Dante.A:

[b]Dear Reader,
Thanks so much for visiting this page, U can neva tell, u mite actually be saving a life or 2 for just opening this link.

This my chronicle that started about 4 yrs ago I'd try to summarise as much as possible so as not to take too much of your time.

I'm in my very early 30s, an Engineer with a well paying job, at least amongst my peers I'd say the good lord has done really well for me financially, yet I'm a very sad man, not been for a good while now (lik they say, mny can't buy you happiness). When I felt I'd gotten to a marraigeable age, I saw this nice, loving and God-fearing lady (a student then), I went after her with all good intent for about 7months before we eventually started dating, after 1.6yrs of being with her, during which we'd come to grow to love each other so much, I proposed to marry her.
My Mother, at every opportunity she gets, had never ceased to show her objection to the r/ship ever since she heard about or even before meeting her, my dad and other siblings had been quite supportive (until lately).

My dad and brothers concluded that instead I keep waiting for my mother to come around (which mite be never, and I'm not growing any younger eihter) I should start with the introduction and possibly engagement, which they will attend. I went ahead to fix a date with them and then communicated it to my fiancee's family, we then went ahead to start involving ONLY immediate family members (mostly hers, since her dad's late) abt a week aftrwards, my dad called that he was no more in support of me marrying the lady giving reasons he saw a vision in conjunction with what my uncle's pastor had told him. That my-wife-to-be can't be my wife cos if I marry her, I'd die young & some other similar stories lik that.

Believe me I'd had a few downs in my life, but I'd never been this devasted before. Right now I feel like the only man on earth, this has taken a terrible toll on my work as well, as I rarely concentrate anymore at work. My boss who had been really happy with my work and sometimes leave high-level responsibilities and decisions to me is starting to notice.

Pls what do i do, i really love this lady, never tot of spending my life with any-other ever since I met her. Moreso she'd gone thru so much bitterness in the hands of my mum, and ther's only 1 way I can make up for all we've been thru 2gether, that's by marrying her. Any kind hearted/concerned/God-fearing person in the house pls take your time to review this.

Thanks[/b]

Blazay:

Y'all are all God-Fearing zis-n-zat and still do not have the simplest, faith-based courage to solve the least challanging problems. Any African woman who had a miserable/failed marriage, will always be jealous of any man/woman who aspires to find peace and happiness in life. Especially, if it involves HER own children.

Too bad you do not have what it takes to be a reeeeeaaaal man.
Live your life and let misery keep itself company.

Goodluck!

Ujujoan:

So you are suggesting his mother is jealous of him    

Dante.A:

@Delta007
Yes we have talked severally on this issue, her marrying into my family with the whole mother thing, we even went ahead to separate for abt 3 months at 1 time, telling ourselves we cld do it, but we eventually found ourselves together agn, I recently also asked her to think it thru, but she was always able to convince me and had faith that my mother would come around smeday. She even refused to do anthng formal with me until my mum accepts her, but my dad urged us on, only for him to back out nw.

Dante.A:

I hope this is lite enuff, open to any other thng any1 has to ask, cos need to clear this up. I’d say God gave me very good gifts of intelligence and brilliance, whch has taken me to where I am today, I even take huge decisions on behalf of my company and it works out fine, also can give sound and endearing advise on major issues to/amongst colleagues and friends, but here I am, perplexed.

Dante.A:

I hope this is lite enuff, open to any other thng any1 has to ask, cos need to clear this up. I’d say God gave me very good gifts of intelligence and brilliance, whch has taken me to where I am today, I even take huge decisions on behalf of my company and it works out fine, also can give sound and endearing advise on major issues to/amongst colleagues and friends, but here I am, perplexed.

Dante.A:

@ SMOOTH
u are quite rite u knw, abt the adage of youthfulness and our elders, I'm from that school of thought as well. But I tell you 1 thing though, I would be the one to live with her not them; therefore I went ahead based on my findings. My mother, a great woman who has always been there for us growing up, even was our backbone us when our dad was misbehaving; her issue started by her wanting me to be with a different lady (my ex, now married), there-unto she moved to the spiritual aspects (abt me dying young if I marry my fiancée). I must say, I didn't handle the issue well in the beginning; I and my mother were always arguing and quarrelling over and over. That was years back, I soon realized I wasn't going abt it properly, I succumbed and have apologized to her severally, but I guess she still carries the grudge in her as she never ceases to remind.
Before now, my dad hadn't been agnst the union, he had even urged me on several occasions to do what I have to do and stop waiting for my mum to come around, if only I did then. My fiancée and dad have/had a good r/ship, they'd often talk on phone and my dad would tell me whenever we speak to take good care of her, he'd even go ahead to advice me on marriage issues, really nw wonder wre his “vision” was then.
Abt her (my fiancée), I really wish all was just in love, I love her so much; but though never been married myself, maturity and other life experiences had tot me not to marry only cos u love. Ever since I met her, I'd gradually transformed from a man who hates to commit to 1 who nw preaches commitment to his peers. I've had reasons to go to God before meeting her, but she had actually drawn me closer to him. Things have really turned around for me generally, though strtd work with a good job, I'd moved from success to success (just not psychologically), changing jobs whenever I so desire. I can afford to get things as soon as I start thinking about them, no matter the cost. All these might have been destined to happen to me with or witout her but as a traditional man, I jst feel she has a good aura around her that makes things work.
She (my fiancée) is a likable person, with a vision as same as mine, she’s also a planner which is what I desire most in a woman, I love planning but then I sometimes derail, she has actually been able to keep me on track. She’s a Christian, we ddnt use to attend same church but we sometime go together (due to the nature of my job, I travel a lot); she often urges us to pray, she’d request for us to fast, I be to 12 or 3pm, she’d be to 6pm, all qualities I need in a woman. Won’t say she’s perfect thgh, 1 thng is I hv to often force her before she talks abt an issue wen we have quarrels, that’s all, quite terrible but I thnk I can live with that.
I'd here add also that she from the east and I western part of Nigeria, not saying that's an issue with my mum (she'd never mentioned it) cos we the kids had our early years in the eastern part of Nigeria, we all hv also lived in the northern part before I moved to where I am presently, so I can't really say my mother’s a tribally biased person, can never tell still.

