A group of first-year medical students is gathered around an operating table for their first anatomy lesson with a dead body.

“As a doctor, you’ll need to develop two key skills,” the professor begins.

“The first is stoicism. You can’t be disgusted by anything involving the human body.”

The professor then rolls the body over, sticks his finger into the corpse’s butt, withdraws it and sticks his finger in his mouth.

“Now do the same,” he instructs.

The horrified students hesitate, but eventually take turns dipping a finger into the cadaver’s anus and then sucking on it.

When everyone has finished, the professor continues, “The second skill is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and then I sucked on my index finger. Pay attention.”

Ade wanted desperatrly to have intimacy with a hot girl at work, but she had a boyfriend. One day Robert got so desperate that he went to her & said "I'll give you N1000 if you will let me have intimacy with you".
The girl looked at him shocked & said "hell no". He said 'i'll be real quick, i'll throw the money on the floor, you bend over to get it & i'll be finshed by time you have picked it up''.
she thought for a mintue & told him that she would ring her boyfriend, so she rings her boyfriend and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says "ask him for N2000, pick up the money really really fast & he won't be able to get his pants down!
She agreed & accepts the proposal 30 minutes go by & the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend to call.
finally after 45 minute, the boyfriend calls & asks 'What the Bleep happend?', still breathin hard she manages to reply, ''That bastard threw only COINS on the floor!!!!!

Nice one Land caster

thanks

A blonde walks into an electrical goods store and approaches the nearest salesman. "Excuse me", She says; could I purchase that super looking portable television, in the shop window, please"? The salesman snaps back; "Get out, we don't serve blondes in this store"!
The blonde is quite taken aback by the shop assistant's tone, and does walk out of the shop.

She returns the next day, having dyed her hair dark brown, and once again, asks to purchase the portable television in the store window. The salesman snarls; "Get out of the shop, I told you yesterday, we don't serve blondes". This really angers the blonde, and makes her all the more determined to purchase the item.
A week later, she returns to the store heavily disguised as a man, complete with grey wig, full beard and a tweed suit. "Excuse me, young man", She bellows in a deep voice. "I'd like to purchase that portable television on display in the window, please" The salesman turns purple with rage; " Why don't you listen"? he screams; "I've told you twice; we don't serve blondes"! The blonde rips of the false beard and wig and throws them to the floor. "Arrgh!" she yells; "how did you know it was me?" The salesman points to the shop window, and says: "Because it's a bloody microwave oven, you dumb b.i.t.c.h"

My wife was watching a cooking show the other day.

I said, "What are you watching that for? You can't cook."

She said, "You watch porn."

THAT B.IT.CH!!!

nice ones,

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop.

Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter trembling slightly.
Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the salesgirl,
"Ddddddoo yyyyouuuu have ddddddilllldosss?"

The salesgirl, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies,
"Yes we do have dildos.
Actually we carry many different models."

The old woman then asks: "Ddddddoo yyyyyouu ccccccary aaa pppinkk one ettteeeenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttttttwoo inchesss ththiickk, aaand rrunns by bbbbbbbbaatteries ?"

The girl stifling her laughter responds, "Yes we do, "
THE OLD WOMAN NOW ASKED HER,

"Ddddooo yyyyyoouu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn iittt offfff?"

bad guy,


nice ones man, sup?

lancaster u try , if to say dis jokes no bam, i for make sure say i dis-organise evrytin u stand for

u don dey form, "i go die for NLD" lol

Beautiful!

@CLEM u no say u be my elder for NL,u na heavy man, glad say una like am, more go show

Seen 'em al b4. Stil nys thou.

A man was making love to his wife, he said to his wife "honey you are sweet" the wife answered "your friends says so when you are not around"

lol@pretiebony
if i be the man, i go panel beat her come lock up her bla bla bla till eternity . .yeye woman

@lancaster
i dey enjoy ur jokes

*sips beer and reads on*

What really happened when Elton John and David Furnish decided to have a baby.

They had their sperm mixed together and had a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it. When the baby was born Elton and David were waiting at the hospital. They were ushered into a ward where a dozen babies were lying in their cots, eleven of whom were crying and screaming.
Over in the corner, one baby was smiling serenely. A nurse came over to both of them and indicated that the happy child was theirs.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Elton said to David. "All these unhappy babies , and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!"

[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][b]The nurse said, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his arse!"[/[/b]font]

PROOF THAT MEN ARE BETTER FRIENDS THAN WOMEN

Wife didn't come home one night.
Next morning she told her husband she slept at a friends house.
Husband calls her 10 best friends and none of them know anything about it,

So one night the husband didn't come home.
Next morning he says he slept over a friends house,
Wife calls his 10 best friends,
8 confirm that he slept over
And 2 said he was still there!!!!!

For the grandparents-to-be and those who already are
GRANDPARENTS' ANSWERING MACHINE

Good morning. . . . At present we are not at home but, please Leave your message after you hear the beep, beeeeeppp ,
If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is.
If you need us to stay with the children, press 2
If you want to borrow the car, press 3
If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 4
If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5
If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6
If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7
If you want to come to eat here, press 8
If you need money, dial 9
If you are going to invite us to dinner, or, taking us to the theatre start talking we are listening !!!!!!!!!!!"

lmao, lan doin his thing

A Japanese doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor said, 'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'

A British doctor said, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half of a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'

A Texas doctor, not to be outdone said, 'You guys are way behind. We took a man with no brains out of Texas, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.

E don do plz

studio don de loose his relevance so he is now acting like a scared kid

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness.
Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BAS**RD!!!!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Little Johnny's dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some
little johnny sticks his head on the door sees his dad and says "what are u doing dad? Johnny's dad stoops over to cover his p*n*s and started looking at the floor "oh i'm just looking for this big rat i saw" he says
little johnny asks " what are you going to do, f*u*c*k it?

C as una turn KDK's son to bad pikin.

little johnny asks " what are you going to do, f*u*c*k it

johnny will always make me proud,

A train hits a bus load of catholic girls and they perish.
They all line up at the front of heaven where they are greeted by St.Peter.
He asks the first girl "Jessica, have you ever had contact with a penis? she replied giggling "yes, i once touched one with my finger" St Peter says "ok you must dip your finger in holy water to enter heaven.
St Peter asks the next girl the same question to which she replies "yeah i stroked one once with my hand" so the girl had to dip her hand in the holy water in order to enter heaven.
all of a sudden there is a massive commotion in the line, with one of the girls pushing to the front.
"Whats the rush Melissa?' St Peter asked to which she replied "If i have to gargle that holy water, I'm fuckin' doing it before Linda sticks her ass in it!!!!"

hehe

Lmao.