Sexual Compatibility

This is another topic people don't take serious. But very important. A lot of infidelities in marriages happen due to sexual incompatibility.

In other words, premarital sex should be encouraged?

Marriage... Hmmmm

Date your spouse well. I mean well. Know her in and out. Forget spiritual thing nack her. If you no want nack see her libido. Watch if she matches you. Last but not the least make sure you talk. Ive seen marriages where all they say is Good morning, good evening,come and eat, account balance is low. For years. Husband will be in the room wife will be in the sitting room. Husband will go to the sitting room wife will move to the room. A very horrible thing

If you're in a marriage and what I described above is happening you guys should just divorce. E don spoil be that.

AmazoTopaz:


But I like it. It is fast money and sometimes depending on the person I enjoy it more.

sure na fast money but always remember,with time body go de ask in return....shey u don born Ni?

lucky4west:
marriage is sweet and juicy, filled with fun, good sex without guilt, warm home made meals, chatter and warm embrace from wify and kids....but not always rosy but u have to learn not to expect too much from each other....stick to God and get to know his plans and purpose for marriage and ur lives....try hard to make money and be open with it don't hide ur money from each other, spend "your" money after the financial challenges at home has been mutually resolve: for instance when we are yet to pay rent, school fees for kids or boost wify's bizness i cant spend money any how...but when all these bills are paid my wife wont mind if i burn some cash any way/how i like ....worship in same church and do not allow social media or life of other people influence ur decisions at home....identify and admit ur limitations no de copy any body....do not keep grudges and do not allow a 3rd party come in to settle issues, if possible marry same tribe/dialect so when u quarrel no body can hear what u guys are saying: for instance in my home we have a rule any time we quarrel or argue it must be done in Esan language/dialect no matter the emotions u dare not speak English during a quarrel in my house( we are both post graduate folks ) and no report to any one no matter how close, we quarrel and settle ourselves and move on.....also identify what makes ur partner happy and try as much as u can to do that often: my wife like presents/gifts even if its just suya or roll on she will appreciate it and brighten up no matter her mood and for me once the kids are well fed, neat and have don their home work am good even if u never cook my food no issue just make sure my generation de ok....

Lols, I doubt if I would marry a hausa woman, but I understand your position on keeping disagreements between couple's only and making sure to resolve them

May God continue to keep your marriage.

AmazonTopaz:

You must be the olosho to know one.
You must be a clown to think that a virgin fears God.What is the point of being disciplined as a virgin and going ahead to cheat in marriage that is discipline Abi?
You must be talking about the unfortunate women in your lives whose mileage Na Lagos Ibadan expressway not me.The men with such women in your family are not real men because they ended up marrying olosho's with wide vagina's who are into prostitution and they can never make good wives
If you did not marry as a vrigin or currently unmarried and not a virgin then keep quiet and don't talk in such matters like this because you are a shameless hypocrite.

this is an example of life after wedding and

AmazoTopaz:


But I like it. It is fast money and sometimes depending on the person I enjoy it more.

sweeter things kills faster than HIV/Aids

AmazoTopaz:


Ashawo they born?

try make u born even na 1...u can't do that job forever!

well said... you wrapped it all up nicely.

jaxxy:
I think u get to see who u really married so God help u. Lol

All those who rush into marriage without knowing their partners or have skills to see/read handwritings on the wall. The red flags become bolder. Everything gets magnified, the good, bad and ugly if any. The Scales fall off.

So if u married sm1 real with u or a friend then u have no problems if not sorry is ur case.

Love and frndship work simultaneously so when or if love drops, frndship is there till loves picks up.

For marriage to succeed there are laws, guidelines and principles.

1. Independent: there must be a level of independence, u must be able to takecare of ur family to a level suitable with u and ur partner while u grow.

2. Love: it’s an important ingredient bt I have come to notice it’s not a must at the beginning because for some love grows over time. Also Love urself 1st.

3. God factor. I cannot overemphasize this. I’m not talking of overly religious people or fanatics here pls bt a relationship with God.

4. Understanding: know urself 1st and u can know ur partner and how to work with them

5. Motivation: marriage is a journey and even a love contract or business contract.. U need to motivate one another not become sloppy. Once u get sloppy and lackadaisical, u get bored and tired. Achieve goals together, work on projects together, help each other be a better version of themselves. Keep fit together and support each other.

6. Be faithful. Keep ur vows and respect them for ur peace of mind. Some don’t see this as necessary especially men bt u create problems in ur home when u keep jumping outside and forming bad habits.

Toks2008:

Marry yor friend and be ready to be a stupid forgiver. You won't regret it.

How do you mean by marrying one's friend?

Many people have been saying it. Do people not marry girlfriends who turn fiancees?

DedeNkem:

- What happens after marriage depends solely on you both. Your relationship supposed to continue to be great. But it depends how deep your love are for each other. A marriage that has a weak foundation doesn't last long. Be together for the right reasons.


- Honestly, marriage is tougher than mere boyfriend - girlfriend relationship. But it can be wonderful and great if the two involved have true love for each other and are willing to work their differences out mutually. Great marriages last "forever".


- It only remains the same if you have true love, understand each other flaws and strive to make each other happy. Yes, both parties do all they can to keep it alive.


- It's never a good idea to rush into a marriage, no matter the peer and family pressure to do so. You're the one who's going to live with whoever you marry, not them.You need to be sure you're ready to marry and also make sure your potential wife/husband is the right one for you. Marriage can be hell if you marry the wrong person.


- It can be wonderful and blissful. A great marriage is 100% better than a good boyfriend - girlfriend relationship. There's no perfect marriage as there's no perfect person. Marriage is what both parties make it.


- Just like in courtship, quarrels are inevitable in marriage. How you two handle it matters a lot. Listen and compromise. Remember, both of you are two different individuals who understand each other flaws and decided to to spend the rest of your lives together. Trust and respect go a long way in keeping a marriage tight.


