...

Run away .
This things are simple .
Run
I mean run first , run from the marriage .
Anything that mess with your mental peace .

RUN

Marriages like this they tire person.

Why can’t you go to that your Pastor and relay all these issues to him, he might need to invite your husband for amicable way out of your present predicament.

At least he needs to improve on his family support arrangement and caution his daughter from making things uneasy for you.

And if things don’t improve get family members involved.

I am anti separation but it doesn’t mean you have to suffer endlessly. Try all available avenues to bring him to a round table discussion before you take any extreme measure.


My sister, are you ibo?

Chaii.. I no fit read this kind story. Abeg wetin Op dey yarn?

Makakween:
Hello nairalanders, please I am an old user of this platform I had to create a new one because I don't want this in my old account. I have been trying to get a new Gmail to post this,I really appreciate ghettoman I don't really know his moniker for the help he rendered by trying to open a new Gmail for me.

My husband and I got married by recommendations from my pastor, he's was already having a child from his previous marriage,no matter how I said no to this marriage, they had already planned it anyway... now after marriage his daughter came to stay with us,I started working because I don't like staying idle at home so I can also assist in the house.
He usually gives me money monthly so I can buy foodstuffs from the house, but the money is never enough and sometimes I beg from my sister and I use the money at home to cook.

Now the problem is my girl would start thinking and telling people around,that her father sends me money and I don't use it on her... she would be looking at the food like shit...with the country problem everyone is managing this girl own is fish,and meat, since I married my husband gave me money just once to buy clothes for her and my daughter.
I am the one that buys her clothes, everything I do she doesn't appreciate and she just wants it all. I didn't even notice this at all until I was told outside,I was so shocked as to what this child can do. I was so shocked 😨, how come I never noticed until I was told... she monitors my calls and tell her dad,I just don't understand. The money he gives me can't take us 2 weeks, it's not like he doesn't have the money but he doesn't want to bring it out. I was still breastfeeding my daughter it was my prevention for pregnancy,I wasn't seeing my menses and I got pregnant again,it became worst I have complained to alot of people about the verbal abuse I get from my husband,I was asked to endure now the endurance is killing me...

This month because of her,he felt I wasn't using the 20k well and he gave me a list of things to buy at home,but he gave me 10k,and it was first week of January,I later asked for another since we already didn't have anything at home he sent 5k I used it to fill gas 3k plus t fare. He knows there's nothing at home,and school was on holiday, even with pregnancy I didn't mind looking for job still. Now I beg for money to feed,ever since I knew she's like that I hate serving her food cos the money isn't enough for all of us. When her dad came home he gave me 1k for me to use for a week,no garri,no rice nothing. And school has resumed I am the one responsible for giving her money to school,I have stopped since she uses it on the way to school and behaves like a beggar in school.

She is always telling her fellow kids that I can never be her mother,I can't kill myself,I begged him for money on Sunday he sent 1200 to me,I used it to fill gas 1kg,I begged for foodstuffs to cook. I am tired of begging,I almost died last week and I didn't have the money to take me to the hospital, it was God, even the drugs I tried begging no way. Since she thinks everything I own and buy is for her father,and I am not seeing anything,I have been supporting quietly but she feels she is entitled to more and all which I can't give, when 1k finished I begged and was given 2k, which I used for yams,and I cooked small soup,I couldn't help but give her but she still behaved like that, like it isn't worth it...

Now I want to stop feeding her,I go hungry most days drinking the garri I begged for 2 days, nobody knows how I have been feeding,I feel I have been too foolish by covering up this stupid marriage. Now he's even telling me that if I give birth to a female again I would face it alone, right now like this he doesn't want to even send anything to me for the house,i hate complaining and complaining about things, people are already urging me to talk,I don't want people pointing at me on the road,I don't know what is wrong with me but I need help...

I can't endure anymore, sometimes I want to just die,I hate begging people for things but I have been subjected to that just to feed,I needed someone to talk to, people who can give me advice different from what people are giving me here... that marriage is for life, please I need help before I lose it, what do you think I should do,I don't know my fate even with this pregnancy but I want a better one for my daughter. Please drop a comment for me,I would really appreciate the help and advises. Please no insults I am not really that strong still fighting some health issues,thank you.

I CAN PAY YOU 100K to slap the useless pastor for me. KAI.... so you are going through all these and THE PASTOR is not intervening anymore?

This is sad.

As for this marriage, you need a break, you need to vanish from the house and let the girl take care of her father. So you can have your peace.

