I have an elder brother who got a girl pregnant at age 36. The wife is much younger, less than 30 years as at the time he impregnated her.

To us, it was a prayer answered so we ensured he married the girl. He was 36 and wasn't making any move towards getting married and was even saying that he wouldn't be ready even at 40 years. So, when we heard he got a girl pregnant, we put resources together and got them married.

The marriage has been marred with domestic violence. He beats the wife at will and we have tried to intervene as much as we can.

They both had additional 2 children after the first one making it a total of 3 children, 2 boys and a girl.

He isn't doing well financially and feeding has been a problem for them. My siblings asked him to leave Lagos to settle in the village. I kicked against it because a man who couldn't feed his family while living in Lagos will suddenly get resources to feed them in the village.

One of my elder brothers who happens to be more financially buoyant gave a condition that he will only provide further financial assistance to him if he agrees to leave for the village.

Since, I am the only one who insisted he wasn't going nowhere, I had to bear the burden of finding a way to alleviate his financial predicament.

I had to get him a Toyota Sienna to be using for transport. The agreement was that he will be remitting 100k monthly to me until he completes the exact amount I bought the car.

I put the total amount that I used in purchasing and registering the car at 1. 9 million (that car currently sells for 2.2 million and above).

My fight is not for my brother but for his wife and children. But it's unfortunate that the purpose I coughed out that amount of money to buy the car has been defeated.

My brother till date never ever paid me up to 100k in any month from the time I got him the car till date. There was a month he paid 35k. 35k in a full month? I got mad and threatened to withdraw the car if he isn't making money from it because I don't know how much of such peanuts that I have to collect to recover 1.9 million. The next month, he paid 80k. That's to say he's making the money but don't just want to pay me.

I have been very considerate with him in making the repayment putting his wife and children into consideration, I never knew that I was wrong.

This man doesn't care about his children. Whether they are eating or not, he doesn't care, their clothing and everything is in the hand of God. If the wife asks him money for feeding or to buy drugs for their sick child, he will say that he does not have money. If she insists, beating will follow it.

The peak of his irresponsible and wicked act was when the wife caught him pants down having sex with a widow living in the next compound.

The widow is a wife to my brother's friend. My brother was a regular visitor to their house when the husband was alive and all of a sudden, the man fell ill and died in less than a week.

The man's family suspected the wife of killing their brother, so, they excommunicated her. Now that the husband is dead, my brother took full responsibility of footing the man's children's bills and having unrestricted sex with the woman.

On the faithful day that the wife caught him, my brother's child was sick and he was supposed to get drugs for him on his way back from work. When he said he was very close but was taking long to get home, the wife decided to go outside to see if she could get a little drug for the sick child only to find her husband's car parked outside.

She tiptoed into the widow's apartment only to find her husband having sex with the widow. She said she waited and watched as the husband was humping on the woman but when the scene became unbearable for her, she had to raise alarm and people gathered.

They live in the remote part of Ikorodu where houses are not fenced so they basically live communal life like people in the village.

When people gathered, all my brother could say is that he is a man and can marry the widow if he wishes.

When he got home with his wife, he beat the woman to stupor that blood started coming out of her nose. She got hospitalized and all the money she spent treating herself, she bore the cost.

The children as small as they are have understood what's going on, how irresponsible and carefree their father is towards them and their affairs.

Now, he has concluded plans to send the woman parking. This is seriously giving me sleepless nights. The wife and children that made me buy the car are no longer benefiting from the returns.

I have two plans in mind, threaten to retrieve my car just to dissuade him from sending his family to the village.

But should he go ahead to send them away, I will ask the wife to learn any business of her choice and I will give her capital to start it.

I cannot live and watch my nephews and niece suffer for the callousness and irresponsibility of their father, my brother.

My sister tends to support them to separate so he doesn't kill his wife one day. Of course when that happens, he will rot in jail and the responsibility to take care of the children will fall on us. The wife doesn't have anybody from her side and this is the major reason my brother feels he can treat her anyhow and nothing will happen.

Please, I need suggestions. Should I call police for him or report to any welfare office in Lagos?

The image below, smh

This is why these silly husband's treat their wives like trash.

Please ladies try and get something doing to prevent this level of disrespect.

At the Op: sorry to say this but your brother is a sad specimen of a man. A highly irresponsible individual. And a very shameless one at that.

You are really a parrot.

