GuyInTheMirror:

Nigerians still hide their age even on a faceless forum.. Which species are these people ?

He said “age range” was cool
I was working with instructions

Iamafinegirl:
Please I need your help or view point in this matter. Am I just over reacting at is this a red flag to which I need to run far away from?
My current boo asked me out for like one and half year, it was like it’s either me or no one else. His friends and bosses in his office had to speak to me to consider him as I might be missing a good man and how crazy he is about me.
I finally accepted.
I decided to move in with him after a while just to see what marriage to him would feel like with him. I have stayed a year with him and it’s void of sex and kissing.
When I came he would say they should put on the gen anytime there was no light for me and all, he was sweet.
With time he started complaining that he was buying all the food in the house and I wasn’t contributing as much as he wants.
He eats about 5 times a day while I eat twice or one and half times (fruit, oat and pap) a day because me I am watching my weight.
He would complain the milk he bought had finished and all...and it was with some level of anger or bitterness about buying the food stuff.
Pls note that I consume 25% - 30% of all he eats.
I later started buying my milk to avoid issues since I knew that’s what I consume most (with my oat or pap) which makes one of my meal for the day but he was angry about me buying it separately but I did that because I felt there would be peace that way. I would still buy milk and keep and he can say I am using more than he is using inside the milk
He complained about repairs (light), complained about buying dstv subscription, nepa light payment etc. You just list any house thing he started complained about doing it.
I on my path do contribute the way I spent before I came to stay with him. (I wasn’t a huge spender as I eat very small food) and so my money use to remain which he used to borrow from me when we werent together.
We had a him 60k and me 40k arrangement for food fuel light etc but we never put it together and so each week I did ensure I spend 10k. But apparently he wasn’t seeing it. I would come from market and he would say what is all this, this is worth 5k. It use to hurt so much because I wld show him the list but he would still say this same thing. I have never asked him how much he bought things if he goes to market talk less if say it’s not up to a certain amount.
He said later that he can’t marry a woman who works and won’t contribute for light, food, repair, gen etc....
So even today we contributed for dstv 4700, I paid half and he paid half.
It looks sort of absurd and a no no to me
Yesterday he bought apples 800 naira and I paid half and he paid half....
And so that’s how the current life would be....
I contributed to the rent also but he said no... that he would “dash me” rent.
I see it upside down for a man to be saying he is paying rent and see it that he is dashing me. When I can pay my rent by myself. If I was living alone the same way he has been living alone, won’t I do my repair, dstv subscription etc without asking anybody? So why is it a big deal the moment I stepped in? This are things if my friend came to live with me to God who made me I would do/ take responsibility for because the dstv subscription I would have paid for before won’t change with your presence...the only thing that may change is water and food.
This is dating phase, please what marriage would become of this.
Am I the one at fault?
I need honest reviews so I can know if I am having problem and if I need to work on myself or if I need to run.
My parents marriage wasn’t like this my dad bought food and mum did other investments for the family or so and it was never an issue or was there a specific fight that you, you are not buying enough milk on the house or I can’t see d 10k food u said you just bought...it doesn’t look it etc.
He would also say me I want to be saving my money and all.
Pls what’s d way forward or backward married folks, married men and women, what am I not seeing that you can see?

I rarely comment on subjects like this because getting just one view may birth sentimental contributions but reading through the whole pages, I sense a prudent, bright young lady with great plans for herself.

