@ Dante.A, If you ve prayed and God is not sayin anything directly to you, He might be saying it tru ur parents. imagine when you eventually get married ur fiance (against the wish of ur parents) and you find it difficult to bear children or you bear children they die prematurely, these are some of the implications that may arise from such a marriage. my brother shine ur eye! this is naija, dont let "love" confuse you, if ur parents dont approve of it then tell her off, u dont ve to feel guilty about it after all it is not ur fault. this is the last decision they'll ve have to make concerning ur life, after now u'll ve a whole family to ur self of which u ll now be the head. Give ur parent that privilege to have a say in taking ur life partner cos they deserve it.

Goodluck man!

Mutter, SMOOTH, Tewmuch, DELTA, UjuJ, every1
I really appreciate all u've posted, I now kinda wished i'd been on NL family section before now, guess I had other concerns or trying to blot out my actual concerns until it now exploded in my face.

@Breathless,
That there really took my breath away, but if only wishes were horses,

I've read this thread over and over the last few days; still wondering, so much wisdom and experience. Thgh every1 with varied opinions, yet all made good sense. To those who thnk if I was a "real man" I shld not be asking what to do, well I really pray u don't find yourself in a situation like mine, cos only then can u quantify the gravity of this happenings.

On informing me they'd (my dad and other siblings) not be comin for the engagement anymore, I started investigating what was actually going on, why every1 (but my only sis) decided they’d boycott my happy day all of a sudden, only to find out my mum had threatened everybody about attending with curses. I now really wonder why she has to go that far, if it was about me dying young or any other, den that’s quite extreme, it shld be me, others are quite innocent. I don’t know how u guys see this, but she could have spoken to me. If I may here add that my mother had not said a word to me directly on this issue since inception over three years ago, she wld just mention it to pple, & then I get to hear. I’d sat her down personally to tell me why she really doesn’t want her (my fiancée), her response despite my persistence was “Nothing, I just don’t like her”, at one point she even said I shld go ahead but she’d not be going to be thre. Tell me with this kind of response I’m suppsed to just leave someone I cherish? She’s the one making all the fuss, talking to every other person bt me, this “dying” thing and all other issues, I got to hear from my brothers or uncle or sis or aunty etc, I mean! If she cld tell everybody, why not me!

I love my mother so much, I hate that I have to be the 1 having all ds issues with her, so since the day my dad told me he wasn’t goin to come, I’ve being sendin SMS to her (my mother) every nite with this words “I love u mum, goodnight”. I thnk a reason wld be cos I’m tryin not to dislike her; she calls but I don’t pick up, and today she sends me SMS “Peace” whatever that means

BTW, my dad and mum aren’t separated, they’ve been together for abt 37yrs now, only had a brief stint for 3yrs or thereabout (happens to be the most important 3 yrs of my life).

@ Mutter,
Thanks for your advises, but den U said “take her, fix a date, and get married” how do I do this when her family (esp her mum) wld nt bulge to that without my family being there?

I"m really touched by your story and i can only wish you the best. Being in such a position isnt an easy thing and since no one is 100% sure what the future awaits, we all take risks when makin some decisions, I'm not in the position to blame your mother, but i can only pray God touches her heart. In all, remember the decision is urs and urs alone. GOODLUCK!

In the words of a wiseman the problem is not their age but the age of their ideas
Guy who will you be spending the rest of your life with? your mum? I think its pathetic the way some parents take these things some times.
Heres a test though get your mum and the so called evangelist or whatever the man giving her the idea is to predict the next person who knocks on the door (to identify that the lady you love is not the one) and at what time (to clarify on their your dying early theorem).
make sure u collect both their phones so they dont text anyone and deceive you further cos ure dealing with some pretty coy people here.

If the girls parents are being adamant about your folks accepting first thats the simplest one carry her into the room lock door and bathe her cervix with sperm well well continuously for one month then lets see if they will still be insisting on your coming around when the bun is in the oven.

All these things have simple solutions. . .well except if you sef are not too sure about your feelings for the babe.

guy shine your eye

Dante.A:

@ Mutter,
Thanks for your advises, but den U said “take her, fix a date, and get married” how do I do this when her family (esp her mum) wld nt bulge to that without my family being there?

ask him and pls let him explain.

Real tough end!

-I think you should call your mum and talk to her and also tell her to convince u with her reason of hating the girl or let you be. Her bad character, bad cook, ugliness are ur problem but your goodhealth and progress is every of your loved ones' problems.

