you the best.

Well, I'll advise the op to think deeply before taking harsh decisions. The deal has been done, I don't think such drama is necessary.

Have a heart to heart discussion with your wife first and see where that goes.

For me, up to this point, you have handled the situation in a very matured way, please I think you still have to keep calm till this virus lock down situation is over. This is a sad period for you.

Cleanworld:
Brother, Some truth are creative commons taking to the grave.

Sit down Look. if you can.

As in...sit don look while he is deceived to believe that another mans child belongs to him?

Aren't you stupid and wicked like this?

Do you know what a man can go through on finding out his wife is sleeping around and even so foolish enough to get pregnant for another man that is not the husband, carry it for nine months and deliver for him to host a party, drink and rejoice over a baby that belongs to another man...while the LovePeddler watches in delight. She also put herself at a risk of STDS....having unprotected sex with a man not her husband. This is height of irresponsibility.

This is the ultimate betrayal, I personally wouldn't be able to ignore this if I were in your shoes, and if anyone 'casually' told me to 'move on' I would punch them in the throat

At the end of the day, the innocent child has been thrust into a horrible situation that was completely out of his control, at this age he's already emotionally attached and old enough to comprehend his environment and changes in the home dynamic.

Whether you stay in his life or not is a serious conversation you're going to need to have with yourself, either way, the trauma that will come from whichever decision you come to is inevitable. Is it worth it? Even if you manage to forgive her, will you be able to continue a relationship with her knowing this, the trust is gone and it’s hard to carry on in a relationship without trust. It's just an all-round f*cked up situation

With what's going on in this world, it would probably be wise to not be too hasty with how you handle things and approach her right now. It's easier said than done but use this time to think and plan the logistics with your lawyer

This isn't a personal attack on the OP because I'm not privy to his personal life, but generally speaking, I wish this same level of outrage was expressed when it came to the incessant infidelities Nigerian wives are expected to endure. Lol can you imagine if males could conceive?

I feel bad for OP because I've read the details and there's a proximity that interacting with him on the forum brings that has forced allowed me to empathize with him as an individual. However, if it was a random headline somewhere I'd caught I'd probably laugh

Marriage don end be that. Covid-19 can't save this one.

If na me, na bye bye to both wife and boy.

Whatever you want to do, do.

Na your fellow man give am the belle. It is all part of the bro-code.

Take heart.

It's shocking to see the level of hypocrisy, especially from men. I wouldn't bart an eye if ladies are saying Op should forgive, forget and let go the wife's indiscretions.
Put your self in his shoes, how many you can swallow this type of bitter pill?
If you're in his shoes will you have the stomach to let everything go and kiss both mother and child and sing kumbaya?
How do you think you will feel every morning when you see the boy's face?
A little empathy please.

themayor4542:
It's shocking to see the level of hypocrisy, especially from men. I wouldn't bart an eye if ladies are saying Op should forgive, forget and let go the wife's indiscretions.
Put your self in his shoes, how many you can swallow this type of bitter pill?
If you're in his shoes will you have the stomach to let everything go and kiss both mother and child and sing kumbaya?
How do you think you will feel every morning when you see the boy's face?
A little empathy please.

I tire

If I was in his shoes, many things will be disturbing me. Like when she was busy opening her legs for another man while I was hustling to pay our bills...then think of the fact that she was so irresponsible enough to get bleeped by another man without condom. This shows she has no regards whatsoever for the marriage. She is very stupid as far as I am concerned.

I have a big problem with married folks who goes about sleeping around without protection.

And for a married woman? She is totally useless...because it could result to pregnancy.

How can you be in one mans house and be getting pregnant for another. She is a w.hore

ibkayee:
This isn't a personal attack on the OP because I'm not privy to his personal life, but generally speaking, I wish this same level of outrage was expressed when it came to the incessant infidelities Nigerian wives are expected to endure. Lol can you imagine if males could conceive?

Ih

If you were in Nigeria, you will know that Nigerian girls cheat far more than the men. Forget the fact men are careless and do it openly.

There is hardly a Naija girl without 2 or 3 Bfs. They don't exist here. Maybe karma visits them in their marriages after playing many guys. But then, these girls also cheat in their marriages, so its not like men do it more ....only difference is much fuss is not made out of it if a man is caught.