The first mistake you made was moving in to cohabitate, whatever decision you finally make on this relationship should come after you move out, I'm quite certain the man was more caring & loving when you initially moved in, but after sometime, he felt sexually frustrated, hence the sharing formula & laments on his perpetual provision for a lady who gets free shelter & love without offering him sex/kiss to say the least. Spending a whole 1year with him (unmarried) yet you set sexual rules/limits is too much for most men to bear, how do you sleep(lols)? You keep tempting him seeing you around, yet nothing, Go your house first , the 85% of his acts you complained is as a result of this.
Another point, he needs more sources of income, the constant borrowing will only bring more anger and frustration after marriage when more responsibilities arise, no reasonable financially buoyant man would want his wife to shoulder martial responsibilities, the woman is help meet (her contribution should be only when necessary) don't make it a routine, I detest the idea, what's sharing formula Just be a man & provide for your family but it's saddening the poor economic situation is fast changing our ideologies of marriage... Don't rush to conclusions, Move out first( forget boredom), observe & study him(encourage more communication) and then pray about it, Marriage is a life time institution you don't graduate from...most times, we manage each other's imperfections,hence compatibility. May God direct your path

Iamafinegirl:

He said “age range” was cool
I was working with instructions

have you moved out of the said fiance's house or you are still waiting for further instructions ?

bigjackass:
have you moved out of the said fiance's house or you are still waiting for further instructions ?

funny

Iamafinegirl:

Lol@ interesting
That’s quite ambiguous
I can’t seem to interpret the “interesting”.... it seems to entail a lot.
Pls kindly shed more light on that word

Assignment o!

1 whole year in a man's house you're not yet married to? I think the reason you left your parents house is to feel independent, not because you're trying to see how marriage would feel like.

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@Iamafinegirl this so called relationship of yours is dead on arrival. Marriage is a fusion of the different aspects of the lives of the parties involved. If you two are this disorganized, disunited and discordant in your finances then I can imagine your marriage would be another living hell. Both of you don't have a financial model that would prosper both of you...and by the way is this how you treat all the suitors that came into your life? You move in with them even before they propose or meet with your family?

[quote author=Iamafinegirl post=99331066]Please I need your help or view point in this matter. Am I just over reacting at is this a red flag to which I need to run far away from?
My current boo asked me out for like one and half year, it was like it’s either me or no one else. His friends and bosses in his office had to speak to me to consider him as I might be missing a good man and how crazy he is about me.
I finally accepted.
I decided to move in with him after a while just to see what marriage to him would feel like with him. I have stayed a year with him and it’s void of sex and kissing.
When I came he would say they should put on the gen anytime there was no light for me and all, he was sweet.
With time he started complaining that he was buying all the food in the house and I wasn’t contributing as much as he wants.
He eats about 5 times a day while I eat twice or one and half times (fruit, oat and pap) a day because me I am watching my weight.
He would complain the milk he bought had finished and all...and it was with some level of anger or bitterness about buying the food stuff.
Pls note that I consume 25% - 30% of all he eats.
I later started buying my milk to avoid issues since I knew that’s what I consume most (with my oat or pap) which makes one of my meal for the day but he was angry about me buying it separately but I did that because I felt there would be peace that way. I would still buy milk and keep and he can say I am using more than he is using inside the milk
He complained about repairs (light), complained about buying dstv subscription, nepa light payment etc. You just list any house thing he started complained about doing it.
I on my path do contribute the way I spent before I came to stay with him. (I wasn’t a huge spender as I eat very small food) and so my money use to remain which he used to borrow from me when we werent together.
We had a him 60k and me 40k arrangement for food fuel light etc but we never put it together and so each week I did ensure I spend 10k. But apparently he wasn’t seeing it. I would come from market and he would say what is all this, this is worth 5k. It use to hurt so much because I wld show him the list but he would still say this same thing. I have never asked him how much he bought things if he goes to market talk less if say it’s not up to a certain amount.
He said later that he can’t marry a woman who works and won’t contribute for light, food, repair, gen etc....
So even today we contributed for dstv 4700, I paid half and he paid half.
It looks sort of absurd and a no no to me
Yesterday he bought apples 800 naira and I paid half and he paid half....
And so that’s how the current life would be....
I contributed to the rent also but he said no... that he would “dash me” rent.
I see it upside down for a man to be saying he is paying rent and see it that he is dashing me. When I can pay my rent by myself. If I was living alone the same way he has been living alone, won’t I do my repair, dstv subscription etc without asking anybody? So why is it a big deal the moment I stepped in? This are things if my friend came to live with me to God who made me I would do/ take responsibility for because the dstv subscription I would have paid for before won’t change with your presence...the only thing that may change is water and food.
This is dating phase, please what marriage would become of this.
Am I the one at fault?
I need honest reviews so I can know if I am having problem and if I need to work on myself or if I need to run.
My parents marriage wasn’t like this my dad bought food and mum did other investments for the family or so and it was never an issue or was there a specific fight that you, you are not buying enough milk on the house or I can’t see d 10k food u said you just bought...it doesn’t look it etc.
He would also say me I want to be saving my money and all.
Pls what’s d way forward or backward married folks, married men and women, what am I not seeing that you can see?

