My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé - Family - Nairaland
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| My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by Francis609: 3:52am On Jun 27, 2020 |
posted few months ago about my mum doesn’t approve of my relationship with my fiancé ,after being informed by my sister that my fiancé started staying with me she left her house and came to stay with me in a single room she actually came to chased her away . Well after reading all your comments which I really appreciated it and I concluded that I should allow my fiancé to go and stay with her friend until my mum leaves then she could come back. My fiancé was 2 months pregnant we decided to keep it a secret until after our wedding I have planned to meet up with her family for introduction and traditional wedding during this pandemic with a small number of family member, we want everything to be done before her stomach start showing . I didn’t tell my mom but my dad was aware of that but i didn’t tell him about the pregnancy. My mother was so happy to see her leaving and she told me about this girl that she want me to marry , the girl is from the same tribe as her and she is from a good family etc etc . I wasn’t even concentrating on what she was saying because my mind was busy thinking about my pregnant fiancé how she would cope staying with her friend and for how long she would be there because I wasn’t sure for how long my mother would be staying with me , fortunately she left after a week and my fiancé came back three days later. So far we have been planning to meet-up with her people which my dad had agreed but my mum has been against the decision saying if I marry her , she will disown me , she is been saying a lot of things that I am just stubborn like my father and she regretted keeping me with her after her divorce , if she knew I will turn up to be just like my father , she would have had abandoned me with my dad that she is regretting all her money that she has had spent on me etc etc , actually she curse me. I had informed my dad about what she said to me and he said I shouldn’t listen to her , what matter is I love my fiancé and I should go ahead with the wedding that his wife ( my step mum ) will be representing my mum , have told my dad that the idea is not bad but she is alive and I think is good for me to get blessing from both of them at that point I had no other choice and opened up to my dad about the pregnancy even taught he scolded me for getting her pregnant before marriage but he was so happy at the end and accepted that we should see her family as soon as possible. I taught maybe if I have had also told my mum about the pregnancy , she would accept my fiancé and give us her blessing because she love her grandkids a lot and an additional one would have make her more happier but I was wrong , after I had informed her about the pregnancy all she could say was she should keep the pregnancy and after giving birth DNA must be done , if I am the father of the child we will go and collect the baby from her so she could be to move on with her life. I become angry with her and I asked her as a mother herself , how would she feel if she had given birth and her baby had been taken away from her or if it happened that any of my sisters got pregnant and the guy family want nothing to do with her but they only after her baby , she said it wouldn’t happen to any of her daughters because she has trained them well , she said lots of things that my fiancé is a loose girl that she was fully aware that she never liked her but she intentionally gotten pregnant thinking that she will change her mind so she can start liking her but that will not be possible. I become angry with her but I didn’t say anything, I left her house and called my dad and I informed her about what she said , he said I should go ahead with the wedding without her and stick to his decisions that my step mum should represent her. I don’t know if it is possible to go ahead with the wedding without my mum being involved because the way she behaves if she doesn’t want something she will stick to her decisions no matter what , and my fiancé had been crying since because she doesn’t want to end up being a single mother . I love my fiancé and I don’t want to leave her but I am so confuse to the point of I cannot concentrate anymore because I am depressed right now . I want to go ahead and do as my dad said but I am still asking myself , If I ever go ahead and marry her without my mother blessing would I ever be happy into my marriage because I don’t want to end up a divorcee like my parents , I want to spend the rest of my life with my fiancé and nobody else. I have been thinking since And I have lost sleep because of this issue sometimes I just wished that my mother could be an easy person to accept my fiancé even if she doesn’t like her but at least she could try to accept her for the sake of her unborn innocent grandchild in her womb. Please help a confuse brother |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by SenorFax(m): 3:58am On Jun 27, 2020 |
This is tough one oo 1 Like |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by Righteousness89(m): 4:10am On Jun 27, 2020 |
I will be blunt with you! It's Good to note, that you know you are confused! I will never support pregnancy outside Marriage! It's a No as long as I am Concerned! Anyway, the deed has been done.. Your parents are not together, so You need to be very careful! So as not to carry over their issues to your Home.. Try to sit down with your mom and know her reasons for not accepting your baby mama.. What is your real reason for wanting the lady in question! Did you pray about your Marriage partner? Or you wanna marry her due to the pregnancy.. Marriage is not what you rush into anyhow! If not you may end up coming back here to tell us another story of Wahala! Calm down... ask God for Forgiveness for Fornication.. Seek divine Guidance on your Marriage.. If you get divine approval, then you go on and Marry Her. If you didn't, do not marry! 14 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by SweetCunt97(f): 4:29am On Jun 27, 2020 |
