hello people of nairaland

i am 23 years old,been dating a guy for 2 years now,we have been faithful to each other ever since.
he proposed marriage last year and i accepted,the problem started when i told my parents about him,my mom didnt like him outright because of his tribe and age (8yrs older).

After a year they finally agreed to meet him,they told him they would pray about it and call him aback.

Its been 3 months now they have told me they have not heard anything from God concerning the marriage,so i should call it quits with him.

The problem now is i can't imagine a life without him.

I have posted this thread in religious section so that my godly Nairaland users can comment.

one thing i know is that he has all the qualities of a loving husband and i can't imagine marrying anyone else.
how do i deal with my parents?

Is this happening in the UK? I am really surprised that parents have decide who your spouse will be - even in this 21st century.

Joshua

You should not have asked them for approval. You should have told them, "this is my future husband".

Voice of pple is the voice of GOD, tell them your friends loves him.

Seun:

You should not have asked them for approval. You should have told them, "this is my future husband".

But it's not as easy as that!!! Parents would always want to interfer once it's marital issue. Their eyes'd be widely open and definitely wouldn't want you to make mistakes. But, in so doing, many parents have misled their children into making wrong choices.

I'd suggest you personally seek God's intervention and His concept. Is it His will for you to marry this guy? Forget the fact that you've know each others for year(s)!!! if the Lord does not watch over a house, they labour in vain that does so. Take time out to pray if possible fast over the issue and ask God for His counsel because it's necessary to build our marital foundation on a solid rock-Christ. Once you're personally convinced of God's leading, and that it's the same guy, go for him. Moreso, I'd suggest you tell your local pastor about it and seek his pastoral admonition as per the way forward. Don't take it the hard way with your parents, let them see reasons with you, and if you can't do this alone, contact your pastor and let him meet your parents and discuss things out.

As far as marriage is concern, My dear i think you've got to be convinced of God's Will for your life. It's good to fall in love but to the rightful person. .

"Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is." Ephesians 5:17


I wish you the very best.

@ poster

It's time you settle like Mother Theresa, because that voice will never be heard!

Use your spinsterhood to help humanity!

ClimieNH89:

@ poster

It's time you settle like Mother Theresa, because that voice will never be heard!

Use your spinsterhood to help humanity!

LMAO

but really, all you need is that conviction, your being absolutely sure after seeking God's help. if you or your mum waits for God to shout with the loudest voice that your fiance is your husband, then you would indeed become mother theresa from waiting, and in the mean time, your mothers life would go on cos she has her own husband, which happens to be your father!!

just be sure he is the one you want to spend your life with, and in no time your parents will be sure as well.

thanks guys,i appreciate your responses so far
@Olowotee what do i do when my father is my pastor?

Whaoooooooooooh!! that's interesting then seems we're in similar shoes

Ok, how about discussing with any of his close friends or Co-pastor/elder in the church. At least someone you're sure he'd love to reason with.

alternative 2. Do you have a close Christian relative in the UK, either from mum or dad's side, with whom you could discuss the issue with? If so, try and do likewise and hear his/her opinion.

I pray the Lord to direct you aright.

It's well.

@Olowotee what do i do when my father is my pastor?

Poor young lady. Make sure you select your parents wisely next time!

Seun:

Poor young lady. Make sure you select your parents wisely next time!

OMG!


Seun Please go awwwwaaayyyyyy!! and leave the poor _{but rich} girl alone. She's really confused bout what to do, your suggestion & positive criticism is all she needs.  _{It's unfair,  . and how possible is it to select one's parent?}. haba, Seeuuunnn.

@kilasos
Just a little bit of patience would do.

All the Best!!!

@Olowotee
thanks for your contribution,i do feel better.

hello guys i need your contributions.if u were in my position what would youdo.

is the guy a member of your church?

no

sorry but i believe you will never get married because they ll wait till eternity.By the way they are oldddddddddddd skuullllll

Tell them this simple truth:

whether they hear God's voice confirming him or not, th success of the marraige depends largely on the two of you, i.e. man and wife. Many marraiges have collapsed despite the fact that they heard God voice not because God the voice was fake but because they were not matured enough to handl issues. All marraiges will face the test of time whether God ordained or not. Your maturity therfor comes to play.

God however has reasons for preferring one person to the other for each and every one of us. So mst important issue is:

Are you very compatible spiritually, physically, and morally, intllectually, sensually? If yes, go ahead but the be ready to fac the challenges ahead in the times of storms especially when God's grace which comes along with His perfect choice for you is not available durng those times.

