tunmoj:
Hilarious thread....

The best!!!

Twoclans:
The worst hotel experience I had was in Jos,I cant even remember the name of the hotel.I had travelled in company of my two sisters and their kids for our cousins wedding.

After the wedding we could not go back to Kaduna that day because of so much complain about insecurity and too much trouble on the route.We decided to lodged in a hotel.Thank God we all took just one room since the rooms were very big with so much space.

I have a habit of moving a furniture to block the door of any hotel I lodge in,this hotel was not an exception.Around 2am a male hotel staff opened the door and tried to push the door open.The weight of the furniture behind the door woke us up ,I jumped up with one of my sisters and started screaming.He apologized and said he did not know the room was allocated.

That was how we did not close our eyes again until morning ,we packed our luggage and ran.

where are you from in kaduna,Ma

Hmmm, maybe they were trying to monitor what is happening in the room.

ImpactBooks:
Sometimes I spend 3 weeks tranversing the length and breadth of this country and I've been lucky not to have any horrible experience lodging. I have read many horrible experiences here and wish to guide as follows so as not to have horrible experience lodging again:

1. Make sure you arrive your destination early enough (Day time). This will give you enough time to shop for a good hotel to stay before night falls.

2. Check available rooms before payment. Don't be in a hurry to pay. Take your time to check available rooms to your satisfaction. If you arrive your destination at night, desperation will not allow you to do this.

3. When checking available rooms, examine the bedsheet, duvet, bathroom/toilet, room wall, electrical fittings, fan or air conditioner (ask them to turn it on for few minutes for you to have a feel), door handle and ceiling (for security reasons). If you're not satisfy with all theses ask to check other available rooms. If still not satisfy, leave for the best available hotel around. Note: If you arrive at night, desperation to pass the night (any how) will not allow you to ensure all these check lists.

4. Once night is gradually setting in ask the receptionist to 'spray' the room for you with insecticide. If the reception doesn't provide you with me, walk out to get for yourself!

5. Take your time to spend some minutes with the receptionist at the reception (Probably while your room is being 'sprayed'). Try to chat with the receptionist in a friendly manner and use the opportunity to ask her/him more about the hotel particularly electricity issue. Try to find out when they may likey turn on and off the Generator (when there is power outage) and many things that you may want to know about the hotel

6. If you are lucky to lodge in a nice hotel, don't forget to have the receptionist's phone contact for future room reservation. When you do this, the fear of you arrival at the city night won't be an issue again. Once you're very nice with the receptionist on your first visit, your room reservation won't be an issue.

For reader's information, I am an Auditor and my job makes me to travel alot..I rarely spend.a week at my primary state or residence as I am always on the road traversing the length and breadth of this country and I can tell you that I have had little or no horrible lodging experience. THE GOLDEN PRINCIPLE IS TO AVOID ARRIVING AT YOUR DESTINATION LATE NIGHT.

By this week Thursday, I will be away for another three weeks official assignments as follows:

Lagos - PHC

PHC - CALABAR

CALABAR - UYO

UYO - ENUGU

ENUGU - ABUJA

ABUJA - KANO

KANO - KADUNA

KADUNA - ABUJA

ABUJA - OWERRI

OWERRI - BENIN

BENIN - LAGOS/IBADAN

I can tell you with the exception of Enugu, I have made my room reservation already courtesy of the Hotel Receptions. As for Enugu, I plan to arrive the city timely enough to enable me 'shop' for a good Hotel to stay.

Cheers!

How do you get fvck boys in all these cities ? Abi Na Love Machine you dey use for nights