- Compromise is not a weakness but a feature. Compromising doesn’t mean “giving in.” It doesn’t mean that you’ve lost the fight. In fact, it’s the opposite. Do you know how hard it is to compromise sometimes? You want your way because it sounds right and makes sense to you. Your partner is way off base with their suggestions. Take a step back and look at the argument diplomatically. What’s the logical conclusion? If your partner is right, don’t be afraid to say so. Accept their way, or modify both of your solutions to be half and half. The important thing is not getting your way, it’s staying in your relationship and helping it grow. Compromising will definitely help your marriage grow.


- Of course, there will be complaints. We are all flawed in one way or another. Don't brush off your partner's complaint and expect things to be well. Always try to resolve it amicably. Sharing responsiblies is a part of marriage.


- In most cases shared responsibilities come naturally. Men who help their wives at home by sharing the work load win extra respect and affection. Every couple is unique in itself and how they share the chores should be based their own individual likes and preferences, strengths and weaknesses. Good couple complete and compliment each other and try to give their utmost to the relationship.



- Trust is an indispensable ingredient in building and maintaining a healthy marriage. Trusting one another is one of the most important elements of your relationship, and a crucial element of any lifetime commitment. Without trust, the quality of your relationship will deteriorate.


- a. Prioritize: To make marriage work, spouses must prioritize each other above all else.

b. Anticipate - and Ride Out - the Waves: focus on the wedding day and not the years of marriage that follow, many people mistakenly think marriage is one big party. It’s not. And the sooner you realize that, and accept it and commit to staying in it during even the rough times, the sooner your marriage will benefit.

c. Schedule Time Together: It’s really the one way to ensure quality time. Time together could be as simple as eating together after the kids have gone to bed or scheduling a date night every couple of weeks (sans kids).

d. Give a Gift: Everyone loves getting a gift, but giving presents can be equally joyful. Even a small token, like a six pack of his favorite beer or a takeaway from her favorite restaurant, can show appreciation.


- Many women expect that their bodies will immediately bounce back after giving birth, particularly if they didn't pack on too many pounds while eating for two.

Many women expect that their bodies will immediately bounce back after giving birth, particularly if they didn't pack on too many pounds while eating for two.

Yet, even if she makes postpartum diet and exercise a priority, it can take a while for a new mom's belly to return to normal size, which can lead to feelings of failure and inadequacy.

However, it takes most women six to eight weeks for their stomach to shrink back down to normal size after giving birth.


Yes, the husband should also do chores. Chores are shared responsibilities, and doing a good job dividing up the housework is essential to ensure a happy marriage.


- Support her by doing the following;

a. Encourage and reassure her.
b. Ask her what she needs from you.
c. Show affection. Hold hands, give hugs and kisses.
d. Help her make changes to her lifestyle.
c. Try to eat healthy foods, which can help her eat well.
d. Encourage her to take breaks and naps.
e. Some women may want less sex.
f. Take walks together.


- [color=red] Admiration, affection, intimate conversation, domestic support, family commitment, financial support, honesty and openness, physical attractiveness, recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment.[/color=red]


- By being faithful, honest and truthful to your partner.


- Already answered, check my response above in red.


- Also answered, check my response above in red.


- Yes, if a couple has a genuine love for each other, it doesn't change.



I've been married for some years now. So I know what I'm talking about. You are doing the right thing asking these questions. I hope I've in my little way made you feel a bit comfortable going into marriage.

Marriage is a beautiful thing, especially, when you are in it with the right person. And if the love you two have is genuine and you're ready to work together through tough times, then definitely the marriage will last forever.

Thanks for the time. I appreciate.

Thank you everyone.

Klass99:


I enjoyed reading your post, I don't think I have ever come across a man who is so enthused about marriage and into his marriage like you, your enthusiasm is infectious Just reading your narrative makes me feel like I want to be married and to a reasonably good man like you. Well done and God bless you, your home and hustle.

The part in bold caught my interest, what was this final stage test the other chic failed? And what other tests (if any) did she pass to have even gotten to the final stage with you? I would like to know, if you don't mind sharing.

Hahahahaha, lolz, you really wanna know, hehe


Aside my wife, I had a harem of chicks then , but there was this two that stood out.


One was so so beautiful like Mami iwota such that friends kept telling me that I should not dare marry such babe that she must have marine spirit problem lol, but me like fine chicks die lol, so I no gree.


What disqualified her was the day I decided to visit her family house. I ignored a lot of other flaws in her cos me self I know that I have plenty flaws too, nobody is perfect na lol.


The way she talked to one of her elder bro got me weak. No respect. When I found out the guy was her elder bro, I was dumbfounded, and I jokingly told her that its not good to talk to your elder bro like that na, she said he doesn't respect himself, I was shocked like ho


Gradually I put my eyes down and observed prideful and disrespectful attitude in her towards people of lower social status. You go out with her, she looks at waiters with disgust and command them like they are her slave. This was a no no for me because me I wasn't born rich na. I have suffered in life too so I appreciate people suffering to make it in life and can't deal with such. This was the final straw that broke the camel's back for me



The other lady failed the test of friendlinessand stinginess. She also believes so much in fetish things which I despise. That one was stingy to a fault. Anytime you spend money while with her she will complain that it's too much. You dash people money she will remind u that people are fetish oh, that u should stop dashing people money that they will use it to do juju.


My candid advice to you and any other willing single lady that wishes to learn from my little suggestion is, try and look good physically. You can enhance your looks if you aren't that naturally gifted, it's not a crime.


Physical attraction is number one thing guys look at. After that, comes loyalty, friendliness and openness.


I can remember meeting some ladies that I never called after collecting their number just because of how unfriendly they were during first interaction. Some hardly smile like they are fighting with the world, it's scary na.


