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Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? - Family - Nairaland

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Is It Possible To Raise A Child Without Beating / Flogging Your Partners Younger Ones? : How Appropriate? / Would you step in to discipline a child that isn't yours like this man did?Video (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by senoraaquila(f): 12:17pm On Jul 09, 2011
Some kids of these days find it hard to stand corrected unless you flog them.
Some say flogging is not right - that it might affect them psychologically while some people feel that they should be flogged so that they will learn.
I have a friend who said that 'i shower my child with love but flog him whenever he's bad so that he will know that what he did was wrong'.
Personally, i am of the opinion that a child cannot be properly disciplined without using cane as a corrective measure.

What's your opinion?
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by Siena(m): 12:40pm On Jul 09, 2011
I disagree 100% with using a cane to flog a child.

Discipline starts from baby-toddler-childhood-adulthood. Flogging a child is wrong. Eventually, a child will become immune. What do you think happens, when you raise the pain threshold in a child? Once you reach this stage, what next? Using your fists, or feet?

Children learn from their parents. If a child does something wrong, you don't simply tell him / her to stop it. You need to explain why what they did was wrong, so they learn. There are other ways to punish a child for being naughty. Loss of privileges, grounding, extra household chores etc. You want your child to respect you, not be frightened of you.

It's the same if you flog your child for getting bad grades at school. You can't beat knowledge into a child, but you can make the child so frightened, they're scared to even try answering questions in class, for fear of getting it wrong, invoking more beating. Raising a child isn't easy, it requires loads of love, patience and time. If you get it right from the get go, why would you ever need a cane? A cane is used by parents, who've failed in their parental duties.

A cane is meant for beasts, like bullock, goats, oxen etc. Even with animals, there's a limit, which once breached, becomes useless.

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Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by obowunmi(m): 12:49pm On Jul 09, 2011
Flogging is necessary in very specific instances.
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by Siena(m): 12:57pm On Jul 09, 2011
obowunmi:

Flogging is necessary in very specific instances.

Please, share with us.
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by Natasha2(f): 12:59pm On Jul 09, 2011
100% possible cheesy
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by jennykadry(f): 1:07pm On Jul 09, 2011
obowunmi:

Flogging is necessary in very specific instances.

grin grin grin grin grin
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by chaircover: 2:39pm On Jul 09, 2011
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Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by OAM4J: 11:03pm On Jul 09, 2011
jennykadry:

grin grin grin grin grin

I hope you are not mistaking the type of flogging we are discussing here with another type of flogging grin


@OP

I have no problem with flogging but Yes it is very possible to discipline a child without flogging him/her. And I think Chaircover has mentioned many of the ways you can effectively discipline a child without flogging.
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by ifyalways(f): 10:32am On Jul 10, 2011
Yes,its possible.
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by ifyalways(f): 10:32am On Jul 10, 2011
Yes,its possible.
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by iice(f): 12:31pm On Jul 10, 2011
I dunno, i think sometimes peoples' mental/psychological dynamics don't always make for a staple solution.
Some people, flogging have no effect on, some no talking or anything have any effect on.
Sure it's possible to discipline a child without flogging.


chaircover:

I beleive that if you over discipline,  the child can go the other way if the parent is not prepared to invest time in that child.
I had this friend in high school. Her parents were very strict. I don't know if she was beaten too much because she never came to school with any signs of beatings, but she couldn't even go behind her parents back because of fear. Hah when university came. . .girl went wild. Last i heard, she's been running around with different guys, changing religions like pairs of shoes.
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by chaircover: 4:05pm On Jul 10, 2011
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Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by DrummaBoy(m): 6:37pm On Jul 10, 2011
Every parent should use d cane as a last resort after d 1st & 2nd warning. Truth is some kids are just impossib & need d
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by DrummaBoy(m): 6:43pm On Jul 10, 2011
cane
A friend told me how his mum beat him to top his class
He owes his 2-1 to dat incidence
there's a rod of correction
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by dayokanu(m): 10:56pm On Jul 10, 2011
To Jennykadry,

When she heard flogging she thought of "koboko" and the saying Spare the "rod" and spoil the ,
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by Outstrip(f): 11:38pm On Jul 10, 2011
chaircover:

Ive seen that happen a lot of times. I think that they just become sensitized to the beatings and don't really care anymore.

My mum used to be the smacker and my dad never raised his hand but I tell you we had a lot more respect for our dad than our mum.

