Raalsalghul:

You just dey laugh up and down at someone's serious matter ba?

Beloved3:


Pocohantas guilty as charged? Did you say this?

If na you,you no go run?

.

Newborn27:
Anyways, he just proved how beastly ànd ungrateful he is to everybody on his side this morning.


Since that Thursday night, he never said anything and I also kept to myself...he woke up and was washing his clothes in the bathroom...I wanted to prepare for church,I told him I wanted to used the bucket to bath my kids ,he said no, I said let me turn the water into the balph, as I just bend to turn the water he stood up,hit me with the stood beside him and began thorough beating that invited the neighbors....they came in to stop home and told him, what I did was not up to beating not to talk of hitting the stool on me...he kept mute...the neighbors called me out and apologized for restricting his arrest the other day... that his gentle nature deceived them that by what they just saw, I should try and inform my family to avoid future problem....I told them thank you.


I went out of the gate to buy airtime and put a call through my sister.
On getting inside he told me he was ready to leave that he wants to remove the foam from the bed but my baby Kiishi is still sleeping so I should just carry her so he can carry his foam.....I replied, the baby is still fast asleep and moreso, we're having two foam, you bought one while we both bought this one Kiishi is sleeping on...the next thing, he started slapping me and hitting me....the neighbors came in again and I took the small phone to make a call he just collected the phone and said smashed it on the floor again in the presence of the neighbors and left.

Sweetheart, your story is becoming scary! Very sad! This boy will soon build major time on your face and the rest of your body. Let him carry foam biko. Sleep on the floor if it comes to that! OMG! So sorry you had to go through all of this! May God help you at this point....please stay away from that guy, let him not fatally harm you. It is really well.

Newborn27:
I went to the police station, on getting there, I saw a police woman at the police station,she told me to calm down, I told her I needed to see the policemen*name withheld* she told me to call them, I told her my phone is faulty, she said I should tell her whatever it is as a woman....I told her it was my husband...she said,

My dear, I can read the pains through your face and tears... forget about profession, that is life for you...the society won't understand your story and pain, they'd put a stigma on you... accept it as your fate, your cross to carry....any marriage that kids are involved, the woman suffers the stigma....she talked at length and begged me to go back home for the sake of the kids ànd involve the two families for safety and be prayerful....if after meeting his family, you're not convinced, you can come back here.


I left for his father's house, on getting there, I met him and his dad, with two family members a man and a woman...they talked at length and they still apologized for reconciliation.


I'm pained and felt cheated.... for how long will this cycle continues?
Why am I always at the receiving end? Is it a crime to be a woman in Nigeria? Is it a crime to be devoted to a man? Is it a crime to make sacrifices for my home? Is it a crime to love one's spouse and decide to suffer with him in order to have a better story tomorrow? Is it a crime to be submissive and respectful to elders advice?

These and more, are the questions lingering in my brain.... I'm sure some feminist will attack me for being a fool again.... I'll take every insults and advice to heart.

Matured, responsible and religious married advice are strongly needed...the single feminists can advise too.


Seun
Lalasticlala
Righteousness2

Benloon1060
Gypsey
Springboot
Cococandy
Mindblog
Jabolo
Pocochantas


Advice a lost and confused soul.


Note: I might not respond asap as I'm currently phoneless... kindly drop the comments, I'll read anytime I'm opportune to.


Thanks

Haaaaaa! @ bolded makes it sound like you don't
really need advice mami...you have again obeyed the elders fa. If you really want advice......GO BACK HOME TO YOUR FOLKS OR STAY FAR AWAY FROM HIM AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND KIDS. That's all you need for your now. But if you want to follow the elders again,let me wish you well and pray God show you His face soon.


By the way, there are millions of women of substance in Nigeria! There are several millions of unmarried women of substance in Nigeria. There are several millions of married women of substance in Nigeria....the list is endless. One thing that is usually constant for women that could hold their own is having sound minds. May your mind be sound. Pele.

sisisioge:


Haaaaaa! @ bolded makes it sound like you don't
really need advice mami...you have again obeyed the elders fa. If you really want advice......GO BACK HOME TO YOUR FOLKS OR STAY FAR AWAY FROM HIM AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND KIDS. That's all you need for your now. But if you want to follow the elders again,let me wish you well and pray God show you His face soon.


