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I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo - Family - Nairaland

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My Mom Refused To Do Omugwo And She’s Causing Havoc / I Don't Want My Son To Bear My Surname. Could This Be Possible? / My Husband Doesn’t Want My Son To Come And Stay With Us (2) (3) (4)

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I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by Ijelenwanyioma: 10:20pm On Apr 09, 2023
I am pregnant and by special grace of God, I am expected to have my baby in 3 months time. The issue is that I don't want my mother to come for my omugwo. I am her only daughter but she hate me so much. At first I thought it is old age but she's just 60+ and I have seen older women treating their daughter right.

The last omugwo she came I saw hell, I gave birth on Monday and she came on Thursday. I had 3rd degree tear(that type that they will stitch from anus to vagina) I explained to her that I can't stand for long because of the pain. Meanwhile before she came, a woman from my husband place was taking care of me and she won't let me come down from bed except to eat, bath, breastfeed my baby and sleep. But when she saw my mum, she stopped coming. The woman already prepared soup and kept inside freezer on Wednesday before my mum arrived. It was that soup we ate till Sunday. On Sunday morning I asked my mum what we will eat and she told me to wait for people that are coming to visit us so I can send any of them to market and cook. Like how can I send my visitor message? So I waited for my husband and son to come back from church. I just took tea and also served her. My husband went to market and bought the things I needed to make stew. My baby was sleeping and I went inside kitchen to make stew. My mum sat down comfortably in the sitting room watching film and gisting with visitors that came to see me and my baby. I was in serious pain but I have to cook what me and everybody will eat. I served her the food after cooking and she gladly ate it. She's is neither sick or having pain anywhere.

My mother never cook anything in my house for 4 months till she left. The day I mentioned it to her. She started crying that she knows I hate her like my father. Like how? I even expected her to apologise and lie that she wasn't feeling fine that day. Among all her children, I give her more money but she always show me I am not important.

The problem is, even though this is my third child, I can barely take care of child under 1 month. Apart from cooking, my mum always makes me cry by telling me some very harsh word. She will force me to drink very hot water that I can't even pour on my skin. If I refuse to drink she will get angry and start her wahala again. I don't just want her to come to my house again for my mental health. O ti su mi 😭😭

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Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by libertyfather(m): 10:29pm On Apr 09, 2023
Simple get someone to do her job, let her come her usual come eat and go, no fight no enemy she remains ur mother...but one thing about woman accusing the kids of hating them like their father....fear dem i repeat fear dem, they usually frustrate the man life and wants the kids to be supporting their evil deed

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Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by Caaz: 10:34pm On Apr 09, 2023
Here to read comments

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Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by NoToPile: 10:36pm On Apr 09, 2023
Then find a way to tell her not to come, however you want to do it. she will try to blackmail you emotionally ignore, she can come after 4 months or so when you are properly healed and can accommodate her whims.

A new mother doesn't need all these drama.



That said, a lot of grandmother's may not have the strength health wise to do all what omugwo entails due to old age sometimes the grandmother's get tended to by the person that is supposed to be taken care of.
This just adds more stress to the new mother if you ask me. I feel a younger person should be accompanying the old women for the omugwo but then there's also the issue of feeding two extra mouths for months. I don't know how we expect a 70 year old to cook, wash baby clothes tend to baby, press new mum's belly, go to market etc and etc.

Better still kuku let a younger person that has all the strength come alone and do all the work. The mother will cope with bathing baby. Just saying sha.

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Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by Bahamas95(m): 10:46pm On Apr 09, 2023
Caaz:
Here to read comments

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Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by akube34: 10:50pm On Apr 09, 2023
libertyfather:
Simple get someone to do her job, let her come her usual come eat and go, no fight no enemy she remains ur mother...but one thing about woman accusing the kids of hating them like their father....fear dem i repeat fear dem, they usually frustrate the man life and wants the kids to be supporting their evil deed
I dislike this “she is your mother” talk so much. Simple if she can’t do those stuff, let her come and see them for a few days and go back. Hire someone who will do the job

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Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by Lifestone(m): 10:51pm On Apr 09, 2023
libertyfather:
Simple get someone to do her job, let her come her usual come eat and go, no fight no enemy she remains ur mother...but one thing about woman accusing the kids of hating them like their father....fear dem i repeat fear dem, they usually frustrate the man life and wants the kids to be supporting their evil deed
Your best plug

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Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by lilyheaven: 11:00pm On Apr 09, 2023
Your third child? and you are saying you can barely take care.
You and your husband can perfectly take care of your new born baby.
What if your mom is not there? Won’t you take care of yourself?
When you deliver, tell her about it, but it won’t be necessary for her to come for omogo.
You don’t have to create issue about it.

