Hello Nairalanders.I need some good cousel from you guys.

I married my school mate.

As the years roll by my wife has become very rebellious,argumentative,heady,religious,incorrigible,turns every correction to quarell,does not want to make love anymore,does nothing for me .i have my own room now just to have peace and avoid joining issues,especially to think and pray

i do everything for myself like a bachelor.i wash my clothes,bedsheets,clean my room.if she cooks she does not even serve me .if i want food i go to the kitchen to serve my self. but most times i eat out.she goes to her own church does not follow me.she claims i am going to hell.

On many occassions i will be on lagos Ibadan expressway as late as 10 to 11:30 pm.i would not even get a call from her.when i get home i would need to bang the hell out of the gate before they will wake up and let me in.i kept asking myself, ’what about if i died those nights’

Since i married her ,i have never cheated on her.i provide the basics to the best of my ability for now such as food ,accomodation,school fees and home maintenance.

I am a man who likes to achieve. i have resolved to marry my dreams and live my life on the path of emotional aloofness but i just do not know how to handle this sex issue.sex is a core need .

I have noticed that life is a lot more peaceful for me when i just go solo.i listen to my jazz music,watch my movies, read ,browse the internet all in my room. Though my kids always like to join me abandoning their's in the sitting room.

Life is highly uncomplicated when one is alone.I have no desire to be involved with another female but i do not know how to tackle this core evolutionary need called sex.

aawww!!!

Hmmm,tackle it out wt ur wife! Ʊ guys go on a vacation wr Ʊ knw no1 n no1 knws Ʊ! Even if Ʊ wunt talk Ʊ bth shud b in d room, den I thn conversations can strt 4m dr! Tell ha aw Ʊ feel! Aw bad she has made Ʊ fererl! Tell ha d plans Ʊ have 4 ha! A man can neva b happy alone, just try n make it  ur kids r growin n dey learnin Ʊ knw

For the sake of that evolutionary need begin to befriend your wife again.

When a woman is misbehaving its because she is trying to communicate something to you,

Since there is no physical or psychological abuse then better to work thru your issues ,

print this page out http://www.marriagemissions.com/100-ways-you-can-love-your-husband-his-way/ and leave it where your wife can see it,

Did you notice you wrote about all your wife was not doing , not once did you say i cooked for her and she refused to eat it.

so you to print this out and act on it irrespective of whether wifey is changing or not http://www.marriagemissions.com/100-ways-you-can-love-your-wife-her-way/

I have a feeling you need more than just se.x becos just se.x is 100 rounds for 1 shilling at ayilara bus stop ( I can give u the address if need be -I donot judge)

You need your wife's love, her tenderness, her concern, her care, her support and loyalty, you need to know she needs you as much as she needs oxygen,you need her to stroke your ego and make you her king so no need to lie to yourself so my advise is this where you can ignore some of her misgivings, ignore !!!

Concentrate on loving her for 3 months without expecting nothing back after that if she does not become loving you may want to consider another route , its up to you or you keep working at it,

If she loves you , she should come around and pls Oga treat your wife like a Queen , like you would your mom or your daughter , with lots of respect, to be a true leader is to lead by example,

I wish you all the best, and pray your marriage works out to be the true nature of what marriage should be

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GCFR:

Hello Nairalanders.I need some good cousel from you guys.

I married my school mate.

As the years roll by my wife has become very rebellious, argumentative,heady, religious, incorrigible,turns every correction to quarell,does not want to make love anymore,does  nothing for me .i  have my own room  now just to have peace and avoid joining issues,especially to think and pray

How does she reconcile her "religiosity" with the rest of the attributes you mentioned? I don't know why people even bother with the religious thing, it doesn't hold water anymore.

Anyway, have you tried talking to her? When the kids are in bed and you can't be interrupted, go to her room, tell her you wanna talk (let you tone show you mean business) and then ask her point blank if she wants to remain in this marriage because from where you are standing, it doesn't seem so.

One of two things will happen. . .

1) If her indifference is deliberate, then this will be the opportunity to harsh out whatever it is disturbing her (because clearly there's something going on there)
2) If it isn't then at least she is now aware of the signal she's sending and it will hopefully lead to a change.

Point is. . . Open the Doors of Communication.

@ Poster

Have you tried to findout why she suddenly changed? Is it as a result of the church she joined? If it is maybe you should follow her to that church and see for yourself. Even book an appointment to talk to her pastor before informing your in-laws.
The reason you should take this steps seriously is because your kids are watching and learning. This is never a good way to train kids as they may learn to hate one parent. I also suggest you date your wife all over again try to win her heart by all means or you lose her to that church. When at home help out with the kids. Please, move back to your matrimonial bed it makes it easy to make love with her and chat with her. Try to be the man by not arguing with her. Please, quietly remind her she will be judged by God if she goes to heaven without her family members the same applies to you. Tell her how much you love her and the kids and so on.   Finally, introduce night or morning prayers as a family even without her ask your kids to pray for you guys. A family that's prays together stays together.  
Treat her like a Queen then she will look up to you as the King with time  

@ OP ur wife maybe suffering from mental issues. Do you have any children yet ?

I also feel that your wife also has things on her mind, maybe she has highlighted them to you in the past and you ignored them or maybe she didn't. There is only one solution to the problem, heart to heart discussion on what has happened and how you guys can make it work. You both need each other. Forget all the things she has been doing, we women like to form, she wants you to know she is not happy with you. So the thing is to find out why. Kidnap her if you have to (I mean that in a loving manner o), but plan it, execute it, have the kids stay with friends/relatives for a day or two, but get her to a serene atmosphere where you both can really let your hairs down, get angry, cry, talk and resolve issues and make firm commitments to move forward.