By the way, there are millions of women of substance in Nigeria! There are several millions of unmarried women of substance in Nigeria. There are several millions of married women of substance in Nigeria....the list is endless. One thing that is usually constant for women that could hold their own is having sound minds. May your mind be sound. Pele.

Smell the stale coffee,she has given in to reconciliation again.
Abeg this people matter Taya mi.

This is one of the reasons why women in abusive relationships are isolated and without any friends.

The friends do everything, render assistance, talk to them, listen to them but the cycle is on endless repeat and they keep going back.
It gets very exhausting and the friends end up disappearing so they can preserve their own sanity.

It's a vicious never ending cycle till the victim of their own accord is mentally and physically strong to break the chain. Before that, all the yarning is a waste of time.

Newborn27:
I went to the police station, on getting there, I saw a police woman at the police station,she told me to calm down, I told her I needed to see the policemen*name withheld* she told me to call them, I told her my phone is faulty, she said I should tell her whatever it is as a woman....I told her it was my husband...she said,

My dear, I can read the pains through your face and tears... forget about profession, that is life for you...the society won't understand your story and pain, they'd put a stigma on you... accept it as your fate, your cross to carry....any marriage that kids are involved, the woman suffers the stigma....she talked at length and begged me to go back home for the sake of the kids ànd involve the two families for safety and be prayerful....if after meeting his family, you're not convinced, you can come back here.


I left for his father's house, on getting there, I met him and his dad, with two family members a man and a woman...they talked at length and they still apologized for reconciliation.


I'm pained and felt cheated.... for how long will this cycle continues?
Why am I always at the receiving end? Is it a crime to be a woman in Nigeria? Is it a crime to be devoted to a man? Is it a crime to make sacrifices for my home? Is it a crime to love one's spouse and decide to suffer with him in order to have a better story tomorrow? Is it a crime to be submissive and respectful to elders advice?

These and more, are the questions lingering in my brain.... I'm sure some feminist will attack me for being a fool again.... I'll take every insults and advice to heart.

Matured, responsible and religious married advice are strongly needed...the single feminists can advise too.


Seun
Lalasticlala
Righteousness2

Benloon1060
Gypsey
Springboot
Cococandy
Mindblog
Jabolo
Pocochantas


Advice a lost and confused soul.


Note: I might not respond asap as I'm currently phoneless... kindly drop the comments, I'll read anytime I'm opportune to.


Thanks

Madam, why do you keep using the words 'husband' and 'marriage'? Did that man marry you in any form? Has he even done any formal introduction to your family,suggesting marriage? Why are you making an already bad situation worse for yourself and kids? What is even the real purpose of this thread and updates? Which of the advice given to you did you follow? See ehn! You are not lost or confused. You are just plain stupid.

Continue following the elders' and chief tenant's advice and pleas. Keep roaming from his house to the police station. All you ve confirmed here is that you are not mentally okay and unfit to keep those kids. Silly woman

Omooo!!. Madam, what you need is not advice. What you need is mental liberation and revamping!!!. Gosh!!..

Beloved3:


Oh this? Now I understand.

I read the story earlier and it seemed unreal to me. How do you explain a situation where she called the police to evict an unwanted guest (or hubby) in an apartment she paid for and one so called chief tenant (not even the landlord) waded into the situation and paid the police off.
It didn't add up to me. The fact remains that only the police can help her evict an unwanted guest so if the first mission failed then she should report back to the police station.

