Well here is my story,when I first meet my man I knew he had family in Nigeria,but I also knew he is not going there oftenly,so I thought it is not going to be a problem!but now with time,things are getting complicated,he say he want to have family with me,and he wants to tolk to his wife,that she will understan,so we can make our family too,I am very confuse,because I do love him,but I don't want to hurt no ones feelings!!!!I know he can have 2wives but is it correct from me to accept it

Are you being used for paper? Some families will do anything out of desperation to get out of Nigeria. In a few years he will bring his family over and chase you away. It is best you go with your beliefs. If your beliefs do not support it, then you know what to do. But if it does then kini big deal. Is he muslim or christian? Quite frankly i prefer when people are honest about what they really want, be it paper or otherwise. Maybe you should ask this willing polygamist that question. In this time of lack, two wives and maintaining two families is a big burden.

Yes be a second wife. Dundee united.

You sound hesistant and reluctant to me, which indicates you don't feel WOW-ED by the idea.

You've got a conscience let it judge you, then you can decide what to do.

Whatsoever God has put together let **************** I am sure you can complete the saying.

@Laura_fr

If you are not just another id of the coven here, I would advise you to marry your man. Where I come from love is a precious thing and does not do things in half's. If you love the man, love him fully. I personally wish you a very happy married life.

Johndoe100:

@Laura_fr

If you are not just another id of the coven here, I would advise you to marry your man. Where I come from love is a precious thing and does not do things in half's. If you love the man, love him fully. I personally wish you a very happy married life.

by ruining the happy married life of another woman?

davidylan:

by ruining the happy married life of another woman?

Why do you assume that everyone else shares your world views? Are you just young or ignorant?

Johndoe100:

Why do you assume that everyone else shares your world views? Are you just young or ignorant?

Do you really believe what you wrote? You should have put that except she is religiously or culturally inclined to do such. Also, if she is clear the man is on the same religious and cultural page as her then no problem. From her name it appears she is in france, and i dont think polygamy is legal.

Johndoe100:

@Laura_fr

If you are not just another id of the coven here, I would advise you to marry your man. Where I come from love is a precious thing and does not do things in half's. If you love the man, love him fully. I personally wish you a very happy married life.

Say what you have to stay and stop being a scaredy cat!

The coven is not out to get you. . .you're too low in the ranks.

Laura_fr:

Well here is my story,when I first meet my man I knew he had family in Nigeria,but I also knew he is not going there oftenly,so I thought it is not going to be a problem!but now with time,things are getting complicated,he say he want to have family with me,and he wants to tolk to his wife,that she will understan,so we can make our family too,I am very confuse,because I do love him,but I don't want to hurt no ones feelings!!!!I know he can have 2wives but is it correct from me to accept it

Why on earth would you want to do that to yourself?  

his papers are done,many ears ago, and finantial situation is ok for both families,he is christian,and yes polygamy is not ligal here in France,but it is in nigeria,or am i wrong?

Why on earth would you want to do that to yourself?

because i love him,

Laura_fr:

Well here is my story,when I first meet my man I knew he had family in Nigeria,but I also knew he is not going there oftenly,so I thought it is not going to be a problem!but now with time,things are getting complicated,he say he want to have family with me,and he wants to tolk to his wife,that she will understan,so we can make our family too,I am very confuse,because I do love him,but I don't want to hurt no ones feelings!!!!I know he can have 2wives but is it correct from me to accept it

To make a family and to marry ain't same.Baby momma/mistress and 2nd wife ain't same either.which are you planning/hoping on becoming

If he says his wife would understand then he simply means his wife back at home wud understand they are only using you to get himself stable financially then move back to his very understanding wife at home.

Are you that ugly in and out to settle for another woman's left over?You can't attract a man without baggage for yourself?Are you ready to live and deal with the fact that for as much as this romance lasts,you wud be sharing this man with another woman?

Its your life to live,If you think you can accept to play  second best . . .way to go girlfriend!

ifyalways:

To make a family and to marry ain't same.Baby momma/mistress and 2nd wife ain't same either.which are you planning/hoping on becoming 

If he says his wife would understand then he simply means his wife back at home wud understand they are only using you to get himself stable financially then move back to his very understanding wife at home.

