There's nothing you can do about this situation, old people seldom change.

Saynoomore:
The man that lived with this woman is a hero indeed! Chai! Tell me he took off pls!

A king. He’s still staying… 😊

Reason why he stays back in the village whenever she travels around to see the kids, to have his “me-time” and enjoy unadulterated peace… 😊

And a daughter inlaw who hasn’t known mama since she was born, will be expected to manage mama very well… 😫

hakeemhakeem:
I respect your dad for living with her over the years, na man he be.use wisdom run matter with her and your dad is in best person that can give it to you

But why didn't the man work on her

He's at fault

Most old women that do like this are those not staying with their husbands

Though I believe op might be exaggerating too

Your dad deserve a national award, na man he be.


Honestly I can't tolerate all that drama from anybody, I am hot tempered and hate it when someone tries to frustrate or provoke me. I will never give you that opportunity to catch cruise with me irrespective of who you are.

The best thing to do is stay away when she's around, go to a garden or to a friend s place and come back to sleep but make sure you tell her before going out .

truthCoder:


Your mum is a manipulative gaslighter. That is the fact.

To survive around manipulators, you first need to avoid interactions with them as much as possible. For unavoidable interactions, allow the gaslighter to talk, say ok you have heard and do EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO in the first instance. Repeat this as a loop.

Dont fight or try to argue with a manipulator. They will hold on to any wrong word. Instead, do the listening. Ask questions to clarify their positions and say ok.

Ok no dey cause fights.

Say ok but remember to do exactly what you wanted to do.

Manipulator: you cannot eat rice in this house today because putin did this and buhari did that.
You: ok
Then you proceed to eat your rice.
After they notice you ate rice and they flare up, you feign ignorance, act like you didn’t hear them the first time, reverse the psychology on them etc.

Anything you do, just dont argue. Reduce confrontations to just simple statements but do exactly what you want to do.

When she reports you and the other person calls, just laugh it off. Remind the person that they should know ‘how mummy use to do’ . If the person is boiling too much, just say ok. Don’t argue.

When she realizes that you are just an ok machine with no interest in fights, she will look for someone else to fight with.

Remember, ok no dey cause fight

This is full of wisdom

Now you see the wahala wey your Father they face! Oga na your mummy, their nothing u can do about it! Pray for her! Show her love, and she will repent! No de shout for her, u de craze, na she born u oo! U no wetin e mean to push pikin! Go beg ur mama to forgive u oo! Small rat like u!

whyteteeth:
It's draining dealing with my mom everytime she comes to the city to stay in the same house with me. I live in my elder sister's house but she (my sister) stays abroad with her family. I am the last child and I am not married. I work from home though. My mum visits here once in a while. Anytime she comes around she does a lot of things that spoils my mood. For instance, she doesn't like taking her children's advice no matter how important it is to them. She likes having her way all the time. And when we try to stop her, she guilt trips us and emotionally blackmails us.

I have other siblings who do not live with me but they used to come around with their children anytime mom is around. My father is back home and hardly visits. She doesn't listen to my dad if he advices her.

Mom will first and foremost get someone upset, and when the person complains, she will watch out for one negative word that will slip out from your mouth and use it to emotionally blackmail you. She will cry because of what you said to her until you feel guilty and beg her to forgive you. She also likes reporting her child to another of her child without minding if it would damage their relationship.

She likes making her child feel bad so long as she has her way and she is happy. She pays no attention to the feelings of her children anytime she wants anything. For instance, My mom can make you spend money on something that she already has. Sometimes she will drag for something that she doesn't even need. She feels as a mother all her children must make her happy else they don't like her.

Also, She is terrible with conversations both on phone and physically. If you try to have a one on one talk with her, she will make the conversation very unpleasant because she will keep interrupting, next thing she will cry or she will get up and leave you.

She never sees her fault. Even if she apologies, she would do the same thing again and blame you for making her do it.

If she comes around and everywhere is peaceful, after a short while argument will begin which may lead to a fight.

