Am 24yrs old. Got married last year. I have a son for him but i cant stay with him. I met him and he immediately proposed to me and i accepted because i was having many suitors then that were all AS and am AS. He is not educated and not very rich. He came with his people to our house for introduction. I became pregnant for him. The day i told him that i was pregnant, he confessed to me that he doesnt have any money for brideprice, that he is owing bank and doesnt even have money to pay. I cried that day because of the pain i wil pass through. What he told me was whether i ve not seen girls that give birth in their father's house. I was stil thinking of what to do when he went and told my father that am already pregnant for him. My father got annoyed and refused to pay my school fees for that year. I was in 3rd year in the university then, it was my mother that paid, if not i would ve quitted school. After some months, he came and paid my dowry. When he was abt coming, i called him and told him to please add more 5 thousand to the brideprice that i wil give him back so that my kinsmen wont laugh at me, he accepted but came with the same amt he told me initially. He did that because he knew i was already pregnant i cant leave him. After the brideprice payment while i was in his house, he will go out and comeback very late. When i try to be annoyed to know if he wil apologise, he wil just leave and go to bed. He will never apologise or console me even when i cry the whole night. In my tradition, after this first visit am supposed to go home with cloths but i went home with nothing. I wedded on sept. 2011 and i have a baby boy for him but i regret why i accepted to marry him. When i remember the past i hate him so much. The worst part of it is that he wants us to pack to village because he cant pay house rent. He doesnt even talk to me in manner that wil calm me down. He tells me" you think you are coming to enjoy money, you didnt look before leaping" . No remorse at all. I dont want to stay in the village after graduation. Am currently in my parents house so they help me carry my baby while i go to school. Even my mother regrets why i married him. Should i start suffering from poverty and a husband who doesnt appreciate me at my age till when. Am about writing my degree exam and am not concentrating. I need your advice please before i run mad.[sub][/sub]

You have made mistake already, u dont have to pay for it for the rest of your life, the earlier the better you move on with your life, so divorce him asap. you will get someone better for sure, how worst can it be again?

Chrys1:

Am 24yrs old. Got married last year. I have a son for him but i cant stay with him. I met him and he immediately proposed to me and i accepted because i was having many suitors then that were all AS and am AS. He is not educated and not very rich. He came with his people to our house for introduction. I became pregnant for him. The day i told him that i was pregnant, he confessed to me that he doesnt have any money for brideprice, that he is owing bank and doesnt even have money to pay. I cried that day because of the pain i wil pass through. What he told me was whether i ve not seen girls that give birth in their father's house. I was stil thinking of what to do when he went and told my father that am already pregnant for him. My father got annoyed and refused to pay my school fees for that year. I was in 3rd year in the university then, it was my mother that paid, if not i would ve quitted school. After some months, he came and paid my dowry. When he was abt coming, i called him and told him to please add more 5 thousand to the brideprice that i wil give him back so that my kinsmen wont laugh at me, he accepted but came with the same amt he told me initially. He did that because he knew i was already pregnant i cant leave him. After the brideprice payment while i was in his house, he will go out and comeback very late. When i try to be annoyed to know if he wil apologise, he wil just leave and go to bed. He will never apologise or console me even when i cry the whole night. In my tradition, after this first visit am supposed to go home with cloths but i went home with nothing. I wedded on sept. 2011 and i have a baby boy for him but i regret why i accepted to marry him. When i remember the past i hate him so much. The worst part of it is that he wants us to pack to village because he cant pay house rent. He doesnt even talk to me in manner that wil calm me down. He tells me" you think you are coming to enjoy money, you didnt look before leaping" . No remorse at all. I dont want to stay in the village after graduation. Am currently in my parents house so they help me carry my baby while i go to school. Even my mother regrets why i married him. Should i start suffering from poverty and a husband who doesnt appreciate me at my age till when. Am about writing my degree exam and am not concentrating. I need your advice please before i run mad.[sub][/sub]

I sort of like ur approach,direct and straightforward . . . we all can figure out the rest.  

Did u discuss with him before going back to ur parents house,u guys agreed on the duration of ur stay there?
Is he not working or doing something?
Where is he staying now?
After school,how soon enough do you think it wud take you to get a job?

The most important thing now and number 1 must-do is to concentrate on ur studies and write ur exams. Lucky you, u got understanding parents.

well. . . . you need to concentrate on your exams first

and think about what to do with marriage later

cus if you fail its double WAHALA FOR DEAD BODY

like your husband said think before you leap this time

first things first concentrate on your study. try not to add more babies to your situation.

