I didn't careress  the teacher's buttocks — I only dusted dirt off it..


My days in college  wasn't something i should be be proud of; hearing it would jar the listener's ear — anyways I will give you a slice of it...I mean a slice. 

© COLLEGE 101


It was the begining of a new session. Promotion to SS3 as expected of those who passed the mock exam. New staffs were employed. The already concluded screening exersise for the teachers, made some faulty staffs lose their job. 


Our class was in a rowdy session. Noise resounded on all corners of the class room. It was obvious that the assembly was recently concluded

"Great musty, see that fish, u sure say na our class e dey come?"   Bomboi said stretching his index finger towards the entrance.


I looked passed Bomboi, directed my gaze towards the entrance: what I saw enticed me.

A fairly tall, plumpy and sexy lady,walking towards our class. I was confused — as to weither she  was a teacher — the folder she held convinced me she was a teacher.


She was in a skimpy dress, her cleavage was very narrow, her bra bulged out her MAMA AFRICA in an enticing manner. Her laps were bare — her skirt was skin tight... The Goodest part of it was her backside,large and curvy. I licked my lips and smiled. 


The  girls clapped hands in amazement.


" But why would our school accept this dressing code, besides we are not here for partying." Amanda the class Monitress Whined. 

I looked at her with a fierce countenance.

and blew-up at her. " Is it your concern? Amebo telephone wire — say, because Una no get property like she, Una come dey para anyhow."


The boys burst into a maniacal laughter.


We were so engrossed in laughter not noticing when the lady entered. It was when the Monitress shouted "up stand...greet," that we came to consciousness. 

"What caused your laughter?" She directed at us "anyways good morning...how was your night?..."


She introduced herself as the new Civic education teacher.she had a chitty-chat with us inquiring to know more about us.


She picked a chalk and scribbled away a heading on the black board.

She was focused on her scribbling while we the backbenchers were stretching our necks to visualize her ferocious buttocks.

"I no get visuals o, e b like say,  i go nack front sit o" Ajaspa complained in a hushed tone.

I landed a knock on his head. "U dey craze, me capon never go front na u won go?". I continued my glaring.


15 minutes passed and she was still scribbling, then she faced us. "I think we should stop the note and expatiate before my time elapses...or what do you think?"


"Co—continue ma….Al—aluta continua leave the explanation for our next class!"  We all screamed.


This made the girls turn towards us in awe, not believing what they had heard. Very unusual indeed.

"Let her explain now…" Amanda beseeched.

"Ma forget what she is saying,me as I am like this...I am the class monitor...so on behalf of the boys please continue" AY begged.

(The class swings into a rowdy session)

"Ok... ok let's complete the note if that's what you want. Majority carry the vote." She assuaged.


This time, most of us rushed to squat with does at the front sit. This created a distracting noise..

She stood perplexed " why squating don't you have sits?."

"Ye—yes ma, w—we g—get but we n—no d—ey s—se—see…" Abu stammered in pidgin ascent.


She was detested at Abu's speech disorder especially his inability to speak correct English. 


I raised my hand: "ma we squatted here so we can have a good view of the board."

"N—natural body ahbi?" Bomboi whispered in my ear...I hissed him off.

….

The class came to an end: but we were not happy, we would be missing an interesting movie. Anyways,we would be having her class the following day. I made a promise to myself, never to skip her class…


Part 2 loading…


™ Musty strange.

I didn't caress the teacher's buttocks — I only dusted dirt off it… Part 2


*Story continues:

©COLLEGE 101


-Few minutes after the civic education teacher left.


"Wonder shall never end. There must be a reason behind these guys' seriousness today  o," Benita exclaimed, clapping hands. 


"Backbenchers, Hiah!"they hardly copy notes, but today they support the continuation of note taking, there is no smoke without fire."

Anita, her twin, chipped in.

While the other girls nodded in support. 


At the back seat, we were busy with ludo, partly engrossed in it. We heard them rightly, but assumed. Then I spotted Ilyass whispering in the Monitress' ear. I knew immediately what Ilyass was up to.


Ilyass was nicknamed SNAKE for his sneaky attitude. He leaked info to the girls for a returned friendship towards him, fully knowing he was not attractive at all. IGUANA as the girls would call him...he would cry his eyeballs out contemptuously. Though he was an orphan — that was the very reason we speared him for most of his attitudes. But that day, I was determined to show him the bad side of me.

I tapped Bomboi.


Before we could stop him the time bomb had detonated. 

Sinorita the newscaster as we called her, sprang up and yelped. "I yhaaff no d reason!, I yhaff know the reason!!. Na because of b—buttocks,no wonder, Ashawo united!, see them" pointing at us.

The others stood up to her proclamations.


We exchanged Surprised looks amongst ourselves.


"Nnamdi. Audu. Make una go bring that stupid guy" I ordered pointing at Ilyas.


Nnamdi, Audu and a few others. Were the backbencher's BOUNCER: huge, muscular and emphatically wicked. Surprised?; our class was like a mini country with every student, his/her own post. Though the girls had their own BI-CLASS seeking independence...but we wouldn't let it.


The girls formed a wall around Ilyass preventing the BOUNCERS from taking him. They tried applying force but the girls screamed — they had to let go.


Jagaband stood up, dropped down the ludo from his lap and picked his duffel and staggered towards them.

"Shey una dey craze ahbi, una mama no train una well?"


