Hello,

I will be brief and straight to the point. I got married last August 2021. We dated for two years with only one issue. That issue was the fact that girls were always flocking around him and I feel he does not do enough to drive them away. He says what do I expect him to do when girls always flirt with him. I always tell him to let them know he is taken, but he will just laugh over the matter and says its not his fault that he is handsome.

Well, he is quite handsome and that is his biggest flaw. He knows it…he is boastful about it. I do not like how it makes him feel…he is not humble at all. I tried to end the relationship but he will always beg me, saying he needs me in his life to help him remain grounded and not get carried away by all these female attention he gets.

Eventually, he began to act maturely and that gave me some comfort to proceed with the marriage plans. Since we have been married, all is ok … God blessed us and I am pregnant with our first child. Pregnancy is a serious challenge for me being my first time. So, I have to rely on my hubby to do alot of things for me like shopping, cleaning, etc.

My husband actually likes to help because he does not want me to stress myself or the baby. So, like I said, I have been asking him to help with the groceries and he has been helpful. But last week, I went to the groceries without husband in the supermarket close to our house.

After shopping, one of the sales girls who is a very nice girl greeted me very warmly as usual. She mentioned that she has not seen me since and I explained that I have not been feeling well but that my husband has been coming to the supermarket for me. This girl told me that she wants to tell me something very important and that I should give her my no. I was a bit surprised at her boldness because I thought she wanted to beg for money or something .

However, I gave her the number because she is always a sweet girl to me whenever I come to shop. When this girl closed her shift, she called me and told me that she wants to tell me something but I must guarantee that I will never tell anyone she was the one that told me. She first asked if I was alone cos she will not say anything if someone was with me.

After assuring her that I was alone, she then revealed that if not that she has known me for a while, she would have minded her business. But that she wanted me to know that her supervisor has been flirting seriously with my husband and she thinks my husband is encouraging her to do so.

This girl revealed that she saw her supervisor ask my husband for his phone, he gave it to her and she out her phone number in it. That my husband just smiled and went away. That the same supervisor bragged with another female colleague that she would do all in her power to get my husband.

That even when that one colleague asked her why she would go after a married man, she replied, I am not forcing him, he is the one married and needs to be faithful, that she has no reason to be faithful. This girl went to say that she is very sorry for telling me things about my husband but she knows that this same supervisor of her is one without shame. That she had an affair with another colleague’s boyfriend and got that one fired because she is a supervisor.

This girl stated that the supervisor is mean to alot of her colleagues and she is evil minded. That she wants me to pray against any of the girl’s manipulation of my husband. I listened to this girl and thanked her. I was furious and embarrassed. Embarrassed that a common supermarket sales girl was talking about my marriage and furious because I didn’t know how to handle the matter.

So, I chatted with this same girl and told her to text me the supervisor’s no. She did and I used my husband’s phone to flash the girl’s number. He saved her number as Funmi contractor. I was livid. I checked his chats and saw that the girl was offering him s3x already. She sent her pictures of her breasts already. The rest of the chat was deleted. I am sure, I would have seen more crazy chats if they were not deleted.

When I confronted my husband, he denied everything I asked him about the girl until I showed him a screenshot of their last chat. He said maybe someone was framing him and I told him I would leave and divorce him immediately. He then said, he didn’t give her his no but she got it from the supermarket computer.

When I told him everyone was talking about them in the supermarket, he held his head and said…babe, I am sorry…I was stupid…I should not have given her my no…but I swear….I never reached out to her…she has been the one forcing herself on me. My husband and I had a long talk…he explained that while he may seem like he is playing with these girls, he can never stoop so low to actually sleep with any of them. That he is just playing, that I have no reason to worry cos he will never cross the boundaries.

Now, this his defense….I believe…but it is an expensive play…and what I cannot wrap my head around is: why my husband cannot stand his ground. Must you be this playful? The play to him is disrespect to me. He said I am just being unreasonable. That its normal for men to play or flirt with women…that any man who says they dont do that are lying or they are castrated.

