Hello nairalanders,
What's your opinion on a wife relocating abroad with the kids while her husband stays back at home. I and my family are considering my relocating with our kids but my husband will remain at home. The essence of the relocation is to seek for ways of obtaining dual citizenship for the children after which we will possibly return back to our home country. My husband has a thriving business here which he won't want to leave for an uncertain future abroad. Are there people who have gone through this long distance marriage. Is it worth doing for the future of the children given the current situation of our beloved country?

It works for some,it doesn't work for others.

@chrystee I assume that both of you have green cards and some money to spare once in a while for travel. It could work, however, there are potential challenges you’ll have to seriously consider.

Communication can break down over long distance. It doesn’t get easier if the woman is the one traveling while the man stays behind.

He'll need to send you up to N2 million or more monthly to cover most of your expenses abroad, else you’ll have to get a job and take care of yourself and the kids. While doing that, you may become independent of him, you’ll get busier, more stressed with handling responsibilities alone, and less available to him, and that’s how communication and connection start breaking down.

He’ll get busier here as well and you’ll lose some influence over what he does because you’re not there to provide his companionship and intimacy needs. Some men go ahead to start another family and/or live double lives.

At the end of the day it's your decision with your husband but these are things to consider

chrystee:
Hello nairalanders,
What's your opinion on a wife relocating abroad with the kids while her husband stays back at home. I and my family are considering my relocating with our kids but my husband will remain at home. The essence of the relocation is to seek for ways of obtaining dual citizenship for the children after which we will possibly return back to our home country. My husband has a thriving business here which he won't want to leave for an uncertain future abroad. Are there people who have gone through this long distance marriage. Is it worth doing for the future of the children given the current situation of our beloved country?

That to me is more a business partnership than it is a bonafide marriage.

Don't get me wrong here. Marriage is a contract agreement between a man and a woman, and there are different kinds of contracts out there. So when a man and woman decide to define their marriage more in the way of a business agreement then it is no longer your typical emotionally bonded union but something more mechanical.

prettysassygirl:
It works for some,it doesn't work for others.

Can you please elaborate on what you mean by it "works" here?

chrystee:
Hello nairalanders,
What's your opinion on a wife relocating abroad with the kids while her husband stays back at home. I and my family are considering my relocating with our kids but my husband will remain at home. The essence of the relocation is to seek for ways of obtaining dual citizenship for the children after which we will possibly return back to our home country. My husband has a thriving business here which he won't want to leave for an uncertain future abroad. Are there people who have gone through this long distance marriage. Is it worth doing for the future of the children given the current situation of our beloved country?

One of my husband friend is in this kind of marriage,he actually gave a huge amount of money to I think an Ireland citezen to legitimize them there,he sends money for virtually everything,the man is really trying but the bad side is the philandering,all the girls on this island know this man...lol

So it depends on your mindset and your husband type of person.

Kobojunkie:
Can you please elaborate on what you mean by it "works" here?

For some people,it works for them because they enjoy the freedom that comes with living apart and in the long run,the marriage is still successful and lasts for a lifetime. For others they can't cope with distance and so they seek comfort elsewhere that turns into something more leading to the dissolution of the marriage. Truth be told and if we don't want to lie to ourselves,99% of men can't live a celibate life so if the wife doesn't mind sharing as far as he remains married to her then fine. She should just pray that the man doesn't meet a side chick that wants to be the main chick.Na there wahala go dey. Mercy Aigbe new husbands life is a good example of what distance can do to a marriage.

prettysassygirl:

1. For some people,it works for them because they enjoy the freedom that comes with living apart and in the long run,the marriage is still successful and lasts for a lifetime. For others they can't cope with distance and so they seek comfort elsewhere that turns into something more leading to the dissolution of the marriage.

2. Truth be told and if we don't want to lie to ourselves,99% of men can't live a celibate life so if the wife doesn't mind sharing as far as he remains married to her then fine. She should just pray that the man doesn't meet a side chick that wants to be the main chick.Na there wahala go dey.