brutal1:
My brother came visiting with his friend unannounced sometimes ago and me being a principled brother decided to take him and his friend(plus his gf) to a hotel for the night. It was a friday. The hotel inside the estate I live must have been fully booked since thursday so I took them to one popular hotel infront of UI. Unfortunately, it was fully booked. We met another man that made his booking online complaining so they wanted to refund him. It was drizzling outsidè as we were about leaving, the man they refunded was already clinching as to know our next destination, he stopped a bike to follow us but I told him to join us, we found ourselves in one HosTEL around Bodija before you get to the Bodija market, you turn right, they sell bicycle at the junction. On getting to the reception omor see calendar of awolowo, azikwe, one popular female politician and many more hanging on the wall, faulty washing machine like 3 right there, one elderly man picked up a key and we went upstairs, as we climbed the stair and got up...you need to see how long the corridor is on the two sides...my brother first said is there a bike running transportation up there because it was so long..we started the journey...there were plates of leftovers amala and ewedu at almost every door..by the time we got to the 4th to the last room on the left everybody don tire...the man opened the door and the room was quiet big but we got a shocker when he turned on the Boeing 767 AC, the way the AC took off honestly you will run...the AC was shaking on the wall as if it was going to jump out of the wall my brother said they should should land it(turn it off) after switching it off on the wall 2mins it was still threatening us with departure sound, the ceiling fan was turned on and that one was worse, the place it was hanged was weak and if you dare risk it, it will fall and slice you to pieces, we started seeing birds flying around, the shadows were big and once they land on any part of your body nobody needs to tell you, you will feel it..giant mosquitoes singing sonorously...my brother said he cant stay there but I told him it is for the night , he sat on the bed...the bed frame was so weak ...he and his friend paid 5k for two rooms(he stayed alone in one, his friend and g in the other( and the man we picked up paid too...I left them. I was called as early as 5...on getting there the man we picked up had checked out...they were giving tiny soap that they have cut into three pieces, closeup sachet....we left for the hotel infront of UI immediately and met that man we picked up...he narrated his experience and we all laughed.

LMAO he say na Boeing 767AC Twitter don make me dey miss nairaland

I know the dude that said he slept with the 60 old woman was probably lying but why are folks saying it's not possible to f.uck a 60 year old lady?? All these sugar mommies we hear about, how old do you think they are

stunnert:
I remember that year the company I was working with lodged me in one of those fancy hotels in Ikeja. On my last night there I had a bottle of big stout and nkowbi at the bar which had a good view of the reception, where I saw one lady with super super extra big mighty ass checked in one the rooms which happened to be opposite mine. I finished my drink and left for my room, I was just about to sleep around 10pm when I heard a knock on my door, I got up and checked thru the peephole and it was the big ass lady I saw, I opened the door and was about to ask wtf she wants at that time when she quickly apologized and introduced herself, I notices she was probably in her 60's, she the told me her AC wasn't working and the hotel technician wasn't around to fit it and all other rooms have been booked and if she could spend the night in my room, saying she wouldn't mind crashing on the floor.
I was about to say No when I saw that ass again, I then allowed her in and told her she could sleep on the bed and I would sleep on the floor but she didn't agree and we both agree to both sleep on the bed, immediately we got in bed she asked me if I could cuddle her from behind, I actually tried to do just that but dick too stubborn and when she realized I was having a hard on she grabbed and one thing led to that other and we ended fvcking for four good rounds.

We both left the next day, we still keep in touch tho and still manage to fix match once in a while where we fvck our brains out

you miserable liar

Sucre6:


FERNANDEZISBACK
Remember how I told you about this Nobody ghost moniker in the other thread,?
See one here

Yeah this one deactivated..can you observe that the message is inaccessible..?

[quote author=stunnert post=105334611]I remember that year the company I was working with lodged me in one of those fancy hotels in Ikeja. On my last night there I had a bottle of big stout and nkowbi at the bar which had a good view of the reception, where I saw one lady with super super extra big mighty ass checked in one the rooms which happened to be opposite mine. I finished my drink and left for my room, I was just about to sleep around 10pm when I heard a knock on my door, I got up and checked thru the peephole and it was the big ass lady I saw, I opened the door and was about to ask wtf she wants at that time when she quickly apologized and introduced herself, I notices she was probably in her 60's, she the told me her AC wasn't working and the hotel technician wasn't around to fit it and all other rooms have been booked and if she could spend the night in my room, saying she wouldn't mind crashing on the floor.
I was about to say No when I saw that ass again, I then allowed her in and told her she could sleep on the bed and I would sleep on the floor but she didn't agree and we both agree to both sleep on the bed, immediately we got in bed she asked me if I could cuddle her from behind, I actually tried to do just that but dick too stubborn and when she realized I was having a hard on she grabbed and one thing led to that other and we ended fvcking for four good rounds.

