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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Case closed (3721 Views)
Case Closed / Case closed thanks / Case Closed (2) (3) (4)
Case closed by Graduate2015: 3:34pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Case closed 2 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: Case closed by incandescentena: 3:37pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
This post is long o . ANYWAY My best advice is communicate strongly and firmly with him, stand your ground on how you feel PS. Use the access you have to his money to get house help to do the in house cleanup 7 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Case closed by advanceDNA: 4:05pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Lol...you said your nigga works almost everyday, buys you range rover and designers and u dont do much work...nigga is even sick...has diabetes and hypertension...but somehow, your problem is that he's not just doimg enough for you......madam cut your nigga some slack.... abroad marriage!!!...if una don calculate say una go collect house wey una no suffer build, alimony and child support... na that time una go dey arrange how to comot... 15 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Case closed by Botking: 4:06pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Na you choose to marry am, so stick with it to the end, after all i didn't read where you say he is beating you, one thing is for you to know that the honeymoon period has finished In the marriage, that is what every marriage goes through, is not peculiar to you alone, go to sub reddit r/marriage, you will fine your mate going through the same thing. If you think they grass is greener on the other side, then I dare you to try it and see Those of you thinking marriage is beautiful this and that, after 10 years of marriage then you will know that marriage is the most ugliest place a modern human can be 2 Likes |
Re: Case closed by Wittyglam(f): 4:36pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Graduate2015:you simply need something to spark your marriage again. Have you tried doing something he loves or taking him out? Stress can play a dangerous game on him. Please, look for the problem inwardly. You both deserve to be happy. 5 Likes |
Re: Case closed by Klass99(f): 4:55pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
. 7 Likes |
Re: Case closed by endsarrrs(f): 5:17pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Op, ... There's clearly something good about your partner and you. But what you're describing up here is pretty lousy behavior in any marriage relationship 5 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Case closed by JONNYSPUTE(m): 5:18pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Klass99:..... I'm only waiting for kobojunkie to come and tell us that the man has mental health issues or possessed before I say my mind.Lol. Good evening Ma'am. 3 Likes |
Re: Case closed by ImaIma1(f): 5:48pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
It's difficult being with a man that doesn't see his wrong, someone who always thinks the other person is the problem and never him. At his point, you have to take what you can handle instead of dealing with countless emotional and other problems without any support from your husband. Imagine not getting involved with the kids, and you have to do everything regarding the children all by yourself. Some people might think it is enough that he provides money and he bought you a Range and expensive stuff. Such people have no idea about what a marriage should be. All I can say is that you should hang in there till you think you have had enough especially if he still refuses to change. |
Re: Case closed by pointblank247(m): 6:21pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Hmmmm this is is not the right time to leave such a good man. You said it all in your post that he may have bipolar disorders. Are you no more an African woman ? We don't leave our partners in times like these, infact one of the reasons for marriage is for companionship and companionship is not for good times alone, it's mostly to lift each others in bad times and when you can't lift them, to at least stand with them. It's hard sometimes to convince a man that he needs a psychological help and when that is the case, then one of the solution is to get psychological help for your self on how to handle the situation and the man until he accepts to get treated 8 Likes |
Re: Case closed by TheWolfen(m): 6:31pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Its is wickedness for someone to quote Op long writeup and drop one or 2 line of comment. Some dumbos will still do it. Dem no dey hear word 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Case closed by EmahBoss(f): 6:36pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Your husband is narcissistic and probably bipolar. You just have to learn to manage him. Do you say he works during the week and have one day off yet you except him to use that one day to clean the house for you who only goes to work once or twice a week? Since he gives you access to his money buy every gadget that will make work easy for you. Hire in-house cleaners to clean your home, anything, just cut the guy some slack. He already has enough health and psychological issues to deal with. Don't add cleaning to it. Have you ever wondered that the reason why he sleeps all through is probably that he is tired and he believes you are capable? Is not like you can't do those things, you just want to hear him say thank you and praise you. Gently ask him to do that when he is in good mood. If he uses the visitor's toilet and refuses to flush, leave that place for him to use. Leave his mess after him. You go to clean it that's why he messes it up again and again. For your mental health sake, go out often to a nice place alone or with friends, get out of the house and make friends. Life is boring, you and your husband