3. Mercy Aigbe new husbands life is a good example of what distance can do to a marriage.

1. That depends on what you mean when you say a marriage is successful, and lasts for a lifetime.

2. Would success of the marriage be hinged on whether the sidechick becomes main chick or not?

3. No clue who that is!

chrystee:
Hello nairalanders,
What's your opinion on a wife relocating abroad with the kids while her husband stays back at home. I and my family are considering my relocating with our kids but my husband will remain at home. The essence of the relocation is to seek for ways of obtaining dual citizenship for the children after which we will possibly return back to our home country. My husband has a thriving business here which he won't want to leave for an uncertain future abroad. Are there people who have gone through this long distance marriage. Is it worth doing for the future of the children given the current situation of our beloved country?

Your plan is good for the future of your kids but bad for your marriage. It's also good for your career if you plan to have one.


There is 99.9% chance your husband will cheat. And 80% chance that he'll take a second wife in my opinion.

You have to decide what matters most to you.

Nnem this your decision isn't good for your marriage at all.... Why not wait for the children to grow and they can go there for their studies. Honestly, distance marriage is torturing. If I were you and I cherish and love my family dearly, I won't step an itch but on a second thoughts, even when you are with them 24/7, they still cheats, so what then is the essence of putting your desire future on hold.
In conclusion, take the risk to get a better life for yourself and your children and hand over your family to God, which includes your husband in particular.
It is well

Saintmary:



Your plan is good for the future of your kids but bad for your marriage. It's also good for your career if you plan to have one.


[b]There is 99.9% chance your husband will cheat. [/b]And 80% chance that he'll take a second wife in my opinion.

You have to decide what matters most to you.

This one is for sure and nothing wrong with that

Afterall she would have been denying him sex even now that they are together in Nigeria

As for taking another wife, nah that won't happen as far as the wife is doing "normal" by sending money and calling him back in Nigeria

chrystee:
Hello nairalanders,
What's your opinion on a wife relocating abroad with the kids while her husband stays back at home. I and my family are considering my relocating with our kids but my husband will remain at home. The essence of the relocation is to seek for ways of obtaining dual citizenship for the children after which we will possibly return back to our home country. My husband has a thriving business here which he won't want to leave for an uncertain future abroad. Are there people who have gone through this long distance marriage. Is it worth doing for the future of the children given the current situation of our beloved country?

You know deep down this is a lie

Even the kids, by the time they taste how sweet abroad is, no go gree follow you back

Anyway, you have to use small small to convince your husband. Infact use the everyday crap Nigerians face to do example of why you need to leave. With time he would understand.

Btw, what profession are you in?

LesbianBoy:


This one is for sure and nothing wrong with that

Afterall she would have been denying him sex even now that they are together in Nigeria

As for taking another wife, nah that won't happen as far as the wife is doing "normal" by sending money and calling him back in Nigeria

My own is to prepare her for the worst case scenario.



Her own is to decide what to do.

prettysassygirl:

For some people,it works for them because they enjoy the freedom that comes with living apart and in the long run,the marriage is still successful and lasts for a lifetime. For others they can't cope with distance and so they seek comfort elsewhere that turns into something more leading to the dissolution of the marriage. Truth be told and if we don't want to lie to ourselves,99% of men can't live a celibate life so if the wife doesn't mind sharing as far as he remains married to her then fine. She should just pray that the man doesn't meet a side chick that wants to be the main chick.Na there wahala go dey. Mercy Aigbe new husbands life is a good example of what distance can do to a marriage.

Sorry errm, what are they sharing plizzzz

ambient:


One of my husband friend is in this kind of marriage,he actually gave a huge amount of money to I think an Ireland citezen to legitimize them there,he sends money for virtually everything,the man is really trying but the bad side is the philandering,all the girls on this island know this man...lol

So it depends on your mindset and your husband type of person.

Ahn ahn, all the babes in Lagos Island, Ikoyi, Victoria Island and Lekki?

He must be a celebrity.

@chrystee

I have no experience about long distance marriage but i do believe that long distance relationship doesn't work for most people. Except they are willing to spend a lot of cash travelling every 3 to 4 months to catch up with their spouse physically.

It is not always about sex for matured older men, sometimes physical touch, pillow talks etc that close proximity is important.

