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The "detached" Nigerian Husband - Family - Nairaland

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The "detached" Nigerian Husband by waybaloo: 11:54am On Apr 28, 2011
dare i say African ,  men very detached.

whats your opinion ?
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by babyme1(f): 12:03pm On Apr 28, 2011
You want to bash Naija guys? I wish you luck in your new found hubby angry
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by waybaloo: 12:06pm On Apr 28, 2011
firstly i am not "bashing" i am simply asking a question

and

secondly he is not my *new* husband
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by babyme1(f): 12:21pm On Apr 28, 2011
lol@ new hubby! I wanted to type hobby, sorry!

That behaviour is not perculiar to Nigerian men,it's an individual's thing. Anybody can behave like that depending on his personality.
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by waybaloo: 12:35pm On Apr 28, 2011
well baby.me why respond with an insult ? odd

have a lovely day grin
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by Blazay(m): 12:41pm On Apr 28, 2011
The are ALL like that. . . including the fake ones you see writing 'turenchi' on the www. cheesy
If you want 'attachment', please go to another race.
Black peeps are NOT capable of 'attachment'.
I have learned to 'attach' myself. . .the best attachment kpa kpa.
I nor need am!

No who get heart. . . na im others fit break.
Not this woman. cool
Please, they can keep the attachment. . . I only want the dee-k! kiss
Thank God for open marriages. cool
If you can't get what you want. . . go 'shopping'.
Thank God for my "ashewo" NOKIA! grin
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by waybaloo: 12:48pm On Apr 28, 2011
hmmm , interesting response Blazay undecided
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by Ferya(f): 12:52pm On Apr 28, 2011
i have been married for almost 5 years and courted for two years, i have always found my husband to be very detached emotionally.  what i mean is he (makes me feel) like he isn't part of our unit.  sure he is a great provider but on an emotional level hes very into himself.  hes not very good at one on one time and Ive never been able to discuss things with him at a deep level, i mean i have but he hasn't got what i have meant.  i have been looking into this on-line and found that others too find Nigerian ,  dare i say African ,  men very detached.

My dear, you are married for 5 years and courted for 2 years which is 7 years and you are asking our opinion on

why your husband is emotionally detached?  

You should have known the answer by now because it is no longer new to you. Please, do not draw conclusion

based on what you read from this forum. Women equally withdraw to themselves depending on the situation. It is

not a man thing or related to Nija men only.

However, my opinion is try and findout why your husband is behaving like that and address the problem, since you

said he is a good provider.  Again, why do you find it difficult discussing with your husband ? You can prepare his

favourite dish, then try to chat with him after the meal. Goodluck
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by babyme1(f): 1:12pm On Apr 28, 2011
waybaloo:

well baby.me why respond with an insult ? odd

have a lovely day grin





Did i insult you? Where?
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by obowunmi(m): 1:57pm On Apr 28, 2011
I'm sure you knew he was detached before you married him. Deal with it.
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by TeeJay6(m): 2:01pm On Apr 28, 2011
baby.me:

Did i insult you? Where?
The poster was obviously looking for your sympathy and not your reasoning hence the antagonism. grin
@op
That behaviour is not perculiar to Nigerian men,it's an individual's thing. Anybody can behave like that depending on his personality or the off-putting attitude of his wife
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by InkedNerd(f): 2:39pm On Apr 28, 2011
baby.me:

Did i insult you? Where?

I don't think the OP was trying to bash Nigerian men. Yes, that behavior isn't just a thing of Nigerian men but if you take a good look at certain cultures you can see a pattern in terms of the behavior of both genders. Like for example, I've noticed the Asian guys at my school seem to be very indifferent about certain issues or topics and rarely ever want to engage in certain discussions. At first I figures that it was perhaps just those particular individuals that I was talking to so I started to socialize with other Asian guys from other schools and it was pretty much the same thing. I don't wanna make generalizations but in my opinion, I would say that there is some truth to what the OP is saying.
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by ifyalways(f): 3:30pm On Apr 28, 2011
7 years and you are just noticing,complaining and seeking solution now?One should expect that by now you are very well used-to and attached to his detached self undecided