Yes, girls are desperate…but if you cannot stand your ground, he is disrespecting me and I cannot tolerate that. My husband believes that until I catch him sleeping with another woman, then its not cheating. That its like window shopping….he is looking but not buying….what a chauvinistic perspective…. its really annoying me…When I spoke to someone about it….someone like an elder, he said, men are like that…wives just have to learn to look away and not let the situation bother them.

This matter is bothering me. I cannot stop these girls from coming for my man but the fact that my man thinks its funny to entertain them is my problem. Why cant married men stop this shit? My dad is a fine man too…I have never seen him disrespect my mother. I do not know what to so about this…if my husband continues like this…this might be enough reason for me to leave.

It may be a minor reason for some people but I am big on respect. We are married…respect our vows…respect your wife…stop entertaining hungry girls. How hard is it to say no? Am I being overly paranoid? Or am I supposed to just live with this? Is my standard or expectation too high?

When I asked him what if I was the one flirting, he laughed and said he will not be bothered. Well, maybe because he knows I can never do that…also, I cannot help but feel that my husband’s bad behavior is maybe because I am pregnant and may not be as attractive as I should be looking or as s3xy as I should be in bed…my husband says my pregnancy hormones are making me over react…am I over reacting?

Please advice me because thinking about this is causing serious trust issues in my marriage. I need your advise. I am loosing my mind.


https://livelystones.ng/2022/01/08/true-life-story-women-flirt-with-my-husband-he-says-its-not-a-big-deal/

It isn't

Wahala no dey finish ni

its not a big deal at all.... if a man is good looking then it will often happen...it is THE MARRIED MAN'S REACTION that matters. a sane man would ignore it and move on with his life.

Hi dear ,there is really no issue here and the fact that he is not the one chasing them but Na them dey rush am ...just keep telling him how you are not okay with it and pray that one day he learns how to stand his ground on how to disengage himself with such girls.

If I were you, I'd dress hot and sexy too. Then I make sure men stare at me whenever we go out. Let's see who is more crazier.

But on a serious note, I know you love him, that's why you can't endure seeing other ladies flirt with him. Pls, don't stress yourself, pray and keep talking to him, hopefully he change his ways.

MrBrownJay1:
its not a big deal at all.... if a man is good looking then it will often happen...it is THE MARRIED MAN'S REACTION that matters. a sane man would ignore it and move on with his life.

I agree. Not to brag but as an extremely good-looking man myself, I tend to get female attention everywhere I go. Can I change that? No. You got genetically lucky so you definitely can't help the attention. However how you react and handle the attention is YOUR responsibility. Being handsome is no excuse for promiscuity. Loving your partner isn't just in words, it's in action and there's no better way to show it than by being faithful. Love is mutual respect. I wouldn't condone my partner flirting her hair off would I? So yeah I might as well keep that energy too.

Good looks do not justify all he's doing. What he needs is discipline. And he surely does sound like he needs a strong reminder from you he's no longer a bachelor. He's obviously still stuck in that phase where he wants to explore. What kinda husband texts other girls just for cruise?

I hope he maintains the same stance when the situation is reversed. Give people on this side of the world 'allow' wait for it as it becomes 'allowance'

No be small thing o,this is what happens when one marries a vain partner.This is only the beginning,the lady should get ready for the many rides to come . I only have two advice to give,
1. Look away, u can't come and kill yourself cos it's only going to get worse.
2.Stop threatening with divorce for any little problem in marriage cos a lot would come up and one day your threat won't hold water as your partner is already tired of the " I will divorce you " threat and grown a thick skin to it and wouldn't care less if u go ahead with it .

This is what happens when you marry a male bimbo. Nonsense, I would never stand for such foolish talk, is he the only good-looking person alive?

F*** that fool and ask for your divorce before he transfers all the std, hiv, and all the evil spirits in your neighborhood to you.