You have a choice, you can tell yourself that ignorance is bliss and don't worry about whatever happens while you're away as long as a new wife doesn't dance into your home.

truthsayer009:
@chrystee

I have no experience about long distance marriage but i do believe that long distance relationship doesn't work for most people. Except they are willing to spend a lot of cash travelling every 3 to 4 months to catch up with their spouse physically.

It is not always about sex for matured older men, sometimes physical touch, pillow talks etc that close proximity is important.

You have a choice, you can tell yourself that ignorance is bliss and don't worry about whatever happens while you're away as long as a new wife doesn't dance into your home.

Define this "mature older men" you speak of, this since many of the older men are busy chasing after young tails here and there, right there in Nigeria.

Kobojunkie:
Define this "mature older men" you speak of, this since many of the older men are busy chasing after young tails here and there, right there in Nigeria.

aunty, you cant put all men in one basket na.

Typically a man's libido goes down with age. Its just there's a lot of publicity attached to the philandering few.

If the man makes a lot of money that leaving Nigeria isnt worth it, I dont see the sense in splitting the family though. He can set up a trust fund to pay the childrens tuition abroad when they come of age, that is probably a more family friendly option.

So madam you want to ruin your marriage over children that will be fine. So are their not people making it in this country. You want to abandon your husband over a "dual" citizenship. Congratulations...

LesbianBoy:


You know deep down this is a lie

Even the kids, by the time they taste how sweet abroad is, no go gree follow you back

Anyway, you have to use small small to convince your husband. Infact use the everyday crap Nigerians face to do example of why you need to leave. With time he would understand.

Btw, what profession are you in?

I studied Computer Science but I'm.currently teaching the subject

Why do Nairaland women like saying 99.9% of Nigerian men are cheats?

The fact that you unfortunately got married to a cheat does not mean most Nigerian men are like that so don't generalise.

BTW, those few cheating are doing so with women (married women) inclusive.

Lets stop this men bashing please.

ecolime:
Why do Nairaland women like saying 99.9% of Nigerian men are cheats?

The fact that you unfortunately got married to a cheat does not mean most Nigerian men are like that so don't generalise.

BTW, those few cheating are doing so with women (married women) inclusive. Lets stop this men bashing please.

Everyday men say it themselves that MEN ARE POLYGAMOUS IN NATURE.

They tell women not to leave cheating partners because the next would be the same.

I don’t see men like you calling these men out. But once a woman agrees with the theory you guys have reinforced, you start crying.

Why? Are men no more polygamous in nature?

Resurgent2016:
aunty, you cant put all men in one basket na.

Typically a man's libido goes down with age. Its just there's a lot of publicity attached to the philandering few.

I never put all men in one basket this because I know too well that humans don't all fit well in to the same basket.

Can't deal with living apart.


That's simply marriage on paper. Defeats the essence of being married.

*********
So much ado about the children.

Really, it's important to put things in place for the children to have higher chances of success in life, to factor them in whatever plans we make, but must one be traded for the other?

********

Man that I married to enjoy, I'll nau leave him alone to goan be raising babies by myself...

chrystee:
Hello nairalanders,
What's your opinion on a wife relocating abroad with the kids while her husband stays back at home. I and my family are considering my relocating with our kids but my husband will remain at home. The essence of the relocation is to seek for ways of obtaining dual citizenship for the children after which we will possibly return back to our home country. My husband has a thriving business here which he won't want to leave for an uncertain future abroad. Are there people who have gone through this long distance marriage. Is it worth doing for the future of the children given the current situation of our beloved country?

have you read the story on the front page where a guy is almost nearly won over by sidechick. That should be lesson your for now. Go back to front page and read that story. Try to learn a thing or two.

So in your opinion, a prick is more valuable than the opportunities in the US? Do you advice that woman to forgo whatever opportunities there that may benefit she, her kids, and the prick itself and come home and guard the prick??

SO her life's purpose is to secure the prick that does not want the security?
As in, that is the reason for her existence on earth?

CountVersailles:
have you read the story on the front page where a guy is almost nearly won over by sidechick. That should be lesson your for now. Go back to front page and read that story. Try to learn a thing or two.

Lol

Na long throat go finish this woman.

Why don't you stay in Nigeria with your husband? Support him in his thriving business and send your kids abroad?

Stop giving women bad rep