Gentlemen. The reality of living in the 20th century has changed, and so must every notion formed from previous days that no longer hold weight today.

Women are not the only ones who should be asking what you do.
You should also be asking her what she does....and guaging her wifeability from her response.
Nobody likes to suffer...yourself included. So why sign up for a lifetime of every financial request of your immediate family (and possibly both your extended families ) coming to just you alone?

Gone are the days where families survived on one income alone. Those days, houses in Nigeria used to cost #5M or less. These same houses now cost well over #30M.

I can bet your income did not also inflate 6x over the same time.

The reality is that you need a wife who also brings something home, and honestly it should hopefully be around the same (or more God willing) of what you pull in.

This way one person's income can cover the family stuff and the other person's income goes towardssavings/investments/emergencies/joblessness buffering/ etc. Your family will go farther and you can even both retire earlier if this is done right.

Also Naija guys please, have some respect for yourself.
If you meet a girl and she has the mental configuration of always wanting money from you, just know that she is not the one.

As a sister here once said, "A girl who truly likes you, won't ask you for money...unless it's bad and you are her last resort."
Na woman talk am. Believe that sister. Peep that one game from her, and most of you will be alright.

If a girl really likes you, she'll be too busy trying to think of ways to be an asset to your life or impress you...not a taker.

Get you a girl who makes her money with a good source of income and who understands that her income is to be included in plans.

You have been told.
You should be done with your broke girl phase right about now ^{(much like how women should be done with their bad boy stage).}
It does nothing for your life.

NOTE: I am not saying go and marry an idiot because she makes money.... Obviously.
You are still looking for a good wife, who just ALSO happens to be equipped with income and/or good income prospects and drive.

That is an added advantage

You deserve chilled beer!


Men should stop settling for less.

Nna collect!

Marrying a woman that does not make money is like getting joined together with COVID-19, soon or later you will get infected.

I logged on and typed 12:51am, this post/thread came up 1:09am.

This is annoying.

People here always throwing personal jabs because they know or heard of me from hacking, gossip, malice, spying, eavesdropping, etc but I dont know who THEY are. So I'm unable to respond adequately to their underhand attacks on my person. They monitor everything I do and my posts here, then throw jabs, knowing I don't have the necessary info on their own misdeeds meanwhile they derive excessive and sociopathic joy from making me look bad every chance they get. I have been offline for days now and the site was quiet. I log on and the usual miscreants immediately start their work.

Ok.

May God give you proper jobs so you don't keep ruining nairaland for everybody.

(The guy above me don kolo o)

OP, I agree with you, BUT
1) How do u know her future? (Girls usually marry young)
2) R u sure u want extra money and financially independent wife more than a wife who’d fully take care of the kids and home and be totally financially dependent on u?

kna man wey no dey reason go wife gal wey no dey make money

CanadaOrBust:
(The guy above me don kolo o)

OP, I agree with you, BUT
1) How do u know her future? (Girls usually marry young)
2) R u sure u want extra money and financially independent wife more than a wife who’d take care of the kids and home and be totally financially dependent on u?

1) Is she in school? What course is she in? If she is not in school what is she doing or aiming at? Basically analyze her for potential as she no doubt did you.

2) Eww. Why would I want a house wife?
I would rather she apply herself to other things besides only just child rearing, be it business or an actual career. Keeps her interesting and realistic. We should both be able to come back home and trade stories of our victories and learn from each other, as opposed to just "guess what, Junior pooped on me today".

That can happen for a time, but that cannot be her entire life plan.

Reason is that will become a problem when that child grows up and no longer need her or leaves the house, like they are supposed to. What next for her? She has done nothing else over the years. She used that child as an excuse to not engage her mind in other things.

Also you hardly hear men being honest about this, but There are a lot of men who would end up disrespecting her because she is fully dependent on him for everything. This typically begins after his first financial strain.

This is the point where she starts feeling useless and starts looking for funny ways to find relevance for herself. I would rather spare my wife from that psychological turmoil.

Wifey will understand that, as much as we love our children, they must leave the nest. Her life must continue after they do, so she can't afford to make it all about the children. Even so, God forbid but if something were to happen to him, would it not be better that the woman actually has the capability to keep that family going? Instead of everything going to hell. She would then not even be able to provide for the children who she has made her whole life about.