Being respectful as a lady goes beyond respecting your boyfriend. How you treat people around you, especially those that are economically below u matters a lot.

franchasng:
Op stop listening to hearsay from people on issues of marriage, especially people on the internet aka social media platforms.....most of them will paint marriage as one evil institution or another maybe out of their own failed experience they then go about generalising.....whereas millions of people around Nigeria and all over the world are all enjoying blissful marriage, so aspire to be those enjoying being married and that's what you will get because "law of attraction" works in life. You can use the power of attraction to attract all the goods things you want in life to your life, and you can also attract the negative to yourself. So always focus on the positive.


Now talking from my own personal experience as a young married man.....I have no single regrets....in fact I am enjoying being married than being single because it seems my life is now more organized and purposeful than when I was single. Mind you, I was doing well financially when I got married so I didn't marry out of no choice, I married at my own pace, not that I was a rich guy as in million million dollars oh, but I think I should be considered among the buoyant guys Nigerians see as rich; 2 tokunbo cars, live in a flat, own some landed properties being developed, owned my own business and few travel experience lol......but despite all that, when I look back at when I was single and compare it with now that I am sweetly and happily married, I can boldly say that my life is more organized and peaceful now than then lol.


I and my wife didn't officially court for a long time, we were on and off boyfriend and girlfriend all thanks to my stubborn and womanizing self lol, and her too much shakara too. I liked my wife when I first met her, she was so sexy like I desire my ladies as in, but this girl was not yielding to my moves....she indirectly accepted me oh but to fully put herself into the matter was an issue, which pushed me away to other ladies....and I always tell her that she was lucky cos I almost married another chick like that if not that she failed my final stage tests and all that.....pls ladies if you like a guy stop doing too much shakara for him cos you can lose him that way, my wife was lucky or maybe it was destiny that we would be couple at the end if not, her shakara was too much that pissed me off a lot.


But in all these, we still dated; officially for 2 years, unofficially for 4 years.....when I leave she will be the one to reconnect via Facebook chats or WhatsApp chats, especially during festive seasons, she must send me season greetings and ask how I was doing, which always got me confused and happy somehow lol. She was doing shakara but still giving me green light not to go that she likes me lol. She said her mind told her that I was a playboy that came to play her, so she was just scared of committing to me; I found out after we got married lol



So back to topic; if you are single guy, especially today, please and please, focus more on your finances; this is very important in having a successful marriage.....work work work work.....when I say work, not going around looking for job when you can't find one, if you cannot find a job, create one yourself. This is not impossible.....start something no matter how small......internet has even made it easier to start business today without any shop or office.....just have an online presence, find a business niche and be consistent and patient in your niche, it must pay off. Don't jump from one business to another just because some of your friends or people you know are making big money from it.....stay on your own lane and master it and be consistent.....and then have a clear vision of what you want, dream big oh......and always confess your heart desires without fear. Chase your dream.....while you lie down on the bed be visualizing what you want in life, I hardly sleep and it has become a part of me since teenage hood. This worked for me.


Working in an oil company or communication company or IT company or Bank or Telecom company or medical field or wherever is not the only way to be financially successful in life.....people are becoming rich from all fields of life, I am a living witness.....I have friends in virtually all fields of life and these guys are killing it money wise.....even in the things you despise and look down on.....I have a friend that's rich today through scrap recycling business......another in sound business......another in construction.....another in farming.......another in normal market trading business.....another is doing excellently well as a teacher, yes teacher......he now runs an online tutoring platform coupled with the fact that he owns a lot of physical tutorial centers in 2 different states.....so there is money in all fields of life, find a field and master it, dream big, introduce unique ideas into that field, monetize your new ideas.......multiply whatever that's working and keep doing it and you must be rich with time....remember success takes time. I started desiring to be rich from when I was a teenager lol....it may sound funny.....but while I was in higher institution, I was running businesses; extra morale classes for first year students, doing runs lol for WAEC, JAMB, etc students God forgive me, owned a call center, a photocopy center, game center......this was all as a student. I went for NYSC and launched a laptop selling business where I was serving and sold lots of laptops to fellow corpers lol



My whole point is, you need steady income to run a successful marriage today. But if you have done all your best and the money is not stabilizing the way you dream, please don't let it stop you from getting married.....but then, you must marry your friend to succeed in that situation if not, she will chicken out with time. Marry a lady that understand your vision in life, who also believes in your vision and efforts. Marry a lady who believes in time, who is also patient with life. Not all ladies are patient. Not all ladies believe that it will be better tomorrow, so don't marry such ladies......which brings us to communication during dating or courtship.....talk talk talk...don't keep mute around your partner while dating.



I have friends who married broke but today they are almost rich. Don't do this unless you have the inner conviction to do it, and like I said you must marry your friend to succeed in that condition and she must believe in you and time. Avoid lazy ladies....she may be working today but if you examine her, she is lazy. She maybe unemployed today, but if you examine her closely, she is not lazy.....avoid lazy, entitled, prideful and greedy ladies,they will frustrate your life.


Sometimes, marriage can bring you fortunes.....it can bring you luck, I don't use to believe in this, but ever since I got married, I started seeing my efforts yield more fruit than when I was single....and the moment we gave birth, it was as if my life entered a high speed.......things started working faster.......more results like its a charm lol.....I still give God all the glory.



Marriage is sweet if you marry the right person and if you prepare financially as a man. Don't have the mindset that you and your wife will share all bills....plan to cater for your family all by yourself and God will empower you for that....my wife works but I have never asked her to bring a dime for any of our family expenditure......not that this is ideal, but this is what every woman wishes for in life, even Billionaire Mrs Alakija wishes for this, and when you as their husband give them this, they will give you their best......but she must not hide her income from you, if she does, its a sign of worry. I know how much my wife earns even though she doesn't contribute, but sometimes I will jokingly tell her that I know she is planning to build a sky scrapper for her kids.....that its good....I also encourage her a lot to help her family members that stood by her while growing up....and to help people in need wherever she meets them with hesitation. But don't ever put your whole eyes on your wife's income if you want peace in your home, pray to God to empower you financially not to depend on your wife's income and you will enjoy peace in your marriage.