Why? . . . .because dad never smacked us, anytime we did wrong we felt that we had disappointed & failed him and we felt bad. He always got his change back complete and no inflated book lists grin

As for our mum we just chopped the cane jeje and went on to the next mischief. No wahala grin

That was exactly the way it was in our home. My mom was a terrorist. I remember peeing on myself once when I heard her car pull in at the gate. It was totally unnessasary. I feared my mother but respected my father. A smile from him made my day. Even till today I do not want to dissapoint my dad. I always find it hard to say daddy you are wrong even though I am very outspoken. Aww. I love my dad. My mom n the other hand annoyed me the other day and I told her I would throw her out of my fathers house LMAO. It was over the phone so she could not slap me
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by Nobody: 7:11am On Jul 11, 2011
I agree with Siena.
When I was young it was spanking and the belt. It terrified me and I would freak out when it was my sisters turn to get disiplined. It just promots rebellion and resentement I think. And it can also turn violence into a normal. It is possible to communicate with and respect your children raising them.Depending on the age, Children respond when you talk to them openly and tell them what you expect and then leave the ball in their court. They will rise to the occasion. If they dont and make a mistake, they will turn to you with the analysis. You can be in it together because life is a journey of mistakes and learning and support.
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by jennykadry(f): 10:14am On Jul 11, 2011
Sharapppppp diaaaa dayo and OAM4Jenny angry angry angry angry
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by chaircover: 12:08pm On Jul 11, 2011
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Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by jennykadry(f): 12:18pm On Jul 11, 2011
^^ See you, I was having a little argument(on politics) with my mum when I visited naija late last year. This woman gave me the look and started one of her numerous sermon. . . . . ''Don't insult my intelligence woman, when did all this arguments start, are you arguing Nigerian politics with me living here in Nigeria? se'ori'e kpe gan?(don't know if I got the spelling right grin) or you think you've grown so big I cannot twist your mouth abi? don't think I have abandoned the disciplinary part of me to old age. '' . I just looked at her and kept quiet jare. I no get time for her wahala

Funny how she scolds us in yoruba grin grin grin grin
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by iice(f): 2:19pm On Jul 11, 2011
chaircover:

Ive seen that happen a lot of times. I think that they just become sensitized to the beatings and don't really care anymore.

My mum used to be the smacker and my dad never raised his hand but I tell you we had a lot more respect for our dad than our mum.

Why? . . . .because dad never smacked us, anytime we did wrong we felt that we had disappointed & failed him and we felt bad. He always got his change back complete and no inflated book lists grin

As for our mum we just chopped the cane jeje and went on to the next mischief. No wahala grin

Awww. Seems most of us had moms for the beatings tongue
My mum got the gist around when we were entering secondary school that beatings would not do. It became longggg lectures. To tell you the truth, i would have rather taken the beatings than the lecture. Unending string of words like say e no dey tire talk.

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Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by Outstrip(f): 4:32pm On Jul 11, 2011
jennykadry:

^^ See you, I was having a little argument(on politics) with my mum when I visited naija late last year. This woman gave me the look and started one of her numerous sermon. . . . . ''Don't insult my intelligence woman, when did all this arguments start, are you arguing Nigerian politics with me living here in Nigeria? se'ori'e kpe gan?(don't know if I got the spelling right grin) or you think you've grown so big I cannot twist your mouth abi? don't think I have abandoned the disciplinary part of me to old age. '' . I just looked at her and kept quiet jare. I no get time for her wahala

Funny how she scolds us in yoruba grin grin grin grin

She should have pulled your bottom lip over your head (my mother actually tried that before). How can you be arguing with mommy that lives in Nigeria when you are in the US or UK somewhere. These kids of nowadays LOL


On to this topic. I believe it can be done without spanking. I do spank my boys though it is few and far between. I have considered not spanking because the last thing I want is for them to fear me. In fact I remember a day that my son turned on the TV and was scrolling through the channels even though I had told him in the past that he is limited to Nick Jr and Disney Jr. He like cartoon network, nick and the regualr disney. He is only four and I don't think those ones are age appropriate. I got upset and walked up to him to grab the remote control and my baby fliched. I felt sick. He honestly thought he was going to get swatted.

I will still use spanking were necessary but not right on the spot. Let the moment pass then come back to him and discuss it and then spank him. That way it is not coming from a place of anger. My 4 year old is tough even at age four he is very opinionated and he likes to reason things out logically so I know he will listen. My 5 year old is an angel. He knows when he has done something wrong and typically will try to correct it. two very different kids and usually I discipline them differently
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by vacancy2(f): 5:55pm On Jul 11, 2011
I think generally because the moms spend more time with the kids (usually), one does tend to become exasperated with the kids antics sometimes and hence the beatings.

But honestly Kids should not be beaten, like chaircover said there are so many other ways to punish a child. With my first her school had the naughty corner punishment and it always worked because if she knew she would get denied the time to play with the other kids then she wouldn't do it. With my son the more the beatings the more he does it and then looks at you ''one kind'.

