Hi guys
please i need some mature advise.
since i was fifteen, i have been with my husband. we dated for 6 years before we got married because he's my first and only love, have always had a soft spot for him but now I'm officially tired.
Now i was born poor but i vow that i wouldn't die poor, since i finish my secondary school education, have been hustling. To God be the glory i have a good business that i make money from.
my husband and i married young and we promise to build each other. the problem is my husband, he attended the university but i didn't, our goal was that after he graduated, he will find a good job but that didn't work out. when he was in school, i started a farming business and like i said to God be the glory it has been successful.
since i had money, i asked him what business will he like to do, he said he wants to sell cars, the problem is i don't have that kind of money. car business is very expensive and i just finished building the little house we live in, i tried to explain to him and after much consideration he agreed, that yes the business is too expensive. he later decided in land selling, meaning he will buy and sell lands and also help people to sell lands. i had two small plots of land which i gave him to start up the business. at first everything was fine but i soon start to see a new side to him.
as the money was pouring in so was his pride. he started coming home late, cheating on me and being rude. when i discovered he was cheating on me, i stopped having sex with him because i don't want to get infected with any STD. i kept tolerating to save my marriage, his family told me he will change, i didn't want anybody to know about my marriage problems so i kept quite.
now the problem is, i have decided that i want to further my education, i want to study accounting, so that u can grow my business, now my husband is against this because he wants me bare more children. we already have twins, he said no that i should bare children first before going to school and if i do that i will have to delay my plans for another 4 to 5 years because i can't leave my baby because they will be too young.
second he says he wants to start having sex with me, i said nop, he should first do a full STD test. because of that we have been quarreling i don't know what type of lady he might have had sex with and what type of infection she might have carried. he should do test first then we start have sex.
thirdly he has started being emotional abusive, he insults my body and makes me feel useless, he usually tells me how other girls are looking beautiful and i look like a clown. he insults everything about me from my body to my face, my self esteem is at an all time low, i keep going to the gym and i have reduced a lot, people keep praising my beauty but my own husband see me as ugly.

I'm getting tired of this marriage and I'm planning to leave. I'm not happy, i feel ugly, he cheats on me, doesn't support my dreams. i don't want my daughters to grow up and think this is normal. i know that if i wasn't the quite type, he would have laid his hands on me. each time he insults me, i just keep quite, i say nothing because i know if i say anything he might beat me.
sometimes for 2 weeks or more, i don't see him. i have already made up my mind that next year I'm going to write jamb. i want to be educated.
please advise is it right to leave this hell called marriage because even if i stay because of my kids, it doesn't matter because he's never around. we rarely see him. it's like am a single mom

All this fiction writers sef.

this is why its advisable to seek counselling before getting married,,,in my own opinion the two things you did wrong are Starving your husband of sex and owning property of your own in your marriage,,it should be a joint ownership,,,also your husband also made some mistakes he should not have used your property to start a business because one day you will always say it ''I MADE YOU'' I ESTABLISHED YOU' goodluck but its too late.

Based on what you explained, your husband is not trying, i think all those time you were supporting him, he was only pretending, he knew he needed your assistance so he kept quiet until now that money has arrived, now this is his tru color.

I also think(at some point before he made it) you may have spoken(arrogantly) to him in a way that made him feel less of a man

I think, You denying him sex, is out of anger, feeling of betrayal, than health issues as you mentioned.

Solution:
You guys should see a marriage councilor, i think you are both proud.
There are things that you guys need to understand before you wear each other out.
He needs to understand what can threaten an independent woman, you also need to realize what can make a man feel impotent.
Telling you to have more children is to humble you as far as I can see, i don't think he would mean than on a normal day .

Please I beg you....do everything possible to make sure that you guys see a councilor, you married at a young age, there are things you should know.

One thing i realized is, people are like calculators, whatever you put in them is what they will calculate, then give you an answer, meaning: if you decide to divorce, a million people will support you and vice versa, but deep down, you are the one that understands your situation.

And please pray for your marriage as well, don't assume your husband is the only problem here.

I pray that God will help you both.
Sorry for what you are going through, it is well

You married a selfish husband, period

@op, sorry for what you are going through,life is not easy, my advice is for you to get a jamb form next year,put any school close to you so you either go from home or be close to your source of income,also love yourself more, it's obvious he loves your care/money more than you,then strive to be independent while schooling and pls don't leave your marriage.