This is because she likes jamming one person with another person and eventually make them quarel. She enjoys adding words that was never in the conversation when she is reporting somebody to another perosn. Most times those words are very hurting and will lead to a fight. And when the fight begins, she will start crying. Sometimes she would intentionally fall on the ground while trying to separate a fight, just to make sure everybody runs helter-skelter trying to get her up on her feet.

She has blood pressure issues, hence she uses that as a weapon to guilt-trip her children so they can succumb to her demands. For instance, if she says things that are not true about her child to another of her child and the person finds out, once you confront her, she would say " don't query me oh, shey you know my blood pressure would soon go up. I didn't kill my mother, don't kill me oh." Or she will just start crying and say the person hates her and what was said isn't true, and that she never said anything like that. She denies the things she says that are bad soon after she says them.

Gosh, I am just tired of my mom. I feel like packing out of this house, blocking her and not letting her come close to me because of how emotionally draining it is everytime she comes around.

Imagine what your father has been passing through all this years.

I suggest you overlook at her attitude. You can't throw her away, she'll always be your mom. Enjoy her presence even though it hurts (ignore). Since you know that she causes quarrel between you and your siblings or other persons, don't be quick to address issues and if you must do, be ready to let go (it should end in peace) to avoid constant quarreling in the family. Sometimes just laugh at her attitude when she's explaining an issue and adding her own pepper and salt 🤗😉

All u said, you never still tell us wetin your mum do when u won avoid her

Ok whyteteeth.

Now that you have completed stating all of your mother's weaknesses, I need you to start stating your own weaknesses.

Make sure they are as long as, if not longer than those which you stated about your mum, because you can be sure that they are.

Have you ever given birth ? Do you know anything of the deep compassion and love with which your mother first looked at you when she first beheld you? Did you know she was ready to sacrifice her life for you when she first held you bundle of joy in her hands, after carrying you all over the place with her for nine months?

When you are done thinking about that, then you will realise that just like you, your mother is also an individual, a human being with her own weaknesses and challenges. Once you start to see her as a person and not just ONLY as your mum, you will begin to make room for her excesses.

Most of my siblings complain about my mum regularly. Yet, for me, she is the best thing even before sliced bread. She did not only give me life. She taught me how to be a wholesome human being, be truthful and kind to others and she taught me the truth about my Creator( not the rubbish being taught by so called men of god today).

It took me a while to realise that she is not just my mum. she is a human being first and like all of us, she has her own faults. Else she won't be human. I was truly shocked when it dawned on me and it led to a transformation in our relationship. I began to treat her as a person and the transformation was immediate: giving her her space, respecting her views and opinions as I would like mine to be respected by others, hugging her as often as I get the chance, telling her in a meaningful way how much I love her and how grateful I am to have her in my life. My mum is now my best friend.

Give it a try!

whyteteeth:
It's draining dealing with my mom everytime she comes to the city to stay in the same house with me. I live in my elder sister's house but she (my sister) stays abroad with her family. I am the last child and I am not married. I work from home though. My mum visits here once in a while. Anytime she comes around she does a lot of things that spoils my mood. For instance, she doesn't like taking her children's advice no matter how important it is to them. She likes having her way all the time. And when we try to stop her, she guilt trips us and emotionally blackmails us.

I have other siblings who do not live with me but they used to come around with their children anytime mom is around. My father is back home and hardly visits. She doesn't listen to my dad if he advices her.

Mom will first and foremost get someone upset, and when the person complains, she will watch out for one negative word that will slip out from your mouth and use it to emotionally blackmail you. She will cry because of what you said to her until you feel guilty and beg her to forgive you. She also likes reporting her child to another of her child without minding if it would damage their relationship.

She likes making her child feel bad so long as she has her way and she is happy. She pays no attention to the feelings of her children anytime she wants anything. For instance, My mom can make you spend money on something that she already has. Sometimes she will drag for something that she doesn't even need. She feels as a mother all her children must make her happy else they don't like her.

