Perfect. Nothing to add.

Hathor5:
Freshbank

First of all, let me commend you for pointing out and acknowledging your wife's contributions. It is refreshing to see someone approach a conflict from a good place, a place of fairness.

But allow me to correct your statement that your marriage has cracks. All I see is a disagreement and it is a normal part of marriage or any relationship between humans for that matter. Embrace conflict and use it to your advantage. If handled wisely, it will bring the two of you closer.

Now let me ask you if you can also acknowledge that your wife did not deliberately want to disappoint you?

And then ask yourself this: What could have I done differently/better?

You have high standards (which I like) and yet you rely on others to meet them entirely. Could you have been more actively involved in the organization?

You should be enjoying your honeymoon stage now. What is done is done. Now focus your energy on shaping your daily life together so that you can celebrate many anniversaries. Some couples refresh their wedding vows after some years and throw parties. You can do that too and take charge of the organization so that it will be as perfect as you desire it to be.

One more thing: Whenever you have an argument with your wife, ask yourself this: What am I doing wrong for it to happen? Tell her to do the same. Agree on a no-blame-approach in times of peace. It will go a long way. You are one unit now. Don't let one day ruin a life.

WoundedLamb:
Congratulations on your marriage sir. I heard it's not easy but I'm sure your personal convictions will guide you right. I'm not married yet so be mindful of how you take my advice.

About your 'issue', I'm a perfectionist like you but mine leads me into getting involved in things that matter to me. You provided the money and when it wasn't enough, she supported you. She provided the planning, I think it would have been ideal if you'd also supported in one way or the other; at least, with the things that you personally consider crucial (cause your priorities can never be the same as hers). So as not to assume, I'd like to ask, what efforts did you make to ascertain readiness before the event day? I know ladies like such things but it's not necessarily a woman's thing cause you had expectations too and, as a perfectionist, one would think you'd like to know the status of things days before the event so as to avoid surprises. Leaving it all to her cause you've provided the money made it look like a relationship between a client and a service provider and you getting angry at the poor service at this point further paints that picture. And if that's the case, it would be a bit unfair to sharply criticize her. That will hurt.

The truth is, no one would take it lightly if all they get is sharp criticism after going through the stress of planning an occasion, worse if the criticism comes from someone with equal stake. Event planning is an extremely stressful process and it hardly ever goes as planned unless professionals are used. Travelling around the world doesn't make your wife a professional event planner. It's very easy for occasions to get disorganized regardless of the amount spent. But, let's get logical, do you really think she deliberately planned for her special day to be disorganized? Except you believe your wife was "hustling" you, I think she did what was her best cause that day was as important to her as it was to you. If she really put in her best (and didn't "hustle" you), I'd say a word of praise from you would be the only reward that counts. And that should come before any complaint.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't express your distaste. In fact, at this early stage of the marriage, it's extremely important that you let your discontent be known so that she'd appreciate your standards/taste and know what it takes to please you. But like I said, complaining outrightly is not an option. Where I come from, we have what we call sandwiche criticism. It simply means inserting the hard part in-between softeners. First acknowledge the stress she went through. This way, she'd take your criticism in good fate knowing you understand it wasn't easy. After the criticism, move on from that topic. The last part is important partly cause you want to maintain a good atmosphere but mainly cause you want her to see how fast you'd like her to move on from things when she's not pleased.

where have guys like this been hiding in this forum?

Freshbank:

After the whole function when we got back I was very angry not because of the shabby execution of a well planned marriage but the facts the she thinks I should commend her for her efforts and stress she went through and not the opposite. The way I look at the issue is like you registered for a course with 50 points as benchmark then u score 15 and you're expecting a "part on the back" or songs of praise. I ain't perfect but I love excellence, my sadness lies in the facts that I don't want to start our home with discord at the same time i can't tolerate or live with this kind of argument. The argument is that she claims it wasn't her fault, the people she designated could not meet up to expectations but every of the plans were drawn by just two of us only. Imaging spending so much to get very little outcome.

