Growing up, I never got the chance to have that emotional bond or connection to my mum. I remember her constantly talking me down in her own way, showed me in a subtle way that she loves my younger siblings more.

I am all grown now and nothing has changed, she is someone that has no control over her emotions. She seems to be in a good mood now and before you know it she's in a bad mood and transmit that to people around her, me in particular.

I have prayed so much for the day I'll leave her house and God answered my prayer. I relocated abroad few weeks back and I thought that would be enough to put an end to the emotional trauma. I got off the phone with her earlier today and her talks were full of insult.
She keeps calling me and my husband lazy, asking why we are the only one that hasn't gotten a job yet, she sited an example of someone that relocated around same time that I've gotten one. She won't stop spoiling my mood.
I have tried so much to build a relationship between us but it keep falling on dead end. I am her first born and I remember she doesn't quite like my dad(until he died and he left her properties), I don't want to start going into many details of how I have come to the point where I have eventually zoned out of any connection with her. I basically now see her as just the woman that gave birth to me, I cannot relate when I read sweet stories of adults that have genuine relationship and friendship with their mums.

Has anyone gotten to this point with either of their parents? What do I do? Is it okay not to feel any emotions towards my mum?

Juliusdaughter:
Growing up, I never got the chance to have that emotional bond or connection to my mum. I remember her constantly talking me down in her own way, showed me in a subtle way that she loves my younger siblings more.

I am all grown now and nothing has changed, she is someone that has no control over her emotions. She seems to be in a good mood now and before you know it she's in a bad mood and transmit that to people around her, me in particular.

I have prayed so much for the day I'll leave her house and God answered my prayer. I relocated abroad few weeks back and I thought that would be enough to put an end to the emotional trauma. I got off the phone with her earlier today and her talks were full of insult.
She keeps calling me and my husband lazy, asking why we are the only one that hasn't gotten a job yet, she sited an example of someone that relocated around same time that I've gotten one. She won't stop spoiling my mood.
I have tried so much to build a relationship between us but it keep falling on dead end. I am her first born and I remember she doesn't quite like my dad(until he died and he left her properties), I don't want to start going into many details of how I have come to the point where I have eventually zoned out of any connection with her. I basically now see her as just the woman that gave birth to me, I cannot relate when I read sweet stories of adults that have genuine relationship and friendship with their mums.

Has anyone gotten to this point with either of their parents? What do I do? Is it okay not to feel any emotions towards my mum?

You have tried to love her but it wasn't working from day one

So the best thing to do is to move on and keep moving on

Base on the above, you must as a matter of fact love your children so that they don't experience what you went through

Then be watchful because, those your siblings that she loves more, will want to get informations about you and pass to her

Live a quiet life and keep your good news to yourself

Loves uoir husband more and his family because they may be the one that shows you love

As for your siblings, if you can help them when the ask for help

Pls do, if it's something that you can do

If your husband is not mature enough, don't tell him about your relationship with your mom to avoid see finish.

Since your mom is a mood spoiler, cut all communications with her except she reaches out.

Try and help your siblings when you can.

You'd be fine.

Ahmed0336:
If your husband is not matured enough, don't tell him about your relationship with your mom to avoid see finish.

Since your mom is a mood spoiler, cut all communications with her except she reach out.

Try and help your siblings when you can.

You'd be fine.

Some parents can be a nightmare sha,look at what Thegidredpiller is going through due to the wickedness of her mom

frozen70:


You have tried to love her but it wasn't working from day one

So the best thing to do is to move on and keep moving on

Base on the above, you must as a matter of fact love your children so that they don't experience what you went through

Then be watchful because, those your siblings that she loves more, will want to get informations about you and pass to her

Live a quiet life and keep your good news to yourself

Loves uoir husband more and his family because they may be the one that shows you love

As for your siblings, if you can help them when the ask for help

Pls do, if it's something that you can do

Thank you so much. It is a promise to myself, I will be the best possible friend to my children. I see few of my friends that has this genuine friendship with their mums and I wish I have that too.
My siblings and I are really cool, we are all still young and we love each other.
I love my husband but I'll try to keep any information regarding him far from my mum, the little my mum knows about him is what she keeps using against him, I hope her several downtalking him will not make me react in a negative manner towards him as time goes on. He's a good person.

Ahmed0336:
If your husband is not matured enough, don't tell him about your relationship with your mom to avoid see finish.

Since your mom is a mood spoiler, cut all communications with her except she reach out.

Try and help your siblings when you can.

You'd be fine.

I don't plan on doing that even if he is the most mature person, I'll avoid telling my mum about him too. I know her too well to use any info against him, she's already downtalking him with the few she knows.
She spoils my mood so much by getting into my head, this isn't good for my marriage because I sometimes won't stop thinking about what she has said about him, all aren't true as far as I know.

...

Juliusdaughter:

Thank you so much. It is a promise to myself, I will be the best possible friend to my children. I see few of my friends that has this genuine friendship with their mums and I wish I have that too.
My siblings and I are really cool, we are all still young and we love each other.
I love my husband but I'll try to keep any information regarding him far from my mum, the little my mum knows about him is what she keeps using against him, I hope her several downtalking him will not make me react in a negative manner towards him as time goes on. He's a good person.

That's good to hear

Don't ever confront her, just ignore all her display of hatred, so that she won't say you insulted her

Am glad you are far from her

Juliusdaughter:
Growing up, I never got the chance to have that emotional bond or connection to my mum. I remember her constantly talking me down in her own way, showed me in a subtle way that she loves my younger siblings more.

I am all grown now and nothing has changed, she is someone that has no control over her emotions. She seems to be in a good mood now and before you know it she's in a bad mood and transmit that to people around her, me in particular.