Its a tough one bro but you have to decide if you want to keep your wife, or you want a new wife.. Cos I see she's changed from that lady from 15yrs ago,, she values the marriage

Her type are all over nairaland. Some of them are even viewing this thread. Don't worry, you're next to be disgraced out of that gentleman's life.

OP, never forgive this. She must be kicked out of your life as soon as possible. My only worry is what will become of your daughter cos as it is, she's about to be denied the joy of having both parents in the same House.

Before you confront her, invite some of your family members into your house. Make sure they are around. Then take her into the bedroom and start asking her questions. She'll cry, yes, but she might attempt to kill you. Once you confront her, never stay under the same roof with her without a third party, cos you'll be digging your grave.

So, just calm down, take a deep breath and clear your mind. But she must be kicked out, if possible sent to jail for paternity fraud.

Having said that.... If this thread doesn't get to front page before the end of tomorrow, one of these two things will happen.

1. The world will end or
2. Coronavirus will end.

Emaprince:
I tire

If I was in his shoes, many things will be disturbing me. Like when she was busy opening her legs for another man while I was hustling to pay our bills...then think of the fact that she was so irresponsible enough to get bleeped by another man without condom. This shows she has no regards whatsoever for the marriage. She is very stupid as far as I am concerned.

I have a big problem with married folks who goes about sleeping around without protection.

And for a married woman? She is totally useless...because it could result to pregnancy.

How can you be in one mans house and be getting pregnant for another. She is a w.hore

Note : The lady was not married when she conceived. It was a long distance relationship that caused the havoc. Though, that is not an excuse.

Emaprince:
If you were in Nigeria, you will know that Nigerian girls cheat far more than the men. Forget the fact men are careless and do it openly.

There is hardly a Naija girl without 2 or 3 Bfs. They don't exist here. Maybe karma visits them in their marriages after playing many guys. But then, these girls also cheat in their marriages, so its not like men do it more ....only difference is much fuss is not made out of it if a man is caught.

I don't know the stats, but I know that cheating is normalized for men in Nigeria, a husband will cheat and his wife is expected to accept it as normal, take him and any of the outside children back and move on. But if it's the other way around, the same set of people will scream bloody murder

themayor4542:
It's shocking to see the level of hypocrisy, especially from men. I wouldn't bart an eye if ladies are saying Op should forgive, forget and let go the wife's indiscretions.
Put your self in his shoes, how many you can swallow this type of bitter pill?
If you're in his shoes will you have the stomach to let everything go and kiss both mother and child and sing kumbaya?
How do you think you will feel every morning when you see the boy's face?
A little empathy please.

If I was in his shoes, I would rather have a civil conversation and let her know the boy needs to know his real father. Afterwards, I'm going to try help them build a bond however, I will still remain a dad to him. It is one of those pains but what can I do?

As for my wife, I can't tell what will happen to the marriage because it is difficult for me not to allow her take her blame for her actions. Depending on how strong how bond has become, I might let go but we need go through counseling together so as to find the best way to navigate through this. A marriage of 15 years is no joke.

pocohantas:
Whatever you want to do, do.

Na your fellow man give am the belle. It is all part of the bro-code.

Take heart.

Why do you give out this kind of advice

It's so difficult to advise here. Dialogue. Her reaction and revelations would help in deciding. For instance, did she know about this all along? Is the boy's father aware or would he want to be involved in the boy's life? How sober or repentant is she? But if you know you can't live with this without problems with her or with the boy, please go ahead with the divorce now.

movement2020:
Good the court are not in process. Good, you also have patience to ask on how to handle it perfectly. I appreciate that in you. You are manly.

Now, to the solution. It's going to be a hard one. I don't know how you can handle what am about to advise but with your patience and manly stand, I think you would be able.

Op, this life, we are faced with different tribulations. Yours will differ from mine. To be frank, you went too far and now you have to be bold enough to face the consequence. It's just like couples checking each other's phone. They will definitely see something they never planned. Either get depressed or break up.

You have two options but before you take any, let the children in question be your first reason to decide

The first option is, tell your wife and seek for divorce. If you divorce, your daughter would live separately which is a problem to you because rarely would have the chance to train her.

Second, take it as your destiny. The greatest secret you will take down to your grave. Accept fate, forgive and move on as if nothing happened. It's easy said than done but that's the truth. We all have secrets and this should be added to yours. Love your wife as well.

..
Take is as his destiny...
Wtf does that mean?

His your son bros no any man will him from u.no be only Bleep dey create pikin