deal_ordea:

If you love someone, but you know they aren't right for you what do you do? Do you take the chance? Or do you let them go?, What if everyones against you, nobody wants you to be together, they all say it will end up wrong, do you still take that chance?

Busy_body:
Only you can/should be the Author of your destiny.

Who are the they?

Are they not God's creation?

Are you not God's creation?

Is your intended not God's creation?

The point I am driving at is "why would God not want His own to mix"?

Yes some people with the God-given gift of seeing vision and speaking in tongues probably told you stuffs, but have you gone to those whom God gave the gift of interceding to help you pray away the issue on your behalf, if you cannot do it on your own?

Was it not God who said nothing is too difficult for Him?

Again, why would God not want His creation to mix?

You only have this one chance to live, today is the first day of the rest of your life, go figure

TewMuch:

@OP
You know your parents better than any of us and they and God made you the person you are. No one else. Without the opportunities they gave you, you will not be who you are. Do not listen to anyone insulting or victimizing your parents. Your GF definitely saw your potential and she may be desperate to marry you no matter what. All this prayer and fasting trick has been played numerous times, it is when you finally get married you will see true colors. Your mother is talking from experience and there are things she will see that you won't see. You also desperately need your family, do not cut them off for any human being. They are the only ones that will always be there for you, your wife can run tomorrow if all fails for you. Some decisions in life are hard to make, but respect your parents and move on. There is someone out there for you. The girl obviously does not respect herself or your parents, and it shows how she may face them in future. If they do not approve, you guys should go your separate ways. You are who you are because of your hardwork and God given talents, not anyones aura. A bad marriage can take all that away in an instant. As you are so in love, there are things you will not see that other's will see. It may take a while but it will get better.

mutter:

You have one big OBSTACLE to your happiness and that is you.

You are an educated man that works and carries responsibilities. Do your parents follow you to work and take decisions for you
Wake up and be a MAN. Te role of your parents now os to advice you and not to control you.

Do they live with this woman or know her as you do? Probably they will never be happy with your choice no matter who.
Better to be unhappy with someone you love rather than someone you don`t love.

If I were the girl I would have asked you to take a hike because you are not in control of your home.
A man is the head of his home-
not his father and not his mother.

So with all your education you are still enchained and enslaved in all this "visions" etc. I call it Psychological terror and blackmail.

Now you need advise?
Take your girl fix a date at the registry or church and get married - Privately.
Your parents will come around and have to accept your decision. , or at the very least respect it.

By the way. No human being can predict the death of another.

This is the advise of a mother who has children of marriageable age.

When you were a kid your parents were strong and you weak. Now is the time tat the tables turn.
You now become the stronger one and the they weaker. Your duty as a son is to make them happy by showing them care and affection in their old age.
That is your first duty!
If you now make yourself unhappy. You will always hold it against them.
SO choose your wife and be happy. That way you can show them love.
The secret is that no one will ever impose on you what you reject in life.
Stand your ground

mutter:

Yes I made my choice and when it did not work out, I had only myself to blame.
My second marriage was met wit even stronger opposition but I went ahead and thank God that I did.
It took my family time to adjust to it but now all is well.
MY husband also met with strong disapproval for marrying a divorcee with kids and that was his first marriage.
But today we are happy we did what we wanted.

breathless:

Interesting post and responses alike.
@ Poster, I had a similar experience and was even worse. My mum from all intent was pretending to like her, but along the way, she blew up. This included both physical and spiritual attacks/confrontations. I was told some of the things you`re hearing now and even more. To the extent she said the girl would not bear children. (Na loooooonnnnnnggggg STORY)

In my case, if my dad had put up that resistance, no thinking twice, I would have opted out cos I see him as almost faultless.

Today, the story is different. The same girl is now my spouse who has given three beautiful and wonderful kids. My mum has been apologising for her past deeds and begging for forgiveness saying she did not know what she was doing. Now she takes pride in coming over to visit and spend time with her "darling daughter-in-law and beautiful grand children.

I guess they`re using the "death" story to put you on hold. (Don`t be deceived, DEATH is sure) so make your life worthwhile. Like I always say, Marry who you love or love who you marry.

God help you.