Sit them down and let them think. Ask them what they would do if in th near future, the person they 'heard God's voice for that you eventually married runs you mad? What would thy say?

it is with deep pain that i post this reply,
i finally broke up with him yesterday.
i had to give in to my parents wish,
my heart is in pieces,he didnt do anything wrong for me to hold against him,hence my pain.
im disillusioned,heartbroken and angry.
the bible says obey your parents,thats what i did
my future seems bleak,considering we had a lot of plans for the future.
we are very compatible in every aspect ans couldnt wish for more.
i do not know where to turn,anytime i think of it it brings tears to my eyes.
but people say `oh move on,u willfind someone else maybe better.`
what do i do, i am very angry with my parents.
Life will move on but how,when,can this pain heal.
this is my first experience of a heartbreak,im at a loss.
how do i get over this.
i saw him yesterday to return his keys and it was even more difficult than i thought.

@ Kilasos

As the saying goes,time would heal ur wounds. Pls dont hate your parents,just kip praying to God to bring u someone else ok?

Pls takia of urself

i hope in your breaking up, you inserted a claus like, "l[b]ets give ourselves a break for now and come together perhaps when the dust has settled[/b]?" That would have been a morer matured thing to do. If you did not insert that claus, its not too late, do it now xcept he does not really want you again.

@cgift
wow,i thought of that.he just send me a message saying that.

If I get the picture right, your dad is your pastor and he doesn't want you to marry a particular guy.

From what I believe. your parents wanting to hear the word of God might be an excuse, according to a book I read (How to find the perfect will of God) God usually reveals instructions (regarding action or inaction) to the individual involved and not through a third party.

I think what you need to do is find out the real reasons your parents does not want you to marrry him. Then you seek the face of the Lord and Hear from him yourself.
Your parents are probably asking themselves some of these questions, think about the answers they probably arrived at.

1) Is he really a christiam / born again
2.) Is he working or what is the source of his income. Legal?
3. Your own visible level of maturity
4.) Are you through with your education?
5. ) Do you really know his family members / history
6.) Would he hinder or enhance you spiritual life?

The bible categorically says that christians should not marry unbelievers.

Hi dear,
I feel ur pains, It could be very distabilizing, But girl if that guy is your husband you need not feight 'cos God will find a way around ur parents.I feel they want you to marry sm1 else maybe a Pastor or Revd.You never give up yet, it is 2 early to give up.Explain to ur mum let her know how u feel after the break up.
Yeah!
Its well

kilasos:

it is with deep pain that i post this reply,
i finally broke up with him yesterday.
i had to give in to my parents wish,

I'm quite amazed.

You gave in!! Just like that, because you want to obey your parents What about if it was God's plan for you to marry the guy. I'm afraid, your decision was based on what your parent wished and not on what God wish/Your Conviction.  

I thot you were going to be patient enough and prayerfully wait for God's intervention, If trully it was God's will. You disappointed me by that statement,  ,I had to give in to my parents wish., ,Are they going to live with you in your matrimonial home  It's high time you get matured and Know what is good for you.

But you haven't told us the reasons why your parents don't want you to marry the guy

I pray God to direct your path and give unto you his Best. Love you with the love of Christ. I'll keep you in ma prayer list.

All the best !!!

Love is blind, marriage is an eye opener. My dear take it easy okay, no need to be upset with your parents. I think you and your guy should take a break to analize the situation_{it aint over till its over} . God alone know why your parents have decided not to like your guy but if your guy loves u as much as he claims then he will be willing to do whatever it takes to prove to your parents that he really does love you and is ready to take care of you for the rest of your lives. This of course will require a lot of patience and tolerance from both of you. Most importantly though, pray about it relentlessly and if at the end of the day you guys end up apart for real, take it from me it's not the worst that could happen to you. You are still very young and you will definitely meet someone else that will love, respect and cherish, maybe even more than he does presently.

Trust me when I say broken hearts do heal

I'm so sorry for you and I hope you find a way to resolve all this.

The bible may say 'obey your parents' but you are expected to use your own common sense in this. If a parent told you to do something illegal or immoral - would you do it? Of course not.

Parents are only human and make mistakes as much as anyone else. If their only reasons are his age and tribe then they are just prejudiced and not seeing him as an individual, or judging him as an individual. That makes their judgement worthless on this issue.

Hi love, 

I stumbled across a Christian Novel and i got this out for you as well. These were suggested quidelines to choosing the right person/man 

5 DON'TS
1. Don't marry for money
2. Don't marry because it is popular, all my friends are getting married
3. Don't marry an extremely Jealous Man
4. Don't marry a lazy man
5. Don't marry an Unsaved man

5 DOs
1. Do marry someone you love
2. Do marry a considerate man
3. Do marry a Congenial man
4. Do marry a Christian man
5. Do marry in God's WILL.

Just decided to share this with you, hope it helps,

Wishing you the very best always!!!! It is well, even in the well

sure they would hlp anytime, anyday.

@olowotee
thanks for the excerpts.
it does help

kilasos:

@cgift
wow,i thought of that.he just send me a message saying that.

I hope you guys have seen urselves behind the curtains and agreed on modalities to still hold on why you pray?

yea

Cool. I'm glad. What is his name and what is yours if i may ask. I mean your full names?