feel stuck and drown from doing the same shit for 16 years. Plan a couple of vacation times. The many houses you buy are still out of boredom. You feel excited about getting it, but soon you lose it and plan another one. Your husband is hurting deep down and needs healing. He will always blame you for everything but will never divorce you... You are like his muse, the reason he wakes every morning. He is scared so he blames you for his fears just to feel better about himself Your husband us like a nagging housewife who says the maid is bad but yet won't let her go because she is scared 12 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Case closed by Analysist: 6:41pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Excuse my typos, my keyboard is glichy/ You mentined your son has special needs. Do you think you can force your son to do something his mates do that you know he is nt capable of doing? NO! Because you knw he cannot, thats why you have a professional come everyday to assist. It is the same thing for your husband. You cannot force him to do what he can not do, or doesnt have the mental capabiity to do. The good thing is that you already know what the problem could be, a mental disorder. The problem is you not acceptiong the responsiblilties that come with that. Solution to your problem. Acceptance stage 1. Accept that he is not normal, and can never be. 2. Accept that he is not a leader and a macho man. 3. Accept that he will never take initative and you have to do that and manage things. Source of problems 1. Find out what causes the mood swings. (My guess, he has a disorder) 2. Find out why he uses guest toilet. (My guess, you nag him about not keeping the main toilet tidy) 3. Find out why he doesn't like being intmate with you. (My guess, he is not attracted to you, or he likes somethings he sees in the adult movies that you do not want to do for him) 4. Find out cause of every issue. -- If you find out the causes, avoid those things or do the things that he wants you to do. Solutions 1* DO NOT COMPARE YOUR LIFE AND HOME WITH YOUR FRIEND! 1** Make peace with the fact that the journey will take several months and its not a quick fix. 1*** Do not talk to him like a child and stop nagging him about cleaning up and other things. 1. Accept that he might have a disorder and you will have to take care of him forever, make peace with this and see the fighting go down significantly. 2. You will need to love and care for him like you do for your son. 3. You have access to his recources, use it t make the lifr easier, buy the machine yourself and do not wait for him. 4. Show him how to love you, it is not exciting i know but he will never get clues because he does not have the mental capacity. Be direct and show him. 5. Make sticky notes and place where he might need help, eg. Toilet handle, make a simle not that says "flush please" and a heart or kiss symbol. I know the things i mentioned are hard to do when you do not love a person or they irritate you. But that is your reality, he needs help and that is your job as the wife. It is your reality, unfortunately he is not the brave macho kind of man, you just have to make the best out of it. NB.. When i use the word nagging, i do not mean you are at fault for teling him what he should already know. I am not blaming you in any way. But from his perspective thats how he sees it. Also i would not give this avice to a normal person, your husban is clearly not normal and he needs extra help, just like your son. Good luck. 8 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Case closed by Kobojunkie: 6:43pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
pointblank247: 1 Like |
Re: Case closed by Nobody: 7:11pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
The summary of your long write-up is, his presence in the home is of no use to you anymore Simply divorce him. 2 Likes |
Re: Case closed by cayorday89(m): 7:12pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Klass99:All issues she narrated comes at a fast pace, so it will be hard breaking them in writing by adding (.) (,) and paragraphs... I feel sorry for her though, wetin to advice sef no dey for now, her case is kinda unique.. 1 Like |
Re: Case closed by socialmediaman: 7:45pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Interesting. Still busy but I'll be back with my thoughts. Just saving this space for later. 1 Like |
Re: Case closed by Yemlizzy(f): 7:49pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
This is a sad experience, marriage isn’t meant to be endured. If only your husband can communicate better with you and accept he needs some help. Abroad life can be lonely and cold without having one’s family and loved ones to go back to. A lovely and peaceful home with your husband isn’t too much to ask for. A lot of women go through some of these things, it can be tiring and depressing. All the best. 1 Like |
Re: Case closed by Klass99(f): 7:52pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Case closed by Baronthecelebri: 8:00pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Madam, leave that bastard. 2 Likes |
Re: Case closed by ezugegere(m): 8:05pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Your husband works every day and sometimes nights and yet he should clean the house A man that is hypertensive and diabetic? Women are wicked sha 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Case closed by jesmond3945: 8:22pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Graduate2015:Madam is good you poured your heart out and you feel better. Well your hubby is clearly a bipolar, depressed man. The reason is the chasing of money. Is not easy making that money. You dont know what he faces in his work place. From your explanation he might be a doctor. The pressure on him is too much and he has chosen that path. So it is inevitable that he would feel that way. Also, he spends and invests on you so that is enough for him. He buys you range rover, it comes at a price. The more you earn the greater the responsibility in the work place, deadlines and so on. You cannot have it both ways. If you want him to spend quality family time with you, then let him reduce his working hours or look for another job. However, know that it will reduce his income as well and he might not be buying you expensive things like before. My advise is choose your happiness, is it money or your husband. 1 Like |