We both left the next day, we still keep in touch tho and still manage to fix match once in a while where we fvck our brains out[/quote. See if una see the 60 year ace I dey catch cruise with now ehn, una go wan enter.

[quote author=Ebenezer2021 post=112712640] you miserable liar [/quote

And you sabi say Na lie because you dey dia with am abi?

Omotara Midetel …6k or 7k with damages 1k which is refundable

aysnoopy:


Please, what's the name of the hotel in front of UI that u mentioned and how was there service?
I'm planning to go to UI next week and I'll need to lodge.
How is there price?
I'll appreciate if you respond to my questions.
Thanks

Benny93:
Smiles
I can't really remember d hotels i visited dat night cus my head was full bt d one i lodged was at afiasere junction

Covenant Suite. Next time, Check in EMODIC. But it always filled.

If you lodge in hotel for sokoto state, check the walls and corners of the bed, na so so dry spit full am

‘Ajax Men’ this one off me.

adanny01:
My car had a small gear shift issue that made me uncomfortable. I managed it like that for 6months but just after last Christmas, I decided to take it to my cousin's wife's bro in-law who is a gearbox mechanic in a nearby town.

The car gear totally shutdown after he messed with it. It was 7pm when he finished what he was doing and we tested but no gear. I couldn't get public transport that night so I ask him to find me a cheap hotel. Day 2, he couldn't fix it again. Day 3, same. Day 4, I left the car and went home without the car. 3rd January, I came to pick the car, same story. 4th, same, but that where the real bad news happened. I arrived the hotel 7.20pm, asked the receptionist to fix the room. At the bar, watching a match then I heard from behind me, "every body lie down" "Ajax men".

I knew my phone don go, I layed down jeje, threw the phone under the cushion. They took everyone's phone, one of them came shifted the cushion and picked mine. Everything lasted like 2mins. It's my office phone and worth 160k. I had to replace it. On top of that I had to buy another gearbox apart from spending 3k times 7 and over 70k down the drain in trial and error buying this or that. Kai, like say them swear for me.

The hotel at UI is Midetel or omotara ….the other one which should not be called hotel …if you are coming from Bodija you turn right and left. A man sells bicycle at the junction. The rooms there are like 50 50 on each sides to your first corridor ooo if you turn right from that stair …many rooms dey there too…:red towel

Oxtertee:

Very funny encounter, I know the two hotel u r talking about. The one close to U I is Ayotoz hotel adjacent agbowo shopping complex, the other one is close to joke plaza, but can't remember the name. The hotel was renovated not quite long.

Na saltlake or something hotel I remember staying in.

CaptainAyub:

Mayor Hotel na d cheapest of the cheap in Ai

I remember one time I travelled down South for a wedding ceremony. I checked into a Guest House and decided to call on a friend of mine, who resides a few kilometers away, to come spend a night with me; that am in her State and am lodged in Guest House not too far off from where she once told me she lives at.
Mehnnn...when I later discovered that the mosquitoes in the room were actually quite unbearable, it was sometime around past 10pm. By that time of the night I had to take the risk of going outside to buy insecticide.
When it was time to do things and things, dawan con become another wahala cos as we were in the middle of doing things, we got to discover that the bed too was something else. She and I had to just bring down the foam to the bare floor because of the loud squeaky sounds the wooden bed was making while we were dancing on it.
Las las, na for ontop the foam wey we drop for ordinary ground na e we dey conclude our dance session. Na for the same foam wey dey ground na e we still sleep till morning; managing to bear the horrible mosquito bites.
By day break sef I no bother to raise the foam up. We just leave the foam for ground there con check out of the horrible room.
Ah swear, that was the most horrible hotel experience I've ever had till date.

stunnert:


How you take know say she squirt ?
Abi you take style smell the bedsheets

Lwkmdh...

Nigerians
Some of una dey craze. Ah swear

TarOrfeeek:



I lodge for one Hotel in a SS state.

The room was not bad. N4,500 a night.

I just finished from NYSC camp in Obubra. And I had the most difficult journey to Calabar.