Life2020:
Hi guys
please i need some mature advise.
since i was fifteen, i have been with my husband. we dated for 6 years before we got married because he's my first and only love, have always had a soft spot for him but now I'm officially tired.
Now i was born poor but i vow that i wouldn't die poor, since i finish my secondary school education, have been hustling. To God be the glory i have a good business that i make money from.
my husband and i married young and we promise to build each other. the problem is my husband, he attended the university but i didn't, our goal was that after he graduated, he will find a good job but that didn't work out. when he was in school, i started a farming business and like i said to God be the glory it has been successful.
since i had money, i asked him what business will he like to do, he said he wants to sell cars, the problem is i don't have that kind of money. car business is very expensive and i just finished building the little house we live in, i tried to explain to him and after much consideration he agreed, that yes the business is too expensive. he later decided in land selling, meaning he will buy and sell lands and also help people to sell lands. i had two small plots of land which i gave him to start up the business. at first everything was fine but i soon start to see a new side to him.
as the money was pouring in so was his pride. he started coming home late, cheating on me and being rude. when i discovered he was cheating on me, i stopped having sex with him because i don't want to get infected with any STD. i kept tolerating to save my marriage, his family told me he will change, i didn't want anybody to know about my marriage problems so i kept quite.
now the problem is, i have decided that i want to further my education, i want to study accounting, so that u can grow my business, now my husband is against this because he wants me bare more children. we already have twins, he said no that i should bare children first before going to school and if i do that i will have to delay my plans for another 4 to 5 years because i can't leave my baby because they will be too young.
second he says he wants to start having sex with me, i said nop, he should first do a full STD test. because of that we have been quarreling i don't know what type of lady he might have had sex with and what type of infection she might have carried. he should do test first then we start have sex.
thirdly he has started being emotional abusive, he insults my body and makes me feel useless, he usually tells me how other girls are looking beautiful and i look like a clown. he insults everything about me from my body to my face, my self esteem is at an all time low, i keep going to the gym and i have reduced a lot, people keep praising my beauty but my own husband see me as ugly.

I'm getting tired of this marriage and I'm planning to leave. I'm not happy, i feel ugly, he cheats on me, doesn't support my dreams. i don't want my daughters to grow up and think this is normal. i know that if i wasn't the quite type, he would have laid his hands on me. each time he insults me, i just keep quite, i say nothing because i know if i say anything he might beat me.
sometimes for 2 weeks or more, i don't see him. i have already made up my mind that next year I'm going to write jamb. i want to be educated.
please advise is it right to leave this hell called marriage because even if i stay because of my kids, it doesn't matter because he's never around. we rarely see him. it's like am a single mom

What is the movie title

delzbaba:
this is why its advisable to seek counselling before getting married,,,in my own opinion the two things you did wrong are Starving your husband of sex and owning property of your own in your marriage,,it should be a joint ownership,,,also your husband also made some mistakes he should not have used your property to start a business because one day you will always say it ''I MADE YOU'' I ESTABLISHED YOU' goodluck but its too late.

Sex with a man who cheats so that she can be infected, right? You think the Bible which supports divorce upon cheating doesn't know STI exist?

You should see a counselor so that you both can address the challenges in your marriage and find ways to mend it before it collapse.

Lol. Op no vex o but some part of this story crack me up small.

First of all, let me dolf my hat for you. I admire your courage to stand your ground to refuse him sex until he does the needful.

He says you look like a clown? Is it not because of the farm work you ventured into to make him a human being that made you look like a shadow of yourself? After all that sacrifice, he now turns around to call you ugly?

I said it that men don't deserve any pity. Had it being you left him in his low state and continued making the money alone, the respect for still dey there.

Don't allow him to touch you with his adulterous hands. In fact, separate from him for now until he gets his act together. Don't risk your life for an ungrateful element.

delzbaba:
this is why its advisable to seek counselling before getting married,,,in my own opinion the two things you did wrong are Starving your husband of sex and owning property of your own in your marriage,,it should be a joint ownership,,,also your husband also made some mistakes he should not have used your property to start a business because one day you will always say it ''I MADE YOU'' I ESTABLISHED YOU' goodluck but its too late.

As much as this is one those fictional tales, this your comment reeks of daftness

She should sleep with a cheating man that may have HIV? Why would any sane man refuse tests if not that he wants to infect her with AIDS? Or didn't you see that part?