40 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by Ijelenwanyioma: 11:09pm On Apr 09, 2023
NoToPile:
Then find a way to tell her not to come, however you want to do it. she will try to blackmail you emotionally ignore, she can come after 4 months or so when you are properly healed and can accommodate her whims.

A new mother doesn't need all these drama.



That said, a lot of grandmother's may not have the strength health wise to do all what omugwo entails due to old age sometimes the grandmother's get tended to by the person that is supposed to be taken care of.
This just adds more stress to the new mother if you ask me. I feel a younger person should be accompanying the old women for the omugwo but then there's also the issue of feeding two extra mouths for months. I don't know how we expect a 70 year old to cook, wash baby clothes tend to baby, press new mum's belly, go to market etc and etc.

Better still kuku let a younger person that has all the strength come along and do all the work. The mother will cope with bathing baby. Just saying sha.
I understand you sir but this happened about 5 years ago and she has not even enter 60 then. I have washing machine and market to our house is not up to 5mins walk. Even most times she will tell me to bath my baby that she's tired. I know how my mum treat other people children and she treat me differently. From my childhood, we were never close even though we lived together. She believes my father loves me more than her which is even not true. Like is it my fault for my daddy to love me?

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Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by NoToPile: 11:11pm On Apr 09, 2023
Ijelenwanyioma:

I understand you sir but this happened about 5 years ago and she has not even enter 60 then. I have washing machine and market to our house is not up to 5mins walk. Even most times she will tell me to bath my baby that she's tired. I know how my mum treat other people children and she treat me differently. From my childhood, we were never close even though we lived together. She believes my father loves me more than her which is even not true. Like is it my fault for my daddy to love me?

Yeah I get you totally, Just ensure she doesn't come until baby is much older and you are stronger. you don't need drama.

The 2nd part of my post was on the omugwo process in general.

7 Likes

Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by Kobojunkie: 11:16pm On Apr 09, 2023
lilyheaven:
Your third child? and you are saying you can barely take care.
You and your husband can perfectly take care of your new born baby. What if your mom is not there? Won’t you take care of yourself? When you deliver, tell her about it, but it won’t be necessary for her to come for omogo. You don’t have to create issue about it.
In many cultures outside of Africa, na husband and wife dey take care of all that fa! undecided

14 Likes

Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by Draslo(m): 11:28pm On Apr 09, 2023
Lol na vacation your mama dey come do. Let her come but also bring the woman from your husband's side. If she wants to watch AM Igbo all day and stretch her legs on the sofa, then so be it. This is her only excuse to live with you again.

20 Likes

Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by Nobody: 12:27am On Apr 10, 2023
Ijelenwanyioma:

I am pregnant and by special grace of God, I am expected to have my baby in 3 months time. The issue is that I don't want my mother to come for my omugwo. I am her only daughter but she hate me so much. At first I thought it is old age but she's just 60+ and I have seen older women treating their daughter right


Ijelenwanyioma

what a beautiful Monika, meanwhile since this is your third child, I don't think you need any omugwo.

lastly, do you need some condensed milk?
Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by ceeceeuwa: 12:34am On Apr 10, 2023
Ijelenwanyioma:

I am pregnant and by special grace of God, I am expected to have my baby in 3 months time. The issue is that I don't want my mother to come for my omugwo. I am her only daughter but she hate me so much. At first I thought it is old age but she's just 60+ and I have seen older women treating their daughter right.