If you're in this situation what will you do? Thanks

I don't think a lot of people who have commented here even understood where you're coming from.

I too would be angry if she thinks I ought to commend her efforts after such a shabby execution.

What I think you should do, is to let her know you're not happy with the way the entire thing turned out and that although you're not blaming her for all of it, she should not expect that you give her a pat on the back either.

Along the line, you should have supervised part of it. And insist on how the outcome would be. For instance, let the caterer offer a plate of the good showing exactly how it would be served. You insist that if it is not so, you would be annoyed e.t.c....

I understand how you can be bitter and fun it hard to move on but you have to. It is necessary for closure to let your wife know that you are disappointed. She might think you at ungrateful but also, she can chose to involve you more next time or be ready for more critism or try to do better.

Freshbank:
Please moderator push it to front page

This is my first post and I'm writing from the comfort of my lodge celebrating my honeymoon but I'm not very happy. I truly want to know others opinion on the issue causing my unhappiness ( please for those of you who would say brought my marriage issues to the public, just try to be civil, I said I want to get your opinion if it where to be you how will you handle it).

Straight to the subject matter I just got married less than a week, the entire marriage plan was drawn by my spouse and I we both agreed on what to spend and how to go about it, during the whole planning process my wify was super supportive (I have to acknowledge her before I throw in the complain). I trusted her judgements that I entrusted the execution of the marriage plans to and her families while I provide the funds, of which she was also covering some of the expenses I forget to cover. From caterers, mc, live band, renting of canopies, chairs, deco, make-up etc everything was left for her to handle since we were doing it in her home town the only service I brought someone to cover was the coverage (cameraman). I had to send the cameraman there the previous day before the event because she said she needed the cooking process to be covered and other stuffs before our arrival.

Fast forward to the main day, it was about 3:30 mins drive to her home, we (I and my kinsmen) arrived five minutes to 12pm it was during that time some chairs were carried in, the arrangement was not very organized, by 2pm MC was no where to be found, the couple's stage and the cake design was like the expression "what I ordered for vs what I got". In preparation she traveled to Onitsha to buy stuff including gift items but all the cars that accompanied me I didn't see anyone with any of the souvenirs. Some of you might want to think from the description that my wife is unexposed but this is someone that has lived and worked in the Emirates (UAE), being to Britain, Italy and some few others.

After the whole function when we got back I was very angry not because of the shabby execution of a well planned marriage but the facts the she thinks I should commend her for her efforts and stress she went through and not the opposite. The way I look at the issue is like you registered for a course with 50 points as benchmark then u score 15 and you're expecting a "part on the back" or songs of praise. I ain't perfect but I love excellence, my sadness lies in the facts that I don't want to start our home with discord at the same time i can't tolerate or live with this kind of argument. The argument is that she claims it wasn't her fault, the people she designated could not meet up to expectations but every of the plans were drawn by just two of us only. Imaging spending so much to get very little outcome.

If you're in this situation what will you do? Thanks

lol, guy, you be olodo

instead make you dey thank God say na her end the supposed "fc7k up" come from, you dey carry face. i swear, if say na your hand the fu7k up of "her day" the thing from happen, you for no hear the end of that story till you grow old and die o!

By the way, it's all in the past, free your mind and enjoy your brand new wife without care. You have a whole lifetime of other troubles ahead of you, so enjoy the freshness of your marriage bro.

Congratulations and happy married life.

MOLOTOVcockTAIL:

This part worries me the most. Hope you have a full dossier on what she was up to while in those countries. Guys get mind shaa. Good luck to your marriage.

Una hypocrisy is something else. Aren't you men always complaining that Nigerian girls are not hard-working but lazy looking for men to life off? metcheew.....

You call this small issue a problem? Oya divorce her na! Better face your marriage and forget a wedding that everyone had forgotten abt.

iamloyalty:


Una hypocrisy is something else. Aren't you men always complaining that Nigerian girls are not hard-working but lazy looking for men to life off? metcheew.....

You called alleged hawking of her TOETO hard-working?


Shame no dey catch you ppl sha.



Tueh!!