I don’t blame you or your brother, I blame the silly girl that thought she could cohabit with an efulefu or that being pregnant for one must lead to marriage. Your brother is an NFA and you all know it.

Ladies should be wary of any advanced bachelor whose family runs around to ensure he gets married. Just know he is very useless to them and they want him to at least have kids as his own achievement in life.

Do whatever you want with him. Na your brother.

You guys are to be blamed... You forced the marriage on him...


My lil advice is to adopt the kids, let the father(ur brother) do whatever he wants to do, just let d car for him.. The wife u can lend her a soft loan to start any business of her choice....
For ur brother know u have settled him..

UDUJ:


The image below, smh

This is why these silly husband's treat their wives like trash.

Please ladies try and get something doing to prevent this level of disrespect.

At the Op: sorry to say this but your brother is a sad specimen of a man. A highly irresponsible individual. And a very shameless one at that.

Why must you quote the whole post just to make your comment

Allow them to separate before he kills the woman. You can then help the wife with some money after she has learnt a skill

you guys made the mistake of pushing him into marriage.

use some money to rent another apartment for his wife & kids.

also,see how you can set up a business for his wife so that she will be able to take care of the children.

call a family meeting, let the family lands and properties(in the village) be shared amicably & do legal documents for your own properties.
then, collect that car from your brother & give it to someone else to be remitting cash to you.

your brother have decided to be a waste, accept this and ensure that no one goes down the drain with him.

if he relocates to the village without the properties being shared, he will be selling the family lands every month so that he can get beneath the wrapper of that woman selling kai kai

Funny thing be say na una find trouble....i no fit ever encourage irresponsible person make him/her go marry. That one na "double wahala for dead body". Their stupidity go surely double.

I dey feel ur pain OP. E go better make ur brother wife leave the marriage before water pass garri. As u been talk, e good make una help her get job or business. So that she feet take care of the kids. While una dey ontop the matter, make una make sure say una brother no know about the plans oh. Una go caution the wife make her mouth no run rough. If not una brother go always go find her to collect him dues from her by hook or by crook.


We know how these street people dey reason. Lol

nrexzy:
You guys are to be blamed... You forced the marriage on him...


My lil advice is to adopt the kids, let the father(ur brother) do whatever he wants to do, just let d car for him.. The wife u can lend her a soft loan to start any business of her choice....
For ur brother know u have settled him..

Can you use the word "force" for a 36 year old man when it's not like he's a 17 year old teenage girl or something.

He knows he's no longer a kid so doesn't have any excuse not to marry the girl.

If he doesn't want her, why not separate after the first child? If we're talking about one child here, it will be easier to handle. But we're talking about three kids.

Was he forced to born them too?

Fahdiga:
Why must you quote the whole post just to make your comment

Edited now. But I still dey vex for you

nrexzy:
You guys are to be blamed... You forced the marriage on him...


My lil advice is to adopt the kids, let the father(ur brother) do whatever he wants to do, just let d car for him.. The wife u can lend her a soft loan to start any business of her choice....
For ur brother know u have settled him..

@ Dailyparrot
See if u can try to do the bold & share the kids among yourselves the siblings to ease the burden on the wife for now till she get something to do. no call police for your brother, because nothing will come out of it. Police go chop una money & it will only create bad blood among u.

UDUJ:


Edited now. But I still dey vex for you

Why, Do I look like Buhari?

anthonyuncle:
you guys made the mistake of pushing him into marriage.

use some money to rent another apartment for his wife & kids.

also,see how you can set up a business for his wife so that she will be able to take care of the children.

call a family meeting, let the family lands and properties(in the village) be shared amicably & do legal documents for your own properties.
then, collect that car from your brother & give it to someone else to be remitting cash to you.

your brother have decided to be a waste, accept this and ensure that no one goes down the drain with him.

if he relocates to the village without the properties being shared, he will be selling the family lands every month so that he can get beneath the wrapper of that woman selling kai kai

Sadly, it appears in every family, there must be one child who was born to drag the family's name to the mud, the prodigal child!

We have long shared the land in the village so he has his own. He was threatening that if we force him to go to the village, that he would make village unbearable for us to return home.

My mother was trying to manage the situation before her death and it pained the wife very much when my mother died because she was the major succor that she had.

The wife's parents are all dead

Fahdiga:
Why, Do I look like Buhari?

Lol , you guys should leave my presido alone O

Please let him send her away.

The woman deserves better, she'll get peace of mind being alone that with an irresponsible, hopeless cheat and a wife beater.