Save enough money before you return home.... let your husband beg with a written agreement before you return home.... get a lawyer on standby before you return home.


Its well. You just have to be strong enough to make hard but needed choices.

I believe u have family, report to ur family first... If your parents are still alive, u can go and stay with them till u put to bed....

Don't kill yourself because of marriage, because when u are no more, ur husband may not even wait for 1 year before remarrying....

There is no marriage in heaven...

And finally, when u finally put to bed, make sure u don't take in again unti u are financially stable.

Marriage is not by force.
Your mental health is more important.

Raise money for transporting yourself and your daughter back to your family.

On the day you are leaving, better on a weekday when his daughter from his first marriage has gone to school, call your husband on the phone and inform him you are leaving and tell him where you will be leaving the house keys, it will be left for him to make arrange who would take of his daughter upon her return from school.

Even if he comes begging with 100 Pastors, never you ever return to that marriage because it is not even one but bondage, just negotiate with him sending upkeeps for the daughter you had with him and your pregnancy.

Where is the pastor that said u should marry him?




So mean you can't leave the church when they said you should marry ur husband?



What about your parents?



Your relatives nko?




There was never love in the marriage when you born find ur way out of that marriage and move

Pastor palaver

Most step children don't wish their step mom well.

They always see you as the woman that made their mom not to be present.

Una de try sha....

yrhuhfy113:


I CAN PAY YOU 100K to slap the useless pastor for me. KAI.... so you are going through all these and THE PASTOR is not intervening anymore?

This is sad.

As for this marriage, you need a break, you need to vanish from the house and let the girl take care of her father. So you can have your peace.

Save enough money before you return home.... let your husband beg with a written agreement before you return home.... get a lawyer on standby before you return home.


Its well. You just have to be strong enough to make hard but needed choices.

The pastor has stopped picking my calls but is still in communication with my husband,he even told me nobody can separate us except the pastor,I have left him for God to judge he obviously did it because of money only God knows.

gasparpisciotta:
Marriages like this they tire person.

Why can’t you go to that your Pastor and relay all these issues to him, he might need to invite your husband for amicable way out of your present predicament.

At least he needs to improve on his family support arrangement and caution his daughter from making things uneasy for you.

And if things don’t improve get family members involved.

I am anti separation but it doesn’t mean you have to suffer endlessly. Try all available avenues to bring him to a round table discussion before you take any extreme measure.


My sister, are you ibo?

No, the pastor doesn't pick my calls anymore,I just don't trust anyone bearing pastor till today I am scared of them.

* You married a divorcee you didn't love.

* You knew you had no iota of love for him, but because your pastor who wouldn't live with you convinced you, - you accepted and decided to marry someone you had zero feelings for.

* You didn't bother to ask why he left his marriage, you didn't bother to find out why his previous wife abandoned her daughter for him and ran away, you just dived into his house.

* Considering how difficult the economy is, you couldn't even tell him to open a business for you before marrying you, so that you wouldn't be 100% dependant on him. Cos from your narrative, your job contributes almost zero to your welfare.

I'm going to be very honest with you. From what I read, you were just desperate to get married, and didn't care about who you were getting married to. Your attempt to blame your pastor for joining you two is pathetic cos no one pulled a gun on your head and forced you to marry him. You willingly accepted to become his wife, so accept full responsibility of your actions and stop blaming your pastor.

My advice...Take a break for the sake of your mental health and leave that house, you can choose to go back to your parents house. If he's still interested in you, let him come for you, if not, focus on your pregnancy so that you can have a safe delivery.

pstemma1990:
I believe u have family, report to ur family first... If your parents are still alive, u can go and stay with them till u put to bed....

Don't kill yourself because of marriage, because when u are no more, ur husband may not even wait for 1 year before remarrying....

There is no marriage in heaven...

And finally, when u finally put to bed, make sure u don't take in again unti u are financially stable.

I have told them already,I don't have much family that supports except my two siblings,they are even sad over the matter,I am still confused until today I still don't understand what happened,hmm as for the sitting him down to talk to him,he will always tell me pastor said you should be submissive to your husband,my opinions are never taken,I tried telling his family he said the day I try that I will die cos he's my husband and he's more experienced than me to tell me what to do. All the people I begged to talk to him are telling me that in marriage, there's no need for third party, just endure and pray he will change, hmmm.

With the way you're complaining here, i can see why his first marriage didn't work.

What do you mean by "you couldn't say no , because they've planned the marriage already"

Go and meet the pastor that recommended both of you and complain to him.