Come on nowwwwwww. Men use that line even when it's not true?

Sisi_Kill:

Say what you have to stay and stop being a scaredy cat!

The coven is not out to get you. . .you're too low in the ranks.
Why on earth would you want to do that to yourself?  

I think I did just that, or are you blind as well as daft?

Jenny,the wife might actually not mind  

She already knows she wud be fed fat from the OP's pocket after which both cow and milk wud be discarded so why bother her life.Some women are that understanding especially when it comes to papers and money.

Meanwhile,the bobo is in win-win situation.Using the OP to manage cold,hold belle,arrange stay and have a wife/family to call his own back at home. Woe betide the wife back at Nigeria If she as much as smile with a guy,It's a man's world afterall .

The OP appears desperate and wife goes with my empathy. . women are women's greatest enemies.

@OP,how old are you and how rich are you btw  

hahahahahaahhahaahhaahha, From their posts we can pick out the men from the bomboys. Easy as.

I may not be clued up on women, but I don't understand why someone would come here to have this kind of conversation:

Speaker 1.

Laura_fr:

Well here is my story,when I first meet my man I knew he had family in Nigeria,but I also knew he is not going there oftenly,so I thought it is not going to be a problem!but now with time,things are getting complicated,he say he want to have family with me,and he wants to tolk to his wife,that she will understan,so we can make our family too,I am very confuse,because I do love him,but I don't want to hurt no ones feelings!!!!I know he can have 2wives but is it correct from me to accept it

Speaker 2

Sisi_Kill:

Why on earth would you want to do that to yourself?  

Speaker 1

Laura_fr:

Why on earth would you want to do that to yourself?

because i love him,

Now at this point, you would expect that they would agree to disagree but watch how this (by now entirely strange) dialogue will drag on.

@Laura_fr

If you allow a bunch of  teenagers like sisi_kill to ruin your happiness, that's your problem, maybe your future hubby has misjudged you.

Johndoe100:

Why do you assume that everyone else shares your world views? Are you just young or ignorant?

and how did i make such an assumption? I posted an opinion just the same way you did, why do you expect i should share your own irresponsible world view? Would you be ok if your wife married another man afterall polyandry isnt a crime no?

am 27 years old,and i am mixed,my father was from sinegal,but i am christian, i am a student,so no many invoved there,infact he is the one whos helping me out with money situation, i was just writing hre,because my french friends do not understan me.so i just wanted to hear a nigerian ppl mind,

^^ Your friends don't understand you because this idea of yours is silly.

how is it sillythe only thing i want is to be with the man i ove,but i also want to be sure it will not hurt any one!if in nigeria is allowed (polygamy),that means is not a big deal, or it is?i just dont know,,because french and senegal culture is totally different!

Laura_fr:

his papers are done,many ears ago, and finantial situation is ok for both families,he is christian,and yes polygamy is not ligal here in France,but it is in nigeria,or am i wrong?

Just saw this.

Polygamy is frowned at/ is illegal for Christians in Nigeria but can be arranged.  . .(ask Mercy Johnson) especially if the first marriage was done in a customary court.

Still,why all this stress,why not get another single un-attached guy?.

Do you think that after you,the guy would suddenly quit meeting and falling in love with single girls?He cheated on his wife with you,Karma and Polygamous nature of men has it that he wud do same with/to you.

Laura_fr:

how is it sillythe only thing i want is to be with the man i ove,but i also want to be[b] sure it will not hurt any one[/b]!if in nigeria is allowed (polygamy),that means is not a big deal, or it is?i just dont know,,because french and senegal culture is totally different!

You would hurt the wife and kids.

The wife took a loan to pay his ticket to France.Now you know,can you leave him now,Please

davidylan:

and how did i make such an assumption? I posted an opinion just the same way you did, why do you expect i should share your own irresponsible world view? Would you be ok if your wife married another man afterall polyandry isnt a crime no?

Actually, I expected you to be able to read. The man and his wife find this world view acceptable. When you came to tell us this :

davidylan:

by ruining the happy married life of another woman?  

