Hello,
My mom is lovely but lately I'm getting fed up with her. She is someone that requires people to do every single thing for her without lifting a finger. Asides earning money to train her children, which I'm forever grateful for.

I can say that all my life, I can count how many times I've seen my mother cook or pick a broom, talkless of lay her bed.

Growing up, I thought it was very normal since our culture is one where you have to be very respectful and help your elders. I have many siblings so we all did everything for the house and for her. But lately, with the older ones settling down and moving out, I'm left with her.

It has gotten to the extent that my unmarried siblings also avoid the house because it's not easy living with her. We got her a maid to help around but it's not a permanent solution especially with expenses.

I'm a student and I came home this break while the maid travels back home for Christmas. The whole situation is quite tiring for me. I was baffled today when, while I was choked up cooking Christmas food for us and guests coming later, she called me to rub cream on her foot, like why can't she do it herself. The fact that she didn't even help with any of the cooking and arrangements was painful enough.

My siblings have given up on her as they believe she's used to it already and she can't change. I've been told that my late dad pampered her and got several maids for her so she has been doing this for so long already. My father died when I was little.

I've taken it as not a big deal but I'm beginning to think of moving to another state after graduation just because of this issue.

I don't know whether to confront her about her attitude. Or whether that would make me disrespectful or ungrateful to her.

Your mom won't change obviously. You have to work around it as best as you deem fit.

Nothing can change her, attitude she has been used to, even before you are born.

What your mum didn't start out doing when she was young, she won't do now, so don't bother confronting her.
She might even emotionally blackmail you into feeling guilty (like telling you how she suffered and had you,and this is how you repay her ), so there's no point.
Although, when you're overwhelmed, you need to let it out. Let her know how you feel because she seems like the type that does not realize when someone is overworked.

Your mum is a babygirl for life, and babygirls don't stress themselves.

tife4eva:
I've taken it as not a big deal but I'm beginning to think of moving to another state after graduation just because of this issue.

I don't know whether to confront her about her attitude. Or whether that would make me disrespectful or ungrateful to her.

Who pays for the maid service? Start there if you want her to change in some way.

Mariangeles:
What your mum didn't start out doing when she was young, she won't do now, so don't bother confronting her.
She might even emotional blackmail you into feeling guilty, (like telling you how she suffered and had you,and this is how you repay her ) so there's no point.
Although, when you're overwhelmed, you need to let it out. Let her know how you feel because she seems like the type that does not realize when someone is overworked.

Your mum is a babygirl for life, and babygirls don't stress themselves.

Even a princess born in a castle can change.

Kobojunkie:
Even a princess born in a castle can change.

Unless she wants to.

Honestly is not easy to change her especially now she is getting old.

One day you will remember her and wish she was there for you to be rubbing her legs all day

Mariangeles:
Unless she wants to.

precisely, she will change when she finds that she needs to.

When they allow her stew in her filth for a year or more, she will..... unless she is mentally challenged.

There are some things you can’t choose in life and one of them is who your parents are. Other than what you told us, is there any other physical or psychological issue that she’s dealing with that could cause her to be needing a lot of care?

Since caring for her the way she wants is bringing a lot of discomfort for you, you need to make a decision and follow up with action, and you have 3 options basically:

Option 1. Do nothing. Your siblings endured it from what I understand. Do same till you’re ready to move out as well. Most people don’t want to be on their moms’ negative books.

Option 2. Move to another state or location. This saves you the confrontation and also your mental sanity. You get to spend less time with her and focus on other things

Option 3. Talk to her about it but you must do it in a very tactful way that shows you love and care for her but can’t help her always with things you think she can do for herself. It will be a bitter pill to swallow but she probably won’t see it from a point of personal attack on her

My advise is, think through the consequences and implications before you take any action. She’s your mom and you know her better than any of us advising you. All the best

I hope you learn not to do same when you get to your husband's house

tife4eva:
Hello,
My mom is lovely but lately I'm getting fed up with her. She is someone that requires people to do every single thing for her without lifting a finger. Asides earning money to train her children, which I'm forever grateful for.

I can say that all my life, I can count how many times I've seen my mother cook or pick a broom, talkless of lay her bed.

Growing up, I thought it was very normal since our culture is one where you have to be very respectful and help your elders. I have many siblings so we all did everything for the house and for her. But lately, with the older ones settling down and moving out, I'm left with her.

It has gotten to the extent that my unmarried siblings also avoid the house because it's not easy living with her. We got her a maid to help around but it's not a permanent solution especially with expenses.

I'm a student and I came home this break while the maid travels back home for Christmas. The whole situation is quite tiring for me. I was baffled today when, while I was choked up cooking Christmas food for us and guests coming later, she called me to rub cream on her foot, like why can't she do it herself. The fact that she didn't even help with any of the cooking and arrangements was painful enough.

My siblings have given up on her as they believe she's used to it already and she can't change. I've been told that my late dad pampered her and got several maids for her so she has been doing this for so long already. My father died when I was little.

I've taken it as not a big deal but I'm beginning to think of moving to another state after graduation just because of this issue.