Re: Case closed by baralatie(m): 8:29pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Huh 1 Like |
Re: Case closed by Nobody: 9:25pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Please don’t leave that man, he needs serious help. You knew he had this problems and you still went into marriage with him , so I’ll advise you to find a way around his flaws and accept him that way. More reason why you should concentrate more on your partner’s flaws in a relationship than their good side, that way you’ll be alerted on what to expect. I’ll never be scared of marriage no matter the horrible stories I read. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Case closed by techgen(m): 9:55pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Op...No man, gives 100% loyalty to womam, who does not give him this three things at will. 1. Sexx 2. Food 3. Peace of mind. How will you, be brunt with no. 1 1 Like |
Re: Case closed by nahzyla: 10:00pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
Op, I think your hubby is mentally ill and not even aware of how bad his behavior is. If you choose to leave, fine, but he will never understand why you left and will see you as a terrible person. To make life easier for yourself in the main time, and you should hire helps to assist you with chores like cleaning, they can come and go three or two times a week. You can also set aside a day to cook in bulk and keep in fridge to reduce the stress of daily cooking. Also, please try to overlook and forgive the things he does because he is clearly struggling mentally, try to be patient with him. The truth about mental illness is that the person suffering from it does not even know the impact of their behavior on those around them. A Look on the bright side please, he provides and still gives you gifts even though unfortunately, he does not help around the house. Many Nigerian men are like that. Very many. They were raised to think house chores are not their duty and that providing money is everything. At least he provides and takes care of his kids, in Nigeria, a lot of men don't even provide and they don't help at home either. Just useless all round. Try and choose a day when he is in a good mood and tell him what you want in a cool and soothing manner. Ask for occasional assistance with housechores and that you will like for him to take initiative once in a while. I hope this advice was helpful, I wish you joy and success in your life. This marriage palaver sef, too many headaches that make it not worth it in the end. Mtsccheeww 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Case closed by rickleye: 10:10pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
I cannot see tomorrow but unless he is diagnosed for bi-polar it is difficult to prognose from afar. Lets break this down - How many kids do you have and what age are they ? You work once a week and he works 6 days ? Do you have any of the properties in your name ? Can you afford to work and have people still come by and take care of your child ( disabled ) 1. You need finances.- It seems that he provides that 2. He doesn't physically harm you - So its relatively safe for now. From what I have read, the solutions are not easy.. they are the ffg 1. You need to continue to bear it out till you are financially stable. Open an account and start saving money. Only you can determine how much would be enough for you to start up on your own , work and still look after the kids. 2. You go to a lawyer and send him the papers so that he knows you are serious about the divorce except this change and mention the changes you want to see. 3. You better leave fast before he starts to physically attack you. 2 Likes |
Re: Case closed by henrimoto(m): 10:14pm On Sep 07, 2022 |
JONNYSPUTE: |
Re: Case closed by gaby(m): 1:13am On Sep 08, 2022 |
It is well.. |
Re: Case closed by Helpout12345: 3:11am On Sep 08, 2022 |
Interesting You mentioned he has bipolar depression. You mentioned many good things about him You mentioned many things you hope he could change. My advise to you is to focus more on his good sides. And acknowledge that he has a problem, the bipolar issue. Don't be the trigger of his crisis. Help him when it appears he is down. You are comparing him to your friends husband. That is a red flag right there. You didn't marry your friends husband. He cannot be like your friends husband. People are different. Acknowledge him as whom he is, acknowledge his predicament, show him more love and compassion. I guess from your write up that you complain and nagg a bipolar depression patient and expect the person not to withdraw from everything around you. Not possible. Drop your level of complaint and nagging. Show more understanding, care and you will be surprised how most of these issues will disappear. 1 Like |
Re: Case closed by Phelixblaq(m): 3:24am On Sep 08, 2022 |
All this you are saying is trash, all I see is a woman with so much ego. You can’t try all this if you are in Nigeria. Once Una enter uk or USA Na to Dey find how to chase the man commot for house. God go judge you 1 Like |
Re: Case closed by NoToPile: 3:38am On Sep 08, 2022 |
Seems the man has some mental health wahala. This poster sef needs help she's clearly frustrated by the husband's issue, she also seems stressed from caring for the disabled child. Even from the write up it can be felt. You guys are abroad, you have access to all the mental health people the only problem is trying to convince him to get help. You also need some help too. 1 Like 1 Share |
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