I dated a guy like this, who spoke like that, and he ended up on my block list, because you can't turn a Fboy into a husband.

This woman is sound. She knows what she wants in her marriage and she stands for it.

OP, you are not overreacting. You are big on respect and he must give it to you.

If it's the other way round we know what nairaland redpillers kids will come and label you.

Some f00ls will even open their disgusting mouths to call their mothers/sisters/future life partners useless but will not see what is wrong with their gender here and spell it out. Awon arindin.

InspiredGene:
Hello,

I will be brief and straight to the point. I got married last August 2021. We dated for two years with only one issue. That issue was the fact that girls were always flocking around him and I feel he does not do enough to drive them away. He says what do I expect him to do when girls always flirt with him. I always tell him to let them know he is taken, but he will just laugh over the matter and says its not his fault that he is handsome.

Well, he is quite handsome and that is his biggest flaw. He knows it…he is boastful about it. I do not like how it makes him feel…he is not humble at all. I tried to end the relationship but he will always beg me, saying he needs me in his life to help him remain grounded and not get carried away by all these female attention he gets.

Eventually, he began to act maturely and that gave me some comfort to proceed with the marriage plans. Since we have been married, all is ok … God blessed us and I am pregnant with our first child. Pregnancy is a serious challenge for me being my first time. So, I have to rely on my hubby to do alot of things for me like shopping, cleaning, etc.

My husband actually likes to help because he does not want me to stress myself or the baby. So, like I said, I have been asking him to help with the groceries and he has been helpful. But last week, I went to the groceries without husband in the supermarket close to our house.

After shopping, one of the sales girls who is a very nice girl greeted me very warmly as usual. She mentioned that she has not seen me since and I explained that I have not been feeling well but that my husband has been coming to the supermarket for me. This girl told me that she wants to tell me something very important and that I should give her my no. I was a bit surprised at her boldness because I thought she wanted to beg for money or something .

However, I gave her the number because she is always a sweet girl to me whenever I come to shop. When this girl closed her shift, she called me and told me that she wants to tell me something but I must guarantee that I will never tell anyone she was the one that told me. She first asked if I was alone cos she will not say anything if someone was with me.

After assuring her that I was alone, she then revealed that if not that she has known me for a while, she would have minded her business. But that she wanted me to know that her supervisor has been flirting seriously with my husband and she thinks my husband is encouraging her to do so.

This girl revealed that she saw her supervisor ask my husband for his phone, he gave it to her and she out her phone number in it. That my husband just smiled and went away. That the same supervisor bragged with another female colleague that she would do all in her power to get my husband.

That even when that one colleague asked her why she would go after a married man, she replied, I am not forcing him, he is the one married and needs to be faithful, that she has no reason to be faithful. This girl went to say that she is very sorry for telling me things about my husband but she knows that this same supervisor of her is one without shame. That she had an affair with another colleague’s boyfriend and got that one fired because she is a supervisor.

This girl stated that the supervisor is mean to alot of her colleagues and she is evil minded. That she wants me to pray against any of the girl’s manipulation of my husband. I listened to this girl and thanked her. I was furious and embarrassed. Embarrassed that a common supermarket sales girl was talking about my marriage and furious because I didn’t know how to handle the matter.

So, I chatted with this same girl and told her to text me the supervisor’s no. She did and I used my husband’s phone to flash the girl’s number. He saved her number as Funmi contractor. I was livid. I checked his chats and saw that the girl was offering him s3x already. She sent her pictures of her breasts already. The rest of the chat was deleted. I am sure, I would have seen more crazy chats if they were not deleted.

When I confronted my husband, he denied everything I asked him about the girl until I showed him a screenshot of their last chat. He said maybe someone was framing him and I told him I would leave and divorce him immediately. He then said, he didn’t give her his no but she got it from the supermarket computer.