Also, She is terrible with conversations both on phone and physically. If you try to have a one on one talk with her, she will make the conversation very unpleasant because she will keep interrupting, next thing she will cry or she will get up and leave you.

She never sees her fault. Even if she apologies, she would do the same thing again and blame you for making her do it.

If she comes around and everywhere is peaceful, after a short while argument will begin which may lead to a fight.

This is because she likes jamming one person with another person and eventually make them quarel. She enjoys adding words that was never in the conversation when she is reporting somebody to another perosn. Most times those words are very hurting and will lead to a fight. And when the fight begins, she will start crying. Sometimes she would intentionally fall on the ground while trying to separate a fight, just to make sure everybody runs helter-skelter trying to get her up on her feet.

She has blood pressure issues, hence she uses that as a weapon to guilt-trip her children so they can succumb to her demands. For instance, if she says things that are not true about her child to another of her child and the person finds out, once you confront her, she would say " don't query me oh, shey you know my blood pressure would soon go up. I didn't kill my mother, don't kill me oh." Or she will just start crying and say the person hates her and what was said isn't true, and that she never said anything like that. She denies the things she says that are bad soon after she says them.

Gosh, I am just tired of my mom. I feel like packing out of this house, blocking her and not letting her come close to me because of how emotionally draining it is everytime she comes around.

Lol... She's just an attention seeker but u already should understand her by now 😂

You're very lucky you still have a mom, just bear with her, she's still your mom.

There is a solution I'm sure can work to deal with the situation 100% if you can do it. It is hard but it works. Anytime she is around in the house, wake up in the night between 1:00 a.m. and 4:00.a.m and pray against the spirit of confusion at work for at least 30 minutes everyday she is in that house, i promise you, there will total peace all through the time she is around, just test it and see whether it will work or not, but i promise you it never fails.

Anyone having issues with a parent who listens to anything here will end up with a problem twice as worse. Or maybe stabbed to death. Or in jail. Or at a funeral that doesn't need to happen yet. A lot of people are lacking in balanced approaches to life, and unsurprisingly they are the quickest to give advice. Some are transferring hate while giving advice.

"Cut her off! She's gaslighting you! Ignore her! Do what you want!"

When you get old and gray and you are cut off by your children, because you will always be annoying to your own children, you will think harder about the right approach to such matters. Most people commenting on the thread are self-centered and lack empathy in their dealings.

One of the most important lessons is life is to deal with the reality that faces you.

Most people can't do that because they deny what is in their face because they can't bear to face the truth of the matter.

If you think there are no worse mums than this then you are very naive and should jump and pass such threads as this.

FYI, the OPs mum is an apprentice when it comes to manipulation. I have seen women who start where her power ends

TUANKU:
Look at these idiots jumping to conclusions and blaming the mother after hearing one side of the story.
God knows i will never bring my private issues or family matters on NL, what do you aim to achieve with the opinions of a majority with the IQ of a potted plant.
You allow one idiot for NL dey call your mama "Toxic mom"

lekonso:
There is a solution I'm sure can work to deal with the situation 100% if you can do it. It is hard but it works. Anytime she is around in the house, wake up in the night between 1:00 a.m. and 4:00.a.m and pray against the spirit of confusion at work for at least 30 minutes everyday she is in that house, i promise you, there will total peace all through the time she is around, just test it and see whether it will work or not, but i promise you it never fails.

Why waste such energy without direction? Isn't it easier to pray for his mother to become more peaceful rather than complaining and looking for advice online.

Your advice is even peaceful compared to the nonsense other people have posted. People that don't have family and are alone always, yet in the midst of family.

Give her distance and pray

TUANKU:
Look at these idiots jumping to conclusions and blaming the mother after hearing one side of the story.
God knows i will never bring my private issues or family matters on NL, what do you aim to achieve with the opinions of a majority with the IQ of a potted plant.
You allow one idiot for NL dey call your mama "Toxic mom"

Thank you.

You would think that they themselves are saints reporting the deeds of the grand chancellors of hell they had as mothers. They can't look into their own childhoods and the effect it had on their parents. No. There's just what they say.