-You should also get to the root of the "marry her die young" prophesy. As much as we try to use education to cover the reality of family spell, some are still real and one has to be sure, not that it can not be destroyed but "My people die for lack of knowledge". Ascetain if its real or false allegation.

-Marriage is between the man and the woman yet not without the extended families be wise and make sure there is as much peace as can make you peaceful in that marriage. I tell you onething, Its good the decision is finally made by you cos, what you are seeing now is just the introductory page of the marriage, other pages are still coming in the negative or positive so you need alll the manliness and faith to pull thru.

If u ascertain that its just the normal " I dont like her syndrome, then stand ur foot and marry her but if there is any thing about her background then u have a job to do to convience your family- Love is not enough in marriage issues, it can only help to some extent.

You do not need the consent of parents for a registry marriage.
All you need are witnesses.
Now I believe that this marriage has no "significance" in the sense that it cannot compensate for a traditional or church marriage but it binds legally and it certainly sends a very clear signal to everyone.
You could try going with her to a registry to enquire and see how she reacts.

Now as regards your parents,

Take a few of your friends, preferably some married ones and go to meet them. Try making sure that some relations attend if possible.
Go formally and appeal to them once more.
With family and friends there, you might get a different reaction.

Na real wa

....

kinjiggy:

@ Dante.A, If you ve prayed and God is not sayin anything directly to you, He might be saying it tru your parents. imagine when you eventually get married your fiance (against the wish of your parents) and you find it difficult to bear children or you bear children they die prematurely, these are some of the implications that may arise from such a marriage. my brother shine your eye! this is naija, dont let "love" confuse you, if your parents dont approve of it then tell her off, u dont ve to feel guilty about it after all it is not your fault. this is the last decision they'll ve have to make concerning your life, after now u'll ve a whole family to your self of which u ll now be the head. Give your parent that privilege to have a say in taking your life partner cos they deserve it.

Goodluck man!

When are you Nigerian clowns gonna stop lying that God is talking to you? How do you know its God? This same situation happened with one of my friend's Uncle. The Uncle's sister told him that God said he should marry a particular girl. The Uncle told her, next time God talks to her, she should record it, so she can play it back for him.

Even for me, after I had finished my masters, a relative told me God told her that I should go study another discipline altogether. I asked her how she knew it was God. She said because she was not thinking about it, and it just came to her mind. I asked her how that means it was God. Well, I refused the advise. Today, I'm doing very well for myself making more money that I would make if I had listened to the advice.

One of my best friends was just telling me a while ago that her parents forbade her to marry her current wife. Not only did they not attend the wedding, they did not speak to him for three years. Today, his parents and his wives are best of friends.

My only advice to you is to be very sure this is the woman for you. Even without issues with in-laws, marriage is very tough. So you better be sure this is the woman that you intend to spend the rest of your life with. If you are sure, go ahead and marry her.

Another alternative is that you tell your parents that you will listen to their advice and not marry the girl. But they need to understand that you are prepared to be single the rest of your life. Under no circumstances, will you marry another one. So let them choose between you marrying the girl or not marrying at all,

Genius100:

When are you Nigerian clowns gonna stop lying that God is talking to you? How do you know its God? This same situation happened with one of my friend's Uncle. The Uncle's sister told him that God said he should marry a particular girl. The Uncle told her, next time God talks to her, she should record it, so she can play it back for him.

Even for me, after I had finished my masters, a relative told me God told her that I should go study another discipline altogether. I asked her how she knew it was God. She said because she was not thinking about it, and it just came to her mind. I asked her how that means it was God. Well, I refused the advise. Today, I'm doing very well for myself making more money that I would make if I had listened to the advice.

One of my best friends was just telling me a while ago that her parents forbade her to marry her current wife. Not only did they not attend the wedding, they did not speak to him for three years. Today, his parents and his wives are best of friends.

My only advice to you is to be very sure this is the woman for you. Even without issues with in-laws, marriage is very tough. So you better be sure this is the woman that you intend to spend the rest of your life with. If you are sure, go ahead and marry her.

Another alternative is that you tell your parents that you will listen to their advice and not marry the girl. But they need to understand that you are prepared to be single the rest of your life. Under no circumstances, will you marry another one. So let them choose between you marrying the girl or not marrying at all,

Don't mind them! Sometimes I wonder why people like to deceive themselves in the name of religion.