Na that part weak me ooooo, if I was the one, the chief tenant will sleep at the police station for two weeks, that way he would learn to mind his business. What rubbish! This lady's story annoys me because I followed it from the beginning and I thought she was coming to give story about being liberated, instead it's the same old story. How do you explain allowing a beast that sent you packing move into a home you suffered to rent? Na wa ooooo. It seems to me that she just want to sit and lament. Pocohantas part killed me though.

mandysmum:
Madam, why do you keep using the words 'husband' and 'marriage'? Did that man marry you in any form? Has he even done any formal introduction to your family,suggesting marriage? Why are you making an already bad situation worse for yourself and kids? What is even the real purpose of this thread and updates? Which of the advice given to you did you follow? See ehn! You are not lost or confused. You are just plain stupid.

Continue following the elders' and chief tenant's advice and pleas. Keep roaming from his house to the police station. All you ve confirmed here is that you are not mentally okay and unfit to keep those kids. Silly woman

Her story is exhausting. When I saw her referring to folykaze as 'husband', I knew she is a hopeless case. I'm going to sit this one out going forward.

Newborn27:
I went to the police station, on getting there, I saw a police woman at the police station,she told me to calm down, I told her I needed to see the policemen*name withheld* she told me to call them, I told her my phone is faulty, she said I should tell her whatever it is as a woman....I told her it was my husband...she said,

My dear, I can read the pains through your face and tears... forget about profession, that is life for you...the society won't understand your story and pain, they'd put a stigma on you... accept it as your fate, your cross to carry....any marriage that kids are involved, the woman suffers the stigma....she talked at length and begged me to go back home for the sake of the kids ànd involve the two families for safety and be prayerful....if after meeting his family, you're not convinced, you can come back here.


I left for his father's house, on getting there, I met him and his dad, with two family members a man and a woman...they talked at length and they still apologized for reconciliation.


I'm pained and felt cheated.... for how long will this cycle continues?
Why am I always at the receiving end? Is it a crime to be a woman in Nigeria? Is it a crime to be devoted to a man? Is it a crime to make sacrifices for my home? Is it a crime to love one's spouse and decide to suffer with him in order to have a better story tomorrow? Is it a crime to be submissive and respectful to elders advice?

These and more, are the questions lingering in my brain.... I'm sure some feminist will attack me for being a fool again.... I'll take every insults and advice to heart.

Matured, responsible and religious married advice are strongly needed...the single feminists can advise too.


Seun
Lalasticlala
Righteousness2

Benloon1060
Gypsey
Springboot
Cococandy
Mindblog
Jabolo
Pocochantas


Advice a lost and confused soul.


Note: I might not respond asap as I'm currently phoneless... kindly drop the comments, I'll read anytime I'm opportune to.


Thanks

One thing fundamental is that you are very delusional with your belief that you are a wife and your baby daddy is your husband when no marriage has happened between you two.

You do not have a home, you just have 2 children with a man who no Nigerian law recognizes as your husband.

You are so disconnected from your reality, better seek the help of NGOs who have psychologists in their team because there is a lot that has to be excavated from your mind.

Rip loading.

You even lied to the police woman that he is your husband. How many lies you don dey tell those people wey dey beg you?

Na so dem advice world bank worker for gwagwalada make she leave her genuine husband, husband wey pay bride price and do wedding but she decide to be prayer warrior.

My sister d koko be say, the horseband drive the woman car, drag her from gate to another people gate.

Hmmmmm, she die oh, my sister she die, she never wake. Dem Don beri am. Her children no get mama again, her mama no get her again, even her prayers no get answer, her money she no enjoy, her husband dey alive.


Use your head!!!

Graxie:
Rip loading.

You even lied to the police woman that he is your husband. How many lies you don dey tell those people wey dey beg you?

Na so dem advice world bank worker for gwagwalada make she leave her genuine husband, husband wey pay bride price and do wedding but she decide to be prayer warrior.

My sister d koko be say, the horseband drive the woman car, drag her from gate to another people gate.

Hmmmmm, she die oh, my sister she die, she never wake. Dem Don beri am. Her children no get mama again, her mama no get her again, even her prayers no get answer, her money she no enjoy, her husband dey alive.


Use your head!!!

I remember this story. Was he later prosecuted?

You keep referring to him as husband instead of saying sperm donor. If he was really your husband , he would never hurt you or your children. It is only a sperm donor that will be so heartless with the mother of his kids.
Madam !! Think ! Before this man kill you .

ahnie:

My dear,what has jazz got to do with this sob narrative.