The hotel was in Calabar South.
I was very hungry and needed something to eat. Receptionist, a nice young babe offered to help me get food. Foolish Me, I accepted the offer.

She brought one packed white rice and stew with meat. I ate this food.

The kind of intense diarrhea I had in the night. I woke up several times to the sound of loud banging, I even thought people were fighting. Coupled with the insane mosquitoes that bit me.

In my life, that has to be the worse night ever.

That was funny... Where in Calabar south? Because I reside in Calabar south

Most hotels at Akungba-Akoko are ok. But at night I stay awake playing the role of a vigilante because times are rough, trust no one!

Interesting thread

Mine was rat.. And mosquito

nony43:
One time i lodged in a hotel in Owerri around 9pm as i was leaving that night to hang out with my guys the receptionist asked if i will need an extra pillow I said yes she said sir hold on, she opened her phone gallery and told me to choose amongst the girls. I was like i no need this kind pillow I no budget for am. I told my guy he was like a city that has four tertiary institutions what do you expect? Girls de hustle but na only few hotels go ask you for such.

Extra pillow off me

younglleo:
60s kwa?
a woman in her 60s? u must be exaggerating

He's obviously lying

Experience is the best teacher

nony43:
So years ago, when i was in school, i visited my ex in her city for the first time she was a student too. Before i travel to see her, I asked her if there is any hotel were we can lodge. I need a hotel far from where you live, she said yes that good hotels are far from the school.

Na so i land for her area that Friday night around 10pm we went straight to one of the hotels their rooms were booked in fact all the big hotels were fully booked na so we settled for 2500 fan or 3k Ac kind of hotel just for that night, we settled with the one with Jesus breeze cos a customer was complaining of their AC.

Brethren, that night after every, we were gisting, around pass 12am na so rat begin scratch my toes, I say wetin be this just immediately my ex stood up and screamed her toes. Na so i on light see as three big rats run enter wardrobe disappear.

Around pass 1am we heard a heavy banging on our door it continued my ex carry duvet run enter bathroom, I went to the door, held the handle and was shaking the door like i want to open it. Whilst at it I shouted "who goes" wida you na" no be me de there oo. Na so the noise stop we didn't close our eyes all through the night cos we didn't know what next to expect.

I just dey laugh reading your story. When u dey pay 2500 for hotel wetin u dey expect.

I have not had such experience. Ironically,I hv lodge in hotel of 3k and everything was ok.

Notwithstanding, I lodge in hotel on 7k in another city, the roof was leaking. My frd dt lodged in 14k room in d same hotel had rodent problem.

rickleye:


Need your assistance - Your suggestions on affordable Hotels in Ikeja between N25-40K. Security, Free Breakfast, Clean , Wifi , close to sights and sounds!

Check out deens apartment, it's just behind ICM, it's a cool place

Timoleon:
‘Ajax Men’ this one off me.

People sabi code words sha

Passionate888:


Those girls no be people girlfriend's?

Which gf?

Ashawo dey do boy friend?? Smh

delzbaba:
If you lodge in hotel for sokoto state, check the walls and corners of the bed, na so so dry spit full am

Where for Sokoto, I always lodge at Pinnacle or Giginya (5star) before it fold up or something..