There is no iota of maturity in that boy because he's not yet a man and not yet ready for marriage. My sister,Get married to who knows d true definitions of marriage and not to a boy that runs Marriage like school hostel roommates. when a man is ready for marriage he should know he is ready for responsibilities of two to five people depending on number of kids u wish to bear plus your previous responsibilities. You dont force your wife to contribute but she will contribute but not as Insane as 50-50% who does that? Carry responsibilities without looking upon her but a wise woman Wil also see where is loopholes to fill too, based on mutual understanding between two of u. Four years courtship with five years of successful Marriage experience no be beans.

[quote author=Fairbanks post=99530305][/quote]

Wow
Oh boy!!!
Salute to u
E no easy
That’s 9 years.....weldone o
Hmmmmmmmmmm
Thing is there are different humans in this world. I got to meet another special breed
God created indeed I swear
Cheiiiiii
I salute God

Iamafinegirl:

Home it is !!!!!!!!!
Infact his boss asked why we hadn’t married and he said I was the one delaying it for now as he was hoping last year ending.
Why won’t I delay it.
I stopped thinking properly at a point and felt this is normal and I am properly stupid and it’s like I needed to talk to people to be sure of what is proper or how to be properly treated.

Fyi, i have read your _ex boyfriend’s side of the story too in another thread and your replies
Both of u are wrong. I wonder the kind of counselor u met who didnt see anything wrong with 2 of u staying together with no sex involved ( i still can’t imagine staying with a lady I’m dating every day with no sex for months). You can’t go and stay in his house hoping to test how marriage is WITHOUT sex being involved cos that’s one of the fundamental obligations in a marriage ( to Bleep without guilt). Since u didn’t want that, you should not have stayed in d house permanently.
Both of you would have gone against so many laws of emotions ,attractions etc if u had successfully stayed together for years without all these problems.

What i see is that both of u love eachother ( yes!! Both of u) but u tempted d principles of love,marriage,faith and companionship by staying together. You can’t eat your cake and have it.

First thing to do is move out of his apartment and stay in yours. Both of you can still come together (cos all these problems are just basic marital problems that couples settle at night with a good Bleep after COMMUNICATING with each other). If you cant come together again, learn from your mistake and dont repeat them in your next relationship. Shalom!!!

Op, i must commend you perseverance even though you are not an angel and i do not expect you to be perfect but to some extent this is what i can delude

His part
1. He is not emotionally intelligent
2. He is not mentally matured to handle a family
3. He is not having a mind of his own probably been driven by what he is hearing or seeing
4. He is not maritaly matured to know what marriage is all about

Your part
1. On no circumstances must you let any one's wish, decission, override yours. You must be in Charge of your thinking and mind.
2. You should not have moved in to start living with him ar first, why (he is just seeing you as a parasite on feasting on his resources because he is not seeing you as his wife yet and from what i can delude from all these, he is not the type that accept responsibility wholeheartedly come what may and such people hardly make sacrifices except it is pleasing them. So he is just seeing you as his co worker living with him and enjoying his resources because of the NO SEX issue probably that might be his own wrongly definition marriage.)