The last omugwo she came I saw hell, I gave birth on Monday and she came on Thursday. I had 3rd degree tear(that type that they will stitch from anus to vagina) I explained to her that I can't stand for long because of the pain. Meanwhile before she came, a woman from my husband place was taking care of me and she won't let me come down from bed except to eat, bath, breastfeed my baby and sleep. But when she saw my mum, she stopped coming. The woman already prepared soup and kept inside freezer on Wednesday before my mum arrived. It was that soup we ate till Sunday. On Sunday morning I asked my mum what we will eat and she told me to wait for people that are coming to visit us so I can send any of them to market and cook. Like how can I send my visitor message? So I waited for my husband and son to come back from church. I just took tea and also served her. My husband went to market and bought the things I needed to make stew. My baby was sleeping and I went inside kitchen to make stew. My mum sat down comfortably in the sitting room watching film and gisting with visitors that came to see me and my baby. I was in serious pain but I have to cook what me and everybody will eat. I served her the food after cooking and she gladly ate it. She's is neither sick or having pain anywhere.

My mother never cook anything in my house for 4 months till she left. The day I mentioned it to her. She started crying that she knows I hate her like my father. Like how? I even expected her to apologise and lie that she wasn't feeling fine that day. Among all her children, I give her more money but she always show me I am not important.

The problem is, even though this is my third child, I can barely take care of child under 1 month. Apart from cooking, my mum always makes me cry by telling me some very harsh word. She will force me to drink very hot water that I can't even pour on my skin. If I refuse to drink she will get angry and start her wahala again. I don't just want her to come to my house again for my mental health. O ti su mi 😭😭


Just get a help that will help you with chores,while your mother will only bath the baby. This life na sense we dey use live am! Once you are done with child birth you won't have to invite her again for omugwo. Thank God it's your 3rd child....there are some battles you choose wisely. Peace!

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Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by poshestmina(f): 1:32am On Apr 10, 2023
To avoid PPD and for your sanity , tell her when you deliver but don't let her come .

What's the essence of her coming when you still do everything by yourself?
Get an outsider and with your husband's support , you'll be fine.

Safe Delivery.

17 Likes

Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by sisisioge: 2:54am On Apr 10, 2023
But why is this hard? Simply tell her not to come, your husband side is handling it this time. Simple. Abi is there something else there?

12 Likes

Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by GboyegaD(m): 3:13am On Apr 10, 2023
Let her know you wouldn't be needing her help this time as you have realized it's been stressful for her and now she is advanced in age. You and husband can call to let her know your resolve.

10 Likes

Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by frozen70(f): 3:33am On Apr 10, 2023
Ijelenwanyioma:

I am pregnant and by special grace of God, I am expected to have my baby in 3 months time. The issue is that I don't want my mother to come for my omugwo. I am her only daughter but she hate me so much. At first I thought it is old age but she's just 60+ and I have seen older women treating their daughter right.

The last omugwo she came I saw hell, I gave birth on Monday and she came on Thursday. I had 3rd degree tear(that type that they will stitch from anus to vagina) I explained to her that I can't stand for long because of the pain. Meanwhile before she came, a woman from my husband place was taking care of me and she won't let me come down from bed except to eat, bath, breastfeed my baby and sleep. But when she saw my mum, she stopped coming. The woman already prepared soup and kept inside freezer on Wednesday before my mum arrived. It was that soup we ate till Sunday. On Sunday morning I asked my mum what we will eat and she told me to wait for people that are coming to visit us so I can send any of them to market and cook. Like how can I send my visitor message? So I waited for my husband and son to come back from church. I just took tea and also served her. My husband went to market and bought the things I needed to make stew. My baby was sleeping and I went inside kitchen to make stew. My mum sat down comfortably in the sitting room watching film and gisting with visitors that came to see me and my baby. I was in serious pain but I have to cook what me and everybody will eat. I served her the food after cooking and she gladly ate it. She's is neither sick or having pain anywhere.

My mother never cook anything in my house for 4 months till she left. The day I mentioned it to her. She started crying that she knows I hate her like my father. Like how? I even expected her to apologise and lie that she wasn't feeling fine that day. Among all her children, I give her more money but she always show me I am not important.

The problem is, even though this is my third child, I can barely take care of child under 1 month. Apart from cooking, my mum always makes me cry by telling me some very harsh word. She will force me to drink very hot water that I can't even pour on my skin. If I refuse to drink she will get angry and start her wahala again. I don't just want her to come to my house again for my mental health. O ti su mi 😭😭



I don't think you need another stress after going through your pregnancy stress

Follow your heart

1 Like

Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by Foodqueen(f): 4:25am On Apr 10, 2023
Just tell her straight not to come.