Sorry, but who in this story other than you believes this?

ifyalways,maybe u are right, idk, i know the best is to be with single man,but how can i stop my heart from loving, ?anyways, i apriciate your advice!thank u

Johndoe100:

Actually, I expected you to be able to read. The man and his wife find this world view acceptable. When you came to tell us this :

Sorry, but who in this story other than you believes this?

Obviously Laura doesnt, if not she wont be here.

you better look for your own husband, his first wife would always own him, for you to think about having a life with him, is something else!!!!, this is what women do and get themselves in trouble, what do you think marraige is? a play ground.?, he is already using you to satisfy his sexual urge, 'you are inlove with him'? too bad for you. i would advice that you think about your future and your children, so that you will not end up being a single mum, Moreover .''No woman will understand that'' except she is from a muslim family.

You mean "should I be a home wrecker?" That is exactly what you are should you do it to this woman. It does not matter if his wife says it is okay. There is no woman on this earth that would not rather have her husband to herself. Even the ones that were raised with that view give in because they feel it is their husbands house and it shows they are good wives. Part of that slave mentality that archaic Nigerian families like to keep their females in. Even if it was eating her to death she will not show it to the man especially since he seems to live in the states. Some women would rather die than let people hear that they are divorced. You need to leave married men alone. God will not bless you with another womans husband.

ronkebp:

you better look for your own husband, his first wife would always own him, for you to think about having a life with him, is something else!!!!, this is what women do and get themselves in trouble, what do you think marraige is? a play ground.?, he is already using you to satisfy his intimate urge, 'you are inlove with him'? too bad for you. i would advice that you think about your future and your children, so that you will not end up being a single mum, Moreover .''No woman will understand that'' except she is from a muslim family.

Isnt it amazing how little regard a lot of folks have for the welfare of their unborn kids just to satisfy their fleeting desires.

davidylan:

Obviously Laura doesnt, if not she wont be here.

If she actually exists:

Laura_fr:

Well here is my story,when I first meet my man I knew he had family in Nigeria,

Laura_fr:

how is it sillythe only thing i want is to be with the man i ove,but i also want to be sure it will not hurt any one!if in nigeria is allowed (polygamy),that means is not a big deal, or it is?i just dont know,,because french and senegal culture is totally different!

In the process of story telling sometimes you don't dot all the I's or cross all the T's. Look at the other threads, do you see the op's so engrossed with those that DON'T agree with them?

davidylan:

Isnt it amazing how little regard a lot of folks have for the welfare of their unborn kids just to satisfy their fleeting desires.

hmmmmmm YEAH I KNOW.

On a practical note, "starting a family with him" means having children from him. You do know that you will never be legally married to him in France as long as his marriage in nigeria is going? What is he doing in France? He might want to go back to Nigeria sometime, maybe move back there after a few years. What are you going to do then? Stay in France with your kids, that you'll raise as a single mom? Follow him to Nigeria to play second wife? What will you do there? You seem so ignorant of his culture and background, I seriously doubt you really know what it would be like,

So you're 27 and you somehow feel like having a baby, though you're still a student, and you think this married man you claim to love is the best plan? I just can't believe what people would go through just in the name of "love". You say you "love" him, but what do you really know about him? Have you met his people, been to his place? Do you know he already promised everything to his wife? And you think your "love" is enough to justify anything you want to do?

If I were you, I'd check his papers again, just to make sure that a baby is not just the last thing missing for him to secure papers. What does he do there?

And once again, use your brain, girl. You can date a guy and break up. But you can't have a child and then change your mind,

I wonder why you would be interested in having kids for a man who obviously doesnt seem to have the best interests of his other children at heart.
This is what gets me . . . tomorrow you'll be here bleating about how he doesnt care for your kids and how they have to grow up without much of the father's presence in their lives. Just know that a lot of us wont be listening to you. As you lay your bed so you lie on it . . . has it occured to you what the relationship between your kids and the other wife's kids (step siblings) would be like?

Are you bothered about what happens if he decides to take off again to be with his first wife, leaving you and your kids alone?

Why the heck are irresponsible people allowed to have children?