Your major concern should be the kids, they did nothing to deserve such a looser for a father. Find ways to support and take care of them, if their mother can run a business or have a hand work, help her establish a source of livelihood.

mrsteel:

@ Dailyparrot
See if u can try to do the bold & share the kids among yourselves the siblings to ease the burden on the wife for now till she get something to do. no call police for your brother, because nothing will come out of it. Police go chop una money & it will only create bad blood among u.

I am a bachelor so taking any of the kids is out of the equation. My siblings have their own children to look after so no one has that tolerance to look after another child that the both parents are alive.

The best that I can do is to provide the wife with a soft loan like someone suggested.

That brother of yours just decided he wants to be useless in life. Allow him na.
Collect your car from him and help the children and wife directly from your end.
Let's see where he would get money to take care of another man's children and sleep with a widow.

Dailyparrot:


Can you use the word "force" for a 36 year old man when it's not like he's a 17 year old teenage girl or something.

He knows he's no longer a kid so doesn't have any excuse not to marry the girl.

If he doesn't want her, why not separate after the first child? If we're talking about one child here, it will be easier to handle. But we're talking about three kids.

Was he forced to born them too?

Ok

Dailyparrot:


Sadly, it appears in every family, there must be one child who was born to drag the family's name to the mud, the prodigal child!

that is why the family should deal with the person without considerations

Dailyparrot:


We have long shared the land in the village so he has his own. He was threatening that if we force him to go to the village, that he would make village unbearable for us to return home.

go and get the legal documents for your own land

Dailyparrot:


Can you use the word "force" for a 36 year old man when it's not like he's a 17 year old teenage girl or something.

He knows he's no longer a kid so doesn't have any excuse not to marry the girl.

If he doesn't want her, why not separate after the first child? If we're talking about one child here, it will be easier to handle. But we're talking about three kids.

Was he forced to born them too?

Like anthonyuncle and some other guys said earlier, you guys pushed a grossly irresponsible and irredeemably lazy individual into marriage.

Your brother is a complete write off. Please you guys should do all you can to support the poor lady.

Your brother is just purely irresponsible no two words about it at all..

Firstly i blame you and your fam for some actions taken. What i mean is you don’t persuade certain people to get married against their wish cos I believe marriage isn’t for everybody. Now the did as been done, what I’d advise is for you guys to try to set up a business for your sister-in-law and hopefully she’s a prudent woman. She really has to stay away or separate from your bro because if that isn’t done one person might end up dead and the other in jail and I don’t wish that for the kids

Dailyparrot:
I have an elder brother who got a girl pregnant at age 36. The wife is much younger, less than 30 years as at the time he impregnated her.

To us, it was a prayer answered so we ensured he married the girl. He was 36 and wasn't making any move towards getting married and was even saying that he wouldn't be ready even at 40 years. So, when we heard he got a girl pregnant, we put resources together and got them married.

The marriage has been marred with domestic violence. He beats the wife at will and we have tried to intervene as much as we can.

They both had additional 2 children after the first one making it a total of 3 children, 2 boys and a girl.

He isn't doing well financially and feeding has been a problem for them. My siblings asked him to leave Lagos to settle in the village. I kicked against it because a man who couldn't feed his family while living in Lagos will suddenly get resources to feed them in the village.

One of my elder brothers who happens to be more financially buoyant gave a condition that he will only provide further financial assistance to him if he agrees to leave for the village.

Since, I am the only one who insisted he wasn't going nowhere, I had to bear the burden of finding a way to alleviate his financial predicament.

I had to get him a Toyota Sienna to be using for transport. The agreement was that he will be remitting 100k monthly to me until he completes the exact amount I bought the car.

I put the total amount that I used in purchasing and registering the car at 1. 9 million (that car currently sells for 2.2 million and above).

My fight is not for my brother but for his wife and children. But it's unfortunate that the purpose I coughed out that amount of money to buy the car has been defeated.

My brother till date never ever paid me up to 100k in any month from the time I got him the car till date. There was a month he paid 35k. 35k in a full month? I got mad and threatened to withdraw the car if he isn't making money from it because I don't know how much of such peanuts that I have to collect to recover 1.9 million. The next month, he paid 80k. That's to say he's making the money but don't just want to pay me.

I have been very considerate with him in making the repayment putting his wife and children into consideration, I never knew that I was wrong.