Iamafinegirl:
Please I need your help or view point in this matter. Am I just over reacting at is this a red flag to which I need to run far away from?
My current boo asked me out for like one and half year, it was like it’s either me or no one else. His friends and bosses in his office had to speak to me to consider him as I might be missing a good man and how crazy he is about me.
I finally accepted.
I decided to move in with him after a while just to see what marriage to him would feel like with him. I have stayed a year with him and it’s void of sex and kissing.
When I came he would say they should put on the gen anytime there was no light for me and all, he was sweet.
With time he started complaining that he was buying all the food in the house and I wasn’t contributing as much as he wants.
He eats about 5 times a day while I eat twice or one and half times (fruit, oat and pap) a day because me I am watching my weight.
He would complain the milk he bought had finished and all...and it was with some level of anger or bitterness about buying the food stuff.
Pls note that I consume 25% - 30% of all he eats.
I later started buying my milk to avoid issues since I knew that’s what I consume most (with my oat or pap) which makes one of my meal for the day but he was angry about me buying it separately but I did that because I felt there would be peace that way. I would still buy milk and keep and he can say I am using more than he is using inside the milk
He complained about repairs (light), complained about buying dstv subscription, nepa light payment etc. You just list any house thing he started complained about doing it.
I on my path do contribute the way I spent before I came to stay with him. (I wasn’t a huge spender as I eat very small food) and so my money use to remain which he used to borrow from me when we werent together.
We had a him 60k and me 40k arrangement for food fuel light etc but we never put it together and so each week I did ensure I spend 10k. But apparently he wasn’t seeing it. I would come from market and he would say what is all this, this is worth 5k. It use to hurt so much because I wld show him the list but he would still say this same thing. I have never asked him how much he bought things if he goes to market talk less if say it’s not up to a certain amount.
He said later that he can’t marry a woman who works and won’t contribute for light, food, repair, gen etc....
So even today we contributed for dstv 4700, I paid half and he paid half.
It looks sort of absurd and a no no to me
Yesterday he bought apples 800 naira and I paid half and he paid half....
And so that’s how the current life would be....
I contributed to the rent also but he said no... that he would “dash me” rent.
I see it upside down for a man to be saying he is paying rent and see it that he is dashing me. When I can pay my rent by myself. If I was living alone the same way he has been living alone, won’t I do my repair, dstv subscription etc without asking anybody? So why is it a big deal the moment I stepped in? This are things if my friend came to live with me to God who made me I would do/ take responsibility for because the dstv subscription I would have paid for before won’t change with your presence...the only thing that may change is water and food.
This is dating phase, please what marriage would become of this.
Am I the one at fault?
I need honest reviews so I can know if I am having problem and if I need to work on myself or if I need to run.
My parents marriage wasn’t like this my dad bought food and mum did other investments for the family or so and it was never an issue or was there a specific fight that you, you are not buying enough milk on the house or I can’t see d 10k food u said you just bought...it doesn’t look it etc.
He would also say me I want to be saving my money and all.
Pls what’s d way forward or backward married folks, married men and women, what am I not seeing that you can see?

These two story correlate- https://www.nairaland.com/6443258/broke-up

Are you two washing your linens for us?

I think you made some mistakes, this your friend knows the both of you make same amount and being that you both are not married, which means you both can't even discuss how both of you can use your income, but I still believe you both can fix things and move on.
I am married but earns more than my wife, I don't even ask her how she spends her money but I see her spend sometimes on the family, sometimes she sends me the money. But I never ask her how she spends her money, not that I can't but because I know she needs some things for herself I just allow her to do that with her salary. But if she was earning more than me, I guess I will expect her to do more in the house, or even if she earn same salary as me. You shouldn't have waited for the guy to start complaining before you act. Normally if I where in your shoes, you should sometimes go to the market stock the kitchen and make stew, soup and put in the freezer. That act would have taken care of all these. You may spend more but its all a way of showing love to the one you love especially now that both of you decided to stay away from fornication. I do not blame you but all I am saying you could have done better.