Before you marry, prepare financially....marriage today is financially draining if you want a standard family.....you can manage things also, but prepare, and tell God how you want your family or marriage to be, God is real oh, no let them fool you say there is no God, there is a supreme being above all humans oh.....I no be born again oh, but I tell you there is God. You don't even need much prayers to know your wife, just observe your inner piece and use your wisdom. If you are struggling financially, don't marry a jobless or unemployed lady, biko dont do it, its suicidal.



You see all those fashion designer ladies, they are good for marriage oh, that their handwork is good.....you can invest in her.....its far better than marrying an unemployed graduate lady hoping that she would secure job with Shell soon lol.....jobs don cast.



I am married but still feel like I am single.......no stress....my wife gives me freedom, peace of mind, space but she is also a monitoring spirit lol. The only thing she doesn't trust me with is beautiful ladies with big big ass because I love beautiful ladies with killer shape eh, na only that thing fit carry me go hell fire in case any of una see me for hell fire oh


and to the last part of your question, yes it remains....my wife didn't change.....in fact her love and care is even increasing to my fear lol.


Some ladies love more when they get married....so it all depends on the lady you married and how you take care of her.....but most importantly, marry a friendly lady with less baggage and keep working to have a steady income, it makes marriage sweet. Be positive and you will marry the best. I never imagined myself having marital issues while single....I use to ask friends then that why will I be fighting with my wife na.....that it cant happen and its what I am experiencing......and always encourage your wife to keep fit and watch how she eats......you must help her monitor her tummy, ugliness of a woman starts from the tummy, apology to all ladies struggling to keep their tummy flat, pls forgive my use of this word


As for house chores, I was lazy from childhood when it comes to house chores, that's the only reason my father flogged me then, but my mom always defended me then and I love her to pieces for all that she did for me then lol.


Even while single I hated house chores, it made me eat out often while in school to avoid washing plates and pots lol. So my wife know this before we got married and she never expected much from me and all thanks we have few domestic staffs that assist. But whenever I am around and in good mood then, I make her room bed lol, maybe dust her mirror stand, etc, but I bath and dress my little boy often (I cherish doing this one a lot)

You sound like a great man. I'm sure your wife is a great woman too. How did you know that your wife was the one? What did you look for? And has your wife told you why she knew you were the one?

chatinent:


How do you mean by marrying one's friend?

Many people have been saying it. Do people not marry girlfriends who turn fiancees?

among your girlfriends there is one that you feel so free with that you can even tell her how you grew up soaking garri without having to lie that you were born in Los Angeles to make her value u more.


There is one out of your harem of girlfriends that u can be pooping in the toilet and open the door and be gusting with her and she will be yabbing u happily that u this boy your shit is smelling oh without turning it to something of mockery how how timid u are.


Among your girlfriends there is one that u feel so free to tell that u haven't eaten since morning because no money to buy even garri to soak lol.


Not the ones that when they are coming u hurry and go and borrow money to buy provisions and pack in your room table to form American boy that only drink tea



So when people say marry your friend it means your girlfriend that you feel so free with to gist about life, plan life with without pretence, tell your fears and worst mistakes and she won't use against you or mock you with it, that's your friend

franchasng:
among your girlfriends there is one that you feel so free with that you can even tell her how you grew up soaking garri without having to lie that you were born in Los Angeles to make her value u more.


There is one out of your harem of girlfriends that u can be pooping in the toilet and open the door and be gusting with her and she will be yabbing u happily that u this boy your shit is smelling oh without turning it to something of mockery how how timid u are.


Among your girlfriends there is one that u feel so free to tell that u haven't eaten since morning because no money to buy even garri to soak lol.


Not the ones that when they are coming u hurry and go and borrow money to buy provisions and pack in your room table to form American boy that only drink tea



So when people say marry your friend it means your girlfriend that you feel so free with to gist about life, plan life with without pretence, tell your fears and worst mistakes and she won't use against you or mock you with it, that's your friend

oh

bepositive11:


You sound like a great man. I'm sure your wife is a great woman too. How did you know that your wife was the one? What did you look for? And has your wife told you why she knew you were the one?

thanks bro for the head washing, e enter well well as my head don swell here oh chai



Me I knew she was the one because I felt an inner peace of mind whenever I am with her. I feel free with her than most. She knows my weaknesses and never judged me by my weaknesses. She knows I like beautiful ladies with nice buttocks so whenever she see one she will jokingly call my attention that see your spec. I will then tell her jokingly too that no na, this one is not fair, this one doesn't know how to walk, etc and she will laugh like kilode that u self u fine lol


I don't use to take marriage serious, never thought I would marry but the moment she became serious with me, I started wishing to get married. There was an inner conviction.


Lastly after I have even made up mind that I was going to marry her low key, an aunt (my mom's sister) invited me to a Church program in one house ministry she attends aside her church, normally I don't like attending such, but out of respect I decided to attend even though I just didn't want to. My wife visited me that day; Saturday and was in my house. So I told her I will be going for a program by so so time, she said no problem. I asked her if she would accompany me cos I was looking for someone to motivate me to go, but she said no oh lol. She is a staunch Catholic (daughters of Mary or so).


So I went on my own.

At the program, towards the end, the woman in charge was going around giving random prophecies to members and she came to me and said some things and lastly said that girl you want to marry she is your wife. I never believed everything she said cos she said some other things I didn't believe sha lol, but while driving home I was just laughing.