This man doesn't care about his children. Whether they are eating or not, he doesn't care, their clothing and everything is in the hand of God. If the wife asks him money for feeding or to buy drugs for their sick child, he will say that he does not have money. If she insists, beating will follow it.

The peak of his irresponsible and wicked act was when the wife caught him pants down having sex with a widow living in the next compound.

The widow is a wife to my brother's friend. My brother was a regular visitor to their house when the husband was alive and all of a sudden, the man fell ill and died in less than a week.

The man's family suspected the wife of killing their brother, so, they excommunicated her. Now that the husband is dead, my brother took full responsibility of footing the man's children's bills and having unrestricted sex with the woman.

On the faithful day that the wife caught him, my brother's child was sick and he was supposed to get drugs for him on his way back from work. When he said he was very close but was taking long to get home, the wife decided to go outside to see if she could get a little drug for the sick child only to find her husband's car parked outside.

She tiptoed into the widow's apartment only to find her husband having sex with the widow. She said she waited and watched as the husband was humping on the woman but when the scene became unbearable for her, she had to raise alarm and people gathered.

They live in the remote part of Ikorodu where houses are not fenced so they basically live communal life like people in the village.

When people gathered, all my brother could say is that he is a man and can marry the widow if he wishes.

When he got home with his wife, he beat the woman to stupor that blood started coming out of her nose. She got hospitalized and all the money she spent treating herself, she bore the cost.

The children as small as they are have understood what's going on, how irresponsible and carefree their father is towards them and their affairs.

Now, he has concluded plans to send the woman parking. This is seriously giving me sleepless nights. The wife and children that made me buy the car are no longer benefiting from the returns.

I have two plans in mind, threaten to retrieve my car just to dissuade him from sending his family to the village.

But should he go ahead to send them away, I will ask the wife to learn any business of her choice and I will give her capital to start it.

I cannot live and watch my nephews and niece suffer for the callousness and irresponsibility of their father, my brother.

My sister tends to support them to separate so he doesn't kill his wife one day. Of course when that happens, he will rot in jail and the responsibility to take care of the children will fall on us. The wife doesn't have anybody from her side and this is the major reason my brother feels he can treat her anyhow and nothing will happen.

Please, I need suggestions. Should I call police for him or report to any welfare office in Lagos?

The last paragraph will never solve the problem because everything in this country has been terribly compromised and dysfunctional so to say.

But,why did u go against the wish of the family by not allowing ur brother to be sent to the village. Now,that he has shown his disdain for his family care,what do u think?

Your brother is a typical "black sheep of the family" and hardly will ever change and I feel something was wrong in his up-bringing may be he was pampered.

Solution:
Take away that car from ur brother with the help of an officer,such that he wouldn't know who collected the car from him,then give it out to a stranger and get ur money as fast as u can.

The car is helping to fund ur brothers adulterous life,if not, how is he expected to get money to fund such a terrible life with a widow?

Finally,allow them to go the village,where his excesses would be checked properly and then,ur brother can now help them the way he deemed fit.

Dailyparrot:


I am a bachelor so taking any of the kids is out of the equation. My siblings have their own children to look after so no one has that tolerance to look after another child that the both parents are alive.

The best that I can do is to provide the wife with a soft loan like someone suggested.

The bold will be very fine.
But do not involve the police!

Dailyparrot:
I

Please, I need suggestions. Should I call police for him or report to any welfare office in Lagos?

The deed has been done already, one needs divine wisdom from God to solve this issue. However, l suggest you start from the root of the problem, which is curtailing the irresponsible activities of your brother, by taking away the car, since it is for the sake of your SIL and kids, give it to someone else and use the gain to cater for them.
Secondly, establish your SIL inlaw, she can go into sale of food stock in bulk, let her ignore her husband and focus on taking care of the children and running her business. Once a woman has something meaningful doing, she won't bother if the husband takes care of her needs or not. Let her avoid anything that will warrant beatings from her husband, if he still continues, please find a way to send him to the village.
That's my own contribute, l believe that woman will do well if she is well established in taking care of the kids without the help of her husband.

In this case, separation is the answer before your brother kills his wife.
Please collect the car from your brother, you are helping him fund his adulterous life style. If he doesn't have money, I bet you, the widow won't even look at him twice and since he has refused to be responsible by taking care of his family, he doesn't deserve the car.
Kindly set up his wife so she can take care of the children.