There are even private schools that beat children at least I know of Chrisland and K.Kotun. Totally unnecessary and barbaric in my opinion. You don;t beat knowledge into a child. You nurture.
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by OAM4J: 7:57pm On Jul 11, 2011
Outstrip:

That was exactly the way it was in our home. My mom was a terrorist. I remember peeing on myself once when I heard her car pull in at the gate. It was totally unnessasary. I feared my mother but respected my father. A smile from him made my day. Even till today I do not want to dissapoint my dad. I always find it hard to say daddy you are wrong even though I am very outspoken. Aww. I love my dad. My mom n the other hand annoyed me the other day and I told her I would throw her out of my fathers house LMAO. It was over the phone so she could not slap me

chaircover:

LOL the funny thing is that even up until now if I stand too close to my mum when she is ranting, I might get a slap. The clever ones amongst us learnt a long time ago to stand out of the way. These soja women sef angry grin
But I still love her dearly & she is the best mama in the world kiss kiss kiss

jennykadry:

^^ See you, I was having a little argument(on politics) with my mum when I visited naija late last year. This woman gave me the look and started one of her numerous sermon. . . . . ''Don't insult my intelligence woman, when did all this arguments start, are you arguing Nigerian politics with me living here in Nigeria? se'ori'e kpe gan?(don't know if I got the spelling right grin) or you think you've grown so big I cannot twist your mouth abi? don't think I have abandoned the disciplinary part of me to old age. '' . I just looked at her and kept quiet jare. I no get time for her wahala

Funny how she scolds us in yoruba grin grin grin grin

iice:

Awww. Seems most of us had moms for the beatings tongue
My mum got the gist around when we were entering secondary school that beatings would not do. It became longggg lectures. To tell you the truth, i would have rather taken the beatings than the lecture. Unending string of words like say e no dey tire talk.


I hope you ladies are not talking about my mum. grin grin
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by antitpiah: 12:24am On Jul 31, 2011
Spare the rod, spoil the child

Beat the child, I say.

If possible, 'give am some blow,' if there is no cane or koboko nearby.


Or you can do like my friend's mother, when they offend you, do nothing until they are asleep. Wake them up in the middle of the night and give them the "shock and awe" treatment, with their body already soaked in water and their hands and legs tied together.

Trust me, your children will end up exactly they way you wanted.
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by antitpiah: 12:28am On Jul 31, 2011
vacancy2:



There are even private schools that beat children at least I know of Chrisland and K.Kotun. Totally unnecessary and barbaric in my opinion. You don;t beat knowledge into a child. You nurture.


What?

They beat people at Chrisland? No wonder some people on NL behave like goats. grin

I did not mention anyone's name ooooooooooo.

Sup Sagamite?
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by itsik(m): 12:30am On Jul 31, 2011
@poster

it is possible to train a child without the cane. i agree  and am going to do dat to my own kids when i have them. but wont forget our own days, where we were flogged for every mistake you make.
we ought to remember this, that if you keep flogging a child to correct him and make him respect you. that child will grow up with that fear of the cane.then when he grows that u cant beat or flog him or her anylonger, the respect will not be there cos u have tought him how to fear the cane other than respecting u.
in essence, if a child makes mistakes, dont beat him always. learn to talk to him or her in that way they learn and love you too, but if u always beat them up they learn to fear you wiht out learning wat actually u want them to know about their wrong. wen they grow and the fear is no more , i bet u, u can control him or her. cos u instilled fear not discipline and correction.


thats my own opinion
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by Dgunnerz(m): 12:32am On Jul 31, 2011
embarassed
Beat ur pikin wella so that he shall know what is right 4rm what is wrong!
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by antitpiah: 12:38am On Jul 31, 2011
its ik:

@poster

it is possible to train a child without the cane. i agree  and am going to do dat to my own kids when i have them. but wont forget our own days, where we were flogged for every mistake you make.
we ought to remember this, that if you keep flogging a child to correct him and make him respect you. that child will grow up with that fear of the cane.then when he grows that u cant beat or flog him or her anylonger, the respect will not be there cos u have tought him how to fear the cane other than respecting u.
in essence, if a child makes mistakes, dont beat him always. learn to talk to him or her in that way they learn and love you too, but if u always beat them up they learn to fear you wiht out learning wat actually u want them to know about their wrong. wen they grow and the fear is no more , i bet u, u can control him or her. cos u instilled fear not discipline and correction.


thats my own opinion

That is exactly how MC Oluomo was brought up. Hopefully, your child turns out exactly like MC Oluomo.
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by apple1977: 2:09am On Jul 31, 2011
Flogging indicates a lack of control on the part of the parent.
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by WebSurfer(m): 2:09am On Jul 31, 2011
Click on my signature and get yourself updated,
Re: Is It Possible To Discipline A Child Without Flogging Him Or Her? by odumchi: 2:29am On Jul 31, 2011
Theres a limit to things. Some people are naturally bad parents. They tend to avoid flogging the misbehaving child which allows the kid to grow the "I can do whatever I want and get away with it" mentality. Very soon, the child will find hit hard to survive when he/she faces hardships in life and is unable to cope because he/she was always pampered.

Im not saying to beat up or injur the child but I mean, theres a method to doing things. If you never correct the kid when he/she misbehaves very soon the parent will be on the recieving end of the cane. Remember spare the rod and you spoil the child.

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