Yes she made him, yes she established him, why are you butthurt about it? You men scream about making your wives or girlfriends what they are, heaven did not fall, why can't women do same? And yes she owns properties? And so what? Why would anyone have a joint ownership with someone that didn't contribute a dime to the ownership? It is the entitlement mentality of people(mostly men) that makes one think there is a sinister motive behind it, people like that end up cheating the owner at the end

You even left the Cruz of the problem and faced the wife instead of faulting the horseband's STD infected diick and abuse, degradation, emotional turmoil etc? It's like there is a breeze that blows the thinking faculty of nl males upside down which makes most of you type trash when a man is at fault, it definitely cannot be normal

Madam Op, divorce him, collect your properties/land, sponsor yourself to school, and be at peace.

Life2020:
Hi guys
please i need some mature advise.
since i was fifteen, i have been with my husband. we dated for 6 years before we got married because he's my first and only love, have always had a soft spot for him but now I'm officially tired.
Now i was born poor but i vow that i wouldn't die poor, since i finish my secondary school education, have been hustling. To God be the glory i have a good business that i make money from.
my husband and i married young and we promise to build each other. the problem is my husband, he attended the university but i didn't, our goal was that after he graduated, he will find a good job but that didn't work out. when he was in school, i started a farming business and like i said to God be the glory it has been successful.
since i had money, i asked him what business will he like to do, he said he wants to sell cars, the problem is i don't have that kind of money. car business is very expensive and i just finished building the little house we live in, i tried to explain to him and after much consideration he agreed, that yes the business is too expensive. he later decided in land selling, meaning he will buy and sell lands and also help people to sell lands. i had two small plots of land which i gave him to start up the business. at first everything was fine but i soon start to see a new side to him.
as the money was pouring in so was his pride. he started coming home late, cheating on me and being rude. when i discovered he was cheating on me, i stopped having sex with him because i don't want to get infected with any STD. i kept tolerating to save my marriage, his family told me he will change, i didn't want anybody to know about my marriage problems so i kept quite.
now the problem is, i have decided that i want to further my education, i want to study accounting, so that u can grow my business, now my husband is against this because he wants me bare more children. we already have twins, he said no that i should bare children first before going to school and if i do that i will have to delay my plans for another 4 to 5 years because i can't leave my baby because they will be too young.
second he says he wants to start having sex with me, i said nop, he should first do a full STD test. because of that we have been quarreling i don't know what type of lady he might have had sex with and what type of infection she might have carried. he should do test first then we start have sex.
thirdly he has started being emotional abusive, he insults my body and makes me feel useless, he usually tells me how other girls are looking beautiful and i look like a clown. he insults everything about me from my body to my face, my self esteem is at an all time low, i keep going to the gym and i have reduced a lot, people keep praising my beauty but my own husband see me as ugly.

I'm getting tired of this marriage and I'm planning to leave. I'm not happy, i feel ugly, he cheats on me, doesn't support my dreams. i don't want my daughters to grow up and think this is normal. i know that if i wasn't the quite type, he would have laid his hands on me. each time he insults me, i just keep quite, i say nothing because i know if i say anything he might beat me.
sometimes for 2 weeks or more, i don't see him. i have already made up my mind that next year I'm going to write jamb. i want to be educated.
please advise is it right to leave this hell called marriage because even if i stay because of my kids, it doesn't matter because he's never around. we rarely see him. it's like am a single mom

How do you intend taking care of your business while in school? I suggest you try NOUN or a part time Accounting program. Schooling alone full time is stressful. Please don't lose that your business. Your husband will not change now, his eye never clear. Don't have any child for him for now. Get sperated and focus on your children, schooling and business. That your husband is selfish.

talk to your family

Life2020:

now the problem is, i have decided that i want to further my education, i want to study accounting, so that u can grow my business, now my husband is against this because he wants me bare more children. we already have twins, he said no that i should bare children first before going to school and if i do that i will have to delay my plans for another 4 to 5 years because i can't leave my baby because they will be too young.

don't get pregnant for now, get your degree first

Life2020:

second he says he wants to start having sex with me, i said nop, he should first do a full STD test. because of that we have been quarreling i don't know what type of lady he might have had sex with and what type of infection she might have carried. he should do test first then we start have sex.

use protection if you must have sex

Life2020:

thirdly he has started being emotional abusive, he insults my body and makes me feel useless, he usually tells me how other girls are looking beautiful and i look like a clown. he insults everything about me from my body to my face, my self esteem is at an all time low, i keep going to the gym and i have reduced a lot, people keep praising my beauty but my own husband see me as ugly.

pay no attention to his abuses, but work on your body. maintain a good hygiene, be neat, and engage in work outs and exercises.