Thomanad:
That brother of yours just decided he wants to be useless in life. Allow him na.
Collect your car from him and help the children and wife directly from your end.
Let's see where he would get money to take care of another man's children and sleep with a widow.

Simple! U just said my mind.
anyways Op abeg come borrow me 5k ma use hold body things hard abeg. U dont need to worry i will pay back.

Chukwuzobam89:

The deed has been done already, one needs divine wisdom from God to solve this issue. However, l suggest you start from the root of the problem, which is curtailing the irresponsible activities of your brother, by taking away the car, since it is for the sake of your SIL and kids, give it to someone else and use the gain to cater for them.
Secondly, establish your SIL inlaw, she can go into sale of food stock in bulk, let her ignore her husband and focus on taking care of the children and running her business. Once a woman has something meaningful doing, she won't bother if the husband takes care of her needs or not. Let her avoid anything that will warrant beatings from her husband, if he still continues, please find a way to send him to the village.
That's my own contribute, l believe that woman will do well if she is well established in taking care of the kids without the help of her husband.

Can an able bodied adult be sent/kept in the village against his will?
I’m wondering how that can be possible...when he’s not a goat.
Even a goat will put up some sort of resistance.

Why should you continue to keep the car with your brother, when you have seen clearly that he uses the monies from it to flirt and sponsor outsiders? Only an irresponsible man would prefer to go have sex with a widow refusing to return home early to give his sick baby drugs . Stop pampering your irresponsible brother, you all pampered him into marriage, now you want to pamper him into marrying a second wife, what nonsense. How can a man be maltreating his wife, doesn't provide for his kids, and same man is messing with a widow and sponsoring widows children? If the widow needs help, she should seek help genuinely, and not to rope another woman's husband into an affair. Collect the car from your brother, a 36yr old man is not a boy. As for that silly wife who is still hanging around for your brother to beat her, do not tell her wether to quit or not, if she has brain in her head, she will take the necessary decision. Wether she chooses to stay or not, always give her all the help you can afford, for the sake of your nephews and nieces.

LilMissFavvy:
Why should you continue to keep the car with your brother, when you have seen clearly that he uses the monies from it to flirt and sponsor outsiders? Only an irresponsible man would prefer to go have sex with a widow refusing to return home early to give his sick baby drugs . Couldn't the sex wait? Stop pampering your irresponsible brother, you all pampered him into marriage, now you want to pamper him into marrying a second wife, what nonsense. How can a man be maltreating his wife, doesn't provide for his kids, and same man is messing with a widow and sponsoring widows children? If the widow needs help, she should seek help genuinely, and not to rope another woman's husband into an affair. Collect the car from your brother, a 36yr old man is not a boy. As for that silly wife who is still hanging around for your brother to beat her, do not tell her wether to quit or not, if she has brain in her head, she will take the necessary decision. Wether she chooses to stay or not, always give her all the help you can afford, for the sake of your nephews and nieces.

My brother is already in his 40s. He got married at 36 so...

It pains me to know that I have someone like that as a brother.

When we traveled home last Christmas, he will wake up in the morning around 6am and be talking to you only for his mouth to be smelling of alcohol.

I mean who drinks without eating that early in the morning? I was telling my sister that if not for the sake of blood, what will ever get me closer to someone like him?

He has always been careless and irresponsible. Has slept in police custody few times for either direct crime or crime linked to him through friends. It's a terrible situation and the children are my only concern.

I mean three beautiful kids that don't deserve what they are getting.

That is how they go around maltreating their wife and kids, then in future when the wife retaliates and abandons him in old age, people will say women maltreat their husbands in old age. If your brother looked left and right and saw no helper he wouldn't be throwing tantrums. You also must be careful as you collect the car from him, thread carefully, because he will be really angry to see that those who had been pampering him, are now wise. People suggested you establish the wife, good idea. As you take the car from him, he will be coming for help, give him peanuts, peanuts that can't foot his bills.

Dailyparrot:


My brother is already in his 40s. He got married at 36 so...

It pains me to know that I have someone like that as a brother.

When we traveled home last Christmas, he will wake up in the morning around 6am and be talking to you only for his mouth to be smelling of alcohol.

I mean who drinks without eating that early in the morning? I was telling my sister that if not for the sake of blood, what will ever get me closer to someone like him?

He has always been careless and irresponsible. Has slept in police custody few times for either direct crime or crime linked to him through friends. It's a terrible situation and the children are my only concern.

I mean three beautiful kids that don't deserve what they are getting.