When I told him everyone was talking about them in the supermarket, he held his head and said…babe, I am sorry…I was stupid…I should not have given her my no…but I swear….I never reached out to her…she has been the one forcing herself on me. My husband and I had a long talk…he explained that while he may seem like he is playing with these girls, he can never stoop so low to actually sleep with any of them. That he is just playing, that I have no reason to worry cos he will never cross the boundaries.

Now, this his defense….I believe…but it is an expensive play…and what I cannot wrap my head around is: why my husband cannot stand his ground. Must you be this playful? The play to him is disrespect to me. He said I am just being unreasonable. That its normal for men to play or flirt with women…that any man who says they dont do that are lying or they are castrated.

Yes, girls are desperate…but if you cannot stand your ground, he is disrespecting me and I cannot tolerate that. My husband believes that until I catch him sleeping with another woman, then its not cheating. That its like window shopping….he is looking but not buying….what a chauvinistic perspective…. its really annoying me…When I spoke to someone about it….someone like an elder, he said, men are like that…wives just have to learn to look away and not let the situation bother them.

This matter is bothering me. I cannot stop these girls from coming for my man but the fact that my man thinks its funny to entertain them is my problem. Why cant married men stop this shit? My dad is a fine man too…I have never seen him disrespect my mother. I do not know what to so about this…if my husband continues like this…this might be enough reason for me to leave.

It may be a minor reason for some people but I am big on respect. We are married…respect our vows…respect your wife…stop entertaining hungry girls. How hard is it to say no? Am I being overly paranoid? Or am I supposed to just live with this? Is my standard or expectation too high?

When I asked him what if I was the one flirting, he laughed and said he will not be bothered. Well, maybe because he knows I can never do that…also, I cannot help but feel that my husband’s bad behavior is maybe because I am pregnant and may not be as attractive as I should be looking or as s3xy as I should be in bed…my husband says my pregnancy hormones are making me over react…am I over reacting?

Please advice me because thinking about this is causing serious trust issues in my marriage. I need your advise. I am loosing my mind.


https://livelystones.ng/2022/01/08/true-life-story-women-flirt-with-my-husband-he-says-its-not-a-big-deal/

Having read all you typed carefully, I will advise you to be calm and take charge of your emotions, especially now that you are pregnant

Your husband loves being around women, that's his habit and nothing can stop him unless he learns in a bad way

He is the one actually attracting those women to his sides either by flashing him self or being a Mr nice guy

All these shouldn't come to you as a surprise because you are already aware

Lastly don't divorce him because of the things you mentioned, what if you do and the number next guy you get married to is a worst womanizer

Since you love handsome men you have to endure the women that comes around them like bees does to honey

Just keep cautioning him because of HIV infection

InspiredGene:
Hello,

I will be brief and straight to the point. I got married last August 2021. We dated for two years with only one issue. That issue was the fact that girls were always flocking around him and I feel he does not do enough to drive them away. He says what do I expect him to do when girls always flirt with him. I always tell him to let them know he is taken, but he will just laugh over the matter and says its not his fault that he is handsome.

Well, he is quite handsome and that is his biggest flaw. He knows it…he is boastful about it. I do not like how it makes him feel…he is not humble at all. I tried to end the relationship but he will always beg me, saying he needs me in his life to help him remain grounded and not get carried away by all these female attention he gets.

Eventually, he began to act maturely and that gave me some comfort to proceed with the marriage plans. Since we have been married, all is ok … God blessed us and I am pregnant with our first child. Pregnancy is a serious challenge for me being my first time. So, I have to rely on my hubby to do alot of things for me like shopping, cleaning, etc.

My husband actually likes to help because he does not want me to stress myself or the baby. So, like I said, I have been asking him to help with the groceries and he has been helpful. But last week, I went to the groceries without husband in the supermarket close to our house.

After shopping, one of the sales girls who is a very nice girl greeted me very warmly as usual. She mentioned that she has not seen me since and I explained that I have not been feeling well but that my husband has been coming to the supermarket for me. This girl told me that she wants to tell me something very important and that I should give her my no. I was a bit surprised at her boldness because I thought she wanted to beg for money or something .