Na wa o🤐🤐🤐🤐

Mindlog:
Raise money for transporting yourself and your daughter back to your family.

On the day you are leaving, better on a weekday when his daughter from his first marriage has gone to school, call your husband on the phone and inform him you are leaving and tell him where you will be leaving the house keys, it will be left for him to make arrange who would take of his daughter upon her return from school.

Even if he comes begging with 100 Pastors, never you ever return to that marriage because it is not even one but bondage, just negotiate with him sending upkeeps for the daughter you had with him and your pregnancy.

You made a lot of sense, but her leaving that house means she has the financial capability to sustain her for a long period of time.

All I see is a helpless, frustrated pregnant woman.

Mistaking lust for true love should be a topic for another day 🚶🚶

Lastpharoah33:


You made a lot of sense, but her leaving that house means she has the financial capability to sustain her for a long period of time.

All I see is a helpless, frustrated pregnant woman.

Mistaking lust for true love should be a topic for another day 🚶🚶

"I go hungry most days drinking the garri I begged for 2 days, nobody knows how I have been feeding,I feel I have been too foolish by covering up this stupid marriage".....A pregnant woman who is already drinking garri, while still with her husband...how worse can it get?🤔

Makakween:
I have told them already,I don't have much family that supports except my two siblings,they are even sad over the matter,I am still confused until today I still don't understand what happened,hmm as for the sitting him down to talk to him,he will always tell me pastor said you should be submissive to your husband,my opinions are never taken,I tried telling his family he said the day I try that I will die cos he's my husband and he's more experienced than me to tell me what to do. All the people I begged to talk to him are telling me that in marriage, there's no need for third party, just endure and pray he will change, hmmm.

prayers doesn't change one's character....

Since u don't have much family members, just try ur possible best and put urself in order...

And once u finally put to bed, don't take in again until u are financially stable....

Arangee marriage has it's own negative sides, and don't bother reporting him to the pastor again... Because as it stands now, since it was the pastor that joined u both together, he'll want to make sure that u remain there at all cost.

If it's your daughter that behaves like your daughter in-law, will you treat her the same way? You heard from outside what she tells people. Did you confront her and try to correct her?

Madam, you made you choice. Don't put the blame on your Pastor.

Makakween:
I have told them already,I don't have much family that supports except my two siblings,they are even sad over the matter,I am still confused until today I still don't understand what happened,hmm as for the sitting him down to talk to him,he will always tell me pastor said you should be submissive to your husband,my opinions are never taken,I tried telling his family he said the day I try that I will die cos he's my husband and he's more experienced than me to tell me what to do. All the people I begged to talk to him are telling me that in marriage, there's no need for third party, just endure and pray he will change, hmmm.

This is not true!


Your mental health should be paramount here.

Osinachi, the late gospel singer endured but somehow couldn't live to tell the tale!

Lastpharoah33:


This is not true!


Your mental health should be paramount here.

Osinachi, the late gospel singer endured but somehow couldn't live to tell the tale!

Let her keep enduring until her name turns to Endurance Nwachukwu, it's only in Nigeria married women/men in abusive marriage tries to cover up by staying married just to be counted among those that aren't divorced yet like it's some kinda award winning trophies.
They should continue, we are watching!😏

You giving birth to females isn't your fault, but it's his fault since his sperms are the ones carrying the gender of the babies conceived.

So don't let him make you feel bad for having daughters because it's his sperms that are giving you those daughters.

ouu

Park your load to the pastor that recommended the marriage for you &; refuse to leave on no condition , if he insist to leave , go cause trouble @ the church he pastors on a Sunday . You have to be violent sometimes

Makakween:


My husband and I got married by recommendations from my pastor .

Just because someone is a pastor does not automatically qualify them to recommend a husband or wife to you.
You should only listen to yourself (your own gut feelings) when making such serious decisions.
Pastors don't hold exclusive license to God.
God speaks to EVERYONE. The reason most people don't hear God themselves is because they don't listen.
People don't listen to God, but end up listening to pastors whose standing with God is not known.
God is in your gut.

Na WA ooo. This is so painful. I wonder how people allow a forever event to be arranged for them. The pastor has back out now and you are not happy. Please leave the marriage for the main time. Go home and have your peace of mind because I am sure that your husband will quickly remarry if you are no more. I pray God make a way for you.

