Cutehector:
A case of me seeing 6 on my side, and him seeing 9 on his side...

Your answer.

mariahAngel:


Yes. But I want to understand better how men Decide to love

Cutehector:
remove your brain and put a man's own, then you will be able to understand better.

mariahAngel:


Not nice...

mariahAngel:
A few days back, I saw a thread titled Falling in love or growing in love, which is better?, then I read through the comments and saw one that I didn't totally agree with. We don't fall in love, we decide to love was that comment.

I quoted the commenter, stating that I didn't agree with his comment. You fall in love when love catches you unaware was my comment.

Then came another commenter saying the previous commenter was right, and that Everything! Everything man does is driven by conscious or unconscious decision. Even when you don't know, you're making a decision.
To fall in love means to let down your guard--the resistance, as you said. Whether you predict it or it happens by chance, the moment you say "I love you" to another human being, you have likely decided or in deciding to love that person. That you decide to love does not rob you of excitment.
Passion and feelings are regulated by choice--even when we are not aware we are making that choice.
Then I asked, How does one decide what they have no control over?
What about an instance where you put up a strong resistance, and still end up falling in love?
We cannot control how we feel, what we can control is how we react to what we feel.

We both went back and forth, and back and forth, and ended up not agreeing with each other....
Then it occurred to me, Could it be that we were both right? Him talking from the male perspective, and me from the female perspective...
A case of me seeing 6 on my side, and him seeing 9 on his side...

So, I need answers from mature minds: Is it possible to decide to love genuinely? Or is it a case of convincing one's self to love a person for some reasons?
How do men decide to love?
Is it correct to say that men do not fall in love?


Modified: It is safe to conclude that Men decide to love, while women fall in love.

Munzy14:

oohh!!!


fall in love = ngwo.

grow in love = nkwu..


Wise elders will say nkwu ka mma, kara ngwo.

Love four letter word, understood differently by every individual.


People love differently, with different reasons. The most important thing is, there is love and it conquers everything.

Men decide to love? explain biko..

mariahAngel:


Yes. But I want to understand better how men Decide to love

mariahAngel:


Biko mee ka'm ghota...na bekee o




Explain? I was waiting for someone to explain it to me, gi na si...

Munzy14:

You know the palm wine we drink is of two types?

One from ngwo tree, the other (nkwu)from normal palm tree if you don't want it to fruit.

The ngwo own, comes quick and plenty within a short time it stops, and we cut the tree down.

The nkwu takes time while dropping small small, and you can tap for a long period of time.

In igbo, we say kama mmanya m ga agba ka ngwo, ya gbaa ka nkwu.

In essence, nkwu lasts than ngwo..

Now, in this context, I think growing in love is slow and steady like nkwu, it starts from friendships to buddies and slowly move to next level...Most couples who grew older in it will always hammer on how they started like this.

While falling in it, dika ngwo, by the time the infatuation erodes, the next na see finish, before the final drift...

eazzzy1:
I’m a man and I do not choose to fall in love. It just happens. Sometimes I see someone, I just want a good time, basically sex, then we get talking, feelings starts developing, you think of them often, you want to see them or talk to them all the time, there’s an emotion beneath void of any logic, you stay up longer than your sleep hours to talk to them even when you know you have to wake up early the next day.

Just as we do not decide to think, feel pain, feel anger, disappointment etc these are automatic response to stimuli, so is love. You can consciously decide not to fall in love, but you can’t conciously decide to fall in love, then the love will be fake.

Now this is only for eros love or romantic love.

UjuJoan2:

I think I agree that you choose to fall in love, it doesn't just happen. It's the feelings and passions and we can't really help. But that's not love, is it?

I don't think it is really.

For women, it's usually difficult for us to control our feelings because we are very emotional. In the end it leads us to love.

But for men, they are more in control of their feelings because theit emotions don't usually run too deep. So they are more clear headed and selective about who they fall in love with.

That's my opinion anyway . . .

UjuJoan2:


I think I agree that you choose to fall in love, it doesn't just happen. It's the feelings and passions and we can't really help. But that's not love, is it?

I don't think it is really.

For women, it's usually difficult for us to control our feelings because we are very emotional. In the end it leads us to love.

But for men, they are more in control of their feelings because theit emotions don't usually run too deep. So they are more clear headed and selective about who they fall in love with.

That's my opinion anyway . . .

UjuJoan2:


I think I agree that you choose to fall in love, it doesn't just happen. It's the feelings and passions and we can't really help. But that's not love, is it?

I don't think it is really.

For women, it's usually difficult for us to control our feelings because we are very emotional. In the end it leads us to love.

But for men, they are more in control of their feelings because theit emotions don't usually run too deep. So they are more clear headed and selective about who they fall in love with.

That's my opinion anyway . . .

crackhaus:



No wonder "they" refused to like and kiss this your analysis...

mariahAngel:


Likes does not mean anything. One can only like what they relate with and not just by eye service.
As long as you're true to yourself, whether others agree with you or not does not matter.

UjuJoan2:


I think I agree that you choose to fall in love, it doesn't just happen. It's the feelings and passions and we can't really help. But that's not love, is it?

I don't think it is really.

For women, it's usually difficult for us to control our feelings because we are very emotional. In the end it leads us to love.

But for men, they are more in control of their feelings because theit emotions don't usually run too deep. So they are more clear headed and selective about who they fall in love with.

That's my opinion anyway . . .

bukatyne:

@bold:

You know this?

Interesting.

@OP:

Love is a feeling (passion, sexual attraction, good feelings etc) and a choice which would loop back to the feelings.

bukatyne:


@bold:

Men are very capable of loving and emoting deeper than women. You would catch a glimpse when you watch a football match. Especially knockout stages. The joy, passion, pain, sorrow, anger etc. are all emotions.

I think because women are naturally care givers, we think we are more 'emotional'. A lady can dislike a toaster and still prepare a buffet when he is coming or arrange his room. Just how a man can be thinking of only sex with a woman or not even like her at all and still provide or give gifts.

These are just biological traits that mean nothing.

I think when a man begins to give care, invest in your progress and emotions in a non-sexual way, puts pleasing you (within reason) above his ego and see you beyond a care-giver etc.

or a woman begins to believe in you, loyal, provide, see you beyond a provider then we can start to talk about love.

crackhaus:

Tor...

mariahAngel:

She does not mean it the way you understood it.

When you learn to understand people more and how they are, you're very less likely to be offended by their approach to things.

crackhaus:

Wetin this one dey talk?

How do you know what I understood? Are you inside me? Am I inside you?
Emphasis on inside...

mariahAngel:


Waka!

...and I don't mean walk

mariahAngel:


I wanted to mention you when I created the thread, then I decided to let it flow natural....

bukatyne:


I hope it flowed as expected

bukatyne:


@bold:

Men are very capable of loving and emoting deeper than women. You would catch a glimpse when you watch a football match. Especially knockout stages. The joy, passion, pain, sorrow, anger etc. are all emotions.

I think because women are naturally care givers, we think we are more 'emotional'. A lady can dislike a toaster and still prepare a buffet when he is coming or arrange his room. Just how a man can be thinking of only sex with a woman or not even like her at all and still provide or give gifts.

These are just biological traits that mean nothing.

I think when a man begins to give care, invest in your progress and emotions in a non-sexual way, puts pleasing you (within reason) above his ego and see you beyond a care-giver etc.

or a woman begins to believe in you, loyal, provide, see you beyond a provider then we can start to talk about love.