Some people are born as introverts,You hardly can change them.
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by mengi: 4:44pm On Apr 28, 2011
I am tempted to agree with Nerd, that something transcend individuality and may be connected with race, i said may.
@ waybaloo
Most African men are that way, detached, i believe it has to do with their nature or should i say their environment. Many Nigerian men feel "Great" about themselves in as much as they can adequately provide for their family and often feel "what more can she ask for" . they rather want their wives to come out clean with what is bothering them rather than them to waste "valuable " time probing what she wants.
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by waybaloo: 4:51pm On Apr 28, 2011
Thanks for your responses, its interesting to hear other opinions. Hence my question here today. Of course it is something I have been aware of for a long time I just wondered if it was something akin to his culture. Maybe it is maybe it isnt, but I have noticed similar behaviours in other male members of his family. Of whom I have spent the last few years getting to know really well.

Your responses are interesting nevertheless and food for thought. smiley
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by waybaloo: 5:04pm On Apr 28, 2011
baby.me:

lol@ new hubby! I wanted to type hobby, sorry!

[quote][/quote]



my husband is not my "hobby" thank you very much
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by waybaloo: 5:13pm On Apr 28, 2011
The ego is the main difference I see compared to western men. A western man may have an ego but of the ones I know it isnt determined by their material wealth.
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by 2mch(m): 7:51pm On Apr 28, 2011
It is not in an African man's nature to show and express love outwardly to their spouse. So that you dont take them for granted or feel you have them in your pocket and turn them into woman wrapper. But they are different when it comes to their children. Although most may not say they "love" the child, but they show it cool. Only the really emotionally weak men behave like your husband, and go out of their way to be detached. I am sure you can break his type down easily. grin cheesy
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by tpia5: 8:05pm On Apr 28, 2011
What in the name of all that is typed on the www, made the poster open this thread?
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by harakiri(m): 8:09pm On Apr 28, 2011
First of all, i'm dead sick of all these "Nigerian this" and "Nigerian that" threads. We are humans like you and not "brand names". Secondly, this behavior has nothing to do with race. Some men (including myself) protect ourselves with a shell to avoid certain embarassments that occur when a man opens up 100% to a woman e.g putting his private life and affairs in the open JUST AS YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE! Call me a mysognist if you prefer (like i give a damn) but you women talk a lot and a lot of times,what you talk about are things the "victims" would rather be kept secret. Woe betide any man who bares his entire soul to a woman. Finally, you women are drama addicts. Even when your home is peaceful,blessed and stress free, you always look out for something to nag about e.g he doesn't think i'm the most beautiful woman anymore/he thinks i'm fat/he works too much/he doesn't work hard enough/he spends all his time in the office "abandoning" me and the kids. . .bla bla bla. No wonder men die mostly from heart related illness these days!
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by Busybody2(f): 8:18pm On Apr 28, 2011
What have we here, what is the reason for the hullabaloo, let's see, oh its only a thread about the sacred Nigerian man's ego. So far so good, phew.
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by waybaloo: 9:33pm On Apr 28, 2011
2mch:

It is not in an African man's nature to show and express love outwardly to their spouse. So that you dont take them for granted or feel you have them in your pocket and turn them into woman wrapper. But they are different when it comes to their children. Although most may not say they "love" the child, but they show it cool. Only the really emotionally weak men behave like your husband, and go out of their way to be detached. I am sure you can break his type down easily. grin cheesy
harakiri:

First of all, i'm dead sick of all these "Nigerian this" and "Nigerian that" threads. We are humans like you and not "brand names". Secondly, this behavior has nothing to do with race. Some men (including myself) protect ourselves with a shell to avoid certain embarassments that occur when a man opens up 100% to a woman e.g putting his private life and affairs in the open JUST AS YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE! Call me a mysognist if you prefer (like i give a damn) but you women talk a lot and a lot of times,what you talk about are things the "victims" would rather be kept secret. Woe betide any man who bares his entire soul to a woman. Finally, you women are drama addicts. Even when your home is peaceful,blessed and stress free, you always look out for something to nag about e.g he doesn't think i'm the most beautiful woman anymore/he thinks i'm fat/he works too much/he doesn't work hard enough/he spends all his time in the office "abandoning" me and the kids. . .bla bla bla. No wonder men die mostly from heart related illness these days!