Makakween:
Hello nairalanders, please I am an old user of this platform I had to create a new one because I don't want this in my old account. I have been trying to get a new Gmail to post this,I really appreciate ghettoman I don't really know his moniker for the help he rendered by trying to open a new Gmail for me.

My husband and I got married by recommendations from my pastor, he's was already having a child from his previous marriage,no matter how I said no to this marriage, they had already planned it anyway... now after marriage his daughter came to stay with us,I started working because I don't like staying idle at home so I can also assist in the house.
He usually gives me money monthly so I can buy foodstuffs from the house, but the money is never enough and sometimes I beg from my sister and I use the money at home to cook.

Now the problem is my girl would start thinking and telling people around,that her father sends me money and I don't use it on her... she would be looking at the food like shit...with the country problem everyone is managing this girl own is fish,and meat, since I married my husband gave me money just once to buy clothes for her and my daughter.
I am the one that buys her clothes, everything I do she doesn't appreciate and she just wants it all. I didn't even notice this at all until I was told outside,I was so shocked as to what this child can do. I was so shocked 😨, how come I never noticed until I was told... she monitors my calls and tell her dad,I just don't understand. The money he gives me can't take us 2 weeks, it's not like he doesn't have the money but he doesn't want to bring it out. I was still breastfeeding my daughter it was my prevention for pregnancy,I wasn't seeing my menses and I got pregnant again,it became worst I have complained to alot of people about the verbal abuse I get from my husband,I was asked to endure now the endurance is killing me...

This month because of her,he felt I wasn't using the 20k well and he gave me a list of things to buy at home,but he gave me 10k,and it was first week of January,I later asked for another since we already didn't have anything at home he sent 5k I used it to fill gas 3k plus t fare. He knows there's nothing at home,and school was on holiday, even with pregnancy I didn't mind looking for job still. Now I beg for money to feed,ever since I knew she's like that I hate serving her food cos the money isn't enough for all of us. When her dad came home he gave me 1k for me to use for a week,no garri,no rice nothing. And school has resumed I am the one responsible for giving her money to school,I have stopped since she uses it on the way to school and behaves like a beggar in school.

She is always telling her fellow kids that I can never be her mother,I can't kill myself,I begged him for money on Sunday he sent 1200 to me,I used it to fill gas 1kg,I begged for foodstuffs to cook. I am tired of begging,I almost died last week and I didn't have the money to take me to the hospital, it was God, even the drugs I tried begging no way. Since she thinks everything I own and buy is for her father,and I am not seeing anything,I have been supporting quietly but she feels she is entitled to more and all which I can't give, when 1k finished I begged and was given 2k, which I used for yams,and I cooked small soup,I couldn't help but give her but she still behaved like that, like it isn't worth it...

Now I want to stop feeding her,I go hungry most days drinking the garri I begged for 2 days, nobody knows how I have been feeding,I feel I have been too foolish by covering up this stupid marriage. Now he's even telling me that if I give birth to a female again I would face it alone, right now like this he doesn't want to even send anything to me for the house,i hate complaining and complaining about things, people are already urging me to talk,I don't want people pointing at me on the road,I don't know what is wrong with me but I need help...

I can't endure anymore, sometimes I want to just die,I hate begging people for things but I have been subjected to that just to feed,I needed someone to talk to, people who can give me advice different from what people are giving me here... that marriage is for life, please I need help before I lose it, what do you think I should do,I don't know my fate even with this pregnancy but I want a better one for my daughter. Please drop a comment for me,I would really appreciate the help and advises. Please no insults I am not really that strong still fighting some health issues,thank you.

Please leave the sucker of husband and move on with your life in a different city and locality...

Forget he ever existed biko...

What nonsense 😠😠😠

Orisirisi! Simple matter being complicated by you. Who are the people you were talking to when there was someone or some set of people who planned or arranged the marriage in the first place? Madam, if the child were yours, you would be letting her go without feeding her sometimes? Hian!

1. Tell your pastor what is happening, let them talk to you and the husband together. They are your best bet for some sanity.

2. Agree that he buys the foodstuff and everything you need in the house going forward. You just cook and settle small bills in the house.

3. Let him give his daughter pocket money directly so she can manage her own finances by herself.

4. Never ever let a child go hungry under your roof biko and try to talk to her. Be transparent and allow her the grace to manage her own funds too. It teaches children the value of money.

5. Get proper family planning. This cannot be over stressed and it's free.

If the marriage isn't working after all this....happily take a hike biko and hold the arrangers responsible by making sure the contribute to the children's upkeep from time to time. Good luck.

.