I have prayed so much for the day I'll leave her house and God answered my prayer. I relocated abroad few weeks back and I thought that would be enough to put an end to the emotional trauma. I got off the phone with her earlier today and her talks were full of insult.
She keeps calling me and my husband lazy, asking why we are the only one that hasn't gotten a job yet, she sited an example of someone that relocated around same time that I've gotten one. She won't stop spoiling my mood.
I have tried so much to build a relationship between us but it keep falling on dead end. I am her first born and I remember she doesn't quite like my dad(until he died and he left her properties), I don't want to start going into many details of how I have come to the point where I have eventually zoned out of any connection with her. I basically now see her as just the woman that gave birth to me, I cannot relate when I read sweet stories of adults that have genuine relationship and friendship with their mums.

Has anyone gotten to this point with either of their parents? What do I do? Is it okay not to feel any emotions towards my mum?

Ur issue with ur mum might not be ordinary. There could be something that might have prompted her to treat u this manner.

TheGidRedpiller:
...

Just hold whatever you want to say. We are not interested, before you start calling the OP's mum disrespectful names.

Block her number for a few months and stop telling her things about your self and your family.
Ask your husband to also make himself unaccessible and block her number on his phone too.
If possible, change your number.
Even if you get a job, keep mum and don't let her know

Oh yes Mothers can be sooooooo manipulative and ANNOYING sometimes.
I have one line that.
But you MUST always find a way to re-connect because you can only EVER HAVE ONE BIOLOGICAL MOTHER!✅

I thought you were male, OP until I got to a part of your story and also checked your username, lol. It is well! God be with you. You can always talk to him about the circumstance or status quo.

U relocated and went ahead to call her exposing your phone number so... Didn't your peers teach you on how to hide your phone number so that it can appear private, so that you will have control over who calls you...then if u want or choose to have a bad day, u call her..

That was one of the first thing I learnt those days in early 2000 when phones started in Nigeria with my Nokia 3310 .. No blocking those days... even when I upgraded with Nokia touch I still sABI how to hide my number if I do not want the receiver to know my number...

Try and be in control of your happiness now that you were no longer with her...I don't understand though how a child will call his/her mother and she starts ranting immediately...Some family we have on this planet though :-[..

Richy4:
U relocated and went ahead to call her exposing your phone number so... Didn't your peers teach you on how to hide your phone number so that it can appear private, so that you will have control over who calls you...then if u want or choose to have a bad day, u call her..

That was one of the first thing I learnt those days in early 2000 when phones started in Nigeria with my Nokia 3310 .. No blocking those days... even when I upgraded with Nokia touch I still sABI how to hide my number if I do not want the receiver to know my number...

Try and be in control of your happiness now that you were no longer with her...I don't understand though how a child will call his/her mother and she starts ranting immediately...Some family have on this planet though :-[..

Lol @ the bolded. Funny thing is that my number unmasks numbers that are hidden. If you hide your number to call me, the number will still display.

It's a good thing you are far away from her. Just try to control her access to you for your peace of mind. It's except you don't mind your day being spoilt everytime she calls.

Distance yourself from her and relate more with your siblings. She will get the memo soon after.

ImaIma1:


Lol @ the bolded. Funny thing is that my number unmasks numbers that are hidden. If you hide your number to call me, the number will still display.

Oh!! really...Technology has advanced indeed....It's been like donkey years that I have hidden my number to make a call.... I was thinking that the hiding thing is still like an option those good old days back then in Uni,...with 3310 at hand, you press * 31* press the numbers...the receiver will have a blank caller

Th.eGidRedpiller:
...

Oya advise the Op to call her mother a whorrre and a bitch since that’s what you call your own mother. I can see you’re looking around for nairalanders who have issues with their mothers so that you send them DM and deceive them. Sadly for you, the Op is a female so your opinion isn’t needed.

Nwa aburu onu!!

Op, I would advise you to stop communicating with your mum if she keeps hurting your feelings. Let her know how you feel about her attitude and if possible report her to any of her siblings

Could you not accept that this is her personality and love her regardless? My mum is an African woman and when I mess up I won't hear the last of it but if I'm doing well then she remains quiet, it's in her silence that I know she is impressed. I know her journey and she has given me a better life than she ever had so I can't ask for friendship and kind words on top because she really tried not to do to me what was done to her.

I thought we just felt this innate love and connection with our mothers without them doing anything extra other than not abandoning us and keeping us away from harm.

Have you tried to understand her struggles or have you created a narrative and you only focus on what you think she is or isn't. Have you thought that maybe she's bitter and unhappy about life or she has some emotional issues which she can't control? Try and make excuses for her, don't take what she says to heart and just let it be talk rather than some personal attack.

This is your test and challenge and also you get to understand the importance of what she lacks so you could change it with your children. Please look for the silver linings and just continue to love and appreciation her.

Spoil her when you get your break through and just run your own race when it comes to her. Love without needing love back from her and give without expecting appreciation from her. She is the only person worth playing a fool for! In time I believe you will be vindicated and at the very least you could take pride in the fact that you were a good daughter if she wasn't a great mum.

Richy4:



Oh!! really...Technology has advanced indeed....It's been like donkey years that I have hidden my number to make a call.... I was thinking that the hiding thing is still like an option those good old days back then in Uni,...with 3310 at hand, you press * 31* press the numbers...the receiver will have a blank caller

Many years back, therr was someone that would hide his number and call me every morning at a particular time. The person won't say a word when I picked up.

I was so tired of it. My brother inlaw was an engineer at the telco where I had my line. I told to help me get the number that was stalking my phone.

He said it was against the policy. But that he could only make my number "immune" to unknown callers. The next day when the number called, it showed. I called back and the guy was speechless and just stammering . That was the last time he tried that prank.