Throw her out. Let her go back to her parents and think through her actions,  she will come back repentant and you accept her back. if she doesnt, then you have rid yourself a lifetime of misery. For all you that think i am being harsh - I DID NOT ASK HIM TO DIVORCE HER OH! just shake her up a little so that she realises she has really struck a nerve. I believe marriage is for ever so there is no backing out,  but she needs to understand its not a do or die affair! what nonsense!

chaircover:

Its 9:30 and my daughter and I are both downstairs on our lappys waiting for dad to get back.

Where was your son?

...

Hotchicc:

Throw her out. Let her go back to her parents and think through her actions, she will come back repentant and you accept her back. if she doesnt, then you have rid yourself a lifetime of misery. For all you that think i am being harsh - I DID NOT ASK HIM TO DIVORCE HER OH! just shake her up a little so that she realises she has really struck a nerve. I believe marriage is for ever so there is no backing out, but she needs to understand its not a do or die affair! what nonsense!

Haba this type of advice from a woman? why would he throw her out? can't they settle their differences in a civil way.

@ Poster, cahircover and horny4u, have both given you a good advice.

Hotchicc:

Throw her out. Let her go back to her parents and think through her actions,  she will come back repentant and you accept her back. if she doesnt, then you have rid yourself a lifetime of misery. For all you that think i am being harsh - I DID NOT ASK HIM TO DIVORCE HER OH! just shake her up a little so that she realises she has really struck a nerve. I believe marriage is for ever so there is no backing out,  but she needs to understand its not a do or die affair! what nonsense!

@op

This is the best advise you will get. However before you do this, first try and have a talk with her, if you are in anyway dissatisfied with the signals you get, then proceed. I would like to add that you should seriously consider divorce. You are already a bachelor in practice.

OP have you tried talking to her?

if you have and she doesnt change or tell you what the matter is,

I suggest you move out to a hotel for like 2 weeks without telling her and lets see if she contacts you,

If not when you return, Come with her family and U-haul to pack her loads out

How to handle her? My gosh what are you waiting for?? To me you're no better than a single man so why bothering with the title of being "married"?? I suggest you kick her out or better still, leave the house for her. That's an evil woman you have there. How can my husband be out late and I won't even call??

You sound like a nice chap, you don't deserve such a wife I don't care the history of your marriage. So take my advice: [size=24pt]kick that b. . .[/size]sorry, woman out!!!

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chaircover:

you people are funny o!

Is kicking her out the next step? Has he tried communication? marriage counselling, reporting her to her people? etc

After kicking her out . . . . then what next? Will his life be 100% better? I dont think so.

I tire oooo,

cracking-up at 'u- haul", lol

@Op GCFR,
Although nowadays I am reluctant to respond to posts on the family section because of the sheer volume of false stories here,I will respond to this one.
You need to sit down and have a heart to heart discussion with your wife.Where you feel nshe is going wrong,please point out to her and make corrections.
Talk to her about your sex,ual and other needs,and let her know where she is lacking.Let her tell you where you are lacking as well,because communication is the key to the problems in this marriage.At least you are not cheating on her.Please divorce is not the answer.
I know you can solve this problem.It just takes a little effort.
Goodluck!

chaircover:

you people are funny o!

Is kicking her out the next step? Has he tried communication? marriage counselling, reporting her to her people? etc

After kicking her out . . . . then what next? Will his life be 100% better & his happiness restored? . . . . .  I'm not sure, because just in case if he is the reason why his wife has turned on him,  he will have another set of problems with wifey number 2.

After kicking her out most likely his life would be better than to just have someone occupying your house.

If you have tried talking to her, Involving her family, you moved out and still no difference? Whats left? Should he sacrifice himself before Obatala ni?

...

chaircover:

He never said that he has done all this.

You know people usually dont just suddenly change. There is usually a reason. If he works out the reason, he is halfway there.

Many men are guilty of hiding their heads in the sand when issues crop up which only makes things worse.

The woman is probably protesting against something; I am not saying that her stance is right but the husband wont know why if he doesnt make an effort to find out what it is that is making her blow hot air.

I told him to kick her out AFTER he has tried talking with no results.

The woman is protesting against something? Something that cant be communicated by word of mouth? Its not like the woman is deaf and dumb.

She get luck say na gentle man she marry, Some men dont need tht much acting up and drama to find their square root

sounds like s.ex is the main problem here.

^^^
Sounds like you are the problem here.

The "joys" of marriage. . .lol

horny4U has given u the best response in this matter i absolutely agree with her views

Are u not supposed to be the GCFR of your home? there is certainly something u have done or that you are doing that your wife does not like and its really hurting her sooooo much.

Just take her out one weekend, so u can both talk about the situation, do away with the mental ego stuff of a man.

In aditn 2 d sugestns above u nd 2 c her pastor both of u.

tpia@:

sounds like s.ex is the main problem here.

This is something I can't seem to get over, tpia and sex. I can't imagine that really.

@ POSTER, u nd 2 actually sit urself down analyse how you av contributed to d whole issue

cos u did nt mention what u av don 2 her.
both of u talk together and try 2 c her pastor.

smh at d poster

May be there is something your wife is not telling you. Talk to her and find out what the problem really is. If she is not interested in you any more, then she will tell it to you.