Though my aunt insisted I book a date and go see her for special and personalized prophecies. I never did.



On my wife's part, she said she also attended a program some years back while we were seeing on and off and the man of God told her about me and mentioned my name that I am her husband lol and that I will be so rich lol but that I need some prayers for bla bla bla. She too said she didn't believe it because she didn't even consider me as boyfriend then lol due to my unseriousness.


I dont think there was any special thing we did to know, me it was my personal convincion that made me to marry her nothing much

FalseProphet1:
Marriage has become terrible because sex is so cheap these days, the day girls learn to close their legs and preserve their chastity is the day marriages will begin to experience the blessings God created it to experience. You can turn yourself into a sperm bank and expect to enjoy your marriage...I see many more marriages crash because of premarital sex. This I have seen.

Why cannot the men close their legs to also preserve their chastity ? Don’t be biased bro

Quite a lengthy note, though rich with content.

franchasng:
Op stop listening to hearsay from people on issues of marriage, especially people on the internet aka social media platforms.....most of them will paint marriage as one evil institution or another maybe out of their own failed experience they then go about generalising.....whereas millions of people around Nigeria and all over the world are all enjoying blissful marriage, so aspire to be those enjoying being married and that's what you will get because "law of attraction" works in life. You can use the power of attraction to attract all the goods things you want in life to your life, and you can also attract the negative to yourself. So always focus on the positive.


Now talking from my own personal experience as a young married man.....I have no single regrets....in fact I am enjoying being married than being single because it seems my life is now more organized and purposeful than when I was single. Mind you, I was doing well financially when I got married so I didn't marry out of no choice, I married at my own pace, not that I was a rich guy as in million million dollars oh, but I think I should be considered among the buoyant guys Nigerians see as rich; 2 tokunbo cars, live in a flat, own some landed properties being developed, owned my own business and few travel experience lol......but despite all that, when I look back at when I was single and compare it with now that I am sweetly and happily married, I can boldly say that my life is more organized and peaceful now than then lol.


I and my wife didn't officially court for a long time, we were on and off boyfriend and girlfriend all thanks to my stubborn and womanizing self lol, and her too much shakara too. I liked my wife when I first met her, she was so sexy like I desire my ladies as in, but this girl was not yielding to my moves....she indirectly accepted me oh but to fully put herself into the matter was an issue, which pushed me away to other ladies....and I always tell her that she was lucky cos I almost married another chick like that if not that she failed my final stage tests and all that.....pls ladies if you like a guy stop doing too much shakara for him cos you can lose him that way, my wife was lucky or maybe it was destiny that we would be couple at the end if not, her shakara was too much that pissed me off a lot.


But in all these, we still dated; officially for 2 years, unofficially for 4 years.....when I leave she will be the one to reconnect via Facebook chats or WhatsApp chats, especially during festive seasons, she must send me season greetings and ask how I was doing, which always got me confused and happy somehow lol. She was doing shakara but still giving me green light not to go that she likes me lol. She said her mind told her that I was a playboy that came to play her, so she was just scared of committing to me; I found out after we got married lol



So back to topic; if you are single guy, especially today, please and please, focus more on your finances; this is very important in having a successful marriage.....work work work work.....when I say work, not going around looking for job when you can't find one, if you cannot find a job, create one yourself. This is not impossible.....start something no matter how small......internet has even made it easier to start business today without any shop or office.....just have an online presence, find a business niche and be consistent and patient in your niche, it must pay off. Don't jump from one business to another just because some of your friends or people you know are making big money from it.....stay on your own lane and master it and be consistent.....and then have a clear vision of what you want, dream big oh......and always confess your heart desires without fear. Chase your dream.....while you lie down on the bed be visualizing what you want in life, I hardly sleep and it has become a part of me since teenage hood. This worked for me.


Working in an oil company or communication company or IT company or Bank or Telecom company or medical field or wherever is not the only way to be financially successful in life.....people are becoming rich from all fields of life, I am a living witness.....I have friends in virtually all fields of life and these guys are killing it money wise.....even in the things you despise and look down on.....I have a friend that's rich today through scrap recycling business......another in sound business......another in construction.....another in farming.......another in normal market trading business.....another is doing excellently well as a teacher, yes teacher......he now runs an online tutoring platform coupled with the fact that he owns a lot of physical tutorial centers in 2 different states.....so there is money in all fields of life, find a field and master it, dream big, introduce unique ideas into that field, monetize your new ideas.......multiply whatever that's working and keep doing it and you must be rich with time....remember success takes time. I started desiring to be rich from when I was a teenager lol....it may sound funny.....but while I was in higher institution, I was running businesses; extra morale classes for first year students, doing runs lol for WAEC, JAMB, etc students God forgive me, owned a call center, a photocopy center, game center......this was all as a student. I went for NYSC and launched a laptop selling business where I was serving and sold lots of laptops to fellow corpers lol



My whole point is, you need steady income to run a successful marriage today. But if you have done all your best and the money is not stabilizing the way you dream, please don't let it stop you from getting married.....but then, you must marry your friend to succeed in that situation if not, she will chicken out with time. Marry a lady that understand your vision in life, who also believes in your vision and efforts. Marry a lady who believes in time, who is also patient with life. Not all ladies are patient. Not all ladies believe that it will be better tomorrow, so don't marry such ladies......which brings us to communication during dating or courtship.....talk talk talk...don't keep mute around your partner while dating.



I have friends who married broke but today they are almost rich. Don't do this unless you have the inner conviction to do it, and like I said you must marry your friend to succeed in that condition and she must believe in you and time. Avoid lazy ladies....she may be working today but if you examine her, she is lazy. She maybe unemployed today, but if you examine her closely, she is not lazy.....avoid lazy, entitled, prideful and greedy ladies,they will frustrate your life.