Too many self-centered, fractured people on the thread

BRATISLAVA:
■Why waste such energy without direction? Isn't it easier to pray for his mother to become more peaceful rather than complaining and looking for advice online. Your advice is even peaceful compared to the nonsense other people have posted. People that don't have family and are alone always, yet in the midst of family.

1. God does not answer the prayers of the unrighteous; the petition/pleas/requests of the unrighteous are tainted by their sin(unholiness) and hence an abomination to God. So, resorting to praying would amount equally to a waste of energy without direction.

If person insult ya mama now, you go pick offense? cos i'm sure people will call her names

Kobojunkie:
1. God does not answer the prayers of the unrighteous; the petition/pleas/requests of the unrighteous are tainted by their sin(unholiness) and hence an abomination to God. So, resorting to praying would amount equally to a waste of energy without direction.

For those who think prayers work, praying for hours about a nonexistent job issue is directionsless. It's better he prayed for her instead.

As for righteousness or unrighteousness, it doesn't matter.

BRATISLAVA:
■For those who think prayers work, praying for hours about a nonexistent job issue is directionsless. It's better he prayed for her instead. As for righteousness or unrighteousness, it doesn't matter.

1. Whatever wishful thoughts people like to have, the point is prayer only works when one is in fact righteous. So trying to solve the OP's situation by resorting to prayers is just as you described, a waste of energy in no particular direction.

Na wahh oooo

Anytime she come around just go your guy place go relax come home 1ce in 2 or 3 day and move out sharp sharp when go go you come back home.

whyteteeth:
It's draining dealing with my mom everytime she comes to the city to stay in the same house with me. I live in my elder sister's house but she (my sister) stays abroad with her family. I am the last child and I am not married. I work from home though. My mum visits here once in a while. Anytime she comes around she does a lot of things that spoils my mood. For instance, she doesn't like taking her children's advice no matter how important it is to them. She likes having her way all the time. And when we try to stop her, she guilt trips us and emotionally blackmails us.

I have other siblings who do not live with me but they used to come around with their children anytime mom is around. My father is back home and hardly visits. She doesn't listen to my dad if he advices her.

Mom will first and foremost get someone upset, and when the person complains, she will watch out for one negative word that will slip out from your mouth and use it to emotionally blackmail you. She will cry because of what you said to her until you feel guilty and beg her to forgive you. She also likes reporting her child to another of her child without minding if it would damage their relationship.

She likes making her child feel bad so long as she has her way and she is happy. She pays no attention to the feelings of her children anytime she wants anything. For instance, My mom can make you spend money on something that she already has. Sometimes she will drag for something that she doesn't even need. She feels as a mother all her children must make her happy else they don't like her.

Also, She is terrible with conversations both on phone and physically. If you try to have a one on one talk with her, she will make the conversation very unpleasant because she will keep interrupting, next thing she will cry or she will get up and leave you.

She never sees her fault. Even if she apologies, she would do the same thing again and blame you for making her do it.

If she comes around and everywhere is peaceful, after a short while argument will begin which may lead to a fight.

This is because she likes jamming one person with another person and eventually make them quarel. She enjoys adding words that was never in the conversation when she is reporting somebody to another perosn. Most times those words are very hurting and will lead to a fight. And when the fight begins, she will start crying. Sometimes she would intentionally fall on the ground while trying to separate a fight, just to make sure everybody runs helter-skelter trying to get her up on her feet.

She has blood pressure issues, hence she uses that as a weapon to guilt-trip her children so they can succumb to her demands. For instance, if she says things that are not true about her child to another of her child and the person finds out, once you confront her, she would say " don't query me oh, shey you know my blood pressure would soon go up. I didn't kill my mother, don't kill me oh." Or she will just start crying and say the person hates her and what was said isn't true, and that she never said anything like that. She denies the things she says that are bad soon after she says them.

Gosh, I am just tired of my mom. I feel like packing out of this house, blocking her and not letting her come close to me because of how emotionally draining it is everytime she comes around.

