Laura_fr:

Well here is my story,when I first meet my man I knew he had family in Nigeria,but I also knew he is not going there oftenly,so I thought it is not going to be a problem!but now with time,things are getting complicated,he say he want to have family with me,and he wants to tolk to his wife,that she will understan,so we can make our family too,I am very confuse,because I do love him,but I don't want to hurt no ones feelings!!!!I know he can have 2wives but is it correct from me to accept it

I cannot fathom this. . . Does it hurt less to date another woman's husband without ''starting a family'', and more, when you ''start a family''?
Why does it matter now when you've been comfortable with the situation from the start?

Johndoe100:

If she actually exists:

In the process of story telling sometimes you don't dot all the I's or cross all the T's. Look at the other threads, do you see the op's so engrossed with those that DON'T agree with them?

Dodoyo, what have you just proved now?  

Honestly, there should be an 18 or older warning on these threads

Laura_fr:


because i love him,

Okay, let me put it another way. . .why would you wanna share when you can have your own? The wife saying she's ok with it should be your first clue that something is seriously wrong somewhere. Think about it. . .why would any woman be okay with her husband bringing another woman into her home (figuratively speaking of course). Yes Polygamy is permissible in certain parts of Nigeria but I can tell you, you would hardly find any woman who is happy about.

Sisi_Kill:

Dodoyo, what have you just proved now?  

Honestly, there should be an 18 or older warning on these threads

You seem fixated on me, no problems. I would have given your Arrow a twirl but I never got round to bleeping animals.

i repeat once again,his papers are totally ok, and i am sure of his good mind,because its been a long time that we are dating,and he is helping me at every posible way,i know he loves me too,that is the reason he want as to get married,also i am a beautiful girl,and i have been with a french guy before,but its not the same,he is living here for many years and has his buissnes here,he goes to his country only once ,some times 2 times a year!so i know if we have family he will be by my site most of times!!!!the only pain i have is the other woman!!!i just dont want to cause pain to ani one!i was always judging ppl who goes with another womans husband,but as u can see,now im one of themmm

Missy ★ B at from the start i didnt take it as something serious,and as i said we stay always together,so now the situation changes and i cant imagine been without him,its bee almost 2 years of our dating!i know i should have think from the start,but now its to late,

Well! i wil say don't be confused because the truth is that the man is not your husband and as you have said you don't want to hurt any one's feelings if you go ahead to marry the man you have already go against your will and God against it. Remember what ever a man sow he will reap.May the Lord God Almighty have mercy on you, and also give you your own flesh of flesh and bones of your bones in Jesus name.


http://www.onomemaureen.com/birthday-ezek.htm

/

The poster is looking for someone to support her decision, that is why she is trying to justify her reasons for dating a MARRIED MAN WITH KIDS. WHAT IS BAD IS BAD,

Laura_fr:

i repeat once again,his papers are totally ok, and i am sure of his good mind,because its been a long time that we are dating,and he is helping me at every posible way[b],i know he loves me too,that is the reason he want as to get married[/b],also i am a beautiful girl,and i have been with a french guy before,but its not the same,he is living here for many years and has his buissnes here,he goes to his country only once ,some times 2 times a year!so i know if we have family he will be by my site most of times!!!!the only pain i have is the other woman!!!i just dont want to cause pain to ani one!i was always judging ppl who goes with another womans husband,but as u can see,now im one of themmm

Look, he can't marry you in france without divorcing his wife first. That's just not legal. The embassy in nigeria will send lawyers interviewing his family and having his background check before they deliver the documents necessary to the wedding.

Second, he can have his papers all he wants, have you seen them? What kind of stay does he have? You'd be surprised at the number of people staying long term in a country without appropriate papers (or even papers at all). If you've seen his resident card, did he apply for French nationality? Maybe he did and you're not aware of this. Nationality will be issued far more easily if you guys are married. Then he can bring his kids here. And maybe his wife too.

Another thing, who mentioned second wife? Why would there be any second wife wahala? So after 2 yrs of dating the guy wants you but still can't make up his mind to divorce his wife in order to marry you? Do you like that idea, to be the second choice? Would you take that from a french guy? I don't think so, Girl, I think you are really lost and making excuses for yourself. You talk about love, love, love. Sometimes it's better to use your head. All the signs are here telling you "don't do it! You're gonna get hurt!" If you still want to go for it, then fine, but don't pretend you don't want anybody to get hurt.

OP
be sensible enough to differenciate love and se. x

i think people's attitudes and morals are heavily influenced by their role models.

yes i have seen his paper,we have made a trip together few month ago too,as i said he has bissnes here,so he have no problem with documents!!!and i wonder how u say he cant get married here in france,i know 2 friends of his,that are married here for papers with french girls,and they got wives in africa,nobody stoped them, and as i said the only reason we didnt start the family yet,is my own mind, i cant make it,for now,

mature person cant ever cofuse love and se.x, thouse are very different 2 things!

/

you must be really desperate to marry this guy, but remember you are are going into this with your eyes wide open if situation changes tomorrow you have no one to blame but yourself.

Laura_fr:

mature person cant ever cofuse love and se.x, thouse are very different 2 things!

