I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

You better file a divorce for your sanity..if he's hell bent then dish him in the waste bin before he ruin your life completely..
Do that asap and stop managing yourself cos of some nonsense love you have for him..that guy is gonna wreck you and your future with his addiction..
You are better off single than being with a futureles boozer...

Modified:those saying for better for worse nonsense ain't good... It’s better to divorce after one year of a failed marriage than to hang in miserable for years..
Marriage is not an act of charity...If you're done then you're done..

When a husband is having issues, fellow women advice dissolution of the marriage

When the table is on the opposite side, men advice the man should manup and take responsibility.


Marriage is a progressive work....not a destination.

Continue the prayer and fasting, God will see you through

kazyhm:
When a husband is having issues, fellow women advice dissolution of the marriage

When the table is on the opposite side, men advice the man should manup and take responsibility.


Marriage is a progressive work....not a destination.

Progressive work indeed..even when the signs are clear..this is why people die untimely all in the name of preserving a marriage that might never work..

FERNANDEZISBACK:

Progressive work indeed..even when the signs are clear..this is why people die untimely all in the name of preserving a marriage that might never work..

Did she say the marriage is not working?

She is only concern about his addiction

kazyhm:


Did she say the marriage is not working?

She is only concern about his addiction

If it was working would she have created this thread?if it was would she have laid a complaint and go to her momma's house?
Be real with yaself boy.. marriage ain't a do or die nonsense..

I have no advise to give you. All I know is that if you were the one having the issues listed above, you would have long been sent packing back to your father's house. I also know that the issues listed above is solid ground for divorce in saner countries

FERNANDEZISBACK:

If it was working would she have created this thread?if it was would she have laid a complaint and go to her momma's house?
Be real with yaself boy.. marriage ain't a do or die nonsense..

Did you called me boy ?

Augustwife:
My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too. I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone because I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there. I don't know what to do .

Your husband has an addiction problem and you have to have him checked into rehab so he can get treatment he needs for his addiction?

No amount of starvation-dieting, what you all call fasting, will fix your husband or your marriage. Alcohol addiction is a behavioral problem which indicates a mental illness so send him to get treatment for what ails him while you work towards getting your own mental healed.

You were begged to go back
And you're the one suffering in the marriage.

Omo, you can't come and kill yourself o. Try therapy, rehabilitation, see a psychiatrist, discard any alcohol at home,make sure he doesn't find easy access to downing alcohol.

But one question sha, does he realise that he is addicted and causing issues in his marriage? at least he should come to that realisation first and make up his mind to stop.

Kobojunkie:
Your husband has an addiction problem and you have to have him checked into rehab so he can get treatment he needs for his addiction?

No amount of starvation-dieting, what you all call fasting, will fix your husband or your marriage. Alcohol addiction is a behavioral problem which indicates a mental illness so send him to get treatment for what ails him while you work towards getting your own mental healed.

He has been sent to a specialist that works in aro (Abeokuta) twice but the doctor said he doesn't really need to be admitted he only administered drugs and counselling.

Augustwife:

He has been sent to a specialist that works in aro (Abeokuta) their but the doctor said he doesn't really need to be admitted he only administered drugs and counselling.

So, is he still drinking or what?,

ukaface:
You were begged to go back
And you're the one suffering in the marriage.

Omo, you can't come and kill yourself o. Try therapy, rehabilitation, see a psychiatrist, discard any alcohol at home,make sure he doesn't find easy access to downing alcohol.

But one question sha, does he realise that he is addicted and causing issues in his marriage? at least he should come to that realisation first and make up his mind to stop.

He is trying to stop, but it's not working at all. He keeps apologizing and keeps promising to change but it only lasts for a few days

kazyhm:


Did you called me boy ?

Yeah..do you have a problem?

Kobojunkie:
So, is he still drinking or what?,

Yes. Currently drunk and that's why I created this thread

Augustwife:

He is trying to stop, but it's not working at all. He keeps apologizing and keeps promising to change but it only lasts for a few days

File for a divorce and take care of your life..it's obvious he doesn't wanna change..let him drink himself to d**th if that will make him feel great..
Y've done your Best..