Chrys1:

Am 24yrs old. Got married last year. I have a son for him but i cant stay with him. I met him and he immediately proposed to me and i accepted because i was having many suitors then that were all AS and am AS. He is not educated and not very rich. He came with his people to our house for introduction. I became pregnant for him. The day i told him that i was pregnant, he confessed to me that he doesnt have any money for brideprice, that he is owing bank and doesnt even have money to pay. I cried that day because of the pain i wil pass through. What he told me was whether i ve not seen girls that give birth in their father's house. I was stil thinking of what to do when he went and told my father that am already pregnant for him. My father got annoyed and refused to pay my school fees for that year. I was in 3rd year in the university then, it was my mother that paid, if not i would ve quitted school. After some months, he came and paid my dowry. When he was abt coming, i called him and told him to please add more 5 thousand to the brideprice that i wil give him back so that my kinsmen wont laugh at me, he accepted but came with the same amt he told me initially. He did that because he knew i was already pregnant i cant leave him. After the brideprice payment while i was in his house, he will go out and comeback very late. When i try to be annoyed to know if he wil apologise, he wil just leave and go to bed. He will never apologise or console me even when i cry the whole night. In my tradition, after this first visit am supposed to go home with cloths but i went home with nothing. I wedded on sept. 2011 and i have a baby boy for him but i regret why i accepted to marry him. When i remember the past i hate him so much. The worst part of it is that he wants us to pack to village because he cant pay house rent. He doesnt even talk to me in manner that wil calm me down. He tells me" you think you are coming to enjoy money, you didnt look before leaping" . No remorse at all. I dont want to stay in the village after graduation. Am currently in my parents house so they help me carry my baby while i go to school. Even my mother regrets why i married him. Should i start suffering from poverty and a husband who doesnt appreciate me at my age till when. Am about writing my degree exam and am not concentrating. I need your advice please before i run mad.[sub][/sub]

Did he drug you and r[i]ap[/i]e you? 

Because that's the only explanation to your sleeping with him without protection! Na wa for girls of nowadays.

You got slept with a man you don't even like . . . you got pregnant for him and went ahead to marry him. Now you want to leave him!   

How about you start thinking about making your own money instead of depending on your husband for everything. Are you not a human being like him? Do you not have a functioning brain? Are all the other women that are making money or thinking of how to make money, super human?

You better focus on your exams and pass, so you can be self reliant in the future.

little things like keeping your legs closed, when necessary, go a long way. . . . . . . . .anyway, its all water under the bridge . . . . . . . .


please focus on passing your exams for now.

one thing at a time.

@ OP next time use a condom.

@Poster
There's no need crying over spilt milk and regretting why you married him. Don't cry and get on unhappy dearie. Your man does not have a very good mindset if he can tell you something like "You think you came to enjoy money, you didn't think before leaping" but that does not make him a bad person. All the same it may be that he is venting his frustrations on you through those words, sometimes we all get angry and say unpretty stuffs. Some new and young couples when faced with financial difficulty undergo such frustrations and unhappiness.
Don't give in to that situation of lack, pick courage. You can smile tommorrow okay. Picture you and your husband in a state of abundant wealth and abundant love and start working towards it. It's possible that things can turn around for you two. As you have no means of livelihood yet, study harder and graduate well so that soon you can earn too and improve your condition.
See the positive in your husband and give him much love because he needs it thru this trying period. If he is very rich now, I am sure that you will not be feeling this unhappy and envisaging divorcing him. The good news is that he can be rich tommorrow! It is true that we all gravitate to good things and comfort but sweetie no condition lasts forever, even the riches may come today and tommorrow you may lack again.
You have a beautiful future girl! Don't cry, be happy, be hopeful, stand by him. Joy comes in the morning!

I am with uju on this. You married a man thinking he was bill gate. You slept with him without a condom and got pregnant. You went ahead and married him even when you had no feelings for him?

The dude is right, you thought you were going to eat money you did not look before you leaped.

Why did you act like some desperate old hag? oh all your friends were getting married you sef wanted to do same?

Abeg carry ya cross small. Nansense upon ingredients

Talk your parents to cater for your son while you go to school and finish a degree. If he is serious, he will come the proper way to cater for you and his child. It takes time but this is the cross you have to carry.

well, i wont pity you too. you have broken all known sense.
first -- you broke the law of God by sleeping with him before you are married. this is very wrong. it is like using a car without paying for it even if it is a 2/3 rd of the cost of the car.
secondly: even if you have no self control to wait till you are married ; why do you get pregnant for him? this i cant understand.it seems you are very desperate and the man finds you cheap

thirdly: like the man said: why did you not look before you leap? you should have asked yourself if the man is capable of taking care of you or you can take care of yourself. it appears you are not too close to God
anyway, i wrote this so that others who may read it will learn to wait take caution.

one thing you should realsie is that the world is full of wicked ones who exploit and take advantage of the weak. so there is need to be cautious in whatever you do

well, as a christain i wont back you to divorce him so you have to find how to make the marriage work. first try and learn how to make money for yourself and take care of yurself and the kid. this will attarct him to you .
you just have to move ahead and stop crying over split milk

@ Chrys1,

Take it easy. Lets start with this, I am not going to lay balme at anyones feet. You are in it, so it is how you deal with it that is the problem.