However, I gave her the number because she is always a sweet girl to me whenever I come to shop. When this girl closed her shift, she called me and told me that she wants to tell me something but I must guarantee that I will never tell anyone she was the one that told me. She first asked if I was alone cos she will not say anything if someone was with me.

After assuring her that I was alone, she then revealed that if not that she has known me for a while, she would have minded her business. But that she wanted me to know that her supervisor has been flirting seriously with my husband and she thinks my husband is encouraging her to do so.

This girl revealed that she saw her supervisor ask my husband for his phone, he gave it to her and she out her phone number in it. That my husband just smiled and went away. That the same supervisor bragged with another female colleague that she would do all in her power to get my husband.

That even when that one colleague asked her why she would go after a married man, she replied, I am not forcing him, he is the one married and needs to be faithful, that she has no reason to be faithful. This girl went to say that she is very sorry for telling me things about my husband but she knows that this same supervisor of her is one without shame. That she had an affair with another colleague’s boyfriend and got that one fired because she is a supervisor.

This girl stated that the supervisor is mean to alot of her colleagues and she is evil minded. That she wants me to pray against any of the girl’s manipulation of my husband. I listened to this girl and thanked her. I was furious and embarrassed. Embarrassed that a common supermarket sales girl was talking about my marriage and furious because I didn’t know how to handle the matter.

So, I chatted with this same girl and told her to text me the supervisor’s no. She did and I used my husband’s phone to flash the girl’s number. He saved her number as Funmi contractor. I was livid. I checked his chats and saw that the girl was offering him s3x already. She sent her pictures of her breasts already. The rest of the chat was deleted. I am sure, I would have seen more crazy chats if they were not deleted.

When I confronted my husband, he denied everything I asked him about the girl until I showed him a screenshot of their last chat. He said maybe someone was framing him and I told him I would leave and divorce him immediately. He then said, he didn’t give her his no but she got it from the supermarket computer.

When I told him everyone was talking about them in the supermarket, he held his head and said…babe, I am sorry…I was stupid…I should not have given her my no…but I swear….I never reached out to her…she has been the one forcing herself on me. My husband and I had a long talk…he explained that while he may seem like he is playing with these girls, he can never stoop so low to actually sleep with any of them. That he is just playing, that I have no reason to worry cos he will never cross the boundaries.

Now, this his defense….I believe…but it is an expensive play…and what I cannot wrap my head around is: why my husband cannot stand his ground. Must you be this playful? The play to him is disrespect to me. He said I am just being unreasonable. That its normal for men to play or flirt with women…that any man who says they dont do that are lying or they are castrated.

Yes, girls are desperate…but if you cannot stand your ground, he is disrespecting me and I cannot tolerate that. My husband believes that until I catch him sleeping with another woman, then its not cheating. That its like window shopping….he is looking but not buying….what a chauvinistic perspective…. its really annoying me…When I spoke to someone about it….someone like an elder, he said, men are like that…wives just have to learn to look away and not let the situation bother them.

This matter is bothering me. I cannot stop these girls from coming for my man but the fact that my man thinks its funny to entertain them is my problem. Why cant married men stop this shit? My dad is a fine man too…I have never seen him disrespect my mother. I do not know what to so about this…if my husband continues like this…this might be enough reason for me to leave.

It may be a minor reason for some people but I am big on respect. We are married…respect our vows…respect your wife…stop entertaining hungry girls. How hard is it to say no? Am I being overly paranoid? Or am I supposed to just live with this? Is my standard or expectation too high?

When I asked him what if I was the one flirting, he laughed and said he will not be bothered. Well, maybe because he knows I can never do that…also, I cannot help but feel that my husband’s bad behavior is maybe because I am pregnant and may not be as attractive as I should be looking or as s3xy as I should be in bed…my husband says my pregnancy hormones are making me over react…am I over reacting?