That aside, nobody is trying to have that many children in this day and age. 2 is fine. _{I can be persuaded to 3, but she would have to convince me hard to get that high.}

Definitely not marrying someone with no "substance"

wen som women start makin cash more dan their husband dey wil be like i am now d head of d family i can provide half of d tins my children needs be4 u kno it d husband wil be talkin one d wife wil be talkin 2 no more respect 4d husband dis incident is hapenin in my compound dat is y women can neva rule dis country becos wen dey start 2 earn more dan their husband,dem go form pass shit

2buffagain:


1) Is she in school? What course is she in? If she is not in school what is she doing or aiming at? Basically analyze her for potential as she no doubt did you.

2) Eww. Why would I want a house wife?
I would rather she apply herself to other things besides just child rearing, be it business or an actual career. Keeps her interesting. We should both be able to come back home and trade stories of our victories and learn from each other, as opposed to just "guess what, Junior pooped on me today".

That can happen for a time, but that cannot be her entire life plan.

Reason is that will become a problem when that child grows up and no longer need her or leaves the house, like they are supposed to. What next for her? She has done nothing else over the years. She used that child as an excuse to not engage her mind in other things.

Also you hardly hear men being honest about this, but There are a lot of men who would end up disrespecting her because she is fully dependent on him for everything. This typically begins after his first financial strain.

This is the point where she starts feeling useless and starts looking for funny ways to find relevance for herself. I would rather spare my wife from that psychological turmoil.

Wifey will understand that, as much as we love our children, they must leave the nest. Her life must continue after they do, so she can't afford to make it all about the children. Even so, God forbid but if something were to happen to him, would it not be better that the woman actually has the capability to keep that family going? Instead of everything going to hell. She would then not even be able to provide for the children who she has made her whole life about.

That aside, nobody is trying to have that many children in this day and age. 2 is fine.

So what u want is a girl with solid character who can weather any storm with u and without u, even if she doesn’t have much at the moment. The important thing is the character. That job may be gone tomorrow. She could be sleeping around but with good money/job. She may want nothing to do with home but always all about business and money-making. U sure that’s what u want? So u see the answer is not so simple. What has worked through the ages is: the man goes out to bring and they MANAGE whatever he brings, while the woman takes care of the home! Nothing prevents her from doing small time jobs or biz. Once the children are grown she can then go big time

nlPoster:
I logged on and typed 12:51am, this post/thread came up 1:09am.

This is annoying.

People here always throwing personal jabs because they know or heard of me from hacking, gossip, malice, spying, eavesdropping, etc but I dont know who THEY are. So I'm unable to respond adequately to their underhand attacks on my person. They monitor everything I do and my posts here, then throw jabs, knowing I don't have the necessary info on their own misdeeds meanwhile they derive excessive and sociopathic joy from making me look bad every chance they get. I have been offline for days now and the site was quiet. I log on and the usual miscreants immediately start their work.

Ok.

May God give you proper jobs so you don't keep ruining nairaland for everybody.

Sigh....


Say No to Hard-Drugs

IMHO i dont think her income has anything to do with finding a right mate, and instead this should be primarily about the MINDSET of that person. a job is just a tool to "help" you guys have a better life, it aint a necessary foundation to assure anyone of a great union. yes , a lot of women out there are LIABILITIES, but having a job does not solve this issue. there are a lot of LIABILITIES out there that have jobs.

the important question Is: whats important for your family?! a wife with a job (that she could lose a week after wedding) OR a wife with good character (that she can never lose)?! there is a huge difference between a mentally/emotionally broke woman AND a woman who is currently unemployed.

nlPoster:
I logged on and typed 12:51am, this post/thread came up 1:09am.

This is annoying.

People here always throwing personal jabs because they know or heard of me from hacking, gossip, malice, spying, eavesdropping, etc but I dont know who THEY are. So I'm unable to respond adequately to their underhand attacks on my person. They monitor everything I do and my posts here, then throw jabs, knowing I don't have the necessary info on their own misdeeds meanwhile they derive excessive and sociopathic joy from making me look bad every chance they get. I have been offline for days now and the site was quiet. I log on and the usual miscreants immediately start their work.

Ok.

May God give you proper jobs so you don't keep ruining nairaland for everybody.

Just ignore them. It shows that you're ahead of them. Enjoy your life.

Any guy who is not yet married should take this advise very seriously!

josen16322:
wen som women start makin cash more dan their husband dey wil be like i am now d head of d family i can provide half of d tins my children needs be4 u kno it d husband wil be talkin one d wife wil be talkin 2 no more respect 4d husband dis incident is hapenin in my compound dat is y women can neva rule dis country becos wen dey start 2 earn more dan their husband,dem go form pass shit

Well do Nigerian men have enough general game to work with and live with women without trying to be autocrats?
If your plan is to leave the country one day with your wife , you will quickly realize that the only way you can deal with your wife in these western countries is through negotiation, not by you just yelling and giving commands. And that is even a wife who is not making any money so you are not even getting any benefits of said negotiation style.