A friend of mine claimed 'God' told her to dump her BF of 5 years to marry a man she just met who was based in the UK.

I really admired her 'God's' choice cos it was very profitable . . . albeit heartless!

Anyways, 5 years down the line, the lady's divorced, lost the only child she had and is back to Nigeria to beg for her old job back! Her ex on the other had is married with two kids (a boy and a girl) and lives a quiet and happy life with his family.

'God' must have miscalculated!

HI DANTE.A, WAS IN SUCH SERIOUS SITUATION LIKE YOURS. GONNA GIVE YOU A BRIEF STORY LINE BEFORE HOMING IN ON HOW I SOLVED IT. MYSELF AND MY WIFE STARTED GOING OUT MARCH 2005 AND ONLY JUST GOT MARID MARCH 2011. LIKE U I AM WELL PAID WITH GOOD BONUSES AND ALL BUT BEFORE NOW I NEVER SLEPT WELL. MY MOM ALSO NEVER USED TO GIVE ME A REASON BUT KEPT ON WITH THE ''I JUST DONT WANT HER'' PHRASE. MY FIGHTS ( NOT PHYSICAL) WITH MY MOM, DAD AND SIBLING WAS INTOLERABLE. INITIALLY IT WAS JUST MY MOM THAT HAD RESERVATIONS BUT THAT SOON SPREAD TO OTHER MEMBERS OF MY HOUSE. INITIALLY MY YOUNGER SIS AND THEN GF USED TO BE CLOSE FRIENDS BUT WEN THINGS CAME BAD MY SIS BECAME ONE OF MY MOM'S TOOLS FOR WREAKING HAVOCS. SO MANY STUFFS TO SAY, HOW MY MOM PLANNED SOMEONE ELSE FOR ME, HOW MY MOM AND MY MOTHER-IN-LAW HAD AN ALTERCATION, HOW MY GF WAS STOPPED FROM COMING TO MY FAMILY HOUSE, THE LIST IS ENDLESS.

SOLUTION,

WHILE MY MOM ALWAYS THREW TANTRUMS AND ALL, I NEVER DID THE SAME BUT CAME BACK TO ALWAYS PACIFY HER. I ''ENDEARED'' HER INTO REALLY TELLING ME WHAT HER TRUE FEARS WERE. BROS TILL TODAY NO CONCRETE REASONS

I NEVER FOUGHT OR IGNORED MY FAMILY EVEN WHEN THEY THREW ALL SORTS AT ME. I MEAN IMAGINE THIS YOUR YOUNGER SISTER( 4 YRS YOUNGER) WOULD SEND DAMNING TEXT MSGS TO YOUR GF AND ALL I WOULD DO IS JUST CALL HER AND TALK TO HER CALMLY. BROS I TRIED BUT I KNEW WAT I WANTED

I ENCOURAGED MY GF THEN ( NOW MY WIFE) HOW TO TAKE THINGS. WITH SO MUCH HATRED GOING ALL AROUND SH'D CRY ALMOST EVRYDAY. SHE HAD GIVEN UP ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS BUT MY RESILIENCE DAZZLED HER.
LISTEN TO YOUR FAMILY BUT ALSO LISTEN TO YOUR FIANCEE. IT IS A BATTLE FROM BOTH SIDES WHICH U NID TO FIGHT WITH UR HEAD AND NOT UR HEART.
OFTENTIMES MY GF WANTED ME TO FIGHT BACK ON HER BEHALF BUT I ALWAYS USED DIPLOMACY.

NOTE THIS, OUR PARENTS KNOW US BETTER BUT GOD KNOWS US BEST. Job 32 vs 6-10, READ THIS TO YOUR MOM AND LET HER KNOW THAT YOU ACKNOWLEDGE ALL THIER FEARS BUT GOD IS IN CONTROL. YOUR STANDPOINT SHOULD BE FROM THAT OF A BELIEVER. AFFIRM THAT YOU CANT DIE YOUNG AND STAY ON THIS EVRYTIME U MEET UR MOMS. NO FIGHTS AT ALL. WITH GOD'S SPIRIT IN YOU YOU'LL CONQUER.

