I am a regular member of this forum and I ve gained so much from people's contributions.
I need advice on issues concerning my marriage. I had a xtian marriage and
have always tried as much as possible to obey the advice given to us during our counselling and at the church never to at any time assault or barter my wife despite all her provocative and nagging actions.
We have been married for two and half years now and I have discovered that the lifespan of our frienship at home is allways very short say 2 or 3 days after which we will have issues for another week or two. she finds it difficult to appologise and submit as a wife. I have complained tirelessly to her people all to no avail. More often that not she gives me psychological problem. sometimes I make mistakes when I drive , lose concentratn at work etc. I find her very possesive and when I cast my mind to when we were courting she has changed completely. People advise me not to share my marrital problem but I tell u it can lead to hypertention or even early death.
Advise needed please

..

Being a single man, i can't say i know what you are going through but i can feel your pain. All you need do now is call her to order by letting her understand that you're not happy with the current state of marriage and her ill attitude and you cannot possibly fulfill your vows with her if she continues this way. If you do this and things remain the same, then the next decision is up to you. This is what happens when a man puts himself in a bondage called marriage and he's shackled with a court document and religious dogmas that currently have the catchy phrase "DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION"! A woman can misbehave,commit adultery,bring home STD's,another man's child and yet a man can do nothing because "divorce is not an option". I wish you the best.

^^ he did not say his wife has done all that.

all he said was they're having a lot of disagreements.

poster, how far with this particular issue:




https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=303239.msg4273095#msg4273095

TAILODUL:


We have been married for two and half years now and I have discovered that the lifespan of our frienship at home is allways very short say 2 or 3 days after which we will have issues for another week or two. she finds it difficult to[b] appologise and submit[/b] as a wife. I have complained tirelessly to her people all to no avail. More often that not she gives me psychological problem.  sometimes I make mistakes when I drive , lose concentratn at work etc. I find her very possesive and when I cast my mind to when we were courting she has changed completely. People advise me not to share my marrital problem but I tell u it can lead to hypertention or even early death.
Advise needed please  

@Bolded,Do u also apologize when u are wrong?
What do u mean by submit?
You said she is possessive,how so?
What do u argue over and about?

tpiah!:

poster, how far with this particular issue:




https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=303239.msg4273095#msg4273095

LMAO

Yes, Ifyalways, as much as possible I own up when I am wrong. She is possesive in the sense that I find her just interested in material things and does not cherish her marriage. For instance, if I go hunger strike bc of her attitude, she doesn't even care. She later eats up the food which I abandon

sorry, but lol.

LMAO @ hunger strike and eating the food you left behind.

Instead of both of you to enjoy your marriage you are busy finding fault in eachother,looking for who to put the blame on.isn't there something you both are good @ doing?y not channel your energy in that area. You guys better work on yourself and avoid seeing ''the wrong doings'' of your spouse and focus on ''things done right and well''

harakiri, i hope you are not phocking sha. cuz not good if you are shagging girls out there and refuse to marry them.

TAILODUL:

Yes, Ifyalways, as much as possible I own up when I am wrong. She is possesive in the sense that I find her just interested in material things and does not cherish her marriage. For instance, if I go hunger strike bc of her attitude, she doesn't even care. She later eats up the food which I abandon

 abeg try to eat my brother. it makes you less angry

TAILODUL:

Yes, Ifyalways, as much as possible I own up when I am wrong. She is possesive in the sense that I find her just interested in material things and does not cherish her marriage. For instance, if I go hunger strike bc of her attitude, she doesn't even care. She later eats up the food which I abandon

LOL.A hungry man is an angry man.
She dey chop up whilst u dey frown face join with hunger strike  .Why shld she join u in punishing her body?
Is going on hunger strike the best way to handle misunderstandings?You've been doing it and its NOT working positively,why don't u try talking,communicating as adults?
How old is ur marriage?
How did u arrive at the conclusion that she does not cherish her marriage  
Im sorry but your story so far screams "childish" . . . Maturity and respect for each other goes a long way.

@armyofone. . . What has phucking got 2 do with this? Girls i've phucked were already phucking b4 i met them and continue 2 phuck after i leave them so what are you talking about? Are you a virgin? If you are married, did your husband meet you as a virgin? What on earth are you talking about? Did you marry all the men that have slept with you? Na which kain hypocrisy be dis?

calm down, sheesh.

maybe she likes you.

if somebody even tries to toast this guy na koboko im go take chase am comot.


"phucking before I met them and continue to phuck after i leave them"

indeed!

Lmao@ hunger strike and all the funny comments. You and your wife are still newly married, please give each other a break. You two are still getting accustomed to living with each other. Learn to choose your battles and the stuff that is not big deal just let it be. Relax.

what is making her nag? that is what u need to find out Cos she is not a dog; she must be nagging about/for sometin. find out what and trash it, some men don't know that anytin they want from their wives that they should first give it. you don't need to complain to anybody; this is what you can handle, drop your pride and give her that thing you want her to give, am sorry, but that is what is called marriage, it will be like this 4 sometime until you learn each other's dos and don'ts, I wish you luck

@OP,

When you are on hunger strike/fasting do you expect her to let the food rot away?

armyofone:

harakiri, i hope you are not phocking sha. cuz not good if you are sleeping-with girls out there and refuse to marry them.

abeg try to eat my brother. it makes you less angry

I also hope you are not phocking hauwa cos I go vex for you

tpiah!:

calm down, sheesh.

maybe she likes you.

if somebody even tries to toast this guy na koboko im go take chase am comot.