Guys, lets be careful with the blame thing ok, She might not have entered with her eyes open, but some would did ended up with terrible marriages. Thinsg can still be fixed in my humble opinion.

Start, by asking your mum to help with your son, while you finish your school, that will be a big relief if she can.
Secondly, talk to your husband, this is not about wo is right or wrong, but about you wanting to make your marriage work, which alsoe includes working with him. I dont know the full story, but there might be other factors affecting him, in most cases encouragement goes a long way. Talk to him alongs the line of wanting to have a successful family, and how you feel you guys are likely to make a better go for it in  the city rather than in the village. Make him understand that it is team work, and you are prepared to put in effort to make it work, and you need him to be with you on this journey.

I know with encouragement people are likely to do well, this is not the time to fight. You guys are now a team, and you both need to work like one.
Remember marriage is not easy, but it sure can be a lot of fun and a Big blessing, with the right attitude.

Good luck

KDULAR:

First he hasn't paid your dowry as far as I'm concerned, 2 he didn't pay your brideprice, 3 he has only introduced his intensions, 4 your parents did it grudgingly, 5, he doesn't love you, 6, he doesn't appreciate you, 7 he hates you, and my my opinion don't think twicew and leave him cause i believe there was never a marriage based on the first reason.

Do you not know how to read

Chrys1:

Am 24yrs old. Got married last year. I have a son for him but i cant stay with him. I met him and he immediately proposed to me and i accepted because i was having many suitors then that were all AS and am AS. He is not educated and not very rich. He came with his people to our house for introduction. I became pregnant for him. The day i told him that i was pregnant, he confessed to me that he doesnt have any money for brideprice, that he is owing bank and doesnt even have money to pay. I cried that day because of the pain i wil pass through. What he told me was whether i ve not seen girls that give birth in their father's house. I was stil thinking of what to do when he went and told my father that am already pregnant for him. My father got annoyed and refused to pay my school fees for that year. I was in 3rd year in the university then, it was my mother that paid, if not i would ve quitted school. After some months, he came and paid my dowry. When he was abt coming, i called him and told him to please add more 5 thousand to the brideprice that i wil give him back so that my kinsmen wont laugh at me, he accepted but came with the same amt he told me initially. He did that because he knew i was already pregnant i cant leave him. [size=28pt]After the brideprice payment [/size]while i was in his house, he will go out and comeback very late. When i try to be annoyed to know if he wil apologise, he wil just leave and go to bed. He will never apologise or console me even when i cry the whole night. In my tradition, after this first visit am supposed to go home with cloths but i went home with nothing. [size=28pt]I wedded on sept. 2011[/size] and i have a baby boy for him but i regret why i accepted to marry him. When i remember the past i hate him so much. The worst part of it is that he wants us to pack to village because he cant pay house rent. He doesnt even talk to me in manner that wil calm me down. He tells me" you think you are coming to enjoy money, you didnt look before leaping" . No remorse at all. I dont want to stay in the village after graduation. Am currently in my parents house so they help me carry my baby while i go to school. Even my mother regrets why i married him. Should i start suffering from poverty and a husband who doesnt appreciate me at my age till when. Am about writing my degree exam and am not concentrating. I need your advice please before i run mad.[sub][/sub]

She must have made a mistake by typing 2011 instead of 2010 . . . but they are both legally married!

What u shud do now is, just tell the father of ur baby, because that is what I see him to be, that he is right about the fact that "u didnt look before u leaped", but now ur eyes are wide opened and u an see, and don't want to leap or jump again, it's over. Concentrate on ur studies, the sky is just the begining, get good grades, secure a good job, and I tell u, better man go come ur way, but this time around, look wella o

PLEASE DON'T GET PREGNANT FOR HIM AGAIN O, IT IS NOT EASY TO FIND SINGLE MAN THAT WILL MARRY A MOTHER OF ONE, NOT TO TALK OF TWO O

Don't have any advice as usual when it comes to marriage stuff. But I wanna know this. . .
Money--zero, Personality--zero, character--zero, what the heck did you see in him to warrant sleeping with in the first place? That's mind boggling.

i dont belief things like this still happens in this present time.

Poster.

You sincerly do have my pity.

are we in 2012?