GODBLESS BRO

hmmm

Mutter hit the nail on the head. You are a man now and should make your own decisions. Dreams are merely warnings which, with fervent fasting and prayers, can be forever annihilated, never to see the light of day. I advise that you fast and pray say for 7 days, from time to time talking to God to give you a solution to this problem. It is not only when you are at home or you kneel down that you can talk to God. Do it fervently, the response must come. Your family may give you their blessing to marry this girl. Much as I am not in favour of going along with your family's wish to abandon this girl, it will be disastrous to make a mistake. So give it to God, and still study your girl. The outcome will show you way forward. Meanwhile remain calm and pay attention to your job; loosing it will be traggic. All the best.

Mutter hit the nail on the head. You are a man now and should make your own decisions. Dreams are merely warnings which, with fervent fasting and prayers, can be forever annihilated, never to see the light of day. I advise that you fast and pray say for 7 days, from time to time talking to God to give you a solution to this problem. It is not only when you are at home or you kneel down that you can talk to God. Do it fervently, the response must come. Your family may give you their blessing to marry this girl. Much as I am not in favour of going along with your family's wish to abandon this girl, it will be disastrous to make a mistake. So give it to God, and still study your girl. The outcome will show you way forward. Meanwhile remain calm and pay attention to your job; loosing it will be traggic. All the best.

Young man tough decision you have there! I quite understand what you going through, my family had been through it too. Let me advice you; if you start a marriage without the consent of your family, there would be a foundational problem. Our parents are next to God in our lives and we should honor them till they depart this earth, it is the only commandment from God that came with an attachment; that your days may be long on this earth.

Do not get carried away with love, pray about the whole thing then you and your fiancee should have a heart discussion on the way forward, even your fiancee wont be happy in the marriage if your family deserts you. You can two would always meet other people but you can only have one family. Its a tough one my brother and i don't wish I'm in your shoes. Bottom line nothing you say would convince your mother so don't bother, instead wasting further time with the girl, release her and you both start your life again.

fighting a good winning fight.

4 a single fact that your mum is not in support of it, leave it or take it, it will not work, i know God can change things, also remember wat the bible say, children obey your parent so that your days may be long. if u persist God can grant u His permissive will, but i will rather advice u to asked God for a Particular sign, am saying this out of personal experience. Remember they say experience is the best teacher.

Poster, have you people resolved this issue yet??

I understand how u feel,cos I've been there b4 though in different circumstances. My advice to u:fast n pray fervently for 3-7 days,take a decision by the leading of the Holy Spirit,n stand by ur decision. If u choose to stay with her,u have to be firm,making ur mind known to ur family members in unmistakable terms. Make it clear to them that u love them but u have to follow ur heart.If they don't accept her,go ahead with the marriage without them and don't let their absence mar u both's happiness. Keep her away from them as much as possible to reduce friction. However,do not fail in ur duties to ur family. Ur wife should be respectful n avoid confrontations whenever circumstances bring them together. Above all,both of u should be prayerful to prevent fulfillment of evil prophesies. Ur parents will come around with time,if they truly love u. U have one life to live,n u deserve to live it to the full.
My two cents.

I understand how u feel,cos I've been there b4 though in different circumstances. My advice to u:fast n pray fervently for 3-7 days,take a decision by the leading of the Holy Spirit,n stand by ur decision. If u choose to stay with her,u have to be firm,making ur mind known to ur family members in unmistakable terms. Make it clear to them that u love them but u have to follow ur heart.If they don't accept her,go ahead with the marriage without them and don't let their absence mar u both's happiness. Keep her away from them as much as possible to reduce friction. However,do not fail in ur duties to ur family. Ur wife should be respectful n avoid confrontations whenever circumstances bring them together. Above all,both of u should be prayerful to prevent fulfillment of evil prophesies. Ur parents will come around with time,if they truly love u. U have one life to live,n u deserve to live it to the full.
My two cents.

A cousin was in this exact situation but she was the girlfriend in question and the guy was from Benue. After 3 tumultous yrs, they finally separated and both are married to different people now. What can i say, shiit happens.

My dear dante, my advise is from my own experience, when we wanted to get married his mother didnt want me and my father didnt particularly want him either. The reason is mutual. Disparity in denominations. Because my father loves me so passionately, he cldnt stand the tears in my eyes so he gave his consent. Because my husband knows his mother doesn't like me, he never allowed our paths to cross. He would not allow her visit nor wld she want to visit because according to him, she will always complain about everything i do. So thats hw we did it until she has no other option but to accept me. but again the trick is dat marriage is politics too. ur must arm herself with strategies to winning ur mom over. nobody refuses love. if she knows all those things that make ur mom happy, she must endeavor to do it. moms love walking around d village with their daughters in law, she should make her, infact pet her. Again, i hv come realise that its not easy for mothers to let go of their sons to other women. so my dear, pray, do some family reengineering, give ir a break, dont put ur whole mind n effort to it, pretend u dont even want d marriage again, dont fuss about it. i believe evryone will come around.