Might as well adjust your pattern, and have her enjoy some of the benefits of her input by her also being able to have a say.
Sooner or later, if you ever leave naija, you will have to anyway.

That said, the woman who overdos and destroys her marriage over the fact that she manages to bring something in is a fool.
The only way to know she is this kind of fool is by observing how she behaves as an earning woman before marriage. If you are keen (and you have to be in this game), you will detect what you need to detect to either continue or abort.

MrBrownJay1:
IMHO i dont think her income has anything to do with finding a right mate, and instead this should be primarily about the MINDSET of that person. a job is just a tool to "help" you guys have a better life, it aint a necessary foundation to assure anyone of a great union. yes , a lot of women out there are LIABILITIES, but having a job does not solve this issue. there are a lot of LIABILITIES out there that have jobs.

the important question Is: whats important for your family?! a wife with a job (that she could lose a week after wedding) OR a wife with good character (that she can never lose)?! there is a huge difference between a mentally/emotionally broke woman AND a woman who is currently unemployed.

Naturally, whether she has income or not, you still have to find a wife...not an idiot.

You can't even run some very necessary, idiot-proofing diagnostic tests on a female prior to marrying her, if she doesn't have income.
How will you know for sure that she is not of the "My money is mine and your money is ours" idiocy category? The type of idiot that will rather "borrow" you money in a rough patch to pay rent/mortgage for a house she ALSO lives in.

BareFacedLies:
Any guy who is not yet married should take this advise very seriously!

Sounds like you have married and have stories.

2buffagain:


Naturally, whether she has income or not, you still have to find a wife...not an idiot.

You can't even run some very necessary, idiot-proofing diagnostic tests on a female prior to marrying her, if she doesn't have income.
How will you know for sure that she is not of the "My money is mine and your money is ours" idiocy category? The type of idiot that will rather "borrow" you money in a rough patch to pay rent/mortgage for a house she ALSO lives in.

she doesnt need a job (nor her own money) to confirm any of the above you mentionned

2buffagain:
Gentlemen. The reality of living in the 20th century has changed, and so must every notion formed from previous days that no longer hold weight today.

Women are not the only ones who should be asking what you do.
You should also be asking her what she does....and guaging her wifeability from her response.
Nobody likes to suffer...yourself included. So why sign up for a lifetime of every financial request of your immediate family (and possibly both your extended families ) coming to just you alone?

Gone are the days where families survived on one income alone.
Those days, houses in Nigeria used to cost #5M or less.
These same houses now cost well over #30M.
I can bet your income did not also inflate 6x over the same time.

The reality is that you need a wife who also brings something home, and honestly it should hopefully be around the same (or more God willing) of what you pull in.
This way one person's income can cover the family stuff and the other person's income goes towards savings/investments/emergencies/joblessness buffering/ etc. Your family will go farther and you can even both retire earlier if this is done right.

Also Naija guys please, have some respect for yourself.
If you meet a girl and she has the mental configuration of always wanting money from you, just know that is not the one.
As a sister here once said, "A girl who truly likes you, won't ask you for money...unless it's bad and you are her last resort."
Na woman talk am. Believe that sister. Peep that one game from her, and most of you will be alright.
If a girl really likes you, she'll be too busy trying to think of ways to be an asset to your life or impress you...not a taker.

Get you a girl who makes her money with a good source of income and who understands that her income is to be included in plans.

You have been told.
You should be done with your broke girl phase right about now ^{(much like how women should be done with their bad boy stage).}
It does nothing for your life.

You are right though
You gonna see broke girls telling you they don't want broke guys
And they are broke and jobless

She must not only make money she also needs to be very healthy and without a lot of 'excess baggage'!

Well.obviously...but some guys prefer their women to be housewives..its an individual choice if you want your wife to have money of her own or not.I'd like to have my own money though

i always tell people, it doesn't matter how much i make, my wife must have a good source of income, not just earning o but her income must be sizeable. I am not a control freak and see no reason why my wife must always abide by my rules, if what she says makes sense, we follow it, if she makes the better decision then she will be the one to decide on important issues. the reason why a young hustler will decide to marry and then marry a jobless woman in times like this beats me, i have never understood the reason and i probably never will.


i believe there are good women who earn well and they are not rude or condescending and i won't settle for less if i ever decide to get married

Naomila:
Well.obviously...but some guys prefer their women to be housewives..its an individual choice if you want your wife to have money of her own or not.I'd like to have my own money though

Housewife?