I don't know whether to confront her about her attitude. Or whether that would make me disrespectful or ungrateful to her.

Ignore that part of her life because it's too late to correct her

Just move or relocate to any where you feel you will be better off and don't confront her about her attitude, she has been doing so before your birth

tife4eva:
Hello,
My mom is lovely but lately I'm getting fed up with her. She is someone that requires people to do every single thing for her without lifting a finger. Asides earning money to train her children, which I'm forever grateful for.

I can say that all my life, I can count how many times I've seen my mother cook or pick a broom, talkless of lay her bed.

Growing up, I thought it was very normal since our culture is one where you have to be very respectful and help your elders. I have many siblings so we all did everything for the house and for her. But lately, with the older ones settling down and moving out, I'm left with her.

It has gotten to the extent that my unmarried siblings also avoid the house because it's not easy living with her. We got her a maid to help around but it's not a permanent solution especially with expenses.

I'm a student and I came home this break while the maid travels back home for Christmas. The whole situation is quite tiring for me. I was baffled today when, while I was choked up cooking Christmas food for us and guests coming later, she called me to rub cream on her foot, like why can't she do it herself. The fact that she didn't even help with any of the cooking and arrangements was painful enough.

My siblings have given up on her as they believe she's used to it already and she can't change. I've been told that my late dad pampered her and got several maids for her so she has been doing this for so long already. My father died when I was little.

I've taken it as not a big deal but I'm beginning to think of moving to another state after graduation just because of this issue.

I don't know whether to confront her about her attitude. Or whether that would make me disrespectful or ungrateful to her.

If she were a man, your father/uncle/older brother, all these things would be ignored because he is giving you money. But just because she's a woman...

Ingrate. Don't you know she's toiling day and night for the home?

Nothing last forever op, please try as much as you can to do it for her, this is your bonding time and believe you me, you're going to treasure the moment you shared with her when it becomes history. She is your mom, there is nothing bad if you treat her like a queen, some don't get this opportunity, while some will pay any amount to have a moment like this in their life even though it is for a day.
Overlook the stress and manage it in any way you can, take rest when you need to. Please don't ever get angry if she put you to do anything, the reward and blessings you'll receive will be immeasurable.

Kobojunkie:
precisely, she will change when she finds that she needs to.

When they allow her stew in her filth for a year or more, she will..... unless she is mentally challenged.

Can you do this to your mom. Haba

Rebel spotted. You want to change the status quo. Well, I like vawulence

Your mum can't change not even now that she is "old". Just endure and bear with her. Mothers have a special place in a child's life. And one can only have a biological mother in a lifetime.

Anytime u are around be of help to her. You can also employ a trusted maid or househelp to assist her.

You are a stupid child. You said your father died when you were young.
Do you know what this woman went through to train all of you to this level. You think it is easy for a woman to single handedly trained children.
May be she has an illness that is making her to be weak, you don't care to know
It will be better for you to help your mother now that you are still available and single so that you won't regret your actions later.

Just see how everyone is making excuses for your mother but if na one 28 year old girl, these same people will call her a lazy and irresponsible "un-marriageble" slay queen. Same people would have called your dad a simp for marrying a slay queen.

Look beyond the insults. You have every right to feel bad. Some 50+ uncles still travel to the village just to eat their momma's food. Children take pride in dutiful mothers. Some of us witnessed our grandmas cooking and doing everything to make us feel good. However, like some have mentioned, there's little you can do at this stage.

Just pray against illnesses like arthritis and the likes cos omoo! You may have to get her 3 maids or abandon your career to fend for her. Even if you get her a maid, you guys will face so many issues. Majority of maids today don't have time for "se-ren-ren" order them around too much and they are out of your house !

I can't even imagine what y'all will face by the time she clocks 70. You guys haven't even started It's either y'all go out there to make all the money now (so you can comfortably afford 3-4 maids) or one of you would have to abandon career/family for her sake

mardis:
Can you do this to your mom. Haba

Ofcourse!

life funny o.

i dey complain say my mama no dey rest,
another person dey complain say the mama no dey do anything.

every mallam with him kettle

You said your mum is lazy, how did she manage to train you people singlehandedly? You are the lazy one here . You now brought out your mum dirty underwear to wash in public, so that some useless untrained bitter soul would have a field day insulting your mother.

Damnnn niggar
Ogbeni tolerate her

If a leopard � can't change its spots ur mom also can't, just live with it.

ur late dad pampered n employ maids for her n she's used to it..this is the ssme reason why we keep preaching against simps n dishing out red pills..
ur dad caused it n now u all are suffering from it...

Huhn

Dear Mama.

I am thinking of How to get a million dollars to hire 50 maids for you and another person dey complain for here about him own.

Life no balance

Most African parents are naturally lazy when they have grown up kids. It's nothing new.

When it comes to family, there are no quadratic equation that solves the equation.

I can tell you are expecting certain things from her and you're getting frustrated since she is not living up to those expectations.

What I will say is do what you can, leave the rest.

Why bring something like this out in a public place, please next time don't do such again