Pragma1:


How do you intend taking care of your business while in school? I suggest you try NOUN or a part time Accounting program. Schooling alone full time is stressful. Please don't lose that your business. Your husband will not change now, his eye never clear. Don't have any child for him for now. Get sperated and focus on your children, schooling and business. That your husband is selfish.

This is the advice!

Don't do full time. Opt for part time. It's less stressful and faster.

You will also have time for your kids and business.

delzbaba:
this is why its advisable to seek counselling before getting married,,,in my own opinion the two things you did wrong are Starving your husband of sex and owning property of your own in your marriage,,it should be a joint ownership,,,also your husband also made some mistakes he should not have used your property to start a business because one day you will always say it ''I MADE YOU'' I ESTABLISHED YOU' goodluck but its too late.

seeking advise is ok but monet changes people or it brings out a behaviour you never saw

Money exposes you to things, places and people

Someone from the village a bottle of coca
cola, french chips and wings are a special meal
due to able to afford it all the time, whereas those who afford it, its nothing they want suchi and wine

I’m more concerned about the unreasonable people that’ll take sides with your husband. God will help all of you

If this is true p
Then you'll just have to give him space, separate from him, take care of yourself and kids, and tell yourself you're beautiful, smile and smile
When you see him next, smile happily, over the phone, talk to him calmly, ask after his welfare.
But make no plans of going back.
Most men don't like to know you're fairing much better than they ever expected.
Continue like that
Post on your status, post reading for your Jamb.
Wear lovely dresses and post.
Pepper him ooo
Call him once a week to ask after his welfare, cut on time.
Feel unbothered but always be cheerful and of good courage.
If it seems like he's coming back to his senses, ehn ehn, lay down rules.
Education is of the mind, beyond certificate, educate your mind.
Make him earn that respect for you.
Be the one with the Power cause you want him but you don't need him.

You are a good woman. It's always disturbing to see men that don't appreciate good women like you.

As for that man you call your husband, shame on him.

1. Continue to say no to sex with him until he goes for that STD tests and you are sure he has stopped cheating.

2. As for your school, I will suggest you pursue part-time accounting program so that you can combine the school, your business and taking care of your children.

3. If he is not beating you, since you are the sole owner or part owner of the house, stay in the marriage and focus on yourself, your happiness and your children.

Nothing dey outside ooo. Not even with 2 beautiful children.

With time, your husband might come back to his senses.

Life2020:
Hi guys

First of all, for you to write all these shows that you are educated. Minus few typos, you write better than some graduates. Going to the university is more or less chasing a dream or career, and not necessarily education.

Secondly, please find a way to start loving your appearance. Let nobody define how you feel about your body. This goes for both men and women, especially if you are married.

What you are going through is one of the major problems in today's marriages; marrying for a wrong reason. He most likely married you for the support he was getting.

On denying him sex: Cheating is a very painful thing and most times need therapy to forgive. But on the interim, buy enough condom. Start having sex with him, but with condom. During the post sex discussion, you can tactfully bring the issue of STD screening up.

If your going back to university is for work/career, you may want to build on your business. There are no jobs out there. But if it is chasing a dream or for personal fulfillment, please by all means go for it. If you are less than 30, you can finish your studies before adding more kids.

Finally, I suggest you start seeing a marriage/family counselor. Go to a professional counselor, not some pastor or men of God kinda counseling. You can start talking to the counselor alone. Later you invite your hubby. If he doesn't want to come, count your losses and prepare for separation/divorce.

Life2020:
Hi guys
please i need some mature advise.
since i was fifteen, i have been with my husband. we dated for 6 years before we got married because he's my first and only love, have always had a soft spot for him but now I'm officially tired.
Now i was born poor but i vow that i wouldn't die poor, since i finish my secondary school education, have been hustling. To God be the glory i have a good business that i make money from.
my husband and i married young and we promise to build each other. the problem is my husband, he attended the university but i didn't, our goal was that after he graduated, he will find a good job but that didn't work out. when he was in school, i started a farming business and like i said to God be the glory it has been successful.
since i had money, i asked him what business will he like to do, he said he wants to sell cars, the problem is i don't have that kind of money. car business is very expensive and i just finished building the little house we live in, i tried to explain to him and after much consideration he agreed, that yes the business is too expensive. he later decided in land selling, meaning he will buy and sell lands and also help people to sell lands. i had two small plots of land which i gave him to start up the business. at first everything was fine but i soon start to see a new side to him.
as the money was pouring in so was his pride. he started coming home late, cheating on me and being rude. when i discovered he was cheating on me, i stopped having sex with him because i don't want to get infected with any STD. i kept tolerating to save my marriage, his family told me he will change, i didn't want anybody to know about my marriage problems so i kept quite.
now the problem is, i have decided that i want to further my education, i want to study accounting, so that u can grow my business, now my husband is against this because he wants me bare more children. we already have twins, he said no that i should bare children first before going to school and if i do that i will have to delay my plans for another 4 to 5 years because i can't leave my baby because they will be too young.
second he says he wants to start having sex with me, i said nop, he should first do a full STD test. because of that we have been quarreling i don't know what type of lady he might have had sex with and what type of infection she might have carried. he should do test first then we start have sex.
thirdly he has started being emotional abusive, he insults my body and makes me feel useless, he usually tells me how other girls are looking beautiful and i look like a clown. he insults everything about me from my body to my face, my self esteem is at an all time low, i keep going to the gym and i have reduced a lot, people keep praising my beauty but my own husband see me as ugly.