Sometimes, marriage can bring you fortunes.....it can bring you luck, I don't use to believe in this, but ever since I got married, I started seeing my efforts yield more fruit than when I was single....and the moment we gave birth, it was as if my life entered a high speed.......things started working faster.......more results like its a charm lol.....I still give God all the glory.



Marriage is sweet if you marry the right person and if you prepare financially as a man. Don't have the mindset that you and your wife will share all bills....plan to cater for your family all by yourself and God will empower you for that....my wife works but I have never asked her to bring a dime for any of our family expenditure......not that this is ideal, but this is what every woman wishes for in life, even Billionaire Mrs Alakija wishes for this, and when you as their husband give them this, they will give you their best......but she must not hide her income from you, if she does, its a sign of worry. I know how much my wife earns even though she doesn't contribute, but sometimes I will jokingly tell her that I know she is planning to build a sky scrapper for her kids.....that its good....I also encourage her a lot to help her family members that stood by her while growing up....and to help people in need wherever she meets them with hesitation. But don't ever put your whole eyes on your wife's income if you want peace in your home, pray to God to empower you financially not to depend on your wife's income and you will enjoy peace in your marriage.



Before you marry, prepare financially....marriage today is financially draining if you want a standard family.....you can manage things also, but prepare, and tell God how you want your family or marriage to be, God is real oh, no let them fool you say there is no God, there is a supreme being above all humans oh.....I no be born again oh, but I tell you there is God. You don't even need much prayers to know your wife, just observe your inner piece and use your wisdom. If you are struggling financially, don't marry a jobless or unemployed lady, biko dont do it, its suicidal.



You see all those fashion designer ladies, they are good for marriage oh, that their handwork is good.....you can invest in her.....its far better than marrying an unemployed graduate lady hoping that she would secure job with Shell soon lol.....jobs don cast.



I am married but still feel like I am single.......no stress....my wife gives me freedom, peace of mind, space but she is also a monitoring spirit lol. The only thing she doesn't trust me with is beautiful ladies with big big ass because I love beautiful ladies with killer shape eh, na only that thing fit carry me go hell fire in case any of una see me for hell fire oh


and to the last part of your question, yes it remains....my wife didn't change.....in fact her love and care is even increasing to my fear lol.


Some ladies love more when they get married....so it all depends on the lady you married and how you take care of her.....but most importantly, marry a friendly lady with less baggage and keep working to have a steady income, it makes marriage sweet. Be positive and you will marry the best. I never imagined myself having marital issues while single....I use to ask friends then that why will I be fighting with my wife na.....that it cant happen and its what I am experiencing......and always encourage your wife to keep fit and watch how she eats......you must help her monitor her tummy, ugliness of a woman starts from the tummy, apology to all ladies struggling to keep their tummy flat, pls forgive my use of this word


As for house chores, I was lazy from childhood when it comes to house chores, that's the only reason my father flogged me then, but my mom always defended me then and I love her to pieces for all that she did for me then lol.


Even while single I hated house chores, it made me eat out often while in school to avoid washing plates and pots lol. So my wife know this before we got married and she never expected much from me and all thanks we have few domestic staffs that assist. But whenever I am around and in good mood then, I make her room bed lol, maybe dust her mirror stand, etc, but I bath and dress my little boy often (I cherish doing this one a lot)

Gvnl:
Peace of mind is a choice, so is happiness. True, marriage is not always sweet but it is possible to enjoy your marriage if you so desire.

I can and will enjoy my marriage

I think we're saying the same thing just that you have what sounds like a written commitment which is great. Well done!

franchasng:
Op stop listening to hearsay from people on issues of marriage, especially people on the internet aka social media platforms.....most of them will paint marriage as one evil institution or another maybe out of their own failed experience they then go about generalising.....whereas millions of people around Nigeria and all over the world are all enjoying blissful marriage, so aspire to be those enjoying being married and that's what you will get because "law of attraction" works in life. You can use the power of attraction to attract all the goods things you want in life to your life, and you can also attract the negative to yourself. So always focus on the positive.

Even while single I hated house chores, it made me eat out often while in school to avoid washing plates and pots lol. So my wife know this before we got married and she never expected much from me and all thanks we have few domestic staffs that assist. But whenever I am around and in good mood then, I make her room bed lol, maybe dust her mirror stand, etc, but I bath and dress my little boy often (I cherish doing this one a lot)

Wow, very brilliant input from you, i learnt alot from your post.

tete7000:


You are wrong, when you see a woman who married a real man, A man strong and godly, you will understand that woman has less work to do. Women has been so brainwashed to believe that making marriage work is all their duty that many don't even bother to look out for strong and capable men to marry but simply settle for anything and work their ass out to make their marriage work while the man philander around. God created the man to lead, not the woman. Sin turned everything on its head, and create situations where women seek to dominate. In the beginning, it was never intended so, and God's original intention has not changed.

God bless you tremendously. You will remain happy all the days of your life.

Dem no dey telli person.
When you enter, you’ll learn. There’s no manual to these things.

DedeNkem:

- What happens after marriage depends solely on you both. Your relationship supposed to continue to be great. But it depends how deep your love are for each other. A marriage that has a weak foundation doesn't last long. Be together for the right reasons.


- Honestly, marriage is tougher than mere boyfriend - girlfriend relationship. But it can be wonderful and great if the two involved have true love for each other and are willing to work their differences out mutually. Great marriages last "forever".


- It only remains the same if you have true love, understand each other flaws and strive to make each other happy. Yes, both parties do all they can to keep it alive.


- It's never a good idea to rush into a marriage, no matter the peer and family pressure to do so. You're the one who's going to live with whoever you marry, not them.You need to be sure you're ready to marry and also make sure your potential wife/husband is the right one for you. Marriage can be hell if you marry the wrong person.