U aren't a baby.

3 Likes

Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by mrblessed(m): 6:08am On Apr 10, 2023
If telling her not to come would create problem for you, why not 6te the woman helping you before her arrival to continue rendering services since your mum is ready to help out? Just classify your mum as one of your visitors.

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Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by mkoabiola: 8:09am On Apr 10, 2023
Na by force to come ni..

1 Like

Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by Nazgul: 9:21am On Apr 10, 2023
How about your husband's mom, is she still alive, if she is, you can tell her to come. If she isn't alive, you can look for a female relative from his side to come. It shouldn't be difficult.

As for your mom, just look for one excuse to give her as to why she shouldn't come. You can tell her that things are hard and you guys don't have much money to accommodate her, that you and your husband want to manage what you have. She'll stay back.

6 Likes

Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by Zupay: 9:55am On Apr 10, 2023
Draslo:
Lol na vacation your mama dey come do. Let her come but also bring the woman from your husband's side. If she wants to watch AM Igbo all day and stretch her legs on the sofa, then so be it. This is her only excuse to live with you again.

The woman from her husband's side will not show up to offer help while OP's mother is still there....it is an unwritten law. OP's mother reminds one of this Bible verse "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let in those who wish to enter" cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy

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Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by Youngsage: 10:00am On Apr 10, 2023
How old are you undecided

1 Like

Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by Draslo(m): 10:36am On Apr 10, 2023
Zupay:


The woman from her husband's side will not show up to offer help while OP's mother is still there....it is an unwritten law. OP's mother reminds one of this Bible verse "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let in those who wish to enter" cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy
Some of these laws need to be sent into oblivion. What of a mother to an only child who is the husband? So she won't have the opportunity to nurse her only grandchildren because tradition says it must be the wife's mother? It's a shitty law if you ask me.

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Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by Kiddogarcia(m): 10:50am On Apr 10, 2023
Why not talk to your mom or husband,rather than come here for some public opinion or validations.


But na we be your best plug for everything Sexual enhancement tho

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Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by Zupay: 12:36pm On Apr 10, 2023
Draslo:

Some of these laws need to be sent into oblivion. What of a mother to an only child who is the husband? So she won't have the opportunity to nurse her only grandchildren because tradition says it must be the wife's mother? It's a shitty law if you ask me.

Among the igbos, the mother of the woman comes first then the husband's mother comes as that is how the husband's maternal grandmother came before that of his paternal. Those abroad tend to juggle it between the 2 mothers.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by Rokiat(f): 12:44pm On Apr 10, 2023
Lemme spell it in capital letters


NARCISSISTIC MOTHER


Mother daughter jealousy is a real thing. Some mothers are jealous of their daughters and never want better for them.

Especially if your marriage is flourishing and your husband is loving on you and hers wasn’t like that she’s gonna hate you. You have to be smart and know how to handle such toxic mothers nothing you do will ever be good enough because she only love herself. You have to move accordingly and set boundaries to protect your mental health else you will mirror her and do to
Your own kid the same she’s doing to You.




You have to start unlearning some of the toxic things she taught you and how she raised you so you can do better with your own kids else the circle will
continue because narcissists parents breed narcissists kids.

Also you are now an adult and have to
Set boundaries with your mother quite frankly don’t give a F about her feelings and don’t be scare about telling her your mind. You have to set boundaries with her. If she’s this toxic cut her off, be kind and respectful to her but keep a distance from her.

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Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by hakeemhakeem(m): 12:51pm On Apr 10, 2023
Since you aren't a first time mother tell her there is no need for her to come
Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by hakeemhakeem(m): 1:10pm On Apr 10, 2023
Draslo:
Lol na vacation your mama dey come do. Let her come but also bring the woman from your husband's side. If she wants to watch AM Igbo all day and stretch her legs on the sofa, then so be it. This is her only excuse to live with you again.

Don't bring the other woman her mother will show her siege,two Capitan it not go be easy
Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by siofra(f): 2:25pm On Apr 10, 2023
So what about your husband?? Is he disabled??

Can't he cook and take care of you?? Won't you do same for him if he were sick??

Hmm.

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Re: I Don't Want My Mother To Come For My Omugwo by MrAgbako: 3:11pm On Apr 10, 2023
Pele
Follow your heart sha. It is well

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