I'm getting tired of this marriage and I'm planning to leave. I'm not happy, i feel ugly, he cheats on me, doesn't support my dreams. i don't want my daughters to grow up and think this is normal. i know that if i wasn't the quite type, he would have laid his hands on me. each time he insults me, i just keep quite, i say nothing because i know if i say anything he might beat me.
sometimes for 2 weeks or more, i don't see him. i have already made up my mind that next year I'm going to write jamb. i want to be educated.
please advise is it right to leave this hell called marriage because even if i stay because of my kids, it doesn't matter because he's never around. we rarely see him. it's like am a single mom

A man you raised from the ground is standing high to frustrate your life and future

So you need our permission to start taking a decision that you already know about

You have the money with you, what other power do you need to stand firm even if you are standing alone

Life2020:
Hi guys
please i need some mature advise.
since i was fifteen, i have been with my husband. we dated for 6 years before we got married because he's my first and only love, have always had a soft spot for him but now I'm officially tired.
Now i was born poor but i vow that i wouldn't die poor, since i finish my secondary school education, have been hustling. To God be the glory i have a good business that i make money from.
my husband and i married young and we promise to build each other. the problem is my husband, he attended the university but i didn't, our goal was that after he graduated, he will find a good job but that didn't work out. when he was in school, i started a farming business and like i said to God be the glory it has been successful.
since i had money, i asked him what business will he like to do, he said he wants to sell cars, the problem is i don't have that kind of money. car business is very expensive and i just finished building the little house we live in, i tried to explain to him and after much consideration he agreed, that yes the business is too expensive. he later decided in land selling, meaning he will buy and sell lands and also help people to sell lands. i had two small plots of land which i gave him to start up the business. at first everything was fine but i soon start to see a new side to him.
as the money was pouring in so was his pride. he started coming home late, cheating on me and being rude. when i discovered he was cheating on me, i stopped having sex with him because i don't want to get infected with any STD. i kept tolerating to save my marriage, his family told me he will change, i didn't want anybody to know about my marriage problems so i kept quite.
now the problem is, i have decided that i want to further my education, i want to study accounting, so that u can grow my business, now my husband is against this because he wants me bare more children. we already have twins, he said no that i should bare children first before going to school and if i do that i will have to delay my plans for another 4 to 5 years because i can't leave my baby because they will be too young.
second he says he wants to start having sex with me, i said nop, he should first do a full STD test. because of that we have been quarreling i don't know what type of lady he might have had sex with and what type of infection she might have carried. he should do test first then we start have sex.
thirdly he has started being emotional abusive, he insults my body and makes me feel useless, he usually tells me how other girls are looking beautiful and i look like a clown. he insults everything about me from my body to my face, my self esteem is at an all time low, i keep going to the gym and i have reduced a lot, people keep praising my beauty but my own husband see me as ugly.

I'm getting tired of this marriage and I'm planning to leave. I'm not happy, i feel ugly, he cheats on me, doesn't support my dreams. i don't want my daughters to grow up and think this is normal. i know that if i wasn't the quite type, he would have laid his hands on me. each time he insults me, i just keep quite, i say nothing because i know if i say anything he might beat me.
sometimes for 2 weeks or more, i don't see him. i have already made up my mind that next year I'm going to write jamb. i want to be educated.
please advise is it right to leave this hell called marriage because even if i stay because of my kids, it doesn't matter because he's never around. we rarely see him. it's like am a single mom

It is well. Take it easy, let this is a tough decision to make, however, pls don’t let your children suffer for the sins of their father. If you are going ahead with the divorce, make they have unrestricted access to their father or their father have unrestricted access to them.

It is well.