"It's your mother that did not train you well, bastard!" Benita fired.


Jagaband who was known as the MAD COMEDIAN laughed at her and back pocketed his duffel partly."


" Who dey breathe? see Mickey mouse of yesterday, se—see them," pointing at Anita, benita's twin.

"Goats of the same mumurity stray together…"


We burst into laughter. Laughter nearly killed us.


This shattered Anita's heart. "See this ugly duck…"


"E no s—sweet!..." We burst into another round of laughter. 


"E pain them" the girls chorused.


Jagaband continued " see I no get una time, make una realese this mumu for us make we teach am lesson…see am, see as he dey shake."  Pointing towards Ilyas who hid under a table shielded by Amina.


"No wonder!, una relate?" Said pointing towards Amina. "  see mouth  like pig. Pig begets pig. So Amina goes with Ilyas! Wawa!."


The delay angered me." Break formation jor! enough of the jokes". I took a long wooden ruler lying against the wall and dashed towards them.


They all scampered for safety screaming their hearts out. .


"Thunder fire you! Ilyass thunder fire you" I attempted landing him a thunderous slap.


Chance. Luck.  Whatever it was that saved Ilyass from my wrath,left me unsatisfied.


"What the hell is happening!" A fat, Stout, and masculine figure entered.


We all scampered to our seats….


Part 3 loading….


™ Musty strange.

I didn't caress the teacher's buttocks — I only dusted dirt off it… Part 3

*Story continues:
©COLLEGE 101

"What the hell is happening!" A fat, Stout, and masculine figure entered.


We all scampered to our seats...

In our class we have a few brilliant students.
But Sunday was a black sheep amongst them.
"Sunday is a guru by mistake...so the last thing I'd expect you all should do, is emulate his life style".

The school principal. MR Ajayi,would say to us brandishing his cane —thats after his 'Mr do good' had kissed Sundays buttocks. For his misdemeanor

Here he was. In his okirika suite mimicking as a teacher.
"U dey craze, shebi na me u dey whine?" I riveted.
The students guffawed.
"You see, I hate rascals who do nothing other than to wreck havoc in the class disturbing the thoroughbred students...you see," he cleared his throat, inserted his right
hand Into his pocket and brought out a Coral eyeglasses.
He donned it, noticably, the Coral spectacle had only one lense, the other was bare. To this,the students burst into another round of laughter.

I scuffed. I inserted my left hand in my pocket, brought out a lollypop, unwraped it and sucked it into my mouth.
I stood up about to go for my unfinished business with ilyass
" Hey you, you, sit down. Don't be a rascal."
Sunday pointed at me using the wooden ruler I had earlier wanted use on Ilyass

" come receive the holy cane." He riveted.

This time, no laughter, we were all focused at the entrance stearing at Mr. Adebayo the biology teacher.

It was Mr. Adebayo, Sunday was busy mimicking.

Sunday noticed our silence, quickly,he turned around and locked eye with Mr Adebayo.

"Kwantinue. We are all ears" Mr. Adebayo ordered him
"Kwantinue."

We couldn't suppress the laughter. We let it out. Kwantinue. Was a phrase common with Mr. Adebayo.

He stepped in, placed his folder on the Pundit, strode closer to Sunday and landed him a thunderous slap.

"Will you kneel down."

Sunday buckled down.

He unbuckled his bet has he normally does.

I remembered when he first started teaching us he had scribbled a shoping list of his rules and ask us to commit them to our head
HE WHO MISBEHAVES SHALL TASTE MY HOLY BELT.
"In the name of the father, the son and the holy belt" bomboi whispered to me. The others who heard it let out a seemingly suppressed grin.

Bomboi was out of luck. Mr. Adebayo had heard him.
"You, you Big head," he pointed at Bomboi.

Bomboi tilted his heard backwards feigning ignorance.

Mr. Adebayo threw his mobile phone at him. Bomboi dudged and the phone smashed on the wall.

That day, odds were not on Bomboi's favor as he was thrashed to a pulp.
His parent had came the next day clamouring, Mr Adebayo showed no remorse as he showed them he was equal to the task.

That day was lively.
~
"Bend your head!" He commanded

Mr Adabayo was about babtising him with the holy belt made of cow skin. When the school principal entered.
"Guru by Mistake again! Mtcheeew." He begged Mr adebayo to pardon him.

Sir Jatto. The school principal is short, fat and a balding man with a paunchy abdomen. Certainly in his middle forties.

He accosted us waving an offical file at us.
" finally, judgement day. If you have not paid your school fee fall out."

We assumed he was not refering to us. He was surprised. " so you all have paid?"

We sat still as though we were paused.

"Ok. Mr. Adebayo please latch the door, we are in for bussiness." He said folding up his sleave.

Then the class was thrown into tantrum as the class hummed indistinctly just like a bee does when its hive is stired.
" Out of 24 students, only eight has paid. Kai. Fall out! Mr Adebayo give them a taste of your belt," the principal sounded.

The debtor where lashed and chased out.

Only 8 out of 24 students were remaining.

I, bomboi, Sunday and few others inclusive.

Mr Adebayo follow tailed the principal out of the class.

I and Bomboi. Packed our baggages and also dashed out joining the debtors.

I was in anticipation to attend Mrs. Chioma, the Civic education teacher's class the following day.

™Musty strange.

Part 4 loading [ my delay on the realising of the other parts was due to some logistics.
My apologies!