In this day and age?

Kobicove:


Housewife?

In this day and age?

You'd be surprised, especially African guys.
Haven't you seen some guys on NL saying if you date an independent woman you're on your own and youd never be able to control her.Those are the type that would like housewives, probably so they can control em.lol

[s]

CoronaVirusPro:



Sigh....


Say No to Hard-Drugs

[/s]

BareFacedLies:
Any guy who is not yet married should take this advise very seriously!

I strongly agree.

CanadaOrBust:


So what u want is a girl with solid character who can weather any storm with u and without u, even if they don’t have much at the moment. The important thing is the character. That job may be gone tomorrow. She could be sleeping around but with good money/job. She may want nothing to do with home but always all about business and money-making. U sure that’s what u want? So u see the answer is not so simple. What has worked through the ages is: the man goes out to bring and they MANAGE whatever he brings, while the woman takes care of the home! Nothing prevents her from doing small time jobs or biz. Once the children are grown she can then go big time

In everything, achieve balance.
You are focusing on the extreme.
Nobody said one should get a wife who wants nothing to do with her children.
In fact, you would be hard pressed to find a woman who thinks like that.

That said, after a certain age, she doesn't need to be with the children 24/7.
That is called helicopter parenting.
That is why a lot of nigerians raise kids who don't even know how to be independent.

Also, y'all talk like you don't even see women with healthy families in your various offices.
What I'm talking about here is not rare, neither is it rocket science. They exist in quantum.
We can pay for maid and catering if we want to relax. No be so?
There are even housewives who still request for maids and cooks join, so one wonders what exactly these so-called housewives actually do.

As was covered in the opening post, as a man, fully expect that there will be moments where you will have to take on the lion share if not everything, especially pertaining to childbirth and perhaps even job-loss on her end.

But that should not be stressful to any one because counter-measures for such things were already put in place via dual income lifestyle.
Dual income is the way to go in this age...unless you are stinkingly wealthy...of which everyone is not thanks to the inflation of expenses over income.

Also in some companies, incomed women enjoy mat-leave, so they can still pull in small something even while at home as you prepare to take on everything.

Motion seconded by I.

nlPoster:
I logged on and typed 12:51am, this post/thread came up 1:09am.

This is annoying.

People here always throwing personal jabs because they know or heard of me from hacking, gossip, malice, spying, eavesdropping, etc but I dont know who THEY are. So I'm unable to respond adequately to their underhand attacks on my person. They monitor everything I do and my posts here, then throw jabs, knowing I don't have the necessary info on their own misdeeds meanwhile they derive excessive and sociopathic joy from making me look bad every chance they get. I have been offline for days now and the site was quiet. I log on and the usual miscreants immediately start their work.

Ok.

May God give you proper jobs so you don't keep ruining nairaland for everybody.

Awon guard ti sun abi. Maa worry, won ma to ji.

2buffagain:


In everything, achieve balance.
You are focusing on the extreme.
Nobody said one should get a wife who wants nothing to do with her children.
In fact, you would be hard pressed to find a woman who thinks like that.
That said, after a certain age, she doesn't need to be with the children 24/7. That is called helicopter parenting.
That is why a lot of nigerians raise kids who don't even know how to be independent.

Also, y'all talk like you don't even see women with healthy families in your various offices.
What I'm talking about here is not rare, neither is it rocket science. They exist in quantum.

As was covered in the opening post, as a man, fully expect that there will be moments where you will have to take on the lion share if not everything, especially pertaining to childbirth and perhaps even job-loss on her end.

But that should not be stressful to any one because counter-measures for such things were already put in place via dual income lifestyle.
Dual income is the way to go in this age...unless you are stinkingly wealthy...of which everyone is not thanks to inflated rate of growth of expenses over income.

I never condemned dual income. I was only saying the focus should be on the girl herself, what sort of person she is, how compatible u r, not her income. Because income can easily change. Better to have someone ready to be poor with u if necessary than someone ready to bail the moment things go a bit south.

Naomila:

You'd be surprised, especially African guys.
Haven't you seen some guys on NL saying if you date an independent woman you're on your own and youd never be able to control her.Those are the type that would like housewives, probably so they can control em.lol

Guys who still think that way are not part of this century.

That, or they have never left for or lived in any western countries outside of Nigeria.
If they have, they will realize that, even if she doesn't bring any money, these women have been given a lot of powers, so the focus is on negotiation not control.
So if she is going to be having these powers as granted by the State, she might as well be bringing money to match

A bad situation a man can find himself in is having a broke/no-employable-skill-having wife, who still controls him on top of her financial irrelevance.