She never ready to kick and have that guy dealt with.shes still hoping for a reconciliation that was why she allowed him into her house.i bet you,if folykaze pays her dowry,she would go back to him.

.. So na Folykaze be the husband??


Shit.

Assuming that you are coming from a just position outright and are tired of pandering to his whims and caprices, all you need to do is make a conscious decision to gain/regain your dignity by either losing in principle and leaving him to his fate or having him treat you with dignity in victory.

Well, to start with, you have to stop giving a damn about any social construct that has been a source of inhibition in gaining your dignity all this while. The major problem people like you always have in a situation like this is caring a lot about having a greater number of people giving you support instead of doing what you know is the just thing to do without giving a damn about the number of people supporting you or whatever inconsequential and unjust people think.

All that said, your partner isn't the sole cause of problems in the union. Your shortcomings have been quite glaring right from your previous threads on your previous monikers, despite throwing around the submissive woman's card to appear unblemished.

On the other hand, if both of you sincerely wish to continue together healthily and happily, forgive yourselves and create a just bond that will hold two together with everyone respecting the bond. This is achievable, even as both of you do not share the same ethical leanings. Both of you should give up greed and conceit because they are the core causes of the problem in the union, not money, and start being altruistic towards each other and conscientious in general.

mariahAngel:


Try and see how strong you become. You can.

Fries business is very lucrative, and new yam and sweet potatoes are available now.
If you want to, now is the best time to start!

You have been groomed to be a mom I swear..


Maybe thats why you are very comfortable with family section.

keepingmum:



Ok, so what do you want from us in clear terms?

Cos updating this series isnt necessary without any goal in sight.

- do you wany money to move out again or to complete ur rent?

- your post suggests u would be willing to reconcile with ur partner if he pays your brideprice which then makes me wonder, why you want to leave him?

Are you just leaving because you dont want to stay with someone who hasnt paid your brideprice or because he isnt feeding or housing you? Which is it?

You cant continue to involve nairaland and the police without being firm and honest to yourself and the public on what you actually want.
Remember what you need has to be practical, achievable and perhaps requires compromise from both of you.

Forget about advising her. It's a perpetual cycle.

She is hoping he will come back to his senses—believe it. In fact, the next step is to accuse anyone who advised her of being a household destroyer, and she's gradually working up to that with her recent posts.

Every twist and turn in the story is beginning to look scripted. It will end in vigorous intercourse and more posts at a later time.

This particular woman believes in enduring in marriages, and even though she is not married, she is sticking out her neck to remain with the man by all means. She's not worried he could beat her to death, she's more interested in being in love him/his violence.

They have fought numerous times, according to her he even threw her out, and after struggling to get a place to lease, she's suddenly being beaten by him in her new place? What happened to his old place?

Why should the man be evicted? How does he know where she lives? Who invited him into the house? What have they been doing together in the house since he arrived? Doesn't he have a job, apart from dropping oily takeaway packs in her bin? Why is he suddenly a fixture in her new house? If he was not invited, how did he get there?

There are a lot of absurdities in the story, a lot of things unsaid. It is true she has been cohabiting with a woman batterer, but if she didn't like it, he wouldn't be back in her house.

Ha this lady! Don't you love yourself?? So if we advise you to go back to this guy, you will?? One thing struck me in all you said he did; sending out your baby in the wee hours, I can never forget.

This woman doesn't learn, since you have refused to have sense what more can we do for you

Stop bringing your problems to nairaland since you are not ready to heed to any advice

This thread annoyed me to no end.

MMotimo:
This is not for the OP, I wish her nothing for the best. These tips are for young people out there. A stitch in time saves nine .