- It can be wonderful and blissful. A great marriage is 100% better than a good boyfriend - girlfriend relationship. There's no perfect marriage as there's no perfect person. Marriage is what both parties make it.


- Just like in courtship, quarrels are inevitable in marriage. How you two handle it matters a lot. Listen and compromise. Remember, both of you are two different individuals who understand each other flaws and decided to to spend the rest of your lives together. Trust and respect go a long way in keeping a marriage tight.


- Compromise is not a weakness but a feature. Compromising doesn’t mean “giving in.” It doesn’t mean that you’ve lost the fight. In fact, it’s the opposite. Do you know how hard it is to compromise sometimes? You want your way because it sounds right and makes sense to you. Your partner is way off base with their suggestions. Take a step back and look at the argument diplomatically. What’s the logical conclusion? If your partner is right, don’t be afraid to say so. Accept their way, or modify both of your solutions to be half and half. The important thing is not getting your way, it’s staying in your relationship and helping it grow. Compromising will definitely help your marriage grow.


- Of course, there will be complaints. We are all flawed in one way or another. Don't brush off your partner's complaint and expect things to be well. Always try to resolve it amicably. Sharing responsiblies is a part of marriage.


- In most cases shared responsibilities come naturally. Men who help their wives at home by sharing the work load win extra respect and affection. Every couple is unique in itself and how they share the chores should be based their own individual likes and preferences, strengths and weaknesses. Good couple complete and compliment each other and try to give their utmost to the relationship.



- Trust is an indispensable ingredient in building and maintaining a healthy marriage. Trusting one another is one of the most important elements of your relationship, and a crucial element of any lifetime commitment. Without trust, the quality of your relationship will deteriorate.


- a. Prioritize: To make marriage work, spouses must prioritize each other above all else.

b. Anticipate - and Ride Out - the Waves: focus on the wedding day and not the years of marriage that follow, many people mistakenly think marriage is one big party. It’s not. And the sooner you realize that, and accept it and commit to staying in it during even the rough times, the sooner your marriage will benefit.

c. Schedule Time Together: It’s really the one way to ensure quality time. Time together could be as simple as eating together after the kids have gone to bed or scheduling a date night every couple of weeks (sans kids).

d. Give a Gift: Everyone loves getting a gift, but giving presents can be equally joyful. Even a small token, like a six pack of his favorite beer or a takeaway from her favorite restaurant, can show appreciation.


- Many women expect that their bodies will immediately bounce back after giving birth, particularly if they didn't pack on too many pounds while eating for two.

Many women expect that their bodies will immediately bounce back after giving birth, particularly if they didn't pack on too many pounds while eating for two.

Yet, even if she makes postpartum diet and exercise a priority, it can take a while for a new mom's belly to return to normal size, which can lead to feelings of failure and inadequacy.

However, it takes most women six to eight weeks for their stomach to shrink back down to normal size after giving birth.


Yes, the husband should also do chores. Chores are shared responsibilities, and doing a good job dividing up the housework is essential to ensure a happy marriage.


- Support her by doing the following;

a. Encourage and reassure her.
b. Ask her what she needs from you.
c. Show affection. Hold hands, give hugs and kisses.
d. Help her make changes to her lifestyle.
c. Try to eat healthy foods, which can help her eat well.
d. Encourage her to take breaks and naps.
e. Some women may want less sex.
f. Take walks together.


- [color=red] Admiration, affection, intimate conversation, domestic support, family commitment, financial support, honesty and openness, physical attractiveness, recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment.[/color=red]


- By being faithful, honest and truthful to your partner.


- Already answered, check my response above in red.


- Also answered, check my response above in red.


- Yes, if a couple has a genuine love for each other, it doesn't change.



I've been married for some years now. So I know what I'm talking about. You are doing the right thing asking these questions. I hope I've in my little way made you feel a bit comfortable going into marriage.

Marriage is a beautiful thing, especially, when you are in it with the right person. And if the love you two have is genuine and you're ready to work together through tough times, then definitely the marriage will last forever.

Wow! Very very insightful! Thanks a lot for sharing! Wish this was on the first page. Hope people see this.

You mentioned how important it is to marry the right partner. Any tips for knowing who the right partner is?

AmazoTopaz:


But I like it. It is fast money and sometimes depending on the person I enjoy it more.

You two, please continue your conversation privately. I'm tired of reading your nonsense. There are some great responses here. Please stop spoiling the thread.

Edit: I probably shouldn't have been so harsh. Sorry about that.

Your body won't remain the same forever. You will eventually grow old and your beauty will fade. Instead of selling your body to men for money, build a career or business. That fast money will eventually run out -- it's just a matter of time.

franchasng:
thanks bro for the head washing, e enter well well as my head don swell here oh chai



Me I knew she was the one because I felt an inner peace of mind whenever I am with her. I feel free with her than most. She knows my weaknesses and never judged me by my weaknesses. She knows I like beautiful ladies with nice buttocks so whenever she see one she will jokingly call my attention that see your spec. I will then tell her jokingly too that no na, this one is not fair, this one doesn't know how to walk, etc and she will laugh like kilode that u self u fine lol


I don't use to take marriage serious, never thought I would marry but the moment she became serious with me, I started wishing to get married. There was an inner conviction.


Lastly after I have even made up mind that I was going to marry her low key, an aunt (my mom's sister) invited me to a Church program in one house ministry she attends aside her church, normally I don't like attending such, but out of respect I decided to attend even though I just didn't want to. My wife visited me that day; Saturday and was in my house. So I told her I will be going for a program by so so time, she said no problem. I asked her if she would accompany me cos I was looking for someone to motivate me to go, but she said no oh lol. She is a staunch Catholic (daughters of Mary or so).


So I went on my own.

At the program, towards the end, the woman in charge was going around giving random prophecies to members and she came to me and said some things and lastly said that girl you want to marry she is your wife. I never believed everything she said cos she said some other things I didn't believe sha lol, but while driving home I was just laughing.


