sledge406:

No need to be scared of the MU²

I've got your back, okay?

thunder fire that your over-bleached craw-craw nyansh.
You're just an arranticus rigmaroled fart of a pervy-wervy

gidson12:

lol, and this is funny

as my padi, you fit helep me slap sledge-4-0-prick to stupor? You know, I don't wanna stain my God-given hands slapping his God-forsaken rough-rugged scar-ravaged pimpled face.
I don't mind sponsoring his obituary-posters in case he couldn't survive your slaps.

Nice jokes

Tech support: Okay Chyka, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager.

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Chyka.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: "P" . . . On your keyboard, Chyka.

Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

Daft!!

sledge406:

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

I will laugh tomorrow . Let me set a reminder on my phone

Jackpot: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Jackpot: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Jackpot: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped. It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

Jackpot: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it.

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. Jackpot had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!

#st[i]up[/i]id!!!

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.

In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," The lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."

He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly.

A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and I insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."

The jury foreman replied: "Oh, we did look, but we noted that your client didn't."

Malema and his bodyguards are making letter bombs.
One of the bodyguards: "I'm not sure whether I put enough explosive in this envelope before I sealed it."
Malema: "Well, then open it and look."
Bodyguard: "But if I open it, it will explode!"
Malema: "Don't be st[i]up[/i]id – it's not addressed to you!"

A man was hailed into court for dumping trash in a forbidden area.

The judge asked, "Didn't you see the sign posted there?"

"Yes sir, I sure did," replied the man. "It says real plain in big letters 'FINE FOR DUMPING'!"

A blonde walks into an appliance store and says, "I would like to buy that T.V. please."

The store clerk replies, "I'm sorry, we don't do business with blondes."

So she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black.

The next day, she went back to the same store and said I would like to buy that T.V. please.

The store clerk, once again, replies, "Sorry, we don't do business with blondes."

The blonde replied, "How did you know I was blonde? The clerk says Because that's a microwave."

Sledge, you can be my joke student you know? I can sense some untapped potentials in you

jackpot:

Sledge, you can be my joke student you know? I can sense some untapped potentials in you

yes jackpot. Take him by the hand as i took you. Don't mislead him like taking him to the bar

Teacher: How can we keep our school clean?
Pupil: By staying at home.

chumakk:

yes jackpot. Take him by the hand as you took me. Don't mislead him like taking him to the bar

i knew he would get drunk. .no need. Let's allow his teenage brains some years to develop. _{**no offence**}

sledge406:

Malema and his bodyguards are making letter bombs.
One of the bodyguards: "I'm not sure whether I put enough explosive in this envelope before I sealed it."
Malema: "Well, then open it and look."
Bodyguard: "But if I open it, it will explode!"
Malema: "Don't be st[i]up[/i]id – it's not addressed to you!"

Lol

*rolling by*

A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and even the accelerator," he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

. . .Monday Morning,

Mrs Wenger: wake up Arsene, its 9 already!
Arsene Wenger: What?! They scored another one?!

^ hahahahahohohohahahahahohohohahaha

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”
Slim says, “I feel just like a new born baby.”
“Really!? Like a newborn baby!?”
“Yep. No hair, no teeth and I think I just wet my pants.”

On the first day God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”
The dog said, “That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?”
So God agreed.
On the second day God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.”
The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?”
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”
The cow said, “That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?”
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.”
But man said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”
“Okay”, said God, “You asked for it.”
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you. It took me yearsminutes to understand this. . .There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.

Thank you for the enlightening info.

hahaha!!

@ Sledge

re: your last joke - you don kolo finish!

A man went for HIV test in a hospital on a Friday and was told to come back for the result the following Monday. When he went to church on Sunday, the pastor declared to the people that everything you are looking forward to this week will be positive. The man jumped up within the congregation and shouted ''I reject it in Jesus name, my own go be Negative".

Man offers a drink to a woman.
Woman: "No thans, whisky is bad for my legs".
Man: "Legs? That's strange. Do they hurt or swell?"
Woman: "No, they open easily!"

* Eating beans*

nice Jokes Sledge!!

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explained. "And today is the happiest day in her life." The child thought about this for a moment. "So why is the groom wearing black?"

An employee comes into her manager’s office to take a day off from work. The manager replies, So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1-hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!