This race is yours now. Do not let anyone dictate to you who to spend the rest of your life with. There's always court registry. You probably a mommy's boy hence her pokenosing into such matter. 1 Like |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by chukwuibuipob: 4:36am On Jun 27, 2020 |
 If u dnt want dem to use ur head play drum/ball,look for ur mum bestie friend/her Church Pastors,Elderly ones to plead with her,odawise,U/ur wife go hear am from d Elder ones dat winks/smile in d day time  .Dnt Allow ur step mum to rep ur mum wen she’s still alive.That one too Nah bad omen/go send strong message to the peepz4 Likes |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by SenorFax(m): 4:45am On Jun 27, 2020 |
SweetCunt97:There is a reason God placed marriage blessings in the hands of the parent. He knew the children will always thought they are smarter. Unless you've been married, you need parental and God's guidance. |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by BigDick70inch(m): 4:50am On Jun 27, 2020 |
Won't advice u to wed without yo mum"s concept... But..our first born did it's own without informing our mum.. The girls offense was "mum told us never to marry from dat town and the ideas was seconded by our 1st born then"... So to her..she hated everything bout the girl and was so unyielding and difficult to convince.. But..sha inshort she has forgiven the girl Oo..but the interaction isn't that great sha.. But then...at the end of it all "TWAS MY BROTHER 'S HAPPINESS THAT MATTERS" suggestion"TRY TO GET HER PASTOR/IMAM TO TALK TO HER.. FEMALES LISTEN MORE AND TEND RO BE HUMBLE BEFORE THEIR RELIGION LEADERS" 2 Likes |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by SweetCunt97(f): 4:54am On Jun 27, 2020 |
SenorFax:Then they should simply bless and not interfere. 9 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by Nobody: 5:01am On Jun 27, 2020 |
The lady should just take a walk in peace, your mother will bring her alot of troubles 1 Like |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by Freestainworld(m): 5:26am On Jun 27, 2020 |
As far as your father is with you, don't waste your dime time with your mum's nagging, the lady is carrying your baby and the needful must be done, the final thing here is, are you happy with her? if yes, then take her to the alter, and stay away from your mum for the time being. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by yemmit90: 5:41am On Jun 27, 2020 |
@OP, you need to find the people your mum respected so much to beg her on your behalf, I'm very sure she will eventually accept the girl. Never make that mistake of receiving curse from your mother. Their tongues are very powerful on their children. |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by adewumiopeyemi(m): 6:05am On Jun 27, 2020 |
This is a critical issue |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by DontBullshitMe: 8:05am On Jun 27, 2020 |
At age 33, you should be able to take decisive actions. 3 Likes |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by Ningen(m): 8:22am On Jun 27, 2020 |
Do you understand what is at risk for a woman to marry into a family that she is not wanted?? I don't think you do at all man. Because you are making it all about YOU. People will choose sides so it's not longer about your mum but your siblings & relatives inclusive. You'll have to literally fight them in the future. So please understand what you're getting into. If you CAN'T shield her from all this, QUIT. 1 Like |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by Missyajoke(f): 8:26am On Jun 27, 2020 |
Righteousness89: God bless you and I hope he listens 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by bukatyne(f): 8:30am On Jun 27, 2020 |
Ningen: Very important. |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by Ningen(m): 8:35am On Jun 27, 2020 |
bukatyne: Yes. It is. I've seen awful things happen to women who marry into families they aren't welcome at all. |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by bukatyne(f): 8:38am On Jun 27, 2020 |
Francis609: What is your siblings' opinion of your lady? Your dad is selfish and undiplomatic , stop telling him about the issues with your mom. For all you know, he might be advising you to use your step mom instead to spite your mom. Your mom is manipulative and not empathic hence her counting 'all' she has done to force your hand and telling you her daughters can't fall into same issue. It is also possible she kept custody of you to spite your dad. Get your siblings and mother's siblings to dialogue with your mom and massage her ego. During this ego massage, appreciate her and thank her for all her sacrifices HOWEVER, don't promise anything you can't or have no intention of fulfilling. Your mother WILL remember and come calling for it. Also like Nin.gen said, ensure that you are willing and strong willed enough to protect your wife from your mother in future. She will try to frustrate her: you will determine if she would succeed. Most importantly, have you heard from God? 2 Likes |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by bukatyne(f): 8:40am On Jun 27, 2020 |
Ningen: It would be tragic when the husbands won't or can't defend the wives. Very awful things my brother. I know a family where the husband has locked his family members in prison. They threw the wife's things out because she has only one daughter. 1 Like |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by GRACEGLORY: 9:08am On Jun 27, 2020 |