Young women:

Value yourself, build your self esteem, never be desperate with/for any man.
From an early age, have a vision of your independent self doing well without a romantic partner so that you don’t spend your life chasing a man (or men) that has lost interest. You can be single, successful and happy. Marriage would just be jara.
Get as much education and/or blue collar training as you can. Build yourself up before jumping to marriage.
Learn about finances, how to budget, how to plan, how and when to spend wisely, how to save and invest.
Don’t go and get pregnant in poverty, do your suffering alone, not with innocent kids.
Never stop looking good, remember that poverty and stress will age you real fast. Do the absolute best you can with what you can afford.
KIDS ARE EXPENSIVE


Young men:

Have a sound plan for your future and stick to it. Sex is not worth future years of poverty induced lost dreams and frustrations. Don’t end up using money for your GRE, your master’s, your trade,/business to buy diapers and baby food for unplanned pregnancy.
Beware of girls that are willing to shirk family planning/contraception. You may already be targeted to become a baby daddy, whether you like it or not. Some girls are simply looking to hook somebody, anybody, rich or poor, ready or not.
If you did not intend marriage, don’t be forced to accept a baby mama to move in with you. Consensual sex is just that, don’t be railroaded into marriage.
If you are still struggling, flee from girls that are ready to get pregnant and “manage with you.” Let her manage without adding extra mouths to your already lean budget. A girl that is soaking gari with you and getting pregnant in poverty is not likely to be an asset.
Don’t sleep with a girl you cannot marry, one time is all it takes to become an involuntary baby daddy, forever yoked to a girl you may not respect nor like.
KIDS ARE EXPENSIVE


Both:

Never stop praying

Words on Marble. This should be laminated and pasted on their brains.

That's if they will listen. They never listen. I have seen it happen countless times

Newborn27:
Good day fellow Nairalands. Here I am again with my pathetic story.

.

I really don't like commenting on such issues but your story is both painful and annoying to me at the same time.

If you are always on the giving end in the relationship; if you’ve accepted indifference, abuse, or manipulation because you don’t believe you deserve or can get better, it’s time to take charge of your life and to make some changes. Get some therapy for yourself. Build up your self-esteem, develop the skills you need to be successful in the world, and increase your confidence in yourself. A stronger you will be able to hold out for the loving relationship that you deserve.

I don't know the dude but he seems like an asshole (if your story is true). You need psychological help. You are not okay mentally, sorry that's not an insult just a truthful assertion. Cheers.

AmazonTopaz:
This woman doesn't learn, since you have refused to have sense what more can we do for you

Stop bringing your problems to nairaland since you are not ready to heed to any advice

The funny thing is that all this is a sex attachment at best. The fear to be a woman on her own, if need be at worst. The need to be submissive because it shows she's a good woman, even when being beaten publicly from one house to the next. Many good women are in the grave. The worst they will do is parade him, and his guys on the forum will go: what did she do to turn him into a beast, stupid asewo, she was not a good woman, she enjoyed it, etc.

Both of them have deep issues. They are like two magnets that can't be separated. He's a narcissist and she's his supply.

If that isn't the case, then both of them are in some kind of forum game.

The latter is more likely.

BRATISLAVA:


The funny thing is that all this is a sex attachment at best. The fear to be a woman on her own, if need be at worst. The need to be submissive because it shows she's a good woman, even when being beaten publicly from one house to the next. Many good women are in the grave. The worst they will do is parade him, and his guys on the forum will go: what did she do to turn him into a beast, stupid asewo, she was not a good woman, she enjoyed it, etc.

Both of them have deep issues. They are like two magnets that can't be separated. He's a narcissist and she's his supply.

If that isn't the case, then both of them are in some kind of forum game.

The latter is more likely.

I’m literally staring wide eyed at everyone advising her about how she’s tolerating his abuse but many of them will turn around to support ideas and schools of thought that breed women like her who end up with such a deep need to man-please that they lose all sense of self (no offense honestly intended).

But like how can they dissociate themselves from the cause and effect that’s obviously playing out right in front of us?

Even in her state, she still has stuff to say about feminists. When all they really want is for her to choose her own well-being over the excesses of any man whether it be society wise or relationship wise.
I just can’t.