As has already been said certain cultures are defined by certain behaviours and I have observed that african men are indeed not outwardly affectionate, I know that from our friends. Saying that Africa is a big place! I too am a very private person, extremely private and discreet. I rarely write on forums, that said there is nothing wrong with the limited information I have divulged. If more men opened up then women wouldnt be left wondering what the As for the "nigerian" element of the question despite our years together I am still learning about my husband and his culture and he is a nigerian man. In any event dont be bitter.
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by tpia5: 10:02pm On Apr 28, 2011
Poster are you on any type of medication?
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by waybaloo: 10:06pm On Apr 28, 2011
tpia

YAWN
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by tpia5: 10:49pm On Apr 28, 2011
^I dont think you're alright upstairs, that's all.

Anyway, no be my own wahala nah.

Eni a wi fun oba je o gbo on loro awon okunrin yi.
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by InkedNerd(f): 11:01pm On Apr 28, 2011
harakiri:

First of all, i'm dead sick of all these "Nigerian this" and "Nigerian that" threads. We are humans like you and not "brand names". Secondly, this behavior has nothing to do with race. Some men (including myself) protect ourselves with a shell to avoid certain embarassments that occur when a man opens up 100% to a woman e.g putting his private life and affairs in the open JUST AS YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE! Call me a mysognist if you prefer (like i give a damn) but you women talk a lot and a lot of times,what you talk about are things the "victims" would rather be kept secret. Woe betide any man who bares his entire soul to a woman. Finally, you women are drama addicts. Even when your home is peaceful,blessed and stress free, you always look out for something to nag about e.g he doesn't think i'm the most beautiful woman anymore/he thinks i'm fat/he works too much/he doesn't work hard enough/he spends all his time in the office "abandoning" me and the kids. . .bla bla bla. No wonder men die mostly from heart related illness these days!

Ya know, I was gonna agree with what you were saying until you started to spew all that mysoginist jargon. I find it funny that you tell the OP not to group people based on a particular behavior yet you managed to do the same by speak as though all women were the saem.

waybaloo:



My obervations are that nigerian men are so intent on creating their dynasty that they lose sight of who they are creating the dynasty for. And everything else going on for that matter. Well, of course they are creating it for themselves but it is also for their immediate nuclear family. Not just their ego. The ego is the main difference I see compared to western men. A western man may have an ego but of the ones I know it isnt determined by their material wealth.

Hmmm, that's very interesting.
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by jennykadry(f): 2:48am On Apr 29, 2011
I don't think the poster wants to insult nigerian men or need advise as to how to get her hubby out of his shell.I think she just wants us to discuss male introverts.She only used her hubby as an example
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by tpia5: 3:22am On Apr 29, 2011
eyah.
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by jennykadry(f): 3:30am On Apr 29, 2011
@topic

some men not all are like that. I have no communication probs with my man but they are dayz I sometimes let him be for a while if I notice there is something bothering him and would always go back to find out what it was and yea he just let it all out.
Don't mind people insulting you jare, them no get work.

It was a crime before to see some african men cry, lol thank goodness for women that have learnt to break some of them.
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by chaircover: 9:53am On Apr 29, 2011
//
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by waybaloo: 12:15pm On Apr 29, 2011
@tpia - why the need to be bitchy

@chaircover thank you dear, wise words
Re: The "detached" Nigerian Husband by maclatunji: 3:23pm On Apr 29, 2011
@waybaloo, can you define what you mean by "emotionally detached". Do you mean any of these:

-He seems or does not take your worries seriously.

-He does not share his dreams and plans with you.

-He is not very good at telling you and showing you how much he loves you in creative ways.

-He does not talk much to you without you initiating the discussion

-He seems not to be concentrating when you discuss with him.

Or a combination of all of these. If we cannot define the problem, I very much doubt we can analyze it effectively.

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