Nah my fathere second be that. How they meet and marry

The same people saying"she is your mother bla bla bla"will not say the same if the complaints were to be about ones wife. You will hear them saying words like,"she is a typical Nigerian Woman,Nigerian women are useless..." Talk about double standard!

Give kudos to your father... This is what he tolerated till the point you are able to see yourself. You are just fortunate to witness all this. That's why it always funny to me when some men says I want a wife like my mum, without asking their father how he was able to manage their mother. I have similar experience like you but in other form. All this our mama een, them get attitude like anything, because of the love we have for them,we hardly see their character.

whyteteeth:
It's draining dealing with my mom everytime she comes to the city to stay in the same house with me. I live in my elder sister's house but she (my sister) stays abroad with her family. I am the last child and I am not married. I work from home though. My mum visits here once in a while. Anytime she comes around she does a lot of things that spoils my mood. For instance, she doesn't like taking her children's advice no matter how important it is to them. She likes having her way all the time. And when we try to stop her, she guilt trips us and emotionally blackmails us.

I have other siblings who do not live with me but they used to come around with their children anytime mom is around. My father is back home and hardly visits. She doesn't listen to my dad if he advices her.

Mom will first and foremost get someone upset, and when the person complains, she will watch out for one negative word that will slip out from your mouth and use it to emotionally blackmail you. She will cry because of what you said to her until you feel guilty and beg her to forgive you. She also likes reporting her child to another of her child without minding if it would damage their relationship.

She likes making her child feel bad so long as she has her way and she is happy. She pays no attention to the feelings of her children anytime she wants anything. For instance, My mom can make you spend money on something that she already has. Sometimes she will drag for something that she doesn't even need. She feels as a mother all her children must make her happy else they don't like her.

Also, She is terrible with conversations both on phone and physically. If you try to have a one on one talk with her, she will make the conversation very unpleasant because she will keep interrupting, next thing she will cry or she will get up and leave you.

She never sees her fault. Even if she apologies, she would do the same thing again and blame you for making her do it.

If she comes around and everywhere is peaceful, after a short while argument will begin which may lead to a fight.

This is because she likes jamming one person with another person and eventually make them quarel. She enjoys adding words that was never in the conversation when she is reporting somebody to another perosn. Most times those words are very hurting and will lead to a fight. And when the fight begins, she will start crying. Sometimes she would intentionally fall on the ground while trying to separate a fight, just to make sure everybody runs helter-skelter trying to get her up on her feet.

She has blood pressure issues, hence she uses that as a weapon to guilt-trip her children so they can succumb to her demands. For instance, if she says things that are not true about her child to another of her child and the person finds out, once you confront her, she would say " don't query me oh, shey you know my blood pressure would soon go up. I didn't kill my mother, don't kill me oh." Or she will just start crying and say the person hates her and what was said isn't true, and that she never said anything like that. She denies the things she says that are bad soon after she says them.

Gosh, I am just tired of my mom. I feel like packing out of this house, blocking her and not letting her come close to me because of how emotionally draining it is everytime she comes around.

This is because she likes jamming one person with another person and eventually make them quarel. She enjoys adding words that was never in the conversation when she is reporting somebody to another perosn. Most times those words are very hurting and will lead to a fight. And when the fight begins, she will start crying. Sometimes she would intentionally fall on the ground while trying to separate a fight, just to make sure everybody runs helter-skelter trying to get her up on her feet.

I legit burst into serious laughter at the bolded.
Your momsi na drama queen simple.
Show her more love
Maybe age makes some mothers get antsy/irritable cos I've seen one or two cases like you described.
But it's not that deep.

Imo She's showing care for y'all via the wrong means

biggz82:
Anytime she come around just go your guy place go relax come home 1ce in 2 or 3 day and move out sharp sharp when go go you come back home.

Avoidance never solves anything, especially family issues.

A very stubborn last child in the family is speaking too loud.

Watch your attitude towards your mother; it may be your undoing later.