Yes, u can get married again, But u really error so much that one would think u were never in higher institution. No doubt, dis dude tricked u with some cool cash or material stuff, and imprgnated u in d process. All d same, LESSONS ALWAYS COME 4 FREE!

And for those of u that think or believe that wearing condom is all it takes to prevent that thing, u 're prolly getting it wrong. Most guys know how to burst it while riding.

Concentrate on ur education and take care of ur baby.

What is it with the tradition you are placing above everything?

A man doesn`t have enough money to settle his bank debt, but you are telling him to pay more to the kinsmen.

If bank order his arrest today would the kinsmen come to his recue?

TRUTH

You don`t sound considerate at all

You talk about clothes when his house rent will be expired soon,what plan have you got for that?

You talk about kinsmen when Bank is still holding his neck.

You are educated i guess, you should know more than those kinsmen.

^^^^ they're both poor, its not her fault. She wants to marry an alhaji or abuja businessman --- who will take care of her and her children --- while she sits and home getting fat.


She berra go to school and find a job ----

OYINBOGOJU:

What is it with the tradition you are placing above everything?

A man doesn`t have enough money to settle his bank debt, but you are telling him to pay more to the kinsmen.

If bank order his arrest today would the kinsmen come to his recue?

You sef see am abi?

Abeg she should hurry up and divorce the Man sharp sharp because truth be told she does nothing that enhances the quality of the Man's life. Or to put it bluntly, She is of no use to the man.

sori abt d suitation, bt am nt a fan of divorce especially since u have a kid, n divorce wud definitely affect him (both in d long-term n short-term).
my advice;
1 -face ur studies, graduate well, n get a job.
2 -dont be 2 dependent on him
3 - Beta ask Wise n Xperienced elders in marital issues, cos lot of young pples wud say divorce him (even me on 1st instincts bt i remember divorce is far diff 4rm breakup)
4 - stop crying, really, u are in it, n stop lukin 4 shortcuts (Divorce)
5 - think of ways 2 turn d ugly situation into a beautiful 1, know his P O V, his view of life n his real intentions for u n his kid. talk 2 him n make him see u are a team n goin 2 d village wud nt solve any probs 4 both of u
Dis is jos my own 2 kobo sha, i neva marri oooo. Pls also pray, God is d Best person 2 talk 2 ooooo.

my dear sister,
there is always a solution to all issues in life, even the passage of time will bring the solution we need.
MONKEYLEG made some very important points.however, i would not keep my kindeed advice from you as it seems to be your reason to make this first post on NL.

yes,both of you RUSHED into marriage because of the sudden pregnancy,you were both ill-prepared and perhaps despirate.
no matter what,POVERTY should never be a reason for divorse.
pls stay in marriage with him,you people can live in low esteem for now,instead of going to the village, why not look fo a cheaper accommondation around town?
a little encouragement can solve your present dilenma. life would not be unfair to both of you in future. so pls take solace that he will rise soon,
finaly, try and excel in your studies pls

serves you right; money is good but its not every thing. Divorce is not an option, getting a means of livelihood is what you should do. I doubt if your school waka get head so won't say face book.

Time to put your big girl panties on and deal with this. You had many chances to back out of this before you got married so why didn't you? Your husby may not be educated but he's got your number. You had several suitors and you chose him. Now you must live with it.

You are a woman. Do you not know how much power you wield in your home? Get a VISION for your family. Share your DREAMS with your husband. INSPIRE him to be more than he ever thought possible and see that man become everything you desire. It's not going to be easy and it won't happen overnight, but if you are willing to work at it, your marriage can become a beautiful thing.

U av made a mistake,no doubt,and many would av laughed at u no doubt,u definitely made a selfish decision to marry him,just be true to urself,u thought he's some rich uneducated fellow u could manipulate. SOLUTION: do not ruin ur personal life and that of the boy,a whole boy,father of a whole generation. Do not relocate to ANY village,talk to ur mum to help u with stayn wit them,write ur exams with a mind to succeed,MAKE SURE nysc posts u to mayb a good southwest state where life is more quality,then start ur life afresh, u can also start a small business to gen more income when u conclude ur exams,so dat by d tym u are servn,u are already rich n can take good care of ur kid,make him feel free with other kids and give him the good things of life,u also deserve to look nice and happy-PERSONAL BIZ n PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT is d way.dnt tink abt ur husband/master for now,when u start cruisn in ur hummer,he'll run to open d door n kneel. U are destined for the top.

Mu he he he he he

Woman still dey h-open nynash for poor man born pikin these days?
Is 'barreness' not better than this?
Lord have mercy.
LWKMD!!!

Poverty is a spiritual crime I swear.