Secondly, my cousin married a woman that her own mother did everything possible to make sure her daughter didnt marry my cousin. At first it was one of those things that mothers said. But when the mother insisted n d daughter refused, her mother had no option n left her. but she left an advise for my cousin. The advise came a week before my cousins wife put to bed. His mother in law came to his house in Lagos with some spices and told him to use it to make pepper soup when her daughter dies. My cousins wife did not come out of the labour room alive but her child survived.

My dear some of these things hold water. It is only God that gives us that spirit of discernment to know which is which. May our good Lord guide ur steps. But the most consoling news is that if we are for God who can be against us? Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gayi:

My dear dante, my advise is from my own experience, when we wanted to get married his mother didnt want me and my father didnt particularly want him either. The reason is mutual. Disparity in denominations. Because my father loves me so passionately, he cldnt stand the tears in my eyes so he gave his consent. Because my husband knows his mother doesn't like me, he never allowed our paths to cross. He would not allow her visit nor wld she want to visit because according to him, she will always complain about everything i do. So thats hw we did it until she has no other option but to accept me. but again the trick is dat marriage is politics too. your must arm herself with strategies to winning your mom over. nobody refuses love. if she knows all those things that make your mom happy, she must endeavor to do it. moms love walking around d village with their daughters in law, she should make her, infact pet her. Again, i hv come realise that its not easy for mothers to let go of their sons to other women. so my dear, pray, do some family reengineering, give ir a break, dont put your whole mind n effort to it, pretend u dont even want d marriage again, dont fuss about it. i believe evryone will come around.

Secondly, my cousin married a woman that her own mother did everything possible to make sure her daughter didnt marry my cousin. At first it was one of those things that mothers said. But when the mother insisted n d daughter refused, her mother had no option n left her. but she left an advise for my cousin. The advise came a week before my cousins wife put to bed. His mother in law came to his house in Lagos with some spices and told him to use it to make pepper soup when her daughter dies. My cousins wife did not come out of the labour room alive but her child survived.

My dear some of these things hold water. It is only God that gives us that spirit of discernment to know which is which. May our good Lord guide your steps. But the most consoling news is that if we are for God who can be against us? Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

at the bolded. Why will a mother do that to her own child. Wonders shall truly never end.

Na waoh. Some mothers are indeed evil

Ma frnd, dis is little complicated, but l will tell u wat ma councelor said after helpin u to consult.
If u have neva had anytin with d girl eg. Sex
u r stil safe, dere is a solution but if u have, there is a solution too.
Do u asked ur creator if she is d one to marry b4 planin on marriage?
1. If u neva had anytin wit her, u will pray n fast for Gods direction, seek origina pastors, dat will pray abt it, dey will see wat u'll see, and if it's to marry u will have to take them to ur parents to pray n talk to, l bet u God will change their mind.
But if u dont kolokus, l mean do sumtin, den dey will see concequnce, in which ur family might b protectin u abt, den u will ask for fogiveness of sin after dat, u start over again from 1.
But inall, prayer is d key, d key to d solution, be bless bro

@Dante.A:thank God for revelationam first of all you & ur madam need to calm down. thank God for revelation. Now dat you have heard & seen ur family's reaction, i believe that u need to move closer to God & pray abt dis serious if u don't want to change ur partner that God shld go ahead & make all crooked way straight & also touch all hrts that are not in agreement to d marriage. & then believe God & give urself & family more time. & sure with all these God will reveal His mind towards ur situation. It is well with u.

Blazay: Y'all are all God-Fearing zis-n-zat and still do not have the simplest, faith-based courage to solve the least challanging problems. Any African woman who had a miserable/failed marriage, will always be jealous of any man/woman who aspires to find peace and happiness in life. Especially, if it involves HER own children.

Too bad you do not have what it takes to be a reeeeeaaaal man.
Live your life and let misery keep itself company.

Goodluck!

I WAS GONNA POST EXACTLY WHAT I POSTED AS BLAZAY!!!!