She’s publicly calling me out that I refused to respond to her emails (just negodu) . My sister I helped when I thought she needed help but now I don’t believe she needs help. There’s nothing I’ve got to say that’s not feminism inclined and she doesn’t roll like that. What more can we do? Am I supposed to feel bad now or what? Or feel guilty? I don’t get why she’s doing this.

I wanted to ignore that mention as well but I recognize it for what it is. Some sort of guilt trappings like we are folks who owed her something but failed her.

Munzy14:

You have been groomed to be a mom I swear..


Maybe thats why you are very comfortable with family section.

I was groomed to be a strong woman. A very strong woman.

Happy new week.

cococandy:


I’m literally staring wide eyed at everyone advising her about how she’s tolerating his abuse but many of them will turn around to support ideas and schools of thought that breed women like her who end up with such a deep need to man-please that they lose all sense of self (no offense honestly intended).

But like how can they dissociate themselves from the cause and effect that’s obviously playing out right in front of us?

Even in her state, she still has stuff to say about feminists. When all they really want is for her to choose her own well-being over the excesses of any man whether it be society wise or relationship wise.
I just can’t.

She’s publicly calling me out that I refused to respond to her emails (just negodu) . My sister I helped when I thought she needed help but now I don’t believe she needs help. There’s nothing I’ve got to say that’s not feminism inclined and she doesn’t roll like that. What more can we do? Am I supposed to feel bad now or what? Or feel guilty? I don’t get why she’s doing this.

I wanted to ignore that mention as well but I recognize it for what it is. Some sort of guilt trappings like we are folks who owed her something but failed her.

Under certain circumstances your post would be terribly amusing, @calling you out. But we are actually reading from two very strange humans: one semi-animal, the other almost zombified. Two— for lack of a better word— psychopaths. You even tried to help her, but it's getting obvious what she needs help with is how to get back with that man. He's her oxygen.

That she has strength to fight feminists from her sinking pseudo-marriage remains a thing of amusement. At this point in time, her greatest desire is to be a good and submissive woman. Which is one of the reasons she and the man were back between the sheets without a second thought in a building they have not paid the lease on. Which brings us back to the key question: what is her point?

With all the advice, even from the police, are we still dealing with a normal person? Or did the boyfriend use a spell on her?

He should come and carry her. Their unending situation is becoming more of a format for something only the two of them understand best.

It seemed like a joke when people said they were after money, but it's plain to see that that is one of the side attractions to this daily update.

Nobody should feel guilted by the two of them. Narc and supply.

@bold: You couldn't have said it better.

But this lady is first class mumu Sha. I'm a man and can literally see that you have a DSc in stupidity. Those advising you to settle it will they follow you to the grave after he kills you? What I believe is that you disrespected your parents by sticking with him. They initially had their reservations about him which you ignored and that's why you are afraid of going back home. You are only using their financial state as an excuse to avoid the shame of going back. But let me tell you as you look at your kids and don't wish they die so also your parents look at you and don't wish you die before them. If you don't want your parents to mourn you just pack your kids clothes and leave him in the house you rent and go back to your parents sleep on the mat and live before thinking of the next step. Sincerely I don't have the story from the other party but for him to have been beating you there's the need to first think of your life. Get out before it is too late

Newborn27:
Thanks so much for all the bashing....I never regret any way for posting my personal story on NL....the people trying to blame me for not going back home....I don't blame.....*he that wore the shoes knows where it hurts* I should go back home to be a liability on my parent's with two kids or start begging and prostituting to cater for them as there is no ready made job for my arrival.

My accepting my Boss's plea was not because I wasn't thinking in my right frame of mind, but this is my Boss, the man who still pay my salary and accomodated my kids and I for 12days... saying NO will make me look like an ingrate and give me a bad record at work for being adamant...I wanted Folykaze to prove to my Boss how beastly he can be under his sheepy clothed look....if many of you reading this sees Folykaze one on one, you'd never be on my side and will even scold me on his behalf cos of his *GENTLE* and calm looks.

Who bashed you?

You call constructive advice coming from a place of tough love bashing.

No disrespect to all those who are typing epistles... This OP doesn't value all what you have been saying so far...it is only best to wish her well.