Hey dude! First, you must note that marriage isn’t about bringing two families (your woman’s and yours’) together, it’s creating a separate independent family (your personal family). So, you should expect war from either side, and when the war comes, you as the man must stand your ground. Though, most of the ladies are not always able to stand this war, they give up along the line after crying some... “your folks don’t like me, like it’s your folks approvals they need.” So, good that your woman is pregnant, so, too late for her to give up now. “Not that I approve of sex before marriage, or birthing out of wedlock.” But you’d be able to get a couple of lesson outta this for your kids if you survive it. Your wife should be your choice not your parents’, because, the attitude shall always be the same: you marry mama’s choice, when issues (financial, emotional, psychological, parenting, et’ cetera...) arises in home, it’s your business, momma, or poppa, got nothing to do about it in most cases. Marriage is about two people agreeing, not two people forced to be together. You don’t lobby for marriage, it’s no politics. Truth be told, you go search, do some digging, you may eventually find out that your grandparents didn’t approve of your mom and dad’s marriage, but they got over it. Some mothers are like that out of possessive ignorance, they try to select or choose wife/husband for them child like they trying to get them some toy. Though, it could be painful when your momma especially that you love doesn’t love your wife, but truth is, they’d both get over it. You’re the one who must be a man, and in all, make sure your woman doesn’t develop hatred for your mother. Speed things up, and marry your lady, in the beginning, hell may loose, but don’t worry, you won’t get burnt as heaven will intervene. But in all, seek the way of the LORD, learn His Ways and thread in it. 6 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by chukwuibuipob: 9:13am On Jun 27, 2020 |
And listen up very well,dnt allow ur father to destroy U.Yes ur father  .Ur mum support u wen he eloped with a strange woman.Ur mum mean well for u.Dnt allow ur baba make u turn ur back to ur mum.As said up here,find her Church Pastor to plead with her on ur behalf.A man dat separated from ur mum is a SNAKE..Beware |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by chukwuibuipob: 9:16am On Jun 27, 2020 |
   If u Dey Lagos and ur house is on the island,we the Elder council on Nairaland fit visit ur mum and plead with her |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by Nobody: 9:30am On Jun 27, 2020 |
SenorFax: |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by Righteousness89(m): 9:55am On Jun 27, 2020 |
Missyajoke: AMEN |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by GboyegaD(m): 10:22am On Jun 27, 2020 |
You have made your choice, stick with it. If she tells you she is disowning you because of her selfishness, so be it. You are the one getting married and will be in the marriage as such, don't let her dictate who you should live with. You have done all you should to seek peace and can't do more. OP, don't put your matter in the hands of too many people ooo. Talking to different parties to talk to your mom is super unnecessary and you are only giving them the go ahead to interfere in your marriage. My Primary 3 Social Studies back in the days taught me that marriage is between a man and a woman. It is defined and designed that way for a reason. 5 Likes |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by GboyegaD(m): 10:28am On Jun 27, 2020 |
Ningen: No vex, who is she getting married to and who is marrying her? It is a husband and wife relationship and not wife and husband family or vice versa. Whoever would not accept your spouse shouldn't be bothered about because they don't care about your happiness. 1 Like |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by bukatyne(f): 10:28am On Jun 27, 2020 |
chukwuibuipob: I think this is harsh. However, I agree with the sentiments: the OP should not let his dad ruin the relationship with his mom. Another dad would have advised the son how to get the mom to accept or even try to pacify the mom and not suggest his wife representing as the mom. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by viettastitches(f): 10:29am On Jun 27, 2020 |
for your mama mind she dey form 'ebele okaro'. mtchhheeeeeew |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by bukatyne(f): 10:33am On Jun 27, 2020 |
GboyegaD: Marriage is between families and not individuals. That's why you gain in-laws and will be expected to do some certain stuff for them and vice versa. For instance, I will not see my SIL (brother's wife/husband's sister) stranded somewhere and not jump in to help like I would do for an elder/younger sister. They have become my extended family members. And it is not all rejection that stems from Ill feeling. Some of them are from a good place because they are not beclouded by 'feelings' or have extra information about the intended. 1 Like |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by GboyegaD(m): 10:36am On Jun 27, 2020 |
bukatyne: I will not see my friends stranded and not help. I even help strangers so no big deal with in-laws. Nonetheless, they are not a part of my immediate family. I do not believe in interference in marriage and would never succumb to marriage involving in-laws. We are cordial and that is what it is and nothing more. If you act properly, we remain cool otherwise, it is good riddance to bad rubbish for me. 6 Likes |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by bukatyne(f): 10:40am On Jun 27, 2020 |
GboyegaD: I don't think I mentioned 'interference' in marriage  Besides, your in-laws aka extended family have a stake in your marriage and will step in once in a while if necessary. That doesn't negate the principle of two becoming one or that no one should put them asunder. Anyways, whatever rocks your boat. 1 Like |
| Re: My Mother Said She Will Disown Me If I Marry My Fiancé by GboyegaD(m): 10:55am On Jun 27, 2020 |
bukatyne: Thanks. I do not need any interference just the way they see I do not interfere. Had a fair share at some point they asked questions I felt were not supposed to and had to remind my wife on our agreement. It is called fairness. |
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