Though my aunt insisted I book a date and go see her for special and personalized prophecies. I never did.



On my wife's part, she said she also attended a program some years back while we were seeing on and off and the man of God told her about me and mentioned my name that I am her husband lol and that I will be so rich lol but that I need some prayers for bla bla bla. She too said she didn't believe it because she didn't even consider me as boyfriend then lol due to my unseriousness.


I dont think there was any special thing we did to know, me it was my personal convincion that made me to marry her nothing much

chatinent:
While courting, you were better halves. What happens after marriage?


What happens after a week living together? and months, years? What happens to forever?


Does the love remain the same? Does it fade by itself? Are both parties always striving to resurrect it?


Of course, I understand it is not advisable to plunge into marriage!

What is life like in marriage?

What happens during a quarrel?

Does a partner always prove they are right?

Are there complaints? Complaints like one person washing the plates, and the other making it more tedious? Are there arguments about how the WC is to be used?


How and when are responsibilities shared?



What about insecurity?
Does it come on its own? Are there hidden thoughts one's partner may be cheating always?


What are the main responsibilities to keep a woman/man forever young in their hearts? What are the major needs?

What can make a woman still look very good even after childbirth?

Should the husband also do minor chores?

What happens when she becomes pregnant?

What is the major emotional need?

How is trust built?

To wives and husbands, what do you call satisfaction in a husband/wife? What needs does he/she fulfills make you feel satisfied?

What would you ever wish for?

Does the care and love remain the same?



I need experienced persons (married couples probably) to clarify me.


I've been thinking about these questions of late.

These are deep questions!

bignero:


You guys that say marry who loves you, not who you love... Your all missing out and confused.

First off, we know that a "classy" girl that likes you, will be slow in showing emotions even though she loves you.. But a "village" girl will show everything and be very submissive etc.. But will that make your marriage perfect? Person whey like you her love node fade?,.. Also means you're settling for less, maybe less intelligent and not exposed as the classy girl.. Its not all about Bleep you know, some times you need a partner to match your intelligence, class, motivate you etc..
How will it take to see a girl that likes you more than you like her? What the instrument you will use to measure? So you'd keep on going from one ugly girl(yes because they know their market is hard, ugly girls will form most love) to another looking for who loves you more? Pele, infact fine girls can be the nicest.. Good luck on this your journey for who loves you more

You guys are cheating yourself.. Love can grow as long as you're a good partner..

Most importantly.. Man as a spiritual being is happiest when he gives love than when he receives love.. Marriage is a spiritual Union and 99 percent of humanity dont understand.. Thats the root cause of the problem.. So man is to find a woman who is worthy of him pouring out his love or" sacrificing" himself for.. Because real joy comes from giving love, not receiving love.. Thats what real love is.. Like when you spend all your money on your child and your children look splendid, your not happy because your children will pay, your happy because your pouring love on the object of your affection.. Sort of how God loves man.. Not because man can pay

Well said

Klass99:


Lol , you and your narratives are really interesting I am enjoying the stories of your life and I appreciate the feedback, your candidness and valuable lessons.

As for your other girl who was rude to her elder brother, I would have said cut her some slack, but for the other things you mentioned I say chop knuckle, I don't like people with a chip on their shoulders who look down on others either.

I would have said cut her some slack for that singular incident with big bro........................because I have seen older people (not just older siblings but older people generally) behave very disrespectfully towards others and when they get served a dose of their own medicine, they remember they are older than you and start screaming about their age, seniority and your lack of manners/respect. Forgetting that respect needs to be mutual for good or harmonious relationships.

As for the fetish girl I am LOL thank your God she wasn't fetish to the point of practicing it on you. A friend of mine (Alex not real name) went to visit his girl one day and met her fighting with her roomie (it was a verbal fight of insults being traded) Alex's girl (let's call her Chioma) had the upper hand as she was shouting the most and had more insults.

Alex tried to end the fight, even pleading with Chioma to stop, but she wouldn't. Sandra (Chioma's roomie) just said, tell Alex where you and your mother took his picture to - Na so fight take end o! Chioma immediately quit her shouting/insults and was now trying to appeal to Sandra not to say more, but Sandra repeated herself like 3 times even switching to pidgin - Abeg tell Alex where you and your mama carry him picture go. Needless to say, that was the end of the relationship between Alex & Chioma.

I have a strong dislike for fetish folks and mentally backwards thinking folks, we no dey gel well at all. Your other ex and I wouldn't have gotten along either as friends. Thanks for engaging back the way you have, I appreciate you sharing the things you have, from your very first post to this one. I am reading and learning.

Are you by any chance from Edo State?

hahahahaha, ladies and leaking secret of their friends during fight eh


I am Igbo, full blooded Biafran Boys


What happened between Sandra and Chioma, we will put it this way; as Chioma open Sandra nyash eh, nne "Church Agbasaa"


As regards some elders not respecting their age, honestly I still accord them the respect oh, that's why I laugh when some Yorubas say Igbos don't respect their elders, that thing na individual and family based.


In my family, the richest is our 3rd son, but if our first son (also very comfortable though) says a word, nobody dare challenge him oh, that's how out father brought us up. My father was like Idi Amin of Uganda while growing up


From little knowledge, some of the things majority of Nigerian guys of our time hate most in a lady are:


Arrogance or disrespect

Fetishness; it scare a lot of guys away even the cultists lol

Materialism and greed


Frowning lady can be scary too lol



Forget what guys write here oh, Naija guys love Nigerian girls die


If u truly want to get married this year as a Naija lady, it's all in your hands, husband full ground, u just have to do away with some things and try and look sweet and position yourself well



I like your username Klass lol.... If na when I be de shoot short eh, I for fire bazooka live, so. U get luck say u don retire small