Augustwife:

Yes. Currently drunk and that's why I created this thread

Well, seems your husband is not on the same page as you. It's up to you to decide what you want to do at this point, hopefully you will make the right decision for your children at least.

Alcoholism is a disease of the brain, a diagnosable mental illness and sadly, there is a high rate of relapse among those who have even gone in for rehabilitation

The road ahead of you, is long and winding.

Augustwife:

He is trying to stop, but it's not working at all. He keeps apologizing and keeps promising to change but it only lasts for a few days

let him see a psychiatrist
This has gone far from making promises. His liver, kidney are at risk too. Before his health issues become more complicated

Something is behind that ok But never run its shall be well

This one is tough

On several occasions I have asked maybe it's something I am doing wrong or not doing at all but he keeps saying it's not me it is him. God knows I have tried my best to be a good partner/wife. I have no other excuse to leave aside from his addiction. Won't it be that I am leaving him because of a problem.
For the first time in 5 years I spoke to my mom about this(I didn't want any member of my family to know so they won't loose respect for him as I was really hopeful he would change), But i can't talk to her about it again, she would only ask me to pray that's why I am here on nairaland. I just want to hear other people's opinion and make the best decision especially for my children

Augustwife:

Yes. Currently drunk and that's why I created this thread

You need to understand his triggers and diarm them to deal with the addition.

His trigger could be money, certain friends, depression, being around alcohol.....

Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .
I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children. He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially). We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol. He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here. It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient. This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions. I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow. He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back. We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it. Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.
My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too. I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there. I don't know what to do .

sometimes this issue might be spiritual.i had a cousin,na serial drunkard,use school fees for Uniben drink sotey he dropout.na God help am las las.

FERNANDEZISBACK:
You better file a divorce for your sanity..if he's hell bent then dish him in the waste bin before he ruin your life completely..
Do that asap and stop managing yourself cos of some nonsense love you have for him..that guy is gonna wreck you and your future with his addiction..

You are better off single than being with a futureles boozer..

This advice is not really the best not even when the guy has never abused her

Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .
I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children. He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially). We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol. He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here. It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient. This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions. I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow. He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back. We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it. Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.
My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too. I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there. I don't know what to do .

For the fact that he is loving but the problem he has is being addicted to alcohol

Take him to rehabilitation center with the help of his family

Staying away from alcohol there will help him to withdraw

Who knows if he has already added drugs to it

He needs you now more than ever

Meanwhile face those kids and pay attention to them

Every thing will be alright

Augustwife:
On several occasions I have asked maybe it's something I am doing wrong or not doing at all but he keeps saying it's not me it is him. God knows I have tried my best to be a good partner/wife. I have no other excuse to leave aside from his addiction. Won't it be that I am leaving him because of a problem.
For the first time in 5 years I spoke to my mom about this(I didn't want any member of my family to know so they won't loose respect for him as I was really hopeful he would change), But i can't talk to her about it again, she would only ask me to pray that's why I am here on nairaland. I just want to hear other people's opinion and make the best decision especially for my children

Leave God out of it so you can think and rational sort out your situation without blinders on.

Your husband is a grown man who consciously chose to let this addiction to overwhelm him, so I don't see why you should try to make his choice about you. He chose to trade self-respect for the bottle so you dey carry his shame for head for nothing.

You can leave for the sake of your sanity and that of your children while you pray for him from afar. Staying around him, enabling what is his bad behavior, and at the same time exposing your kids to it, does not sound like what any reasonable person should do. You can always pray for him from afar.

I've read all your comments and it is obvious he is not ready to change, you can't force an adult to realise he has a problem when he's not willing to seek help, and you are enabling him with financial support as per you are the bread winner, my advice is to separate from him for a long period of time let him fend for himself, when he realises there are no more available cash around or you to bail him out of his debts, he will adjust.

izzou:
"For better, for worse"
"Till death do us part"

I don't even know what to advise you, to be honest

That oath has done more harm than good in most marriages,

It should be scrapped

frozen70:


This advice is not really the best not even when the guy has never abused him

He is abusing their finances and her mental health.