Please advice me because thinking about this is causing serious trust issues in my marriage. I need your advise. I am loosing my mind.


https://livelystones.ng/2022/01/08/true-life-story-women-flirt-with-my-husband-he-says-its-not-a-big-deal/

Calm down madam, I'm in your shoes as well and thank God you and your husband stay together, my own husband works in another state far from where I stay with the kids, see just learn how to over look because of your sanity, as a married woman I don't give my number out to the opposite sex and I don't even give them attention even at my place of work, so it baffles me how married men will have numbers of girls line up on their contact list. Op, please just keep praying for him not to get hooked because that's what I do now.

InspiredGene:
Hello,

I will be brief and straight to the point. I got married last August 2021.

You're brief indeed. Your hubby should stop encouraging the flirting and respect you. His being handsome is useless excuse and you are even using that to excuse his flirting. Girls these days are desperate, whether the man is handsome or not as long as they believe you can feed them. Your husband should know that his marriage, happiness and rest of mind is at stake if this behavior continue.

Some things I've learned from the "enduring women of old" whose 50-year-old marriages were more of pain and suffering than joy and love.

1. You cannot turn a wild animal into a pet.
2. You are a fool if you think any man will 'change' after marrying you.
3. That period of time when he is asking you to marry him is when he will be on his best behaviour. His true colors will show when the papers are signed.
4. Even the average-looking men will have women flinging themselves at them all the time, much less a handsome one that glories in his good looks.
5. The biggest lie of the century is that "all men cheat". A good majority of them do, but not all of them. That is a lie purported by promiscuous men who want to try as much as they can to normalize male infidelity.
6. Even if you have no self-esteem and you're willing to endure infidelity, remember that STDs are real. 80% of married women who contract gonorrhea get it from their LOMLs.
7. They will tell their side chicks, "My wife has my love and even though me and you are having sex, you can't take it from her". LIES. You cannot truly love someone and get intimate with another person. NEVER.

MrBrownJay1:
its not a big deal at all.... if a man is good looking then it will often happen...it is THE MARRIED MAN'S REACTION that matters. a sane man would ignore it and move on with his life.

It's not a big deal?? It's not a big deal for a married man to always smile and laugh and indulge hoes throwing themselves at him, even in the presence of his wife? It's not a big deal for a married man to give his phone to a flirtatious supermarket idiot to put her phone number inside?? Really?

@lalasticlala

Community food.

Your husband is being unreasonable and silly. He should respect you and stop that nonsense. I am married and I know he is playing with fire. Being handsome is not enough reason for him to be reckless. One of the reasons I don't place premium on beauty,especially, when it has to do with immature people. There is an adage in my place " what you would not eat, dont sniff"

brightfuture24:
It's not a big deal?? It's not a big deal for a married man to always smile and laugh and indulge hoes throwing themselves at him, even in the presence of his wife? It's not a big deal for a married man to give his phone to a flirtatious supermarket idiot to put her phone number inside?? Really?

we have to be fully honest in this issue, and as much as there is a huge difference between a man who is polite/kind and a man who is flirtatious, just because women are insecure about other women, doesnt mean your man is a cheat. the reality is that, if you trust your man (as all married women should) then you have nothing to worry about, BUT if you dont trust your man, then no wonder you will see any action under the moon as wrong. this is an insecurity issue from the woman part, and nothing to do with men, thus why men shouldnt change in this instance.

also, most probably a kind/polite man was this way before he met you, while he met and on the day you decided to marry him, so trying to change him now (because you married him) is wrong.

giving your phone to a supermarket girl could be for many reasons and UNLESS HE CALLS HER for late night hookups (and not for biz venture etc) then you have nothing to worry about. the way you react about such a small issue makes me wonder:"do you expect your man to be suddenly ugly to all women (after marriage)? and if yes, would you now (after marriage) stop wearing wigs, makeup, sexy dresses etc when you go out without your husband?!?!?"