Hope no be Ifeoma you go �

my own was in the UK sha. so my big bro came in from naija and was in gravesend kent. said i should fall in to see him. me wey dey manchester dey in the struggle. anyway so i being dey check the hotels for that area, oh boy the hotels were like 200 pounds a night. for where ? i dey crase ? thats like spending 150 thousand naira just to sleep for one nght. i was going to be there for 3 days. na so i see one small hotel for like 30 pounds a night. na hin baba just drop money for 3 nghts online. i come head for the trip. oh by that trip long oooo. train from preston to manchester and then manchester to london and then london to gravesend kent. total of like 6 hours. i reach there for night. i come find the hotel come see am. when first see the place my mouth drop. e be like haunted house. and it is night time ooo and the driveway leading up to the house was very long and winding and there were lots of noises coming from the bushes on either side of the driveway and i saw a few foxes. my liver wan fail me.i say make i turn back but where i go sleep inside this cold winter night ? for street ? i pray small come soldier on, the place looked eerie and deserted and foxes just dey make noise anyhow and all kinds of creatures darting in and out of the bushes. baba just stay for the middle of the driveway dey waka in boxing stance so that i will be ready for anybody that jumps out of the bush to come and kee me. anyway i eventually made it to the smALL hotel after nearly 10 minutes of going round andround this winding driveway. as i knock on the door this 300 year old prehistoric woman just open the door. my lver fail me again. i say shuoooo which kind harry porter lord of the ring creature be this ? ahh ahh but it was too late and cold and i was desperate so your boy soldier on, na one time man dey die. maybe i go dey the cauldron of some witches that night as african meat soup. anyway so the woman introduced herself and took me to my room. it was decent enough. you know over there they still have standards even if the hotel is cheap. she showed me everything and where the bathroom was ( room was not ensuite ). as soon as the woman left i bolt the door come push my bed behind the door so that nobody will surprise me at night. anyway the night was ok i slept and next day i called my brother and brother in law to come and pick me from this hotel. when they saw the place they were shocked that i had the liver to stay in the haunted house. oh and i forgot too add there was noother guests in the whole hotel. the woman said something about the season was a down season or something like that. so it was just me and this 300 year old prehistoric woman in this haunted house all night. anyway so my brother in law was shocked he said if it was him he would have turned back immediately and just gone and sleep in the park on the bench lmaooo that he does not care about losing the money he paid. till today when i see the guy ( my sisters husband ) we still laugh about the incident. they are surprised i made it out alive after 3 days in that place. its now one of the stories at family functons lmaooooo

Just been chilling with all these funny stories. I just don't know how to tell my own story because I have seen more than enough. The good, bad and the ugly in Nigerian hotels. After visiting over 700 hotels in my course of work and personal travels both in the cities and the rural areas.

Anyway the most important are these safety tips.

1. Avoid night travelling as much as possible as it sets you into the parts of desperation when you arrive your destination late. It makes you go for the worst of places to sleep.

2. Avoid unnecessary friends and strangers in a new environment.

3. When you're visiting a new area foe the first time they and make your reservations especially between the range of 8k to 15k so as to be able to understand the area well and know the hot spot and areas to avoid during the day and night.

4. Make little reach to know the areas those hotels are located and avoid presenting yourself as a complete novice to okada riders or cab riders.

5. When you get to a hotel, ensure you check the toilet, wardrobe and the bedsheet first. Avoid using their towel and take your own hand towel along in your luggage as much as possible.

6. Check the location of your room to the exit, check the door locks, check the closeness to the bar if you Intends having a sound sleep.

7. Once you enter your room, lock the door from behind. Either you're still stepping out or not. Avoid attacks . And don't just open your door anyhow to room service, some are spys

8. Ensure you pay with bank transfer most times, it's a form of security for you . Snap the form you're asked to fill and send same to a friend or wife.

9. Don't be complacent about your security. If you notice a few play. Be proactive, tell them you want to change room even at the dead if the night.

10. Check their TV, tell the porter to one it for you and the water in the toilet and bathroom. Don't be a victims of circumstances. There have been situation where the panels in the TV's in the rooms have been removed and the new person was accused if that.

11. Avoid going out after checking in especially when you arrive with a luggage. Those hotel staffs may have a spare key. Don't keep valuables especially money , cash in your bag when you're out.

12. Don't do short time with hotel room service girls, those girls get as e be ooo. Run ooo

13. Stop giving random girls and people your contacts telling them I lodged here, be very very careful ooo

14. Engage the porters with little tips , they will help you out when you need them.

15. Conclusively, when you're checking out of a room, "ENSURE YOU CALL THE PORTER OR RECEPTION TO CHECK THEIR ROOM AND DON'T LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN. CLOSE IT AND TAKE THEIR KEY TO THE RECEPTION" Experience has taught us that you may be roped Ina crime when you do such. Be very careful with them.

My next write up I will tell you my experience in this room I am staying right now and the one I had in Ibadan some months ago.

Munzy14:

Which gf?

Ashawo dey do boy friend?? Smh

you no know?