"phucking before I met them and continue to phuck after i leave them"

indeed!

You know that isn't true. I love the ladies.

tpiah!:

calm down, sheesh.

maybe she likes you.

if somebody even tries to toast this guy na koboko im go take chase am comot.


"phucking before I met them and continue to phuck after i leave them"

indeed!

Lmao

Why is ths harakiri so anti-marriage?

@ OP you need to relax. From the post you started about who greets who first in the morning to going on hunger strike and then getting mad because she eats what you abandoned it seems that you are a big contribution to the wahala. I am sure your wife is eating the food and probably licking her fingers to exagerrate the fact that she does not care if you do not eat. You two are suffering from new marriage syndrome. It seems you people do not have problems so you go out and find them. On a serious note though do you really get upset because she does not say good morning before you do? Would you be upset if your best friend was spending the night and you notice that he does not say good morning first? Should it be different because she chose to marry you? I know you guys will figure this stuff out. It is not enough for you to be driving recklessly. WTF

I had a xtian marriage

The beginning of all problems. Try a 'Pagan' marriage. The diviorce rate is much lower. All these so-called Christian marriages(especially those so-called UGLY, born-again ones) have the highest divorce rates. . . all because of hypocrisy and self-deceit.

and have always tried as much as possible to obey the advice given to us during our counselling and at the church never to at any time assault or barter my wife despite all her provocative and nagging actions.

Just wondering why this should even cross your mind. Did your father batter your mother?

she finds it difficult to appologise and submit as a wife.

Really?

I find her  very possesive and when I cast my mind to when we were courting she has changed completely.

The problem with all these 'fake', Christian marriages. After pretending all the way to the altar. . .then you find out you are married to witches and wizards as soon as you say "I do"! You never appreciate the good in others that are your so-called non-Xtians or 'unbelievers'. You are quick to judge and moralize from here to kingdom come. Then, when it comes to simple marital problems with all your I-Too-Know, you cannot even solve basic comminication problems. . . .ALL BECAUSE YOU ALL ARE FAKE.

Christian sistah jam Christain broda=divorce of wayo-419 Christians.

Mtchewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!

If your wife can only be happy for 2 or 3 days straight

maybe she bores easily. People settle into a routine once

they are married, one repetitious act after another = BORING!

Find new and more interesting things to interject into your

married life that you know your wife will enjoy. It doesn't

necessarily have to be s.exual in nature. Take her out to

dinner or to a movie on a day you normally would not; take

her dancing, maybe to a sports event you know she'd enjoy,

Get creative Hubby!!

TAILODUL:

I am a regular member of this forum and I ve gained so much from people's contributions.
I need advice on issues concerning my marriage. I had a xtian marriage and
have always tried as much as possible to obey the advice given to us during our counselling and at the church never to at any time assault or barter my wife despite all her provocative and nagging actions.
We have been married for two and half years now and I have discovered that the lifespan of our frienship at home is allways very short say 2 or 3 days after which we will have issues for another week or two. she finds it difficult to appologise and submit as a wife. I have complained tirelessly to her people all to no avail. More often that not she gives me psychological problem. sometimes I make mistakes when I drive , lose concentratn at work etc. I find her very possesive and when I cast my mind to when we were courting she has changed completely. People advise me not to share my marrital problem but I tell u it can lead to hypertention or even early death.
Advise needed please

Unfortunately you married the wrong wife. I know too many guys in your situation. At the end of the day, what it boils down to is that you have to let her understand that her naggings and provocations will not be tolerated. Be ready to battle her for a few months, because it really will take several months for her to understand that she needs to change. You have to find what affects her the most and do it whenever she acts up. It may be you not coming home, but you have to find something that affects her real bad. Whatever you do, NEVER BEAT HER. As soon as you beat her, nobody will understand what she did. You are automatically at fault for everything.

So whenver she acts up, punish her by doing what affects her the most, then sit her down and talk to her about everything. If she does, it again, repeat the same acts. It will take a few months, but you have to be strong. If you don't do this, get ready to spend the rest of your life with her in misery.

..

Thanks to everyone. I have learnt a lot from your contributions.
Cheers!

Oga, you need to remind yourself of the reasons for which you married this woman. Then ask yourself: what are the things that could make her change from that sweet, loving girl you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?

Having identified those factors, seek to eliminate them if you can. If you remove all those factors and she is still misbehaving then look-out for external factors like peer-influence, her family's influence on her and I hate to say it, another man lurking in the shadows.

@Blazay. . . Thank you very much 4 dat wonderful contribution. The problem with a lot ppl is that they believe being religious equals being a good person whereas the worst conceited and vile ppl i've ever come across are the ones who can recite their entire "holy books" of head. I'd rather be with someone that is non-religious and naturally good natured than someone who pretends to be good all because she wants rewards in "heaven" and earth.