Some people are not mature at 50. You are a christian, and he is a christian. According to your beliefs do your intentions make any sense? You cannot even go to a church to get married because you will be too ashamed to lie that he is not married. You cant even carry out traditional rights or go to court, except you intend on breaking the law. Should you divorce and cite bigamy as a reason, you can be arrested because it is a criminal offense. So please tell us who is mature here. Ask what his plans are for you when he finally decides to relocate. Are you willing to relocate to Nigeria to come and live in another woman's house with her older children? You dont even know his state of affairs and finances in Nigeria. You are very naive

.

i know a lot of things about him,his state,all about his family, he also want me to go there for a visit,i am the one who dont want to go, because as i said i have not made up my mind yet!!!that is one of the reasons im here asking nigerian ppl opinion!!!and as his bissnes is going good,i dont think he will move back to africa for ever, and if one day i decide to marry him,and he will have to go,i will go to nigeria too,and i dont think there will be need to stay all at the same house!!!

^^what exactly do you want people to do for you?

nothing much, to be honest,i have seeng what i wanted,ive seeng the reaction,and many things got more clear for me!!!thanks to everyone!i hope i will find a right solution to this!

Laura_fr:

nothing much, to be honest,i have seeng what i wanted,ive seeng the reaction,and many things got more clear for me!!!thanks to everyone!i hope i will find a right solution to this!

Don't deceive yourself, there is no solution anywhere, except you leave him alone (a married man) or marry him ( and face the consequences). it is that simple!

Laura_fr:

Missy ★ B at from the start i didnt take it as something serious,and as i said we stay always together,so now the situation changes and i cant imagine been without him,its bee almost 2 years of our dating!i know i should have think from the start,but now its to late,

That is my point.
If you had avoided starting a relationship with him at the beginning, you also would have succeeded in avoiding the quandary of starting a family with him now.

As for hurting the wife, you probably have been doing that [maybe unknowingly to you] from the start.

Perhaps you should apply the golden rule here. Would you be glad, if after staring a family with you, he did same with another woman?

of course i wouldnt,in fact it is very painful, i know that for now i wasnt hurting her!she lives far away from here,and knows nothing about it!but to start new family would hurt her very much, any way, i think i know what to do now!

Laura_fr:

of course i wouldnt,in fact it is very painful, i know that for now i wasnt hurting her!she lives far away from here,and knows nothing about it!but to start new family would hurt her very much, any way, i think i know what to do now!

Were you lying a few posts before this when you said his wife in Nigeria was alright with it? And now you are telling us that the wife in Nigeria knows nothing about it? What is really your story.

Look, I don't mean to be harsh, but I think altogether you had decent answers to your question. I know how it feels to really love someone and to think that your life will never be the same if you are not together. But heartache passes, it takes a few months, a year at most. And life goes on. But choosing to marry a guy who's from a different country and already married there, That will change your life forever, and one can only see the kind of troubles, pain and sadness you might go through on that path.

I've also seen couples like those you are mentioning : african man in the west marries a white lady while the wife is still back home. I've never seen any having a happy ending. Plus, it always strucks me how those white chicks do not worry much about the wife when they'd be totally uncapable of doing such to another white woman, or wouldn't take that b***sh*t from a white man. think about it. you came here to ask if the lady would feel hurt, well, the answer is she most certainly would. But she doesn't have much choice, does she?

Were you lying a few posts before this when you said his wife in Nigeria was alright with it? And now you are telling us that the wife in Nigeria knows nothing about it? What is really your story.

i said that,he is telling me now to start this family,and that he will talk to his wife and she will understand!u should read better!!!!!and i told him to wait,cuz i need time to think!!!!

@OP
i like the he is always helping me : Note Nigerian men are very generous and it may mean nothing but it might mean something too.

No be today yansh dey back , there are 2nd wives everywhere nothing do you: Life is flexible o jare BUT note polygamy is accepted in Nigeria infact one Nupe man has 86 wives meaning you may not be the last. Another molato with 32 DDD bra may surface tomorrow in Cairo , when he has a branch there.

To have kids in europe no hard, simply make a photocopy of his passport data page and keep well for future child support just in case instead of wife, you get demoted as baby mama,  I am not judging you oh , I am analysing the situation as you may marry single boy and hin too marry someone put on top u.

NOTE : Your man will not stop at you ,  please if you are making this journey go with your brain and eyes wide open , life is a risk,

Mercy Johnson has proven what most women donot want to believe the marriage certificate is nothing this days, it can be undone in the court of law or even at oluwole, na who play baba ijebu dey win,

Again babes he will not stop at you so every insurance must be pulled out as another shiny woman go pass after you born and you must understand.

Go for it if that is what you want : just be aware with your head not your heart biko,

Miss_Ife thank u for the advice!about wite chics,no one knows from the star(i knew) and Nigerian guys for to get the documents lie to thouse girl,with time truth came out, i know different stories like this,one polish girl here,got gave him a baby girl,and after like 3 years of marrige found out he was married in africa, any ways its now my case!and i know what is right!!!cuz its truth what goes around back around,and i dont pray to do thru that, what was confusing me is him saying she will be ok with that, i tough the culture acept it!!!

Can you pick the phone and talk to his wife directly to ask if she is okay with marrying her Husband

juju on phone exist, OP do not try it. leave the man alone and move on. not worth your time. don't play with a scorned african woman whose husband was taken from her o. we have warned you

I still dont get the point of this thread.

Either the op has been jazzed or for reasons best known to her, she finds it hard to get a man.

Its also possible she's a he.

hahhah,i am not he, LOL, and i got no problem of getting a man,trust me!i am very beautiful girl,but as i said i am in love with this man,it is easy to say look for single one,but hard to leave the one is with u!!!however,as i said before i have taking my desition.i dont want no one tears be the price of my happines,,,i thank ppl who advice me from their heart,and i dont care of the ones how make fun of this while i was asking for help!